Am I bi or just Overthinking?

[ConfusedandFruity?]

I've been attracted to guys my whole life but recently I've been thinking about having a relationship with someone of the same sex (not someone in particular just in general). I like the idea of being in a relationship with both male and females and I identify as Bi (I've only come out to a handful of people). But I'm worried that my brain it faking it, like it does with a lot of things. I've struggle with my mental health in the past and always had to battle my own head to say my problems and the things I'm dealing with are legit. But this feels like another level. Coming out is a big thing and my friends have been so supportive. Most of the time I'm fine and feel great about being Bi but other times my head questions it.  Don't get me wrong I'm fine with being bi, in fact I think its great but my head says you can't go back now. And honestly thinking about being in a relationship with someone of the same sex makes me happy, but theres a voice that says "thats just cause you want to be friends." To me I'm bi, but I'm scared people are gonna be like oh no your not or I'm straight but I've thought about it before, your just straight. I have been thinking about it for months and honestly I'm sure  I am,. But I've never dated anyone (male or female). Anyone have any advice? Or similar stories to share :).

[Blondie]

Hey! I would definitely advise to try and stop overthinking it and just go with how you feel on a person to person basis. So many people find that their attractions can be pretty fluid over their life so I would trust your gut rather than that voice that almost tries to self sabotage!  

[ConfusedandFruity?]

Hi!! thank you for your replying, sorry I didn't see this sooner. This actually helps a lot. I think I'm just gonna try to focus on me rather than the voice like you said.  I've been feeling better lately:) thanks for your help!

[Monsoon]

6 hours ago, ConfusedandFruity? said:

Hi!! thank you for your replying, sorry I didn't see this sooner. This actually helps a lot. I think I'm just gonna try to focus on me rather than the voice like you said.  I've been feeling better lately:) thanks for your help!

Hey there,

I’m going to jump in here and reply instead of Blondie if that’s okay? :)

I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better lately. Is there anything you’d like support then with for now, or are you good? 

[Jaylen]

On 12/14/2021 at 12:00 PM, ConfusedandFruity? said:

I've been attracted to guys my whole life but recently I've been thinking about having a relationship with someone of the same sex (not someone in particular just in general). I like the idea of being in a relationship with both male and females and I identify as Bi (I've only come out to a handful of people). But I'm worried that my brain it faking it, like it does with a lot of things. I've struggle with my mental health in the past and always had to battle my own head to say my problems and the things I'm dealing with are legit. But this feels like another level. Coming out is a big thing and my friends have been so supportive. Most of the time I'm fine and feel great about being Bi but other times my head questions it.  Don't get me wrong I'm fine with being bi, in fact I think its great but my head says you can't go back now. And honestly thinking about being in a relationship with someone of the same sex makes me happy, but theres a voice that says "thats just cause you want to be friends." To me I'm bi, but I'm scared people are gonna be like oh no your not or I'm straight but I've thought about it before, your just straight. I have been thinking about it for months and honestly I'm sure  I am,. But I've never dated anyone (male or female). Anyone have any advice? Or similar stories to share :).

Hey there, I guess i feel the same way you do, its been almost two years now since i started questioning my sexuality. i think i am bi, but there is also a voice saying that its just a phase or something, since  i go to an all girls school as well, there is a high chance of it being a phase, but im still not sure. like i have this girl i like now, she is a lesbian though she already has a girlfriend. i cant stop thinking about her. i just want to confirm what i am and stop this confusion so i can be confident in what i want, it gets really frustrating at times.

Edited December 31, 2021 by Jaylen
font colour couldnt be seen

[Blondie]

3 hours ago, Jaylen said:

Hey there, I guess i feel the same way you do, its been almost two years now since i started questioning my sexuality. i think i am bi, but there is also a voice saying that its just a phase or something, since  i go to an all girls school as well, there is a high chance of it being a phase, but im still not sure. like i have this girl i like now, she is a lesbian though she already has a girlfriend. i cant stop thinking about her. i just want to confirm what i am and stop this confusion so i can be confident in what i want, it gets really frustrating at times.

Hey @Jaylen, my advice is to trust how you feel at the time. If you have feelings for someone then it's a valid emotion / feeling. Some people are very fluid in their attractions over their lifetime and never find a solid 'final answer' to how they identify. Ultimately, even if it is "a phase" or you're questioning then it's still worthy of respect.

This all forms some of the best parts of our lives and it's wonderful to be open to attractions / relationships with all kinds of fantastic people.    

[Jaylen]

Thank you very much 

[Monsoon]

On 12/31/2021 at 12:48 PM, Jaylen said:

Thank you very much 

Hey Jaylen,

No worries :)

I noticed what you said about it being highly likely that it's a phase, and I'm wondering, what do you mean by that? 

[Egg]

you might just be overthinking it, but stick with your gut, it's helpful.

[Jaylen]

10 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey Jaylen,

No worries :)

I noticed what you said about it being highly likely that it's a phase, and I'm wondering, what do you mean by that? 

Well, because I'm always alone, and I'm in an all girls school, so I tend to find someone for me in my surrounding, maybe if I weren't alone and had friends I wouldn't be looking for anyone , you get what I mean?

4 hours ago, Egg said:

you might just be overthinking it, but stick with your gut, it's helpful.

Yea I guess I will,thank you 

[Monsoon]

5 hours ago, Jaylen said:

Well, because I'm always alone, and I'm in an all girls school, so I tend to find someone for me in my surrounding, maybe if I weren't alone and had friends I wouldn't be looking for anyone , you get what I mean?

Yea I guess I will,thank you 

Hey Jaylen,

Thanks for explaining that. I think that from my perspective, regardless of our circumstances, we notice people who are attractive. Even if you were surrounded by boys all the time, you would probably still be having these feelings. What do you think 

[Jaylen]

28 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey Jaylen,

Thanks for explaining that. I think that from my perspective, regardless of our circumstances, we notice people who are attractive. Even if you were surrounded by boys all the time, you would probably still be having these feelings. What do you think 

Yea probably, now that I think about it, I think it's because I knew her. I think I'd like people more after I know them than their looks ( like their personality )

So I guess it has nothing to do with their gender?

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Okay, so could it be that you are attracted to people no matter what their gender is? Have you had that thought before? 

[Jaylen]

22 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Okay, so could it be that you are attracted to people no matter what their gender is? Have you had that thought before? 

Yea I have, I've thought that if the girl I like was trans or even whatever, I would still like her. So I think more than their gender, everything inside matters, like the way they think their personality even if their good looking I would like them. Though I have to know them as a person 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Yeah, that makes sense, and it seems like you're pretty clear on that. How does it feel for you being attracted to people regardless of their gender identity? 

[Jaylen]

3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, that makes sense, and it seems like you're pretty clear on that. How does it feel for you being attracted to people regardless of their gender identity? 

Well I don't really care about that, if I find a connection between me and whoever I'm just going to go for it, obviously if the other person is okay with it. But the problem is what my family thinks of me, well I know my sisters will accept me. But it's going to be a shock to my parents, though I think they will come around eventually. (Hopefully) I do not plan on telling them anytime soon though . Maybe find myself a partner first ?

[Monsoon]

4 hours ago, Jaylen said:

Well I don't really care about that, if I find a connection between me and whoever I'm just going to go for it, obviously if the other person is okay with it. But the problem is what my family thinks of me, well I know my sisters will accept me. But it's going to be a shock to my parents, though I think they will come around eventually. (Hopefully) I do not plan on telling them anytime soon though . Maybe find myself a partner first ?

Hey there,

Yeah, it's good to take your time with coming out. I think a lot of people rush into it and feel they have to do it ASAP, but it really is okay to take your time. I think that having a partner when you come out can be helpful because you can lean on them for support and it can show to your parents that you are serious about your identity too as many think it's just a phase. What are your thoughts on this? 

[Jaylen]

16 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, it's good to take your time with coming out. I think a lot of people rush into it and feel they have to do it ASAP, but it really is okay to take your time. I think that having a partner when you come out can be helpful because you can lean on them for support and it can show to your parents that you are serious about your identity too as many think it's just a phase. What are your thoughts on this? 

Yea that is true, thank you for helping me figure my self out

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I'm glad you're finding the support helpful :)

How are you feeling about everything today? What do you think your next step might be? 

[Jaylen]

17 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm glad you're finding the support helpful :)

How are you feeling about everything today? What do you think your next step might be? 

Well I'm not sure. I just have to wait to meet someone i like i guess. And I've got my exams this year so got to focus on that 

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, exactly. The right person will come along at some point :)

Would you like support with anything else at the moment, or are you all good? 

[Jaylen]

4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, exactly. The right person will come along at some point :)

Would you like support with anything else at the moment, or are you all good? 

Well sometimes I break down for no reason. Sometimes I have insecurities, well I always feel something I don't want to when I'm not having a conversation with someone But I guess I've handled it so far, but the fact that I'm always alone doesn't really help the situation.

I used to hug a lot of people as a greeting. But now I feel insecure to hug someone (who doesn't know that I'm not straight) I keep thinking, "would they treat me the same after they know" or "will they hug me and casually touch me if they knew" 

So I don't do that anymore except for my close friends who know. But sometimes I just want a hug you know, like a physical support? 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Yeah, we all definitely need that physical support as well as emotional. I'm wondering, where else could you get a hug from that would still be comfortable for you? I'm wondering about the break downs you mentioned; when do they tend to happen? Can you tell me more about what they are like for you, such as what kinds of thoughts and feelings you're having during them? 

[Jaylen]

6 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, we all definitely need that physical support as well as emotional. I'm wondering, where else could you get a hug from that would still be comfortable for you? I'm wondering about the break downs you mentioned; when do they tend to happen? Can you tell me more about what they are like for you, such as what kinds of thoughts and feelings you're having during them? 

Right now I'm not really comfortable with a lot of people. 

Usually when I'm alone in my room. Like I keep telling myself I could have done better to keep my friends with me. Or I shouldn't have left them. I feel like I'm alone all the time even when there are people around me. I tried talking to my ex friends? To get a closure for my self, I've moved on from them but I still feel like I'm in the same place like I am not getting any better. My friends now are really close and every time I stay with them, I wonder when I'll find a food friend for me. 

And usually when I'm just overwhelmed by somethings. 

[Monsoon]

Hey Jaylen,

Ah, okay. Can I ask, who are you comfortable with, and what is it about that person that helps you feel comfortable? When you talk about how you left your friends, I'm wondering, can you tell me more about that?