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Ever just vent on different platforms and you really need someone to talk to more about it but no one’s there? Yeah….. So now I’m here. I’ve come to a possible realisation and life ain’t great.

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30 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Foggy_the_enby

How is everything going? 

Not really great. Luckily, I was able to talk to my s/o about this last night, but it was really tough as I’d figured out that I’d most likely been mentally/emotionally abused by my dad as a kid (and still do). But I’m still in denial because I don’t think he knows that that’s basically what he’s doing.  But it’s just….. really really hard to digest because I know my parents are one of the main causes of my low self esteem, the other main one being bullying all through primary school (and into secondary school), but somehow I just can’t accept that what is happening, some of the things my dad is saying to me, is mental abuse, because a father shouldn’t be saying these things to their own child! It’s just really hard right now because this realisation/semi-acceptance took a lot out of me. 

But yeah…. This was really hard for me because for the first part of the night, no one was really there to reach out to at all- Or that’s what I felt like basically. I’m glad my partner was there though before I went to bed

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  • Digital Mentor

Hello @Foggy_the_enby

Thank you for telling me more about what's going on for you. I completely get how the realisation and semi-acceptance has taken a lot out of you. When something like this happens, especially at the hand of someone we are so close to, we can find ourselves struggling to accept it which is completely normal. I just want to check in and see how you are feeling today? Also, im wondering, what kind of things have been going on? I completely understand and respect if you don't want to talk about it right now, and thats fine. We are here for you. 

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On 8/27/2021 at 11:28 AM, Monsoon said:

Hello @Foggy_the_enby

Thank you for telling me more about what's going on for you. I completely get how the realisation and semi-acceptance has taken a lot out of you. When something like this happens, especially at the hand of someone we are so close to, we can find ourselves struggling to accept it which is completely normal. I just want to check in and see how you are feeling today? Also, im wondering, what kind of things have been going on? I completely understand and respect if you don't want to talk about it right now, and thats fine. We are here for you. 

Thank you for being so supportive. I know that’s your job, but it really means a lot because I know it’s genuine from you. I’m feeling… mostly okay at the moment. But I have been thinking about it the past few days, definitely, and whenever I do, even if it’s not often, it’s really not easy and I feel a piece taken out of me. And whenever my parents do anything like that, I now know it’s abuse so I feel even more as if a piece has been taken out of me. Though overall, I’m still getting on with life when I’m not thinking about it, which I find interesting, but it’s good though. 

But what they do do- I mean it’s mostly my dad and I know I only really mentioned him, but my mum does contribute a bit, but then again, she has apologised on several accounts and has seemed sincerely sorry, my dad only once apologised. So I’m only really talking about my dad for now, because it’s easier to grasp that he’s the one that does most of it.

But examples of things he’s done is call me lazy (though both my parents have), and also at one point call me dumb. I also get a lot of “normal person” stuff. Like the other day, I was enjoying a cake, but putting aside some of the apple in it so I can have it at the end as the rest was pretty sickly. My dad just told me to “just eat it like a normal person.” I’m sorry, but am I really not allowed to enjoy things in my own way? I get it, it took up time, but there’s not need to alienate me from other “normal” people. What even is normal? If I’m fairly honest, I’d rather not be normal but there’s no need for me to get shamed for it. Anyway, that was a detailed example (I’m not very good at summarising and I kinda prefer to go into detailed examples so people can get the whole perspective).

Anyway, I’m the kind of kid that doesn’t do many things wrong, in general, so my dad seems to have a go at me for the smallest of things. Which makes me feel like I can’t do anything right. Which makes me mad and defensive because I feel like I’m desperate to get something right, and I hate thinking like that, but from the way that I feel like I do practically everything wrong, I feel like I need that satisfaction that I finally got something right. And I do get things right, I know myself, but my dad seems to think otherwise, which I hate. Both my parents hate that I’m so defensive, but I’m strong and firm in my belief that they made me that way. How else do I react? I feel invalidated in my own home, because no one listens, so I get defensive about it, and it’s frustrating because I feel like, as a teen, I’m not listened to and instead I’m pushed down and yelled at even more because of how I’m reacting and all they’re doing is fuelling the fire. But yet again, many teens go through this… but that’s not how parents are supposed to be.

And I have to admit, I feel like I get treated differently from the rest of the family, and I think it’s because I’m a child. I get told quite a bit, when my dad is showing my mum something or my mum and sister, and I want to see it, “It doesn’t matter”. This is different from when it’s something that’s inappropriate for me, because I’ll know then as he’ll say “It’s not for you”. But those words “It doesn’t matter” when my dad and family is optimistic about a certain thing, hurt, and make me feel invalidated, because I don’t feel like a “proper” part of the family, and that I’m able to be, in those moments, all because I’m a minor. Like, it mattered to all of you, so why not me?

Anyway, that was a lot, imma stop there. What do you think? Is this abuse or am I overreacting? Because as far as I’m concerned, some of this behaviour from parents is pretty common, and it’s far from the worst out there. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Foggy_the_enby

I'm glad to hear that you're doing mostly okay at the moment. I think that when we are experiencing something difficult, we can go through periods of being okay and then feeling horrible, and this possibly comes from us bottling it all up and trying to get on with it, and then, it all pours out. I do think that it's good to open up as much as you can so that it doesn't feel too overwhelming, and I'm glad that you're speaking to us about this. How did it feel getting it off your chest? 

I totally get why you get so defensive with your dad for having a go at you over the smallest things. When we do something small wrong and it gets picked up on, it can make us feel like we have to be perfect all the time which leads to us putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. This can then make us feel quite stressed and we can find it quite hard to relax at home. What do you reckon? 

I'm thinking, have you thought about maybe speaking to them about how you feel? Family dynamics can be quite complex, and people often don't realise they're hurting someone else's feelings, so speaking to them about it can be really powerful. 

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  • 1 month later...
7 hours ago, Learning how to love mysel said:

Hey hey love, everythings gonna be okay. You will be better tomorrow and evryday things will get better and better . I sincerely wish you the best and Hold on there for a bit long things are gonna get better..i love you sis/bro.

Thank you. Luckily I’m doing okay now bug still thank you 🥰 Also I’m nonbinary so it would be sibling/sib

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