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Abigail18
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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Suicide

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A lot has been going on with friends and family and myself it’s like I can’t even look into a mirror anymore without thinking “wow I’m failing life” and I can’t seem to get the confidence I use to have and the fun me that likes to be around people and have fun now I can barely leave my bed. When I’m proud of something I do my family seems to say things like oh be careful tho and you shouldn’t be at that and it just makes me not want to do it anymore. And friends I feel like they are all slowly starting to hate me like my oldest friend we been friends sense we were younger and now all she worried makes about is new friends and talking shit about me behide my back she’s only there when she needs something from me. And my friend we just meet last year and we had the greatest connect like we would hang out all the time laugh and talk about stuff we loved but it all started to go down hill after he had to leave to go home. It was like I told my friend wow I think I actually found a real friend and they were proud of me and stuff then out of the blue they go after it tell them a whole bunch of stuff about them that she liked him and they were dating and when that hurt me it did they both just forgot about me I was left alone with no friends once again and the worst part I keep forgiving him and it keep happening over and over but like it was still good times we FaceTimed all the time and laughed about everything but it hit July and he just left he didn’t wanna FaceTime anymore he left me on opened we talk very little he never wanted to do anything and now I’m left alone once again worst then ever all that goes through my head is I should be dead I don’t belong here anymore and it’s hard to even go a day without it. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Abigail18

Thank you for telling me more about how you're feeling. I can really see how down you are at the moment. It sounds like things have really been building up for a while and that it's now coming to a head. I just want you to know that we are always here to talk if you need us. Can I ask, how long have you been feeling like you should be dead for? Before I give you more support, can I just check, are you safe at the moment? The words you've used make it sound like you're thinking of taking your own life, and I want to ask, are you planning to do that? If you are, although these feelings can be really difficult, they will likely pass, but I know it probably doesn't seem like that now. We hope that you can get back to us soon so that we know you're safe. 

 

I have also listed below some crisis services so you have them to hand if you need them:

UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service)

USA - NSPL: 1-800-273-8255

A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org

An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful

 

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Thank you but not exactly I would never do anything to hurt myself it’s just thoughts I just want what’s inside of me to die not me if that makes sense and I say for about a year an a half I have feeling like this.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Abigail18

I'm early glad to hear that you would never do anything to hurt yourself. I totally get what you are saying about wanting what's inside of you to die. It must be really tiring for you to have these feelings regularly. One of the best things you can do to help get yourself back on track is to open up, which you are doing, so that's great 🙂

I'm wondering, did something happen a year and a half ago to make you start feeling like this? 

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It’s just started with everyone joking to me about stuff but they took it to far like I’m ugly and that’s stuff. Also there was people telling me I should kms and all my friends was being mean to me I lost trust in all of them bc everything I told them they told everyone even the personal things that only me and then knew but ig that’s all you can do now. I’m also struggle with my friends idk what to do idk if they like me anymore or if they don’t like he’s my only friend I have left and it’s just some days it feels like he likes me and other days it’s like no I don’t like you and stuff and idk if I should do something or not it’s just really bothering me bc I really don’t want them to leave me they are really the only thing I have left. 

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10 hours ago, Abigail18 said:

It’s just started with everyone joking to me about stuff but they took it to far like I’m ugly and that’s stuff. Also there was people telling me I should kms and all my friends was being mean to me I lost trust in all of them bc everything I told them they told everyone even the personal things that only me and then knew but ig that’s all you can do now. I’m also struggle with my friends idk what to do idk if they like me anymore or if they don’t like he’s my only friend I have left and it’s just some days it feels like he likes me and other days it’s like no I don’t like you and stuff and idk if I should do something or not it’s just really bothering me bc I really don’t want them to leave me they are really the only thing I have left. 

 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Abigail18

Ahh, okay. Yeah, it's hard to not believe people when they tell you that you're ugly or something like that, and it can really get to us and make us feel like that's the reality. Can I ask are people still doing things like this? I hope it's settled down for you now because it must be really tough to hear things like that. I'm wondering, did you believe the things they were saying to you? 

Also, sorry to hear that you're struggling with your friends at the moment. Can I ask, what is it that is making you feel like they might not like you? 

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On 7/27/2021 at 10:22 AM, Abigail18 said:
  • It’s just started with everyone joking to me about stuff but they took it to far like I’m ugly and that’s stuff. Also there was people telling me I shoul kms and all my friends was being mean to me I lost trust in all of them bc everything I told them they told everyone even the personal things that only me and then knew but ig that’s all you can do now. I’m also struggle with my friends idk what to do idk if they like me anymore or if they don’t like he’s my only friend I have left and it’s just some days it feels like he likes me and other days it’s like no I don’t like you and stuff and idk if I should do something or not it’s just really bothering me bc I really don’t want them to leave me they are really the only thing I have left. 

 

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Sad to hear but yes I do believe the things they tell me I can’t help it it’s just they got me convinced it’s all true and I can’t seem to get it out of my mind and yes they still do say that to me.  And it’s just anytime I text them they seem so dry and I ask them what’s wrong and they say nothing and they always seem to be busy when it comes to talking to me and they take forever to reply and when they do all they say is “ya” with anything I say I feel like I’m annoying them it’s like they replaced me with someone else bc they are always talking to someone else but when tell me who it is which I get you don’t have to tell me it’s just seems a bit weird to me and with all of this going on it’s making me feel so alone bc all of my so call friends are in relationships and then there’s me not it just gets to me sometime bc they are always to busy talking to them and I have no one I’m just feeling so alone and it’s getting to me.

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Hey @Abigail18

I'm sorry to hear that they are still saying these things to you; I can really see how hurtful this is for you. It's good that you're opening up about it though. I'm wondering, have you spoken to them about how you feel? It's okay to feel alone, and I just want you to know that we are here for you too. Could you maybe try doing some more things to meet new people? 

Maybe have a look at this and let me know what you think: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/7-tips-combating-loneliness/

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I don’t really talk to them about it bc I’m afraid they will all leave me and think I’m just over reacting and shit but I don’t really like talking to new people I find it really hard to make friends and talk to people I just feel like everyone is judgeimg  me and stuff and it’s just been hard 😕

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Abigail18

I completely get the fear of talking to people about something that's upsetting you, but if you do it in the right way, it works really well. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/speak-anyone-anything-conflict-resolution/ - Have you seen our support guide here about talking to people in a way that avoids it turning into an argument? You might find it helpful.

Also, it sounds like you're really getting in your own head at the moment, especially with feeling like everyone is judging you. I'm wondering, can you tell me three things about yourself that other people like and make you a good friend? 🙂 

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Idk anymore it just feels like I lost everyone I failed at being a friend and idt no one likes anything about me but what I think makes me a good friend is I’m trust worthy, gives good advice,and I don’t force people to do things they dont wanna do.  That’s at least what I think but i don’t know about others. 😕 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

They are great qualities!  To be honest, I know you feel like you failed at being a friend, but with those three things you've just described, you sound like you'd be such a good mate. I wonder if it's more on them rather than a problem with you? What do you think? 

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Hey.

I totally get why you feel that way. It sounds like things have been building up for a while, and it can be really hard when we are having issues with those we rely on for support, like friends and family. From what you've said, it sounds like your friends aren't treating you that well, and I'm wondering, what could help you to move forward? Could it be a good idea to maybe have a little break from them and hang out with other people? 

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That’s the thing I want to hang out with other people but I’m afriad it’ll end up me being alone it’s really hard to make friends where I live bc everyone knows everyone and there is no one else my age so 😕

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I completely get why you are afraid of ending up alone, but this is a completely normal thing to feel when you are thinking of leaving a friendship group to connect with new people. Are there any clubs you could join? I guess it doesn't really matter if everyone knows everyone. Are there other people around your age you could hang out with? 

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No not really it’s either they all are two faced it doesn’t like me for no complete reason. The only time I can make new friends is if I move and I’m moving in a year to go to school so. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Ah, sorry to hear that they are all two faced. I just want to check in and see how you are feeling today? Also, are there any friends that you no longer hang out with who you could reconnect with? 

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