Are teenagers feelings intense than other's feelings.

[Duckie]

On 11/3/2023 at 5:31 PM, learningbrain said:

Now this paragraph is about my friendship with girl let's call her P.

I kinda of have a bond with P. I feel it's always me who approaches her first. I feel I am expecting too much out of this relationship. I feel that she doesn't help me at right time. Even though I know I will not receive help in difficult times. I like spending time with her. I always wanted a friend with whom I can flirt with and she is that girl. I was touching and feeling her back(we were in a class, it isn't romantic). I asked  whether she was wearing two bras at that time. Some people  here do it. It went to this .Then  told I will learn sculpting (I in turn meant I will build a nude sculpture of her) . I told I know the proportions of your back and will acquire all the information later. She laughed (maybe). She didn't like it(maybe).I asked whether she was blushing and she said that blushing isn't made for her. This was few months ago, I told I will become a artist just to draw her nude potrait. I asked whether she will become my model for my potrait and she said yes(after like some time,she thought I wouldn't learn arts for drawing her potrait).She told she will  become my model after I learn Arts.I told she made a big mistake agreeing to my contract. She says she is a person of words. I was talking about the next day too. I was really serious about it. I will learn it feels exotic. After that I told that it's not required to become my model if she doesn't want to. What relation do I have with her. If she like me she would have replied to my messages as soon as possible. I feel she just makes up stories when I ask her the reason for not replying to me on text. But which girl will say I will become your nude model for you if you do arts(I convinced her but who agrees to it.) I don't know what this girl thinks. Is is pretty common for friends to flirt at this level. She has got my idea. I told that my boyfriend messaged me something romantic and sent that romantic message(kind of).She didn't believe it. She says I she knows that I don't have any boyfriend. I always talk about her being my wife. I talked about the offsprings too.

Hi @learningbrain :)

I am back on duty! How was your weekend?

It sounds like maybe both you and P are getting mixed messages from each other. She might not interpret it as flirting (on a romantic level). I completely understand that this would be a bit confusing for both of you. Are you hoping to engage in a romantic relationship with P? Please know that you don't have to answer this if you don't want to. You mentioned telling her later that you have a boyfriend - did you do this to cover yourself and make your flirtation seem less romantic or did your boyfriend just come up in the conversation?

I wonder if it would be good to talk to her about how she feels about relationships and how she feels about yours? I know this can be hard to do, but if any of the things you mentioned are confusing to her, then it might be worth talking about it. How would you feel about this? Also, is she different with you in class than she is on the phone? I am wondering this, because it sounds like she isn't reaching out as much, but seems like her normal self in class. Is that fair to say?

On 11/3/2023 at 5:40 PM, learningbrain said:

Please reply fast I unable to stop my curiosity. I want to know your thoughts on this. My roommate knows about my conversations with P. She feels surprised due to my conversations with P. She doesn't say anything discriminating. I like my roommate she is like a brother for me. She acts like a brother. I share my doubts with her. I am just letting myself be free. I am not restricting myself regarding this. I am just letting my thoughts flow.

Sorry my response came a bit slower than you would have prefered. All support mentors work part-time you see, so sometimes it will take a little longer  Happy to add my working hours to my profile if this is helpful to you!

[Duckie]

On 11/3/2023 at 5:41 PM, learningbrain said:

Thanks. I might be a part of this community so thanks.

Hi @learningbrain,

Thank you for sharing this  We are always here if you want to talk about any of this. Both here and on confidential support (top centre of this page) 

[Duckie]

On 11/3/2023 at 5:57 PM, learningbrain said:

I am worried the people I told about this website will find out it's me.

This is not something I would share with some one I know other than my roommate.

I told her about this website. I was what you told me and asked her to explain about it.

I asked her to explain this. I even asked my grandma about it.

Even an uneducated person can make decisions. Like old people even though they thier advices are good because they follow thier feelings. I understood it. They explained it to me. They follow thier heart because the logic restricts us.

Hi @learningbrain, 

Is there anything you feel makes you raise suspicion that you are how they might think you are, such as your user name or Country? You can for example remove information like what country you're from and change your username every so often if you feel your privacy has been compromised. How do you feel about your friends potentially finding this page?

And sometimes people are logical about things, and sometimes they act solely on feelings. It's hard to know because the most sensible person can get really touchy about things that we may not always understand. I'd say it's usually good to keep an open mind and ask how come they feel the way they feel. Because sometimes along the way, you realise that their feelings might stem from something entirely differently! I think you will come across a few examples like this in life when people seem to have really strong opinions and when you check in with them you realise that they come from a place where they are not able to see someone else's perspective for various reasons.

On 11/3/2023 at 6:01 PM, learningbrain said:

I told my friend(she explained the previous paragraph)that you can approach this website when ever you are feeling very low or depressed or feeling to commit suside.

How do you help them?

What do you say? How do you motivate them?

Thank you for advising your friend to reach out to us! You are a good friend for referring your friend to somewhere where she can get help and support. Your friend is of course welcome regardless of how she feels.

I would say it is important that we get to know your friend properly in order to know what's going on in her life and what has caused her to feel this way. It is important to give personalized advise so that we can really help the young person in need of help. We are very passionate about promiting mental health in young people and our advise can range from all kinds in interventions to simply being there and actually listen. So many people say that they do and then they try to jump straight to a "sollution", but we actually want people to feel heard and understood.

I would motivate by finding out what's important to the young person, and try to find new ways of using this so that it can be helpful for them. As a social psychologist I look a lot at habits and the things we do to promote our own well-being so this is definitely something that would be interesting to discuss. When we feel sad and depressed we tend to stop doing the things that actually make us feel better - like exercising, seeing friends or treating ourselves to nice food. And sometimes it is important to change perspectives and bring things back to where they would like to see themselves. 

How does that sound?

If it's something sensitive that your friend might require more confidential support regarding, she can always make and account at Ditch The Label and then head to confidential support and either me or one of the other support mentors will pick it up at our earliest convenience.

[learningbrain]

3 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @learningbrain :)

Sorry my response came a bit slower than you would have prefered. All support mentors work part-time you see, so sometimes it will take a little longer  Happy to add my working hours to my profile if this is helpful to you!

It's not a problem.I know that it will take some time. Some times it's few hours and sometimes it's a day. There's no problem with it. The feeling was just momentary.

3 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @learningbrain :)

I am back on duty! How was your weekend?

It sounds like maybe both you and P are getting mixed messages from each other. She might not interpret it as flirting (on a romantic level). I completely understand that this would be a bit confusing for both of you. Are you hoping to engage in a romantic relationship with P? Please know that you don't have to answer this if you don't want to. You mentioned telling her later that you have a boyfriend - did you do this to cover yourself and make your flirtation seem less romantic or did your boyfriend just come up in the conversation?

I wonder if it would be good to talk to her about how she feels about relationships and how she feels about yours? I know this can be hard to do, but if any of the things you mentioned are confusing to her, then it might be worth talking about it. How would you feel about this? Also, is she different with you in class than she is on the phone? I am wondering this, because it sounds like she isn't reaching out as much, but seems like her normal self in class. Is that fair to say?

There are high chances she might not interpret it as flirting (on a romantic level). I don't think it's confusing for her. I think she just considers me as a friend. I also told her that I don't know whether I love her romantically or I just treat her as a friend. I really don't know If love her or not. I kinda of Know that it won't reach to a level of girlfriend situation because it's forbidden to love at this age.(in our society. Above all it's considered unnatural and against nature's laws). I like the bond I have with her. It feels exciting for me. I don't know about her. I try to bring the snacks she likes. I bought her a key chain from a home town (I didn't buy it). I also liked it though. I just wanted to give it to her. It's just a small object.

I just told I have a boyfriend just to see her reaction. She didn't believe it anyways. I should have developed the character of boyfriend a little bit. I have written the message by myself.

One time she told she might be bisexual. I asked her why she feels that(on text). She said she will answer but she didn't answer my question. Most of the time she doesn't answer all my questions.

I don't think that I will get an outright answer. I tend to forget my questions sometimes. I am not sure I will get a proper answer.

I sure that it her who texts me. It's just she doesn't reply to all of questions (on text). She doesn't reply to me at least with in one day. It just takes a few seconds to just reply. She sometimes says she is busy with her family. She says she is attending her brother's school celebrations. She can reply to me after all of that but she doesn't. Why? She says she didn't get time. I don't believe her.

[learningbrain]

4 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @learningbrain,

Thank you for sharing this  We are always here if you want to talk about any of this. Both here and on confidential support (top centre of this page) 

Ok. Sure.

 

3 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @learningbrain, 

Is there anything you feel makes you raise suspicion that you are how they might think you are, such as your user name or Country? You can for example remove information like what country you're from and change your username every so often if you feel your privacy has been compromised. How do you feel about your friends potentially finding this page?

And sometimes people are logical about things, and sometimes they act solely on feelings. It's hard to know because the most sensible person can get really touchy about things that we may not always understand. I'd say it's usually good to keep an open mind and ask how come they feel the way they feel. Because sometimes along the way, you realise that their feelings might stem from something entirely differently! I think you will come across a few examples like this in life when people seem to have really strong opinions and when you check in with them you realise that they come from a place where they are not able to see someone else's perspective for various reasons.

Thank you for advising your friend to reach out to us! You are a good friend for referring your friend to somewhere where she can get help and support. Your friend is of course welcome regardless of how she feels.

I would say it is important that we get to know your friend properly in order to know what's going on in her life and what has caused her to feel this way. It is important to give personalized advise so that we can really help the young person in need of help. We are very passionate about promiting mental health in young people and our advise can range from all kinds in interventions to simply being there and actually listen. So many people say that they do and then they try to jump straight to a "sollution", but we actually want people to feel heard and understood.

I would motivate by finding out what's important to the young person, and try to find new ways of using this so that it can be helpful for them. As a social psychologist I look a lot at habits and the things we do to promote our own well-being so this is definitely something that would be interesting to discuss. When we feel sad and depressed we tend to stop doing the things that actually make us feel better - like exercising, seeing friends or treating ourselves to nice food. And sometimes it is important to change perspectives and bring things back to where they would like to see themselves. 

How does that sound?

If it's something sensitive that your friend might require more confidential support regarding, she can always make and account at Ditch The Label and then head to confidential support and either me or one of the other support mentors will pick it up at our earliest convenience.

There's no problem even if they find out it's me. She might not find it out. I just referred to a few sentences in our conversation. We can actually search the sentences too. There's no problem even if they find it out.

She is definitely not sucidal. She is taking a course which requires extensive interaction with people. She doesn't require any kind of support.

 

 

 

 

I feel that this generation is bit more tolerant when it comes to opinion on LGBT community. They are not totally aware but it's okay. It's better than saying it's wrong.

Edited November 5, 2023 by learningbrain

[Duckie]

12 hours ago, learningbrain said:

It's not a problem.I know that it will take some time. Some times it's few hours and sometimes it's a day. There's no problem with it. The feeling was just momentary.

There are high chances she might not interpret it as flirting (on a romantic level). I don't think it's confusing for her. I think she just considers me as a friend. I also told her that I don't know whether I love her romantically or I just treat her as a friend. I really don't know If love her or not. I kinda of Know that it won't reach to a level of girlfriend situation because it's forbidden to love at this age.(in our society. Above all it's considered unnatural and against nature's laws). I like the bond I have with her. It feels exciting for me. I don't know about her. I try to bring the snacks she likes. I bought her a key chain from a home town (I didn't buy it). I also liked it though. I just wanted to give it to her. It's just a small object.

I just told I have a boyfriend just to see her reaction. She didn't believe it anyways. I should have developed the character of boyfriend a little bit. I have written the message by myself.

One time she told she might be bisexual. I asked her why she feels that(on text). She said she will answer but she didn't answer my question. Most of the time she doesn't answer all my questions.

I don't think that I will get an outright answer. I tend to forget my questions sometimes. I am not sure I will get a proper answer.

I sure that it her who texts me. It's just she doesn't reply to all of questions (on text). She doesn't reply to me at least with in one day. It just takes a few seconds to just reply. She sometimes says she is busy with her family. She says she is attending her brother's school celebrations. She can reply to me after all of that but she doesn't. Why? She says she didn't get time. I don't believe her.

Hi @learningbrain,

It sounds like you've tried to explain your feelings to her a few times. Is that fair to say? I was thinking it might be confusing to be flirted with and then told the person has a boyfriend. It might be that you love her as a friend and are curious about what things would be like if you were in a romantic relationship. Maybe she's considering this too - maybe she isn't. Because if it's not allowed full stop it might be something she dismisses to not get her hopes up.

It does sound like your friend might still be exploring her feelings, as she wasn't sure she was bisexual or not by the sounds of it. For some people this will develop organically over time and to some people it's always been somewhat clear. She might be going through her own journey of exploring her sexuality and finding out this about herself. It might explain why she hasn't reached out as much and why she gives unclear answers to you sometimes. What do you think?

She might struggle with direct questions full stop. Are there any questions you feel she is particularly avoidant of? If so maybe these are the kinds of question to approach gently with her.

12 hours ago, learningbrain said:

Ok. Sure.

There's no problem even if they find out it's me. She might not find it out. I just referred to a few sentences in our conversation. We can actually search the sentences too. There's no problem even if they find it out.

She is definitely not sucidal. She is taking a course which requires extensive interaction with people. She doesn't require any kind of support.

I feel that this generation is bit more tolerant when it comes to opinion on LGBT community. They are not totally aware but it's okay. It's better than saying it's wrong.

Aha, it was more of a hypothetical question  Your friends are of course welcome to join this community regardless.

I agree that opinions towards LGBTQIA+ has become more acceptable in society. This can of course differ from place to place. I don't only want it to be accepted. I want it to be celebrated as something to be proud over. But I think it's such a positive step that we are all talking about it a lot more now and that a lot of companies will have a strong ethos of supporting LGBTQIA+ rights. Because we all have to keep enforcing that it is completely normal to be your true self.

I'm from Sweden. We take pride in being very open-minded and diplomatic, like having our own pride festivals and equal rights galas and all churches agreeing to perform gay weddings etc. But we are by no means perfect... Being gay was considered a sickness up until 1979. Imagine that. I'd call in sick to work and say "can't come in today... I feel a bit gay". Jokes aside, this wasn't as long ago as it may seem.

[learningbrain]

5 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @learningbrain,

It sounds like you've tried to explain your feelings to her a few times. Is that fair to say? I was thinking it might be confusing to be flirted with and then told the person has a boyfriend. It might be that you love her as a friend and are curious about what things would be like if you were in a romantic relationship. Maybe she's considering this too - maybe she isn't. Because if it's not allowed full stop it might be something she dismisses to not get her hopes up.

It does sound like your friend might still be exploring her feelings, as she wasn't sure she was bisexual or not by the sounds of it. For some people this will develop organically over time and to some people it's always been somewhat clear. She might be going through her own journey of exploring her sexuality and finding out this about herself. It might explain why she hasn't reached out as much and why she gives unclear answers to you sometimes. What do you think?

She might struggle with direct questions full stop. Are there any questions you feel she is particularly avoidant of? If so maybe these are the kinds of question to approach gently with her.

I tried to explain about my feelings but I think maybe she doesn't take it seriously. Today, She a little bit close to me because the class was noisy. I told her that I wanted to pull her towards me using her shirt. She said I was mad. She says she doesn't understand how I get these thoughts all of a sudden. I said I don't know how it happens. I said I liked my brain for the thoughts it gives me. She didn't even believe that I had a boyfriend even at the first instant. I like teasing her. I like her even though she doesn't reply to me on text. I become angry at that moment but my anger decreases automatically so as I talk with her. I don't find her reasons valid but it's fine.  I'm just trying to explore. I want a girlfriend. I just want to try it out. I want to feel how it makes me feel. It might be a possibility that she is dismissing her feelings. It can be a possibility.

I don't know whether she doesn't want to reply me. She says was pretty busy. She says she will reply to me as fast as possible. I told she has a  rating of 1 out of 5. It's not  she didn't answer this question properly. She usually doesn't reply properly. 

It's a good thing she has messaged me today and informed me she will reply to my messages tommorow. This is fine.

She told her head was paining and she went to drop her mom at the railway station. She told she will message me tommorow. It's good thing. Let's see how it goes.

I'm fine with her not being in love with me. It will definitely not break our friendship. That's for sure. I like spending time around her.

Shouldn't we be independent emotionally. I feel I am becoming emotionally dependent on her.

Edited November 6, 2023 by learningbrain

[learningbrain]

5 hours ago, Duckie said:

Aha, it was more of a hypothetical question  Your friends are of course welcome to join this community regardless.

I agree that opinions towards LGBTQIA+ has become more acceptable in society. This can of course differ from place to place. I don't only want it to be accepted. I want it to be celebrated as something to be proud over. But I think it's such a positive step that we are all talking about it a lot more now and that a lot of companies will have a strong ethos of supporting LGBTQIA+ rights. Because we all have to keep enforcing that it is completely normal to be your true self.

I'm from Sweden. We take pride in being very open-minded and diplomatic, like having our own pride festivals and equal rights galas and all churches agreeing to perform gay weddings etc. But we are by no means perfect... Being gay was considered a sickness up until 1979. Imagine that. I'd call in sick to work and say "can't come in today... I feel a bit gay". Jokes aside, this wasn't as long ago as it may seem.

You are adding smiley face to your text since the time I told you I liked it. Good.

I'm looking forward to see the change. I think by the time we reach 60 years old It's sure we will accept same sex marriages. 

[Duckie]

2 hours ago, learningbrain said:

I tried to explain about my feelings but I think maybe she doesn't take it seriously. Today, She a little bit close to me because the class was noisy. I told her that I wanted to pull her towards me using her shirt. She said I was mad. She says she doesn't understand how I get these thoughts all of a sudden. I said I don't know how it happens. I said I liked my brain for the thoughts it gives me. She didn't even believe that I had a boyfriend even at the first instant. I like teasing her. I like her even though she doesn't reply to me on text. I become angry at that moment but my anger decreases automatically so as I talk with her. I don't find her reasons valid but it's fine.  I'm just trying to explore. I want a girlfriend. I just want to try it out. I want to feel how it makes me feel. It might be a possibility that she is dismissing her feelings. It can be a possibility.

I don't know whether she doesn't want to reply me. She says was pretty busy. She says she will reply to me as fast as possible. I told she has a  rating of 1 out of 5. It's not  she didn't answer this question properly. She usually doesn't reply properly. 

It's a good thing she has messaged me today and informed me she will reply to my messages tommorow. This is fine.

She told her head was paining and she went to drop her mom at the railway station. She told she will message me tommorow. It's good thing. Let's see how it goes.

I'm fine with her not being in love with me. It will definitely not break our friendship. That's for sure. I like spending time around her.

Shouldn't we be independent emotionally. I feel I am becoming emotionally dependent on her.

It sounds like your friend might have stuff going on with her own sexuality - maybe still not knowing whether she si bisexual or not. This might be something she's not ready to face yet. So it might be hard for her to digest that you might be too. It's good that you two still have a close friendship and that she makes you happy. It's good that you at least have an idea of what you want. She might not be there yet, but you knowing you would like to have a girlfriend is a big step. It's also good that you feel strongly that you will still remain friends if she doesn't want to pursue a romantic relationship.

Some people are just not very good with replying to messages full stop. If you see her everyday in school, this might make a text from you feel less urgent, as you will be seeing each other the next day anyway. But it's good that she is acknowledging your feelings by telling you she will respond later.

This is a very interesting question you are asking. Thing is we are always going to be somewhat dependable on other people for emotional support, as we are social human beings and we need each other to survive and thrive. That part of socialisation would not be taken away from you, say if you for example chose to live alone on a remote island. We still need and rely on other people. The maing thing is to be mindful of how it might affect others when we lean on them - and to rely on more than one person for emotional support. Do you feel like you have other people besides your friend to talk about?

2 hours ago, learningbrain said:

You are adding smiley face to your text since the time I told you I liked it. Good.

I'm looking forward to see the change. I think by the time we reach 60 years old It's sure we will accept same sex marriages. 

Of course hon 

We shall live and we shall see! We are all taking little chunks of responsibility to get us to this place, by talking about our experiences and teaching the next generations to be even more tolerant. This is the world I want my little girl to grow up in.

[learningbrain]

On 11/7/2023 at 1:55 AM, Duckie said:

It sounds like your friend might have stuff going on with her own sexuality - maybe still not knowing whether she si bisexual or not. This might be something she's not ready to face yet. So it might be hard for her to digest that you might be too.

It might be possible but I don't think she is struggling with that question.

 

On 11/7/2023 at 1:55 AM, Duckie said:

It's good that you at least have an idea of what you want. She might not be there yet, but you knowing you would like to have a girlfriend is a big step. It's also good that you feel strongly that you will still remain friends if she doesn't want to pursue a romantic relationship.

I am thinking again about having a girlfriend. I would like to have a girlfriend later in my life. I actually told her I was serious about my thoughts. She didn't get when I tried to tell her that the first time. Eventually she understood. She says she will think about it. She told she came to a conclusion.

I was thinking about what we would do if she would become my girlfriend. I don't know what we will do. We can't move in together. We can't marry eachother what will we do. We just meet 4 hours in the coaching academy.

So I was thinking we pursue this relationship later in life. We will have a lot of opportunities after becoming adults.

On 11/7/2023 at 1:55 AM, Duckie said:

Do you feel like you have other people besides your friend to talk about?

I have my roommate but sometimes she gets angry. I asked her to write my notes and she was angry on me. She could have simply told that she doesn't want to write.

[Duckie]

10 hours ago, learningbrain said:

It might be possible but I don't think she is struggling with that question.

I am thinking again about having a girlfriend. I would like to have a girlfriend later in my life. I actually told her I was serious about my thoughts. She didn't get when I tried to tell her that the first time. Eventually she understood. She says she will think about it. She told she came to a conclusion.

I was thinking about what we would do if she would become my girlfriend. I don't know what we will do. We can't move in together. We can't marry eachother what will we do. We just meet 4 hours in the coaching academy.

So I was thinking we pursue this relationship later in life. We will have a lot of opportunities after becoming adults.

I have my roommate but sometimes she gets angry. I asked her to write my notes and she was angry on me. She could have simply told that she doesn't want to write.

Hello @learningbrain,

How come you think she might not be struggling with her sexuality? It is of course fair that you think this, because you know her better than I do, but I'm just curious what your thoughts are . I was basing mine over the fact that she only almost came out to you when she said she may be bisexual. Sounds like maybe she wasn't sure, and maybe she still isn't. What do you think?

That's good that you manage to have a clear conversation with her explaining that you would like a girlfriend at some point later in life. This might be a way to encourage her to speak up about her feelings without feeling pressured by time. Has she come back to you yet with her conclusion?

Maybe it's good to take things slow, if she does decide she wants to be your girlfriend at some point. It sounds like it could be a good experience for you, but also something to see where it goes if that makes sense. Because even in straight relationships, you have to take things slow and see whether you are actually just as compatible being a couple as you are being friends. And if this is someone you would like to marry, it might be worth going to a country that allows same sex marriages to tie the knot. This is not something I want you to worry about just yet 

Is your roommate OK or do you think something might be up with her? Have you tried reaching out and ask her what caused her to get upset with you?

[learningbrain]

5 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hello @learningbrain,

How come you think she might not be struggling with her sexuality?

I thought she didn't struggle with her sexuality because she texted me she has a conclusion regarding my question but when I asked her about it today she says she doesn't have a conclusion. I think she is struggling with her sexuality. 

5 hours ago, Duckie said:

That's good that you manage to have a clear conversation with her explaining that you would like a girlfriend at some point later in life. This might be a way to encourage her to speak up about her feelings without feeling pressured by time.

I didn't explain that I want to pursue this relationship later in life. I thought I would tell her that but I didn't. I changed my mind. I wanted to know how she feels. I want to tell her but I felt she might feel bad if I say this when she says she wants to pursue this relationship.

I changed my mind again.I texted her that I want to pursue this relationship later in my life. Since we will have ups and downs and I can't handle it. It will effect my studies. I told her not to take pressure and asked her to take time. I felt she shouldn't be pressurised. You told she will take her time and process it properly. You told it would encourage her to speak about it. So I thought it's the best thing. And my analysis is practical.

I thanked her for bringing clarity in my life.

This happened when I expressed my feelings.

She previously told me that she has to question her existence. She told she liked boys only until this moment. She says she would like to experiment. She says if she likes me she will become a bisexual. I asked her if anyone flirts with her like I do. She says that I am the only person who flirts with her. She says she will punch her female friend if she flirts with her. I told I will stop flirting if she says she doesn't love me. She asked me why I told I will stop flirting with her. I told I will stop flirting with her because she doesn't like it. She says when did I say that I didn't like that you are flirting with me.I asked her whether she likes it. She says she didn't say she likes it. 

5 hours ago, Duckie said:

Maybe it's good to take things slow, if she does decide she wants to be your girlfriend at some point. It sounds like it could be a good experience for you, but also something to see where it goes if that makes sense. Because even in straight relationships, you have to take things slow and see whether you are actually just as compatible being a couple as you are being friends

It's true. I don't want to strain our relationship. Our relationship will develop slowly at a steady pace. It will be good for both of us.

 

5 hours ago, Duckie said:

And if this is someone you would like to marry, it might be worth going to a country that allows same sex marriages to tie the knot. This is not something I want you to worry about just yet 

I don't know if I will marry her. I will not go to another country for marry my partner. I will stay in India. I will have my career in India. I am not worried about it. I will go to other countries due tom y job. I might marry a foreigner. It's a possibility. 

 

5 hours ago, Duckie said:

Is your roommate OK or do you think something might be up with her? Have you tried reaching out and ask her what caused her to get upset with you?

My roommate is okay. She said she didn't like it when I said I will not show dedication in writing my notes. She said she was angry due to this. She scolded me because of this. Don't worry she is fine.

[learningbrain]

[Duckie]

16 hours ago, learningbrain said:

I thought she didn't struggle with her sexuality because she texted me she has a conclusion regarding my question but when I asked her about it today she says she doesn't have a conclusion. I think she is struggling with her sexuality. 

I didn't explain that I want to pursue this relationship later in life. I thought I would tell her that but I didn't. I changed my mind. I wanted to know how she feels. I want to tell her but I felt she might feel bad if I say this when she says she wants to pursue this relationship.

I changed my mind again.I texted her that I want to pursue this relationship later in my life. Since we will have ups and downs and I can't handle it. It will effect my studies. I told her not to take pressure and asked her to take time. I felt she shouldn't be pressurised. You told she will take her time and process it properly. You told it would encourage her to speak about it. So I thought it's the best thing. And my analysis is practical.

I thanked her for bringing clarity in my life.

This happened when I expressed my feelings.

She previously told me that she has to question her existence. She told she liked boys only until this moment. She says she would like to experiment. She says if she likes me she will become a bisexual. I asked her if anyone flirts with her like I do. She says that I am the only person who flirts with her. She says she will punch her female friend if she flirts with her. I told I will stop flirting if she says she doesn't love me. She asked me why I told I will stop flirting with her. I told I will stop flirting with her because she doesn't like it. She says when did I say that I didn't like that you are flirting with me.I asked her whether she likes it. She says she didn't say she likes it. 

It's true. I don't want to strain our relationship. Our relationship will develop slowly at a steady pace. It will be good for both of us.

I don't know if I will marry her. I will not go to another country for marry my partner. I will stay in India. I will have my career in India. I am not worried about it. I will go to other countries due tom y job. I might marry a foreigner. It's a possibility. 

My roommate is okay. She said she didn't like it when I said I will not show dedication in writing my notes. She said she was angry due to this. She scolded me because of this. Don't worry she is fine.

It does sound like it might be a bit complicated for her regarding her sexuality. I really like that you approached her gently, but honestly about your feelings. It seems to have encouraged her to speak up about wanting to experiment. It sounds like she would be open to the idea of dating you at some point. It does sound like she hasn't made up her mind whether she likes you flirting with her or not. I was a bit confused when I read it. Does she ever flirt with you the same way you flirt with her?

I think it's always a good thing to take things slowly. Your friend might need time to give you clarity and you might need time to focus on your studies. I think that's a good compromise. May I ask when you feel you would have time for a relationship? Is there a specific age or milestone you wish to reach first?

What did your roommate mean by you not showing enough dedication in your notes? What did she think was missing? Good to hear that she is fine 

[learningbrain]

8 hours ago, Duckie said:

It seems to have encouraged her to speak up about wanting to experiment. 

 

She said she wants to experiment when I said I was serious about my feelings. (Kind of said I loved her).She told she has to question her existence because she liked only liked boys until now.

 

8 hours ago, Duckie said:

It sounds like she would be open to the idea of dating you at some point.

It seems like that because see my texts with her.

This is to you @Duckie would have been nice if you were here to guide me.

I sometimes feel she will keep me waiting like this for life long.

 

[08/11, 10:37 pm] learning brain: Imagine this
[08/11, 10:37 pm] : I'm was thinking of what will happen after we will come together.
[08/11, 10:38 pm]  I was thinking that we can't have total freedom.
[08/11, 10:38 pm] : What will we do
[08/11, 10:39 pm] : Wouldn't it be awkward.
[08/11, 10:40 pm] : I feel we should pursue this relationship later in life.
[08/11, 10:40 pm] : When we become adults
[08/11, 10:40 pm] : I think it's a better idea.
[08/11, 10:41 pm] : And it's also about my capacity
[08/11, 10:41 pm] : I can't handle a break up
[08/11, 10:41 pm] : We will have up and downs.
[08/11, 10:41 pm] : We will not break up.
[08/11, 10:42 pm] : We will patch up again after a fight
[08/11, 10:42 pm] : Every relationship has fights.
[08/11, 10:42 pm] It will impact my studies
[08/11, 10:43 pm]  We have fixed time table
[08/11, 10:43 pm]: We won't be able to spend time together so it better if we pursue this relationship later in life.
[08/11, 10:44 pm] : We will live a long life
[08/11, 10:44 pm] : What do you say
[08/11, 10:44 pm] : Don't feel pressurised to answer me. Is it fine.
[08/11, 10:45 pm] : Take your time
[08/11, 10:45 pm] : Anything is fine.
[08/11, 10:56 pm] : I wanted to tell you this
[08/11, 10:56 pm] : I thought of this in the morning
[08/11, 10:56 pm] : I was discussing it with someone.
[08/11, 10:57 pm] : I am thankful that you are bringing clarity in my life.
[08/11, 10:57 pm] : I thought you would feel bad if I said this thing if you want to pursue the relationship.
[08/11, 11:00 pm] : I don't want our relation to strain.
[08/11, 11:02 pm] : By adding this relation
[08/11, 11:49 pm] : You told you will kidnap me and will defeat me. I say I definitely want to be crushed
[08/11, 11:49 pm] : I want you to take control over me.
[09/11, 3:02 pm] : I feel that the climate is hot
[09/11, 3:02 pm] : Due the lack of your presence
[09/11, 3:03 pm] : Because...
[09/11, 3:03 pm] : You are cool
[09/11, 3:07 pm]  Look at the other version of this
[09/11, 3:07 pm]: I feel that the climate is hot
[09/11, 3:07 pm]  I think the nature is trying to replicate you
[09/11, 3:08 pm] : Which one is nice.
 

Her Reply to this

[08/11, 10:38 pm]  I was thinking that we can't have total freedom.

[09/11, 4:07 pm] : But it depends what u want to do..
[09/11, 4:07 pm] : We can though

Her reply to this 

[08/11, 10:39 pm] : Wouldn't it be awkward.

What.?

We don't even fight.. and u r talking ABT break up.. shut up yrr

Her reply to this

[08/11, 10:43 pm]: We won't be able to spend time together so it better if we pursue this relationship later in life.

As u wish.. I was toh still thinking of it like that

Her reply to this 

08/11, 10:44 pm] : We will live a long life

She asked me  if I was a ghost.

Her reply to this 

08/11, 10:56 pm] : I was discussing it with someone.

With whom

Her reply to this 

08/11, 11:00 pm] : I don't want our relation to strain.

It didn't.. it's fine dude.. chill

Her reply to this 

08/11, 11:49 pm] : I want you to take control over me.

Oh my god..!! She texts My name with exclamation.

Her reply to this 

09/11, 3:02 pm] : I feel that the climate is hot [

09/11, 4:15 pm] : No it isn't

Her reply to this

09/11, 3:03 pm] : You are cool

[09/11, 4:16 pm] : OMG..  Bhai line...
Her reply to this

09/11, 3:07 pm]  I think the nature is trying to replicate you

[09/11, 4:16 pm] : Oooooooffffff
[09/11, 4:16 pm] :

Her reply to this

09/11, 3:08 pm] : Which one is nice.

[09/11, 4:17 pm] : Both.. I mean where do u get these
[09/11, 4:17 pm] : Bhai talent

[09/11, 7:08 pm] me: I created it
[09/11, 7:10 pm] me : I will answer your questions when you call me
[09/11, 7:22 pm] her: I'm out rn

She went to her relatives Home. We have a big festival coming up.

[09/11, 8:32 pm] me : I was looking at your messages.
[09/11, 8:33 pm] me I thought I was pressurising you to answer
[09/11, 8:34 pm] me: I thought you weren't able to tell me.
[09/11, 8:34 pm] me: That's why I told it's okay even if we pursue it later in our lifes.
[09/11, 8:37 pm] me: I Don't want to trouble you. We can go at a slow pace *if you want*
[10/11, 12:18 am] me: Does your mother know about what I told you

She didn't see the above messages.

Yes it's true that she hasn't made her made up her mind whether she likes you flirting with her or not.

8 hours ago, Duckie said:

Does she ever flirt with you the same way you flirt with her?

I don't think she flirts with me the same way I do

8 hours ago, Duckie said:

May I ask when you feel you would have time for a relationship? Is there a specific age or milestone you wish to reach first?

Yes I have but Im not sure it will last or not. It's not like that. I will be easy for me to explore my sexuality because I can visit dating websites, I will have freedom and I will be financially independent so it will much more easier for me convince my people.

 

8 hours ago, Duckie said:

What did your roommate mean by you not showing enough dedication in your notes? What did she think was missing? Good to hear that she is fine 

I told her that I was feed up of writing notes. I said I will not show dedication in writing notes. She was angry because I said I will not show dedication in writing my notes. She scolded me and told me she would write my notes.

[learningbrain]

Please check the timings of messages according to my timezone. I live in India. I think you will get things better.

[learningbrain]

My message needs to be approved by a moderator. Please check that

[learningbrain]

I wish I could talk to you on call. You would understand me better. I takes a lot of time to explain things.

[Duckie]

14 hours ago, learningbrain said:

She said she wants to experiment when I said I was serious about my feelings. (Kind of said I loved her).She told she has to question her existence because she liked only liked boys until now.

I think that makes sense. It might still be a bit of a chock for her to suddenly find herself romantically interested in someone same sex as her. I think learning about your sexuality like this can be a bit of a mindblowing experience. I like that she is honest with you about this. What do you think?

I am getting the impression it might be a bit hard for your friend to grasp that you are talking about the future and how you want to wait to pursue a relationship with her, because your fears are

* you don't have time right now

* you wouldn't be able to handle a breakup plus school work and potentiallly losing a friend

* If you become a couple later in life you will be better equipped to deal with arguments without nessecarily breaking up over them.

Is this fair to say?

A lot of times we are told to plan for the future, but also to stay in the moment. I always think it's useful to think about the future when it comes to big choices, like what career path to take or what kinds of people makes you feel good and not etc. But it's also important to live in the now and enjoy the little things. She seems to really enjoy your company, but it might be a bit hard for her to grasp when you're talking about a long happy future together. I think this is simply because you may have felt feelings for her for longer than she has for you. Doesn't mean her feelings can't be strong. She may have just had considerably less time to think about this and is still coming to term with finding herself romantically interested in a woman full stop. So it might be best to leave the bigger questions like the future for now. What do you think?

If she were to ask you on a date, would you say no because you think the time isn't right or would you consider dating her already?

 

[learningbrain]

On 11/10/2023 at 5:13 PM, Duckie said:

I think that makes sense. It might still be a bit of a chock for her to suddenly find herself romantically interested in someone same sex as her. I think learning about your sexuality like this can be a bit of a mindblowing experience. I like that she is honest with you about this. What do you think?

Sorry, It took me a while to answer this. I was busy on 11 th because it was my birthday. I spent time with my family. I finally changed my hostel. Don't ask me why. I was busy setting things right and it took time. 

It's definitely a mind-blowing experience. She is in her village right now. I don't know but I feel she is lying. My grandma told she is not a person to be trusted. I went to my home town during Dusherra. She told she will come to drop me at the railway station but she didn't. She called me before 2 hours and told me she will come but she didn't. I received a message after 2 hours of boarding my train. She said she was ill. She said she purposefully lied to me so that I wouldn't feel bad. She told she didn't want me to feel bad because I was going to my home town. She didn't receive me at the railway station after returning back from my home town. She told me she was in her relatives house at that time and she can't come. I challenged my grandma that she would come to meet me in the railway station. I was hurt she didn't come.

On 11/10/2023 at 5:13 PM, Duckie said:

am getting the impression it might be a bit hard for your friend to grasp that you are talking about the future and how you want to wait to pursue a relationship with her, because your fears are

* you don't have time right now

* you wouldn't be able to handle a breakup plus school work and potentiallly losing a friend

* If you become a couple later in life you will be better equipped to deal with arguments without nessecarily breaking up over them.

Is this fair to say?

I'm worried she will keep me waiting my whole life. My grandma predicts people better. I don't have that good instincts. I afraid she will turn out to be the person my grandma told me. On a second thought I feel she is trying to spoil my relationship with her. She continuosly says that I shouldn't get entangled with her emotionally. Does she know I love her.

Why would She try to spoil my relationship with her. How would she know

On 11/10/2023 at 5:13 PM, Duckie said:

lot of times we are told to plan for the future, but also to stay in the moment. I always think it's useful to think about the future when it comes to big choices, like what career path to take or what kinds of people makes you feel good and not etc. But it's also important to live in the now and enjoy the little things. She seems to really enjoy your company, but it might be a bit hard for her to grasp when you're talking about a long happy future together. I think this is simply because you may have felt feelings for her for longer than she has for you. Doesn't mean her feelings can't be strong. She may have just had considerably less time to think about this and is still coming to term with finding herself romantically interested in a woman full stop. So it might be best to leave the bigger questions like the future for now. What do you think?

I feel she can answer it later If she can't answer it right now.

[learningbrain]

On 11/10/2023 at 5:13 PM, Duckie said:

If she were to ask you on a date, would you say no because you think the time isn't right or would you consider dating her already?

I genuinely think she will have not have an answer. I may consider our relationship if she asks me on a date but I don't think it will happen.

[Duckie]

On 11/15/2023 at 4:12 AM, learningbrain said:

I genuinely think she will have not have an answer. I may consider our relationship if she asks me on a date but I don't think it will happen.

Hi @learningbrain,

I don't think she will have an answer for you soon or anything but I doubt she would just leave you hanging and not answer at all. She might find it a bit complicated to answer as she might still be exploring her own sexuality, but it is OK to gently check in with her and see if she needs to talk about it.

On 11/14/2023 at 6:07 PM, learningbrain said:

Sorry, It took me a while to answer this. I was busy on 11 th because it was my birthday. I spent time with my family. I finally changed my hostel. Don't ask me why. I was busy setting things right and it took time. 

It's definitely a mind-blowing experience. She is in her village right now. I don't know but I feel she is lying. My grandma told she is not a person to be trusted. I went to my home town during Dusherra. She told she will come to drop me at the railway station but she didn't. She called me before 2 hours and told me she will come but she didn't. I received a message after 2 hours of boarding my train. She said she was ill. She said she purposefully lied to me so that I wouldn't feel bad. She told she didn't want me to feel bad because I was going to my home town. She didn't receive me at the railway station after returning back from my home town. She told me she was in her relatives house at that time and she can't come. I challenged my grandma that she would come to meet me in the railway station. I was hurt she didn't come.

I'm worried she will keep me waiting my whole life. My grandma predicts people better. I don't have that good instincts. I afraid she will turn out to be the person my grandma told me. On a second thought I feel she is trying to spoil my relationship with her. She continuosly says that I shouldn't get entangled with her emotionally. Does she know I love her.

Why would She try to spoil my relationship with her. How would she know

I feel she can answer it later If she can't answer it right now.

Happy belated birthday! Did you have a good birthday? 

I wonder why your grandma feels your friend can't be trusted. Why do you think that is? It wasn't very kind of considerate of her to tell you she would drop you by the station and then not show up at all. It sounds like she got your hopes up and only waited until long after you boarded your train to tell you she wouldn't come because she was ill. It would have been so much easier and less hurtful to just say from the beginning that she's not feeling well. Have you been able to speak to her about how it made you feel?

It still sounds like you two have a pretty intimate relationship. Because if she promises to drop you off and meet you up at the station... it sounds a bit relationshippy. Same does texting all the time. DO you have this kind of friendship with anyone else? It might be worth talking to her about not making promises she isn't sure she will keep, but also about the nature of your relationship. What do you think?

[learningbrain]

12 hours ago, Duckie said:

I don't think she will have an answer for you soon or anything but I doubt she would just leave you hanging and not answer at all.

Mmm.

 

12 hours ago, Duckie said:

She might find it a bit complicated to answer as she might still be exploring her own sexuality, but it is OK to gently check in with her and see if she needs to talk about it.

I didn't meet her after the holidays. I think she might come to school tomorrow. I can meet her there. I will try to initiate this conversation.

 

12 hours ago, Duckie said:

Happy belated birthday! Did you have a good birthday? 

Thanks.

We went to regional Science city. I always love them. I like to see the outcome of the experiments. It just blows your mind. I am amazed by science. It's my cup of tea.

12 hours ago, Duckie said:

I wonder why your grandma feels your friend can't be trusted. Why do you think that is?

Because she doesn't help me whenever I need help or support.

i)I was very ill during my exams. My grandma says she should have visited me atleast once.

ii)She says she didn't come to drop me at the railway station. She dropped at the last moment.

iii)This was during August.I was in the group of anchors. She was a part of it too. We were told to wear a saree at that time. Her mom didn't give me a blouse. She says it's her fault. I genuinely feel that her mom didn't have a blouse which would fit me. It might be a possibility that her mom considers me as a competitor to her daughter and didn't give me her blouse. My mom says she would have helped if some kid(my friend )asks for her help. It might be a possibility that she considers me as a competitor and not as a friend. I am a good girl in the eyes of my teachers so she will get that privilege because she is my friend. My grandma says that I might be the reason for selecting her. She says that is the reason why she is sticking with me.

12 hours ago, Duckie said:

It wasn't very kind of considerate of her to tell you she would drop you by the station and then not show up at all. It sounds like she got your hopes up and only waited until long after you boarded your train to tell you she wouldn't come because she was ill. It would have been so much easier and less hurtful to just say from the beginning that she's not feeling well. Have you been able to speak to her about how it made you feel?

I asked her about it but The reasons just seem so fake. She says she was ill. She could have told me that. I was damn sure that she would come. She even called me 2 hours before the boarding. She was coughing a bit. I thought it wasn't that serious. She says she lied to me just so that I wouldn't feel bad about her. The reason feels so fake to me.

12 hours ago, Duckie said:

It still sounds like you two have a pretty intimate relationship. Because if she promises to drop you off and meet you up at the station... it sounds a bit relationshippy.

My grandma would have given me a tutorial that I shouldn't involve in a homosexual relationship as it is unnatural. Even friends can drop you at the station. I didn't think it's relationship. It's always like I am putting more effort into the relationship. It's like I am asking for it. She doesn't take any kind of initiative.

 

 

 

It was during another conversation.

I was asking her questions. This one is one of her answers to it.She tells me that I am the only person(girl) flirts with her. She says she would have punched her other friend if she flirted with her.

12 hours ago, Duckie said:

Same does texting all the time.

Previously it was me who texted her. I talked to her about texting me and telling whenever she isn't coming to school. She is following it. She is texting me and sending me pics(during holidays she went to her grandmas home) from that time onwards whenever she doesn't come to school. She is replying fast to my messages.

 

12 hours ago, Duckie said:

DO you have this kind of friendship with anyone else?

No I didn't think I have that kind of bond with anyone else. I feel they don't talk to me as soon as I leave the school. Its that I make many friends but the bond isn't that much strong that they will call me to enquire about me.I have two more friends in my school right now. I feel I have a good bonding with them. We connect. I talked about philosophy with one of my friend in school. I don't think their parents will allow her to come drop me at the railway station. She told me that she will drop me after 6 months because she will enter grade 12 and her parents will allow her. 

 

13 hours ago, Duckie said:

It might be worth talking to her about not making promises she isn't sure she will keep, but also about the nature of your relationship. What do you think?

I actually talked about lieing to me about her health. I said I wouldn't feel bad since her parents will take care of her If she is ill. I told I would feel bad if she breaks her leg or something serious happens. I told that suffering cold , throat infection and fever are pretty common and should lie about it. I told her that she shouldn't lie about her health. She says she doesn't know my polices.

 

She says she thinks thousands times before talking to me.

[learningbrain]

My friend I was talking about she came to school today. She gave me a bracelet. She says she has one more thing for me. She says it needs a Little correction and she was murmuring she needs a photo for it.

I was like okay. She gave me two books to read. She says she feels like those characters.

I will read and I will let you know.

[learningbrain]

I wanted to show it to you but I wasn't able to do it. I wasn't able to upload the pic.

Edited November 20, 2023 by learningbrain