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I don't feel real


Zach Cant Focus ย  ย 

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On 9/22/2023 at 8:01 PM, Zach Cant Focus said:

I don't think my fear is that rational or thought out, I think I just had bad experiences and want to prevent them

Hi @Zach Cant Focus,

It sounds like the whole idea of being yourself and telling your parents who you identify as is a bit scary and overwhelming to you. Is that fair to say? It is completely normal to feel like that as this is something that really affects you.

I remember you saying your friends were really supportive when you came out to them. Would you feel able to talk to their parents and ask them for advice on how to tell your own parents? I am asking this because it might be good to get advice from a parent on how to tell your parents about this. What do you think?

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5 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Zach Cant Focus,

It sounds like the whole idea of being yourself and telling your parents who you identify as is a bit scary and overwhelming to you. Is that fair to say? It is completely normal to feel like that as this is something that really affects you.

I remember you saying your friends were really supportive when you came out to them. Would you feel able to talk to their parents and ask them for advice on how to tell your own parents? I am asking this because it might be good to get advice from a parent on how to tell your parents about this. What do you think?

I'm not sure thats possible, most of them arent out to their parents either

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8 hours ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

I'm not sure thats possible, most of them arent out to their parents either

I understand. This is a process that people are at different stages with.ย 

Is there a welfare department at school where you could ask for some advice on how to come out to your parents?

If you did come out, do you think it would be safe to do so? I understand they might not know what to say or say wrong things, but would they do anything harmful to you?

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3 hours ago, Duckie said:

I understand. This is a process that people are at different stages with.ย 

Is there a welfare department at school where you could ask for some advice on how to come out to your parents?

If you did come out, do you think it would be safe to do so? I understand they might not know what to say or say wrong things, but would they do anything harmful to you?

It would be safe, just uncomfortable

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5 hours ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

It would be safe, just uncomfortable

That's good to know. Do you think it would make you feel better to tell them or to keep it to yourself for now?

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3 hours ago, Duckie said:

That's good to know. Do you think it would make you feel better to tell them or to keep it to yourself for now?

I think if I keep it to myself for the next 4 years I can hopefully move out and get on hormones and stuff

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12 hours ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

I think if I keep it to myself for the next 4 years I can hopefully move out and get on hormones and stuff

Hi @Zach Cant Focus,

Would you feel better coming out to your parents after you've already moved out and started on hormones? Have you looked into how to go about starting hormone treatments? I am thinking it might still be good to speak to a doctor to get a referal to a gender identity clinic to help you get started as soon as possible. Do you think this would be possible?

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10 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Zach Cant Focus,

Would you feel better coming out to your parents after you've already moved out and started on hormones? Have you looked into how to go about starting hormone treatments? I am thinking it might still be good to speak to a doctor to get a referal to a gender identity clinic to help you get started as soon as possible. Do you think this would be possible?

Yeah after I'm 18 I think it'd be easier to come out because if they're not accepting after that it's not like they can do anything. Id have to Google the laws in my state but I'm not sure I could start hormones now even with parent permission anyway

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Yeah it's vague but it doesn't seem like I could do actual hormones at 14 but apparently I could do estrogen blockers which would be really cool but idk if my parents would be alright with that

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2 minutes ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

Yeah it's vague but it doesn't seem like I could do actual hormones at 14 but apparently I could do estrogen blockers which would be really cool but idk if my parents would be alright with that

It might just be a good thing to establish contact with a doctor about this regardless, because there are lots of evaluations to be done to ensure this is something that's right for you etc. So that work can be started earlier than 18 just to prepare you.

I am thinking it might be helpful for you to look at other people's successful coming out stories, just to give you that boost of motivation that it is possible to have good experiences in unexpected places. Have a look at this and tell me what you thinkย https://www.rucomingout.com/

I always think it's a good thing to find support in like-minded people and feeling encouraged by them. Do you know if there's an LGBTQ+ group you could join?

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4 minutes ago, Duckie said:

It might just be a good thing to establish contact with a doctor about this regardless, because there are lots of evaluations to be done to ensure this is something that's right for you etc. So that work can be started earlier than 18 just to prepare you.

I am thinking it might be helpful for you to look at other people's successful coming out stories, just to give you that boost of motivation that it is possible to have good experiences in unexpected places. Have a look at this and tell me what you thinkย https://www.rucomingout.com/

I always think it's a good thing to find support in like-minded people and feeling encouraged by them. Do you know if there's an LGBTQ+ group you could join?

I'm just not sure if it's possible get my parents involved in this. Like to think my parents would ultimately let me but I'm not sure

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1 minute ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

I'm just not sure if it's possible get my parents involved in this. Like to think my parents would ultimately let me but I'm not sure

The thing is you are trans no matter what they think about it and this is something you need to do for yourself one way or another. Maybe it's worth asking them if they want to be a part of this emotional journey with you. If they understood how much this affected you and how serious you are about this, do you think they would help arrange an appointment for you?

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3 minutes ago, Duckie said:

The thing is you are trans no matter what they think about it and this is something you need to do for yourself one way or another. Maybe it's worth asking them if they want to be a part of this emotional journey with you. If they understood how much this affected you and how serious you are about this, do you think they would help arrange an appointment for you?

They might. If they say know it might leave me in the same situation I am in now, but they also might take social media away like they did when I came out in 6th grade

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12 hours ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

They might. If they say know it might leave me in the same situation I am in now, but they also might take social media away like they did when I came out in 6th grade

Hi @Zach Cant Focus,

That makes it a bit clearer to me. So you have told them, but they decided to punish you then and it seems they might still be in denial about it. What do you think? A part of them might have thought this was the right way to deal with the situation back then, but bringing it up again might help them realise you are serious about this and that they can either help you through this or punish you. But you are trans no matter what they do or say. Have you thought about joining a community for LGBTQ+ people?

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10 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Zach Cant Focus,

That makes it a bit clearer to me. So you have told them, but they decided to punish you then and it seems they might still be in denial about it. What do you think? A part of them might have thought this was the right way to deal with the situation back then, but bringing it up again might help them realise you are serious about this and that they can either help you through this or punish you. But you are trans no matter what they do or say. Have you thought about joining a community for LGBTQ+ people?

What type of community

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14 hours ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

What type of community

Either an online community or a local meetup for example. Some towns/cities will have their own support groups for LGBTQ+ people. Could it be worth looking into?

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8 hours ago, Duckie said:

Either an online community or a local meetup for example. Some towns/cities will have their own support groups for LGBTQ+ people. Could it be worth looking into?

I couldn't do anything in person but I could online

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14 hours ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

I couldn't do anything in person but I could online

I think that's a great start! Would you feel comfortable joining an online group for LGTBQ+ youth? :)

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22 minutes ago, Duckie said:

I think that's a great start! Would you feel comfortable joining an online group for LGTBQ+ youth? :)

Sure

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7 hours ago, Duckie said:

I think it might also be good to look at some successful coming out stories to feel inspired by.

Did you get a chance to look at this?ย https://www.rucomingout.com/

Yeah it seems inspiring

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On 9/29/2023 at 7:42 PM, Zach Cant Focus said:

Yeah it seems inspiring

Hi @Zach Cant Focus,

How are you doing? When you first messages us, you mentioned not feeling real. We then spoke about your identity and how you sometimes find it difficult to open up to people. And then we talked about potentially joining a LGBTQ+ community and reading some coming out stories. How do you feel about everything now? Is there anything you would like to re-visit or find it more helpful to focus on right now? I am mindful we have touched on a few things, so I want to make sure to give you enough time to process it allย ๐Ÿ™‚

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8 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Zach Cant Focus,

How are you doing? When you first messages us, you mentioned not feeling real. We then spoke about your identity and how you sometimes find it difficult to open up to people. And then we talked about potentially joining a LGBTQ+ community and reading some coming out stories. How do you feel about everything now? Is there anything you would like to re-visit or find it more helpful to focus on right now? I am mindful we have touched on a few things, so I want to make sure to give you enough time to process it allย ๐Ÿ™‚

I think I'm alright yeah

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1 minute ago, Zach Cant Focus said:

I think I'm alright yeah

That's good to hear. Have you had a good week?

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On 10/3/2023 at 2:39 PM, Duckie said:

That's good to hear. Have you had a good week?

yeah mostly i hung out with my friends today :)

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