Countdown

[TinyDinos]

7 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there,

I'm sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I'm not online over the weekend.

It sounds like you do have to take on a lot of responsibility when you turn 18. Am I understanding you correctly - around the time you turn 18, your family will have to move but you will stay where you are and take over your mom's music school. Is that right? Have you tried talking to your mom about some of the worries you are having? She might not be aware that this is already on your mind and that you are feeling stressed about it. Maybe you can come up with a plan together, which might help you to feel less stressed about the future. Do you think that might work?

A personal achievement diary is a journal where you write down one (or more) things you achieved, you're proud of or that you felt went well that day. It doesn't have to be anything big eg it could be something like you did your chores that day or you caught the bus on time or you were a good listener to your sister. We often notice all the things we think we didn't do well or didn't handle well and we tend to forget about all the positive things we're already doing. Keeping a journal can help us to focus more on the things we are doing well and the things we're achieving already. Some people find that it helps build their confidence and it can be really nice to have something like this to look through when we are feeling low. If you would like to give it a go, you can use it however works best for you. Some like to have a little note book on them or use a phone App so they can note down any achievements as soon as  they notice them, whereas others prefer to do it at a certain time of day eg in the evenings before they go to bed. How does that sound? 

I like this idea a lot. I’ll try that.

my mom doesn’t understand why I’m anxious about anything. Even when I’ve tried to explain it to her she says I’m blowing things out of proportion and getting in my head but she doesn’t know why I keep doing it and why I don’t just stop. I told her I think there might be something else there that’s contributing to these feelings and that I want to get this checked out because I only started getting anxious after my parents split, but she says that im being over dramatic. I hope to ask about it anyways at my next doctors app. But idk if they’re gonna share with her or what. For now im just trying my best to change my mindset and put things more into perspective if that makes sense.

[TinyDinos]

7 hours ago, Aurora said:

That does sound frustrating!! Do you mind telling me a bit more about how it works with chores in your house? Doe everyone have their own chores or do you and your sisters have chores together? Is there anyway you could just do your bit and then leave everything else to your sisters, without reminding them to do it? It might be more effective if your mom told them what they needed to do. What do you think?

For the most part everyone takes turns with chores depending on what day of the week it is (eg. Monday it’s my turn to feed the dogs and let them outside, as well as do the dishes. Tuesday is 13’s day, Wednesday is 12’s day and so on.) 

Some chores we have to together, like if there’s a general mess in the living room, then we have to only clean up our stuff… sometimes. If my mom is in a mood then it turn into “I don’t care who it belongs to, I want it cleaned up” or “you saw it in the floor, couch, table, etc. you could just be nice and pick it up too”. Which is annoying but my stepdad enforces the “if you put it there it’s your job to clean it up” rule. So not too bad. 

What triggered the post in question that I made was that we have band class at our house on Sundays, so I had to set up all of the equipment by myself even though im not the one teaching the class, and I’m not the only one of my siblings to participate. I always do it by myself even though we’re all supposed to do it since it’s heavy speakers and stuff. This week, my arms and back hurt because of my sunburn, and I was exhausted since I’d been up since early to go to church with my mom while my siblings stayed home doing nothing. They could’ve set up the room while I was gone, or at least taken out the easy stuff such as the instruments and cables. They didn’t do anything at all. So I asked 13 if she could help me lift the heavy keyboard because my arms hurt. I told her I already did everything else, just help with the keyboard. She agrees to help and then sits down at a different piano and starts playing music and doing whatever while I struggle by myself to set up the keyboard. I wind up setting it up by myself again, and after it’s done I ask why she didn’t help and she says “oh I was waiting for you to do the other stuff you were supposed to do” even though I already had set everything else up before asking her for help with the piano in the first place. I tell her that I had already done everything else and I needed her help, especially because she said she would help, and she reels on me saying that I’m having an attitude problem with her and how I need to stop talking to her because she said so. The proceeds to undo my set up and change it because “I did it wrong”. But then she complains when I don’t ask for help. Super irritating. 

[TinyDinos]

7 hours ago, Aurora said:

That sounds really, really lovely!! How often do you get to go to the beach? 

It was :)

I usually go a lot in the summertime, and I’m hopefully going back this weekend! It mostly just depends on when my mom has time off to take us. It’s so close though. We’re an hour away from both LA and San Diego so we’ve got lots to choose from. Our favorites are in San Diego though for sure.

[TinyDinos]

513

Bluey is adorable and never fails to put me in a good mood <3

[TinyDinos]

1 hour ago, TinyDinos said:

513

Bluey is adorable and never fails to put me in a good mood <3

And my dad never fails to ruin it. I’m angry.

[TinyDinos]

Bad day today. My sister is a narcissistic brat and I hate being with her. She’s so selfish all of the time it makes me wonder why I do everything I do for her. Alas I will hopelessly continue as I always have and just do whatever she wants because I’m loyal. That’s it.

if I act even the least bit in concern for my own well-being or do something for myself for once I’m selfish and don’t care about anyone but myself, and I’m this evil, despicable human being who is over dramatic and attention seeking, and dishonest to those around me and take advantage of everyone. But all everyone else does is fend for themselves and crush anyone who does or says otherwise. If I say the slightest thing I’m awful, but if they do it it’s “just how the world works” or I get told “is it too out of your way to just give them what they want?”. If I cry then im over dramatic. If she cries then she must have a good reason and I did something to make her cry. If I get offended by what someone says, then I’m being over sensitive and should be more open to criticism. If she gets offended, then how dare I say something about her, it was so rude of me to even open my mouth in the first place, and I’m such a bully. 

im so sick of everyone’s two-facedness. It’s so hypocritical. Everyone keeps telling me to “treat others how you want to be treated” but no matter how much I try to make everyone else happy, im never going to be treated the way I want to be treated in return. I’ll never be spoken to with respect, im never going to be alooked emotions just like everyone else, I will never be deemed worthy of anything unless I serve some sort of purpose. Just replace me already and move on so I can be free of this contradictory living. I hate all of it.

I wonder if I’m actually a victim in all of this. I heard once that if someone only complains about being the victim, and they’re never the problem in any altercations, then that’s a red flag and they’re painting everyone else in a negative light on purpose. I genuinely don’t think I’m part of the problem though. Maybe i really am the victim. Or maybe I am the problem here. Maybe I’m just one big red flag.

[Aurora]

14 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

I like this idea a lot. I’ll try that.

my mom doesn’t understand why I’m anxious about anything. Even when I’ve tried to explain it to her she says I’m blowing things out of proportion and getting in my head but she doesn’t know why I keep doing it and why I don’t just stop. I told her I think there might be something else there that’s contributing to these feelings and that I want to get this checked out because I only started getting anxious after my parents split, but she says that im being over dramatic. I hope to ask about it anyways at my next doctors app. But idk if they’re gonna share with her or what. For now im just trying my best to change my mindset and put things more into perspective if that makes sense.

I'm glad it sounds like something you would like to try. If you like you can let me know how it goes but no pressure of course!! 

I'm sorry to hear that your mom doesn't seem to understand, why you are feeling anxious and where this anxiety might come from. I think it's great that you want to do something about it and speaking to your doctor sounds like a really good idea. I've done some research for you and once you're older than 12 you have the legal right to health information privacy in California. You also have the right to discuss your health with a doctor in private without your parents there. And if need be you can even ask for any information from your health insurance to be sent to you, rather than the policy holder. How does that sound? I hope this has reassured you a little that everything you tell your doctor is confidential and he can't tell your mom unless you want him to. 

[Aurora]

14 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

For the most part everyone takes turns with chores depending on what day of the week it is (eg. Monday it’s my turn to feed the dogs and let them outside, as well as do the dishes. Tuesday is 13’s day, Wednesday is 12’s day and so on.) 

Some chores we have to together, like if there’s a general mess in the living room, then we have to only clean up our stuff… sometimes. If my mom is in a mood then it turn into “I don’t care who it belongs to, I want it cleaned up” or “you saw it in the floor, couch, table, etc. you could just be nice and pick it up too”. Which is annoying but my stepdad enforces the “if you put it there it’s your job to clean it up” rule. So not too bad. 

What triggered the post in question that I made was that we have band class at our house on Sundays, so I had to set up all of the equipment by myself even though im not the one teaching the class, and I’m not the only one of my siblings to participate. I always do it by myself even though we’re all supposed to do it since it’s heavy speakers and stuff. This week, my arms and back hurt because of my sunburn, and I was exhausted since I’d been up since early to go to church with my mom while my siblings stayed home doing nothing. They could’ve set up the room while I was gone, or at least taken out the easy stuff such as the instruments and cables. They didn’t do anything at all. So I asked 13 if she could help me lift the heavy keyboard because my arms hurt. I told her I already did everything else, just help with the keyboard. She agrees to help and then sits down at a different piano and starts playing music and doing whatever while I struggle by myself to set up the keyboard. I wind up setting it up by myself again, and after it’s done I ask why she didn’t help and she says “oh I was waiting for you to do the other stuff you were supposed to do” even though I already had set everything else up before asking her for help with the piano in the first place. I tell her that I had already done everything else and I needed her help, especially because she said she would help, and she reels on me saying that I’m having an attitude problem with her and how I need to stop talking to her because she said so. The proceeds to undo my set up and change it because “I did it wrong”. But then she complains when I don’t ask for help. Super irritating. 

 

7 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Bad day today. My sister is a narcissistic brat and I hate being with her. She’s so selfish all of the time it makes me wonder why I do everything I do for her. Alas I will hopelessly continue as I always have and just do whatever she wants because I’m loyal. That’s it.

if I act even the least bit in concern for my own well-being or do something for myself for once I’m selfish and don’t care about anyone but myself, and I’m this evil, despicable human being who is over dramatic and attention seeking, and dishonest to those around me and take advantage of everyone. But all everyone else does is fend for themselves and crush anyone who does or says otherwise. If I say the slightest thing I’m awful, but if they do it it’s “just how the world works” or I get told “is it too out of your way to just give them what they want?”. If I cry then im over dramatic. If she cries then she must have a good reason and I did something to make her cry. If I get offended by what someone says, then I’m being over sensitive and should be more open to criticism. If she gets offended, then how dare I say something about her, it was so rude of me to even open my mouth in the first place, and I’m such a bully. 

im so sick of everyone’s two-facedness. It’s so hypocritical. Everyone keeps telling me to “treat others how you want to be treated” but no matter how much I try to make everyone else happy, im never going to be treated the way I want to be treated in return. I’ll never be spoken to with respect, im never going to be alooked emotions just like everyone else, I will never be deemed worthy of anything unless I serve some sort of purpose. Just replace me already and move on so I can be free of this contradictory living. I hate all of it.

I wonder if I’m actually a victim in all of this. I heard once that if someone only complains about being the victim, and they’re never the problem in any altercations, then that’s a red flag and they’re painting everyone else in a negative light on purpose. I genuinely don’t think I’m part of the problem though. Maybe i really am the victim. Or maybe I am the problem here. Maybe I’m just one big red flag.

I thought I would reply to both messages together, as I feel they are linked. I hope that's OK. Thank you so much for explaining everything in great detail to me. It helps me to picture what's going on for you. I get the impression that you really try your hardest and you put a lot of effort into family life and it feels like you don't get much in return. It also sounds to me like there are some communication problems within your family and  you aren't being heard or understood by your family. Is that right? I can totally understand your frustration and that you've had enough. Although you did mention that you will continue as you always have as you are loyal. Loyalty is a really important character trait and it shows kindness and compassion. However, I do think it's important that you focus on your own wellbeing, too. And if the conflicts you've been describing within your family are making you unhappy, then it's definitely something you can try and change. Unfortunately, we can't change other people's behaviours but we can try and do things differently ourselves and see if that has an impact. What do you think? If you like I could help you think about how you could communicate differently with your family. Do you think that's something you'd like to try out? 

[Aurora]

14 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

It was :)

I usually go a lot in the summertime, and I’m hopefully going back this weekend! It mostly just depends on when my mom has time off to take us. It’s so close though. We’re an hour away from both LA and San Diego so we’ve got lots to choose from. Our favorites are in San Diego though for sure.

It's great that you have lots of beaches to chose from and they are not that far away. I really hope you can go back this weekend. It sounds like you could do with another day at the beach very soon! I'm curious, how do you get on as a family when you're at the beach? I get the impression that you get on much better. Is that right? And if so, why do you think that is? 

[TinyDinos]

7 hours ago, Aurora said:

I'm glad it sounds like something you would like to try. If you like you can let me know how it goes but no pressure of course!! 

I'm sorry to hear that your mom doesn't seem to understand, why you are feeling anxious and where this anxiety might come from. I think it's great that you want to do something about it and speaking to your doctor sounds like a really good idea. I've done some research for you and once you're older than 12 you have the legal right to health information privacy in California. You also have the right to discuss your health with a doctor in private without your parents there. And if need be you can even ask for any information from your health insurance to be sent to you, rather than the policy holder. How does that sound? I hope this has reassured you a little that everything you tell your doctor is confidential and he can't tell your mom unless you want him to. 

Yeah that is reassuring. I don’t think I will keep that confidential though. I guess I kinda want my doctor to talk to my mom about that stuff because I think maybe hearing it from a medical professional might make her actually listen? I don’t know. I just feel like if it’s a doctor telling her that something’s wrong she can’t say “oh you’re just being dramatic” although that would be pretty funny if she did.

[TinyDinos]

6 hours ago, Aurora said:

I thought I would reply to both messages together, as I feel they are linked. I hope that's OK. Thank you so much for explaining everything in great detail to me. It helps me to picture what's going on for you. I get the impression that you really try your hardest and you put a lot of effort into family life and it feels like you don't get much in return. It also sounds to me like there are some communication problems within your family and  you aren't being heard or understood by your family. Is that right? I can totally understand your frustration and that you've had enough. Although you did mention that you will continue as you always have as you are loyal. Loyalty is a really important character trait and it shows kindness and compassion. However, I do think it's important that you focus on your own wellbeing, too. And if the conflicts you've been describing within your family are making you unhappy, then it's definitely something you can try and change. Unfortunately, we can't change other people's behaviours but we can try and do things differently ourselves and see if that has an impact. What do you think? If you like I could help you think about how you could communicate differently with your family. Do you think that's something you'd like to try out? 

Yeah I guess. I don’t have high hopes about anything changing with them, no matter what I change. However I know that I need to work on being less pessimistic so I’m willing to try. I keep falling into these situations because of my own determination to stay loyal I think. It causes so many issues but I can’t help it. I don’t know if it’s affecting me so strongly because it’s just a core character trait of mine, or if it’s just me acting out of desperation to not lose any more family, or be left behind and be told that it was because I didn’t try hard enough again. I have a lot to think about.

[TinyDinos]

6 hours ago, Aurora said:

It's great that you have lots of beaches to chose from and they are not that far away. I really hope you can go back this weekend. It sounds like you could do with another day at the beach very soon! I'm curious, how do you get on as a family when you're at the beach? I get the impression that you get on much better. Is that right? And if so, why do you think that is? 

Yes, I agree 100%. We get along much better when we’re out most times, so it’s a bit of a double edged sword. If my parents get into a fight before hand or my sisters misbehave, then we have an awkward and uncomfortable hour long drive and then by the time we get there, everyone’s just in a bad mood and we don’t even wanna be there anymore. Even the beach can be ruined. 

More often than not though we’re happy while we’re there. My stepdad hangs out with my sisters and I, either playing in the sand or the ocean and all that. My mom prefers relaxing in the sun and reading. Overall it’s a calming experience where everyone can do what they want without stepping on anyone else’s toes. I think we just get along better because we’re just happy to be there in the first place and want to make the best out of the trip so we actively avoid altercation while there. The most that happens after we’ve already arrived is my mom getting frustrated over clean up, but that’s because she struggles with my sisters helping too.

The difference between her and I though is that she yells if she’s really angry, I know that yelling doesn’t work. If I get upset, I explain my side as simply as possible and either they agree or not, if there’s an apology that’s great, if not I just keep it to myself. If I blow up on other people they’re definitely not going to see my side of things, and I won’t feel better about it, it damages our relationship, there’s no benefit so I don’t see the point. But nobody’s perfect so I’ll just keep hoping for more beach days so we don’t argue in the first place 

[TinyDinos]

512 

I have theater class today as well as work. I’m tired.

[Megs-]

17 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

512 

I have theater class today as well as work. I’m tired.

hi. how did tht go?

[Aurora]

19 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Yeah that is reassuring. I don’t think I will keep that confidential though. I guess I kinda want my doctor to talk to my mom about that stuff because I think maybe hearing it from a medical professional might make her actually listen? I don’t know. I just feel like if it’s a doctor telling her that something’s wrong she can’t say “oh you’re just being dramatic” although that would be pretty funny if she did.

That sounds like a good idea. It might help if a medical professional backed you up. Have you made an appointment yet or let your mum know that you want to see the doctor? 

[Aurora]

19 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Yeah I guess. I don’t have high hopes about anything changing with them, no matter what I change. However I know that I need to work on being less pessimistic so I’m willing to try. I keep falling into these situations because of my own determination to stay loyal I think. It causes so many issues but I can’t help it. I don’t know if it’s affecting me so strongly because it’s just a core character trait of mine, or if it’s just me acting out of desperation to not lose any more family, or be left behind and be told that it was because I didn’t try hard enough again. I have a lot to think about.

 

19 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Yes, I agree 100%. We get along much better when we’re out most times, so it’s a bit of a double edged sword. If my parents get into a fight before hand or my sisters misbehave, then we have an awkward and uncomfortable hour long drive and then by the time we get there, everyone’s just in a bad mood and we don’t even wanna be there anymore. Even the beach can be ruined. 

More often than not though we’re happy while we’re there. My stepdad hangs out with my sisters and I, either playing in the sand or the ocean and all that. My mom prefers relaxing in the sun and reading. Overall it’s a calming experience where everyone can do what they want without stepping on anyone else’s toes. I think we just get along better because we’re just happy to be there in the first place and want to make the best out of the trip so we actively avoid altercation while there. The most that happens after we’ve already arrived is my mom getting frustrated over clean up, but that’s because she struggles with my sisters helping too.

The difference between her and I though is that she yells if she’s really angry, I know that yelling doesn’t work. If I get upset, I explain my side as simply as possible and either they agree or not, if there’s an apology that’s great, if not I just keep it to myself. If I blow up on other people they’re definitely not going to see my side of things, and I won’t feel better about it, it damages our relationship, there’s no benefit so I don’t see the point. But nobody’s perfect so I’ll just keep hoping for more beach days so we don’t argue in the first place 

Hi there, I thought I would reply to both your messages together as they seem linked again. I hope that's OK. You mentioned that you have a lot to think about. Do you mind explaining what you mean by that? 

It sounds to me like you have some lovely family time together, especially when you are out and about. It's great that your stepdad gets so involved and plays with you and your sisters in the sea and the sand. Do you mainly get on well when you go to the beach or is it generally when you are out and about? 

I get the impression that it's the day to day things that are more tricky. Is that right. I think it's a really valid point that you make about not yelling and explaining your side as simply as possible. It's great that you can do that. Not everyone can! Do you feel that this is sometimes quite effective? Another thing I find helpful in these situations is to try and avoid placing blame and instead explain things from our own perspective. What I mean by this is rather than saying things like "You never help me"  mention things from our own perspective eg "I feel upset when I have to tidy everything up on my own and it makes me feel alone" Like this the other person is less likely to feel attacked and might be more open to listen to what we want to say to them. Is that something that you have tried before? If not, do you think that might work?

Also, can you remember a time where you had a calm discussion with one of your family members about something that upset you. What do you think helped to keep the situation calm? 

[TinyDinos]

6 hours ago, Megs- said:

hi. how did tht go?

Meh. The kids are nice but I wasn’t feeling it yesterday. I’m so drained from doing tech rehearsals for the show in theater class that it’s harder to have fun rn. Hoping I’ll get over it today :(

[TinyDinos]

4 hours ago, Aurora said:

That sounds like a good idea. It might help if a medical professional backed you up. Have you made an appointment yet or let your mum know that you want to see the doctor? 

Yeah I should have one sometime this month. I needed to go for something else anyways so I’ll just kinda mention it to the doctor then.

[TinyDinos]

4 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, I thought I would reply to both your messages together as they seem linked again. I hope that's OK. You mentioned that you have a lot to think about. Do you mind explaining what you mean by that? 

It sounds to me like you have some lovely family time together, especially when you are out and about. It's great that your stepdad gets so involved and plays with you and your sisters in the sea and the sand. Do you mainly get on well when you go to the beach or is it generally when you are out and about? 

I get the impression that it's the day to day things that are more tricky. Is that right. I think it's a really valid point that you make about not yelling and explaining your side as simply as possible. It's great that you can do that. Not everyone can! Do you feel that this is sometimes quite effective? Another thing I find helpful in these situations is to try and avoid placing blame and instead explain things from our own perspective. What I mean by this is rather than saying things like "You never help me"  mention things from our own perspective eg "I feel upset when I have to tidy everything up on my own and it makes me feel alone" Like this the other person is less likely to feel attacked and might be more open to listen to what we want to say to them. Is that something that you have tried before? If not, do you think that might work?

Also, can you remember a time where you had a calm discussion with one of your family members about something that upset you. What do you think helped to keep the situation calm? 

Good morning. I said I have a lot to think about pertaining to my perspectives on what’s causing these issues. I need to be better about separating the situation subjectively rather than just assuming everyone feels the same way about me as I do about myself if that makes sense.

Yeah he’s amazing. We’re very lucky to have him around. I think we just get along really well when we’re out and about. I think it might be a work/home balance thing and we’re all working all of the time so people are snippier with each other. I don’t think my approach works very well, but I’d rather have people who don’t listen to me and I’m not in the wrong rather than having people listen out of fear like my dad did, y’know? The problem is that my sister doesn’t care if I feel alone, she just says I’m dramatic. It makes her very hard to be around, because she just is a very self-serving person, even when we’re not arguing. I don’t know why she behaves this way but she does.

I haven’t had an effective calm conversation about something important. Ironically the one time we did stay calm was when my mom broke the news to us that she and our dad were divorcing. I think it was calm because of the shock of what was happening. When it comes to important issues, if I’m calm, I’m not heard. Then I get overwhelmed and angry. If I’m angry, I cry, then I just get in trouble because “nothing happened to me” and I need to “stop the drama”. Then it gets to the point where I get so upset by myself that I wind up yelling at my mom and just feeling worse overall because I yelled in the first place and I just cry more. I hate being upset.

nowadays that doesn’t really happen like that. I just get angry at myself more than anything and then I sit by myself until I feel better.

[TinyDinos]

511

bad sleep because I had to supervise my sisters’ sleepover which meant I had to sleep in the living room. I also had another nightmare yesterday. Gonna drink a coffee and power through ig. Reminding myself that I gotta stay strong even if it’s just in little ways.  

[Megs-]

(hug)

[MiraculousLB2004]

Hi, Im new here wanna talk im bored

[TinyDinos]

1 minute ago, MiraculousLB2004 said:

Hi, Im new here wanna talk im bored

No, I don’t like how you interact with users on here, esp my friend. It’s bullying, and I’m not comfortable with that behavior.

[TinyDinos]

510.

@Digital Mentor please ban this person from talking to me and my friend, they’re stressing her and I out a lot and overall behaving toxic.

[TinyDinos]

Really bad day all of a sudden. I thought everything was gonna be okay today. My dog, my German shepherd, Zoey bit someone. She’s friends with my mom and one of her students. Zoey bit her in the arm. She’s never bitten anybody, she’s not an aggressive dog. Im scared. My moms friend is hurt because of my dog. I’ve had Zoey since she was six weeks old. She turned three in May. I can’t lose her after I’ve lost everything else already. I don’t want them to put her down. Im panicking and I feel like I’m gonna vomit. I want to cry and stay with her but I can’t leave because there’s people at my house right now. I can’t stay with her while she’s in her kennel in the garage. I can hear her barking in there and I wanna cry, I might lose her