The pro's and con's of my dissociation

[Hazard]

I wanted to think about the pros and cons of what I've lost to dissociation. Warning: There are more cons than pros....

Pros

1. Not really sad...
2. Stress is only behavioral
3. I don't get angry or flustered easily- I can hold tough conversations

Cons

1. Not happy, or anything else
2. Can't tell when I'm stressed, therefore cannot remove it
3. Can't manage how I sound
4. Consequences don't feel real
5. I can't be attracted sexually or romantically; But I can, to a small extent, be attracted aesthetically and platonically
6. My personality is super faded, which is forcing me to cling on to old aspects, which can make me take longer to grow as a person

[Hazard]

The dissociation has gotten to a point where I can even be 'casually suicidal', like I am right now. (don't worry about me, I'm not gonna do anything stupid...). Best part is that I don't know if the dissociation is going to go away, although my counselor did say that she was certain I would. Ah well...

[Equivalent Ways]

1 hour ago, SCARE said:

I wanted to think about the pros and cons of what I've lost to dissociation. Warning: There are more cons than pros....

Pros

1. Not really sad...
2. Stress is only behavioral
3. I don't get angry or flustered easily- I can hold tough conversations

Cons

1. Not happy, or anything else
2. Can't tell when I'm stressed, therefore cannot remove it
3. Can't manage how I sound
4. Consequences don't feel real
5. I can't be attracted sexually or romantically; But I can, to a small extent, be attracted aesthetically and platonically
6. My personality is super faded, which is forcing me to cling on to old aspects, which can make me take longer to grow as a person

hey, nice pfp btw.

Yo, as someone who used to dissociate a lot, i was glad to read this. I think it was well said.. I know for me one of the cons was that i would not take care of myself. But the pro was just like, idk how to explain it, it just feels like looking up with your eyes only white just listening to your breath... but now I have learned there are other ways to achieve that now... But for me wit was dangerous, yet if you are living it it will defiantly smother your growth, its obvious not a tenable state to live in lol

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, SCARE said:

The dissociation has gotten to a point where I can even be 'casually suicidal', like I am right now. (don't worry about me, I'm not gonna do anything stupid...). Best part is that I don't know if the dissociation is going to go away, although my counselor did say that she was certain I would. Ah well...

Hey there,

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm wondering, can you tell us what you mean about being casually suicidal? What does that involve for you?

[Equivalent Ways]

2 hours ago, SCARE said:

The dissociation has gotten to a point where I can even be 'casually suicidal', like I am right now. (don't worry about me, I'm not gonna do anything stupid...). Best part is that I don't know if the dissociation is going to go away, although my counselor did say that she was certain I would. Ah well...

daggnit I just saw this now wtf omg you make it sound like your counselor is certain your would commit I, personally, would like your dissociation to go away, so you can experience stuff :/ idk if that makes sense lol but it is reassuring you are saying you are not gonna do anything stupid

[Equivalent Ways]

oh I know why now...... Stuff needs to be moderated

[Equivalent Ways]

daggnit I just saw this now wtf omg you make it sound like your counselor is certain your would commit I, personally, would like your dissociation to go away, so you can experience stuff :/ idk if that makes sense lol but it is reassuring you are saying you are not gonna do anything stupid

[Hazard]

21 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

hey, nice pfp btw.

Yo, as someone who used to dissociate a lot, i was glad to read this. I think it was well said.. I know for me one of the cons was that i would not take care of myself. But the pro was just like, idk how to explain it, it just feels like looking up with your eyes only white just listening to your breath... but now I have learned there are other ways to achieve that now... But for me wit was dangerous, yet if you are living it it will defiantly smother your growth, its obvious not a tenable state to live in lol

It is dangerous for me; I've been flipping between 'we could kill someone and it'd be fine' and 'i badly phrased that sentence i'm gonna die' which isn't exactly caused by the dissociation, but kinda is at the same time

[Hazard]

20 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm wondering, can you tell us what you mean about being casually suicidal? What does that involve for you?

Suicidal thoughts...but not very convincing. Like, huh we could die and that'd make things better, but my brain isn't telling me to actually kill myself

[Hazard]

19 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

daggnit I just saw this now wtf omg you make it sound like your counselor is certain your would commit I, personally, would like your dissociation to go away, so you can experience stuff :/ idk if that makes sense lol but it is reassuring you are saying you are not gonna do anything stupid

Ruh roh, that was a typo. I meant she said that she's certain that i'll be able to un-dissociate. At the same time of wanting the dissociation to end...what the hell am i gonna do with emotions? I feel like those would make things worse....

Yeah, only stupid thing i've done recently is almost getting arrested for being too close to the train tracks (oops)

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, SCARE said:

Suicidal thoughts...but not very convincing. Like, huh we could die and that'd make things better, but my brain isn't telling me to actually kill myself

Hey @SCARE

Thank you for telling me about that. I'm glad you can be so open with us here. I'm wondering, have you told anyone else about them, perhaps someone who could get you help immediately if you need it? I can see that you said earlier about how you're not going to do anything, and I'm just thinking, if things do get really bad, do you know what to do to stay safe? Also, I know we have shared this already, but here is some safety information if you are in crisis: 

• A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org - you can find the one for your country and call them if you are in crisis 
• An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful
• Remember, you can always call the emergency services or go to your local emergency department at the hospital for support

[Hazard]

35 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @SCARE

Thank you for telling me about that. I'm glad you can be so open with us here. I'm wondering, have you told anyone else about them, perhaps someone who could get you help immediately if you need it? I can see that you said earlier about how you're not going to do anything, and I'm just thinking, if things do get really bad, do you know what to do to stay safe? Also, I know we have shared this already, but here is some safety information if you are in crisis: 

• A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org - you can find the one for your country and call them if you are in crisis 
• An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful
• Remember, you can always call the emergency services or go to your local emergency department at the hospital for support

 

Nope!

I think i know how to keep myself safe. Thanks, though

[Equivalent Ways]

yoo, once again good points, how you phrased the one about too far fine and too not fine was really well said cuz that's stupidly relatable -_;

I find it humorous(cuz im weird like that, im not trying to make fun of you) how you say stuff like, my brain is not telling me to do it... and then also being too close to a train track but like where can you get arrested for that??

So ya presumable if you feel emotions then yes that is overwhelming but if you are not in a numb state then you can grow a tool belt of tools and coping mechanisms to help with those emotions. It is possible! I am ~kinda~ living proof lol(as in i am still working on it...

 

[Monsoon]

10 hours ago, SCARE said:

Nope!

I think i know how to keep myself safe. Thanks, though

Hey there,

That’s good. I’m just wondering, what would you do if you felt unsafe? Who could you turn to and where could you get help from immediately? 

[Hazard]

16 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

yoo, once again good points, how you phrased the one about too far fine and too not fine was really well said cuz that's stupidly relatable -_;

I find it humorous(cuz im weird like that, im not trying to make fun of you) how you say stuff like, my brain is not telling me to do it... and then also being too close to a train track but like where can you get arrested for that??

So ya presumable if you feel emotions then yes that is overwhelming but if you are not in a numb state then you can grow a tool belt of tools and coping mechanisms to help with those emotions. It is possible! I am ~kinda~ living proof lol(as in i am still working on it...

Canada, that's where. 

Yeah, that's true

[Hazard]

7 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

That’s good. I’m just wondering, what would you do if you felt unsafe? Who could you turn to and where could you get help from immediately? 

I know the local crisis lines, plus I have friends and teachers who I trust

[Monsoon]

4 hours ago, SCARE said:

I know the local crisis lines, plus I have friends and teachers who I trust

Hey there,

That's really good to hear. I can see that you said about how you're feeling less stable, and I just wanted to check in on you to see how you are. Would you like to tell me more about what's going on? You don't have to, and it's completely up to you. The main thing really is to find out if you're safe or not, and we don't want to intrude. If you do want to talk more though, we can do it through confidential support if you like. Take care and speak soon. 

[Hazard]

Just now, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

That's really good to hear. I can see that you said about how you're feeling less stable, and I just wanted to check in on you to see how you are. Would you like to tell me more about what's going on? You don't have to, and it's completely up to you. The main thing really is to find out if you're safe or not, and we don't want to intrude. If you do want to talk more though, we can do it through confidential support if you like. Take care and speak soon. 

Uhhh....I'm just kind of scared of myself. Time is kinda less linear, as in I keep confusing it a bit. I've scratched lines into the underside of my forearm with my thumb and I'm...not entirely sure why. I keep wanting to just leave class or start a fight, and even though it's not powerful enough to actually make me do that, I'm scared anyway

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

It sounds like you're in a difficult phase at the moment, and I really feel for you. I can imagine this must be pretty exhausting for you as well, but I am glad you are being so open with us here and I hope you're fining it helpful. I can see what you said about being scared of yourself, and I'm wondering, can you tell me a little bit more about that if you feel comfortable? Is the fear around potentially harming?

[Hazard]

Just now, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It sounds like you're in a difficult phase at the moment, and I really feel for you. I can imagine this must be pretty exhausting for you as well, but I am glad you are being so open with us here and I hope you're fining it helpful. I can see what you said about being scared of yourself, and I'm wondering, can you tell me a little bit more about that if you feel comfortable? Is the fear around potentially harming yourself as well perhaps?

Maybe. I just don't know. I'm going really fast between "I'm the best at everything" and "I'm gonna fail everything" very fast, and it feels destructive but I don't know, because It's not really...bad? If that makes sense? Yes, it is obviously bad, but I'm not completely processing that

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I've just replied to your message on confidential support. If you could get back to us there, then that would be great. Take care and speak soon.

[Hazard]

2 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I've just replied to your message on confidential support. If you could get back to us there, then that would be great. Take care and speak soon.

I've replied

[Equivalent Ways]

58 minutes ago, SCARE said:

Maybe. I just don't know. I'm going really fast between "I'm the best at everything" and "I'm gonna fail everything" very fast, and it feels destructive but I don't know, because It's not really...bad? If that makes sense? Yes, it is obviously bad, but I'm not completely processing that

it hurts my soul how relatable this is I am so sorry you have to experience all this stuff, I feel all I can say is ur not alone cuz im ~kinda~ there too. -i am very safe btw- i am having a hard time processing things rn, it really sucks, maybe when i am in one of my good moods i can give better advise haha...

[Hazard]

Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

it hurts my soul how relatable this is I am so sorry you have to experience all this stuff, I feel all I can say is ur not alone cuz im ~kinda~ there too. -i am very safe btw- i am having a hard time processing things rn, it really sucks, maybe when i am in one of my good moods i can give better advise haha...

Thanks ^^

Yeah idk what's going on in my brain rn...not exactly safe, but hey :)

[Equivalent Ways]

Just now, SCARE said:

Thanks ^^

Yeah idk what's going on in my brain rn...not exactly safe, but hey :)

but hey, as long as you keep talkin here, its a good thing :) i am not sure in my brain either... haha, must go consume food now