Depression

[identitykitty]

Lately i've been feeling depressed. It seems to grow over the years. As soon as i graduated high school and everyone took their own paths and some knew instantly what they wanted to do, depression hit me at an all time high. I stopped doing the hobbies i used to enjoy. They no longer interest me as much. I used to be on the basketball team and basketball was my everything and i never got bored of it. I loved the adrenaline rush that came with it and competing. It's almost as if I have a whole new life. No jobs actually interest me. I don't grow up thinking that I want to do something because I really don't even want to do anything. More and more things begin to feel like tasks. Things that are new excite me when they cross my path but that's not very often. Things that give me adrenaline excite me as well. They make me feel alive. I'm tired of feeling like every day is the same and that i'm in a repeating cycle. I hate my job as a server. It's a mentally draining job. And there's a lot of pressure on me to go to college and work which doesn't even sound appealing. Like what am I doing it for? I don't even know what i'm doing with my life or where i'm headed. Nothing sounds interesting to me and I feel like i'm living every day going through the motions. I wish that something excited me so much that I couldn't wait for the next day. Holidays aren't even the same anymore. I'm not excited to wake up on Christmas day. I'm never really excited to wake up any day unless I'm going to see my boyfriend. Now I feel like i'm not even excited like I was to see my boyfriend anymore. It made me even more sad today when I went to see him and felt numb. I love him so much and I just want to experience happy moments with him. He is also a depressed person and I'm not sure if he's caused my depression to worsen, although he is a great boyfriend. What do I need to do in my life. Why does everything feel hard to do. If it feels hard to do I already don't want to do it plus if I get it done what's the point because I'm not enjoying anything right now. I'm in this cycle of work. eat. sleep. repeat. I hate my life. I feel alone. Especially since I can only see my boyfriend once a week and I don't have any friends that live close to me. Even if I got my life together I feel like i'd still be unhappy. 

[Monsoon]

Hey @identitykitty

Thank you for getting back in touch with us. I remember you coming to us a while back about wanting to tell your dad about your boyfriend. I can really sense how low you are feeling from what you've said in your post. It sounds like things have been building up slowly over time. I know you feel alone at the moment, but I just want you to know that we are here for you and we want to help you. You can share whatever you feel comfortable talking about, and we will be here to help you work through it. We've got your back.

I'm wondering, on a scale of 1-10, how much would you say you hate your life at the moment, with 1=not at all and 10=a lot? Also, in terms of support here at Ditch the Label, what are you hoping that we can help you achieve?