_Kai_ Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Suicide Click this notice to reveal the content. So I've avoided calling or even referring myself as anything feminine, from She/Her to Beautiful. Whenever I speak about myself to my parents I refer to myself as Child & they/them (Can't say son or he/him just yet), I have tried not to sign many birthday cards because of my deadname. I currently only have 2 supporters (Irl, my friend & I don't speak anymore) which are two of my sisters (Ones a toddler & the other is almost moved out), they both try to use my preferred name & pronouns which makes me hopeful for the rest of my family & the future. Although my VERY homophobic brother said he was supportive in the past, he'd always make jokes & just be rude as hell which is why I don't speak to him about all that stuff anymore (He's the only sibling super close to my age as he's a year younger than me) we were like twins growing up yet when I came out everything changed. I just felt as if he'd made everything worse because of him siding with my parents. My mom keeps bringing up me "wacking" my hair off, she & my father also keep REPEATEDLY being homophobic & transphobic which is just pissing me off to the point I feel like my patience is gonna break & I might go off on them. I tried to ask last night if I could dye my hair a different color than blonde, yet my mom said people who dye their hair a different color than what people are born with just look like clowns, which is not what I think at all, I have wanted to dye my hair for a really long time just because it looks amazing. Anyways when I had asked my dad a few hours before he didn't seem like he wanted to say no but told me just to ask my mom, she decides almost everything for him which is irritating because she shouldn't control what he does & thinks. I have often wondered what life would be like if they were divorced since they rarely get along & have almost left each other on several occasions, I feel as if it'd be a lot better if they did but I've never brought this up to either of them. My sh has gotten a lot worse, I've let my grades slip a bit because of all the stress yet I just get yelled at, I don't understand why they have to yell so much & why they don't just confront me nicely. It's just all been stressful to where I am getting the thoughts of ending it again (I won't for as long as I can) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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