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This topic contains content which has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Abuse, Suicide, Hate

Does anyone know how to get over you BF/GF?


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My partner had a lot of things going on in their life and they have recently told me that they wanted to "take a break", which i understood; giving them space and not texting them. They have been avoiding me both in and out of school i haven't seen them at all so i thought i could leave them a few snacks, but they didn't don't want me to do that anymore.  They said not to "wait for them" and that it wouldn't work. Im scared to text them again to ask what they mean, i dont want them to hate me and does it mean its not a break anymore, a-are we really done? do they not even want to be my friend anymore, d-did i do something wrong for leavening them the snacks?

can i please have some opinions/thoughts

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  • Digital Mentor
16 hours ago, Gremlin said:

My partner had a lot of things going on in their life and they have recently told me that they wanted to "take a break", which i understood; giving them space and not texting them. They have been avoiding me both in and out of school i haven't seen them at all so i thought i could leave them a few snacks, but they didn't don't want me to do that anymore.  They said not to "wait for them" and that it wouldn't work. Im scared to text them again to ask what they mean, i dont want them to hate me and does it mean its not a break anymore, a-are we really done? do they not even want to be my friend anymore, d-did i do something wrong for leavening them the snacks?

can i please have some opinions/thoughts

Hey there,

It sounds like this is a really confusing time for you, and I can imagine that you're pretty stressed and upset about it all. How are you feeling? It is clear from what they've said that they need some time to themselves at the moment, and it is important to make sure you meet that need. However, you do also have your own concerns which need to be spoken about, because what they said about not waiting for them does suggest that they are checking out in a way. Just remember though that when people are going through a hard time, they can sometimes push away others that are close to them. If I were in your position, I would give it a couple of weeks and then try talking to them again. What do you think? 

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I know that I should give them space and leave them alone. Its just so hard to do that when we would always text each other after school, in the mornings and a little at night. I know they said that its not my fault, but it hurts me that I wasn't able to help that I only made that I only made things worse. I haven't been able to see them at all in school. I know I have to stay away but I really really missed them so much. I only want things to get better for them and not so stressed, they should have to go through so much alone. I dont want him to think that I dont care...

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9 hours ago, Gremlin said:

I know that I should give them space and leave them alone. Its just so hard to do that when we would always text each other after school, in the mornings and a little at night. I know they said that its not my fault, but it hurts me that I wasn't able to help that I only made that I only made things worse. I haven't been able to see them at all in school. I know I have to stay away but I really really missed them so much. I only want things to get better for them and not so stressed, they should have to go through so much alone. I dont want him to think that I dont care...

Hey there,

I completely get why this is hard for you. You clearly really like them and want to be around them, but it sounds like this space is necessary for them right now. I'm sure they will be grateful that you have respect their wish to have that distance right now and won't be seeing it as you not caring. What do you think? Is there anything nice you can to do to try and take your mind off it a little?

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Your right I need to give them space ,even if its one my bigger triggers 😔. I have been listening to a lot of music some sad and others that remind me of them, hugging my pillow and wearing comfy clothes makes feel better.

My friends and family have been comftering me about it all, which I am super grateful for its just a really weird thing for me. I dont really like talking about my emotions because I dont want to bring other's mood down too(along with other reasons). So I would just mask till im alone to my self, but with this it hurts to much and takes energy I dont have to hide how I feel. I hate haveing my family and friends see me like this but it'll get better right?

I really hope so

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Your right I need to give them space ,even if its one my bigger triggers 😥. I have been listening to a lot of music some sad and others that remind me of them, hugging my pillow and wearing comfy clothes makes feel better.

My friends and family have been comftering me about it all, which I am super grateful for its just a really weird thing for me. I dont really like talking about my emotions because I dont want to bring other's mood down too(along with other reasons). So I would just mask till im alone to my self, but with this it hurts to much and takes energy I dont have to hide how I feel. I hate haveing my family and friends see me like this but it'll get better right?

I really hope so

(Just in case if the last one didn't work)

 

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4 hours ago, Gremlin said:

Your right I need to give them space ,even if its one my bigger triggers 😥. I have been listening to a lot of music some sad and others that remind me of them, hugging my pillow and wearing comfy clothes makes feel better.

My friends and family have been comftering me about it all, which I am super grateful for its just a really weird thing for me. I dont really like talking about my emotions because I dont want to bring other's mood down too(along with other reasons). So I would just mask till im alone to my self, but with this it hurts to much and takes energy I dont have to hide how I feel. I hate haveing my family and friends see me like this but it'll get better right?

I really hope so

(Just in case if the last one didn't work)

Hey there,

Yeah, it's good to get these challenging feelings out of your system, and listening to sad music can really help. It can also be really good to watch a sad show or film, or even read an emotional book. What do you think? It's lovely that your family and friends have been comforting you, and although you don't like talking about your feelings, I'm sure those close to you are more than happy to support you and don't feel like you're bringing them down, so try to lean on them as much as you can. They are there for you :)

Also, yeah, it will totally get better. These feelings are temporary and won't last forever. Although it might not seem like it now, this situation isn't permanent. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

The situation hasn’t changed he hasn’t spoken to me in a long while, I’m trying to not think about it to much. But things for me are looking up a bit. I have been hanging out with my best friend most of the time to get me mind of things. We have had a lot of fun, with hanging out at each others house. Taking mine road trips to take to go shopping. 
 

I still feel like reaching out to him from time to time, but I don’t want my presence to make him tense to trigger anything or  be even more distant. I thought about writing letters for him, but I wouldn’t send them to him. (Or at least not now) It makes me feel like we still talk even if he doesn’t see them

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Hey! To be honest it's their loss! You are an amazing human being! as for getting over them... listen to so sad music and then slowly and more upbeat music. Also act like you are over them when you are near them. Slowly you will get over them. It will take some time but you'll be fine!

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Thank you for your kind words.^^
 

I have been holding my head a bit higher today, I think I walked so fast I just sped by them. I’ll definitely be on the hunt for some more slow sad songs, I kinda when thought all of the ones I originally had 😅.

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16 hours ago, Gremlin said:

Thank you for your kind words.^^
 

I have been holding my head a bit higher today, I think I walked so fast I just sped by them. I’ll definitely be on the hunt for some more slow sad songs, I kinda when thought all of the ones I originally had 😅.

That's good! If you need some sad songs I can recommend some! I've had my fair share of sad song moments...

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  • Digital Mentor
On 11/14/2022 at 3:21 PM, Gremlin said:

The situation hasn’t changed he hasn’t spoken to me in a long while, I’m trying to not think about it to much. But things for me are looking up a bit. I have been hanging out with my best friend most of the time to get me mind of things. We have had a lot of fun, with hanging out at each others house. Taking mine road trips to take to go shopping. 
 

I still feel like reaching out to him from time to time, but I don’t want my presence to make him tense to trigger anything or  be even more distant. I thought about writing letters for him, but I wouldn’t send them to him. (Or at least not now) It makes me feel like we still talk even if he doesn’t see them

Hey there,

I'm glad to hear things are looking up for you a bit. I'm wondering, is there anything else you could do to help things look up a little bit more? What could that look like? 

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15 hours ago, Overthinker22 said:

That's good! If you need some sad songs I can recommend some! I've had my fair share of sad song moments...

Yes please! I will take any song recommendations 

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10 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm glad to hear things are looking up for you a bit. I'm wondering, is there anything else you could do to help things look up a little bit more? What could that look like? 

It’s hard to think of other things to do because most of the things I come up with don’t really work. But I feel like I’m in an ok place, I still do have days when I really miss them. But I know if I distract myself with something else I’ll forget about it, even if it’s only it’s for a little while.

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8 hours ago, Gremlin said:

Yes please! I will take any song recommendations 

https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3-sRm8xAzY-w9GS19pLXMyFRTuJcuUjy&feature=share

Here is a link to a playlist full of sad songs!

Edited by Overthinker22
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12 hours ago, Gremlin said:

It’s hard to think of other things to do because most of the things I come up with don’t really work. But I feel like I’m in an ok place, I still do have days when I really miss them. But I know if I distract myself with something else I’ll forget about it, even if it’s only it’s for a little while.

Hey there,

It sounds like you're really on a good path with it all now, and I'm happy for you. Would you like anymore support with this, or are you okay?

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 I actually do have another question 😅

I was wondering if it would be ok to still keep contact with them? Even if we’re not together I still care about them. Would reaching out be a bad thing to do? Because at this point we have been avoiding each other for a while, and I hate to be avoiding them when they didn’t really do any wrong. They needed to do what would be good for them, so they wouldn’t be completely overwhelmed. Would it still be a bad idea to talk to them?

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8 hours ago, Gremlin said:

 I actually do have another question 😅

I was wondering if it would be ok to still keep contact with them? Even if we’re not together I still care about them. Would reaching out be a bad thing to do? Because at this point we have been avoiding each other for a while, and I hate to be avoiding them when they didn’t really do any wrong. They needed to do what would be good for them, so they wouldn’t be completely overwhelmed. Would it still be a bad idea to talk to them?

In my opinion, I think you should start focusing on yourself. It might be hard but I believe you will pull through. Try to be the best you can be. You got this! :D

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15 hours ago, Gremlin said:

 I actually do have another question 😅

I was wondering if it would be ok to still keep contact with them? Even if we’re not together I still care about them. Would reaching out be a bad thing to do? Because at this point we have been avoiding each other for a while, and I hate to be avoiding them when they didn’t really do any wrong. They needed to do what would be good for them, so they wouldn’t be completely overwhelmed. Would it still be a bad idea to talk to them?

Don't reach out to them. even though they did nothing wrong, you should focus on yourself. 

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19 hours ago, Gremlin said:

 I actually do have another question 😅

I was wondering if it would be ok to still keep contact with them? Even if we’re not together I still care about them. Would reaching out be a bad thing to do? Because at this point we have been avoiding each other for a while, and I hate to be avoiding them when they didn’t really do any wrong. They needed to do what would be good for them, so they wouldn’t be completely overwhelmed. Would it still be a bad idea to talk to them?

Hey there,

I think that it might be best to leave it for now. I guess that they just need their space don't they, but if you wanted to clear the air, there is nothing to stop you doing this, but it might be best to wait. What do you think?

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2 hours ago, Gremlin said:

What am I waiting for, to them to reach out to me? And if so what I’d they never do…

That's a really good question actually. What if they never did? What might that be like for you?

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I suppose it wouldn't change anything about me and the all the different things that have and will  happen in my life, they wouldn't be there through it with me to do it together. I know I will have my friends and family with me always, it will feel like to, me that they would be missing. Even thought getting complements from someone, sipping on a mug fill of hot coco,  all things that you don't need but is still nice to have.

I must say that they surprised to see them today having them sitting with are friend group today,  I didn't see that coming at all but I "kept to myself". Listened to music, talked a little in the conversation even if no one heard me and suppressing my extreme anxiousness closing my eyes till the bell rung resting my head on the table. Because I knew if I did something I would have made things worse, he shouldn't have to avoid are friends just to avoid me. Their his friends too and I  shouldn't be the one to take that away from him.

Did it feel good to sit there , of course not in the moment NO. But what can I do? Confront them on the fact making everyone feel uncomfortable even if it was put in a nice way? Or be the better person, the perfect people pleaser anyone could ever imagen. Which to choose, which to choose...

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6 hours ago, Gremlin said:

I suppose it wouldn't change anything about me and the all the different things that have and will  happen in my life, they wouldn't be there through it with me to do it together. I know I will have my friends and family with me always, it will feel like to, me that they would be missing. Even thought getting complements from someone, sipping on a mug fill of hot coco,  all things that you don't need but is still nice to have.

I must say that they surprised to see them today having them sitting with are friend group today,  I didn't see that coming at all but I "kept to myself". Listened to music, talked a little in the conversation even if no one heard me and suppressing my extreme anxiousness closing my eyes till the bell rung resting my head on the table. Because I knew if I did something I would have made things worse, he shouldn't have to avoid are friends just to avoid me. Their his friends too and I  shouldn't be the one to take that away from him.

Did it feel good to sit there , of course not in the moment NO. But what can I do? Confront them on the fact making everyone feel uncomfortable even if it was put in a nice way? Or be the better person, the perfect people pleaser anyone could ever imagen. Which to choose, which to choose...

Hey there,

Again, that's a really good question about how you handle that kind of situation: do you put up with it, or do you be assertive and share your feelings? I'm wondering, which do you think would have the right outcome for you? Also, if you had a friend in the same situation, what advice would you give them? 

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For me personally I think I will be pretty lenient about it, I do want to reach out to him even if its just once through text. Just enough to clear the air "set my priorities straight", and will hope fully make this less bloody awkward. If my friend came up to me about something like this its honestly were their priorities lie, it they are tired of the same receptive things they just speak their mind, if there the type of person for deciding to "wait for it". Then so be it, but I just want everyone to walk away with some sense of relief and fairness.  

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