Does anyone know how to get over you BF/GF?

[Monsoon]

On 11/19/2022 at 2:37 PM, Gremlin said:

For me personally I think I will be pretty lenient about it, I do want to reach out to him even if its just once through text. Just enough to clear the air "set my priorities straight", and will hope fully make this less bloody awkward. If my friend came up to me about something like this its honestly were their priorities lie, it they are tired of the same receptive things they just speak their mind, if there the type of person for deciding to "wait for it". Then so be it, but I just want everyone to walk away with some sense of relief and fairness.  

Hey there,

Well, if you feel like it's the right thing to do and will help you, then I think go for it. I think it's worth a try to make things better going forward if you feel like reaching out doesn't cross a boundary. I made the last point because I remember saying that they may be keeping quiet because they need that space, so I think it's helpful to think about that before you decide what to do about reaching out. What do you think?

[Gremlin]

hello!

I did end up making up a letter and I made sure to write down what I wanted to, I didn't scold them or anything. I feel like I worded everything nicely, I don't thing they saw it though because I think they might have blocked me. I swear I wasn't spamming them before hand I honestly gave them space through all forms of communication, I think they just decided to block me on there own accord.  But weather they saw it or not I did everything that I could to make things better if I were to try  anything more it wouldn't be good, I said what was need. Thank you for helping me with this, im sure it must be annoying to hear about this over and over. 

Here is what I wrote if you were curious. 

Spoiler

Hi, it’s me It’s been a little while since my last letter to you. We haven’t talked and you’re probably wondering, “well why now?” I wanted to give you space for yourself. I never wanted to stop talking to you I never wanted to stop seeing you But I did, because I know that’s what you needed. Dispute you pushing me away How far and distant you have been I would never dare tell you how to feel or how you should act. You have always been the glue, the peace keeper for people. You have done so much not just for yourself but for others. From me, are friends ,even family For so long you have been doing things for others. It’s only right for you to have the same, giving yourself the same kindness you give others. I hold nothing against you nothing at all I want you to be happy, seeing you smile Hearing your laugh and cheesy jokes Together or not, I still want the best for you This Letter isn’t for you to feel any guilt This isn’t asking you to take me back I only want things to get better not worse To tell that I’m here as your friend I know it won’t happen over night But I still want to try. I want you to be happy, even if I’m not the one to give it to you.

 

[Monsoon]

14 hours ago, Gremlin said:

hello!

I did end up making up a letter and I made sure to write down what I wanted to, I didn't scold them or anything. I feel like I worded everything nicely, I don't thing they saw it though because I think they might have blocked me. I swear I wasn't spamming them before hand I honestly gave them space through all forms of communication, I think they just decided to block me on there own accord.  But weather they saw it or not I did everything that I could to make things better if I were to try  anything more it wouldn't be good, I said what was need. Thank you for helping me with this, im sure it must be annoying to hear about this over and over. 

Here is what I wrote if you were curious. 

  Reveal hidden contents

Hi, it’s me It’s been a little while since my last letter to you. We haven’t talked and you’re probably wondering, “well why now?” I wanted to give you space for yourself. I never wanted to stop talking to you I never wanted to stop seeing you But I did, because I know that’s what you needed. Dispute you pushing me away How far and distant you have been I would never dare tell you how to feel or how you should act. You have always been the glue, the peace keeper for people. You have done so much not just for yourself but for others. From me, are friends ,even family For so long you have been doing things for others. It’s only right for you to have the same, giving yourself the same kindness you give others. I hold nothing against you nothing at all I want you to be happy, seeing you smile Hearing your laugh and cheesy jokes Together or not, I still want the best for you This Letter isn’t for you to feel any guilt This isn’t asking you to take me back I only want things to get better not worse To tell that I’m here as your friend I know it won’t happen over night But I still want to try. I want you to be happy, even if I’m not the one to give it to you.

Hey there,

You're more than welcome for the help. It isn't annoying at all; we all love helping people here. I'm sorry to hear they may have blocked you. How does it feel that this might be a possibility? 

[Gremlin]

To be honest it kinda stings with the possibly of them blocking me. I don’t think I said anything that was offensive. I made sure to write down what I wanted them to hear even if it’s not face to face, should I write it differently? I don’t understand what’s happening.

They’re sitting with us at lunch one day, and storm off with their things the next. I want to be a little close to “normal” around me but I feel like whenever they see me I make them hurt. Yes, my close friend has told me that I have done everything I could with trying to make things better. I still feel like I make things worse for them.

[Monsoon]

On 11/22/2022 at 3:50 AM, Gremlin said:

To be honest it kinda stings with the possibly of them blocking me. I don’t think I said anything that was offensive. I made sure to write down what I wanted them to hear even if it’s not face to face, should I write it differently? I don’t understand what’s happening.

They’re sitting with us at lunch one day, and storm off with their things the next. I want to be a little close to “normal” around me but I feel like whenever they see me I make them hurt. Yes, my close friend has told me that I have done everything I could with trying to make things better. I still feel like I make things worse for them.

Hey there,

I think that from what you've told me, they just really need space, and that is why they have possibly blocked you. I know the thought of that stings, and I completely get why, but now, I think it might be time to try and move forward if you can, because at this point, the distance between both of you might be permanent. What do you think?

[Gremlin]

 I know that I have to give them space, I’ve been doing that for a whole month now. I have been doing a lot of things that I normally wouldn’t have. I’ve been talking with my friends, takeing my dog on more walks after school, being on my phone less and reading. It feels a little good but it feels like im wasting time. 
 

I was tempted to give the letter I messaged them before again but I’m not going to. They blocked so they clearly want me GONE. They don’t want to speak to me. They don’t want to ignolage me, hell they don’t look me in the eyes anymore! If that’s what they want then so be it, I won’t chases. I’ll just worry about dragging myself out of bed, force myself to do homework I don’t have the energy to do. Along with not relapsing with $h for the third time in a row.

[Monsoon]

On 11/25/2022 at 3:41 AM, Gremlin said:

 I know that I have to give them space, I’ve been doing that for a whole month now. I have been doing a lot of things that I normally wouldn’t have. I’ve been talking with my friends, takeing my dog on more walks after school, being on my phone less and reading. It feels a little good but it feels like im wasting time. 
 

I was tempted to give the letter I messaged them before again but I’m not going to. They blocked so they clearly want me GONE. They don’t want to speak to me. They don’t want to ignolage me, hell they don’t look me in the eyes anymore! If that’s what they want then so be it, I won’t chases. I’ll just worry about dragging myself out of bed, force myself to do homework I don’t have the energy to do. Along with not relapsing with $h for the third time in a row.

Hey there,

Yeah, I think it's best to not give them the letter. It sounds pretty clear at this point that they don't want to interact; if they did, they would have made an effort to by now. I know this is hurtful for you, and I hope you're okay. Sometimes, we have to find our own closure rather than getting it from the person who we need it for. What do you think about that?

Also, I noticed what you said about the self-harm. What's going on there at the moment? Is everything okay? 

[Gremlin]

You think giving them the letter directly is ok? I mean I don’t really mind if I give it to them or not, I wouldn’t be sure how to give it to them tho.

 

Also I think was able to figure out why it’s so hard for me to get over them, it’s mainly because of not know that they’re safe from their self and from others. For the 1 year from know them, they have been involved with $h, medications, and even being suicidal. Not to mention that their dad would hit them whenever he would get mad even when they did nothing wrong. That all happened before their parents divorce. Imagine how bad their dads temper could be now.
 

I know that they have much more professional help now then what he did before. But just the thought of that they could go back to his old habit and addictions with the stress of family drama on their shoulders. I’m scared to loses them not just once but twice, and I hate for him leave with the way things are now. With them thinking that I hate them when I don’t, I can understand if they they don’t want to be with me. But if I was at least on speaking terms with them I could check up on them. 
 

I sometimes wonder if that’s the reason why they they ended things with me, so if they left left it wouldn’t hurt as much…

Edited November 26, 2022 by Gremlin
Adding triggers

[Monsoon]

11 hours ago, Gremlin said:

You think giving them the letter directly is ok? I mean I don’t really mind if I give it to them or not, I wouldn’t be sure how to give it to them tho.

Also I think was able to figure out why it’s so hard for me to get over them, it’s mainly because of not know that they’re safe from their self and from others. For the 1 year from know them, they have been involved with $h, medications, and even being suicidal. Not to mention that their dad would hit them whenever he would get mad even when they did nothing wrong. That all happened before their parents divorce. Imagine how bad their dads temper could be now.
 

I know that they have much more professional help now then what he did before. But just the thought of that they could go back to his old habit and addictions with the stress of family drama on their shoulders. I’m scared to loses them not just once but twice, and I hate for him leave with the way things are now. With them thinking that I hate them when I don’t, I can understand if they they don’t want to be with me. But if I was at least on speaking terms with them I could check up on them. 
 

I sometimes wonder if that’s the reason why they they ended things with me, so if they left left it wouldn’t hurt as much…

Hey there,

Sorry, I typed now instead of not - my bad. It's clear at this point that they don't want to interact, which is really upsetting and I get that. 

Also, that really makes sense about why it's so hard to get over them, and that shows how much of a caring person they are. I can imagine you really looked out for them, and still want to, but that's difficult given how your relationship is now. I'm wondering, do you know who is in their support network now and if anyone else knows about their mental health and their dad hitting them?

[Gremlin]

I have no way of knowing anything

[Monsoon]

6 hours ago, Gremlin said:

I have no way of knowing anything

Hey there,

That's okay. I just want you to know that we have sent you a private message to talk about this more, I hope that's okay. 

[Gremlin]

They found someone new…

I feel like I’m getting over them all over again. I feel so on edge when I’m in school all the time, i can’t focus on my schoolwork. My heart’s beating like even out of school, it’s making my heart hurt and I don’t know how to make it stop.

I feel so stupid, sick, and every possible emotion . I just want it all the pain to go away but it’s not and I don’t think it ever will. It’s so hard to do even the smallest of things, why did this have to happen again.

Every part of me wants to talk to them and figure out what the duck happened! Did they lie about everything? Why couldn’t they tell me? I feel like I’m loseing my mind. I must sound super crazy right now but I don’t know what to do

[Monsoon]

On 12/1/2022 at 10:34 PM, Gremlin said:

They found someone new…

I feel like I’m getting over them all over again. I feel so on edge when I’m in school all the time, i can’t focus on my schoolwork. My heart’s beating like even out of school, it’s making my heart hurt and I don’t know how to make it stop.

I feel so stupid, sick, and every possible emotion . I just want it all the pain to go away but it’s not and I don’t think it ever will. It’s so hard to do even the smallest of things, why did this have to happen again.

Every part of me wants to talk to them and figure out what the duck happened! Did they lie about everything? Why couldn’t they tell me? I feel like I’m loseing my mind. I must sound super crazy right now but I don’t know what to do

Hey there,

You don't sound crazy at all. You are just having a hard time coming to terms with the loss of that relationship and now finding out that they are with someone else; both of these are very difficult to process, especially given how you feel about this person at the moment. I know that this is horrible news to hear, and although it is a sign that they have moved on, I think that in these kinds of situations, it can be the kind of thing you need to hear in order to maybe start making steps forward yourself with a potential acknowledgement that there could be no going back right now. What do you think? I know this might be a difficult read, and just know that it is written with the best intentions. We are here for you. Take care and speak soon. 

[Gremlin]

it’s definitely a hard pill to swallow, and it doesn’t help that their person and I share a class. I’m trying to not to bother me to much. I’m able to be distracted and block it out with a lot of music and fidgeting. It’s probably not the best thing in the world but it helps me. I’ve been keeping myself busy for the whole weekend but I can tell the will to keep it up it’s fading. Everything is fading; it’s even hard to eat and that never really been a problem for me before, I’ve tried eating my favorite foods, but I’d not the same. It like my stomach and brain are two different people, one know that we need to eat something but the other never is in the mood. So whenever I do eat something it’s like a chore, to make myself feel less hungry.

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, I can imagine that the last thing you want is to see their person around and be in one of the same classes together. In these kinds of situations, time really is the best healer, and it's important to trust the process even though it's painful now. Remember, it won't be like this forever, and there is light at the end of this tunnel even though it might not seem like it now. What do you think? Also, I'm just curious to know, if you had a friend in the same situation as you, what advice would you give them?

[Gremlin]

Hi,

I had decided that to leave things as they are now, I can’t make them talk to me. Even if I deeply want them to,  but they are not going to, they probably never will. I’ll just try start living life for me instead of always wasting it waiting for someone else. It pains me to lose someone that means so much to me. But they made that choice not me, I have lots of other supportive friends around me always by my side. Which is way better then going through it all alone.  

Thank you for helping me 

[Monsoon]

23 hours ago, Gremlin said:

Hi,

I had decided that to leave things as they are now, I can’t make them talk to me. Even if I deeply want them to,  but they are not going to, they probably never will. I’ll just try start living life for me instead of always wasting it waiting for someone else. It pains me to lose someone that means so much to me. But they made that choice not me, I have lots of other supportive friends around me always by my side. Which is way better then going through it all alone.  

Thank you for helping me 

Hey there,

I'm glad to hear you have other supportive friends around you; it would definitely be good to lean on them for help during this tricky time. I hope you're as okay as you can be. If you do need anymore help at any point, or even just someone to talk to, we are here for you. Take care.