One of my friend had been showing her anger and being really weird.

[chloezzz]

  Okay so before I start off, I would like to thank you to those who is willing to spend your time to read this and I really appreciate it. 

  I have a friend who have been acting weird recently, not in a sense of mental health problem type, is something that I don’t know when, around this year April she started to always keep on laughing at people, judging people who are different from her. She would keep on laughing when she sees someone walking, eating, or even how the way they were their own doing stuffs. And when she laughs, she keep on expecting me to laugh with her. I don’t know why, I just laugh too, but I was laughing at how the way she does. Not the others.

  Just yesterday during lunch break, she was sitting with me, my friend and another girl. Which is the four of us. We always hang out together. Me and my another friend was talking happily and just in a sudden, the girl(whom keep on laughing) she spoke, “Let’s go” in a pissed off way to the another friend and they both stood up and went away. Me and my another friend were feeling weird in a sudden and we just followed them but the girl (who said let’s go) she just kept on ignoring us exist that we did something that offended her. And this just keeps on going until today. She joins the other group members and wanna know what’s the funniest? She used to talk craps about them and yet she went and became so “close” with them, eating together, walking together happily and keep on chatting. During subject class time, I heard she was talking craps to the members about me and my another friend too. But she used to talk bad thing about those members whom she’s hanging out with right now. 
 

  Most of all, she is always afraid to confront but dare to talk at the back. I’ve known her for 5 years. And she’s always been like this. She even exposes our secrets last time too. 
 

  In this kind of situation, what should I do? Any suggestions for it? Cause last time my friend and I used to confront her before and she cried. And people didn’t believe us and just comfort her and blamed on me and my another friend. 
 

  This have been happening for a multiple of times, should I confront her and just ask her to be friends back again or just give up on her? I do not know what to do anymore…. (And I apologized for my english, my english isn’t that good.)

[Aurora]

6 hours ago, chloezzz said:

  Okay so before I start off, I would like to thank you to those who is willing to spend your time to read this and I really appreciate it. 

  I have a friend who have been acting weird recently, not in a sense of mental health problem type, is something that I don’t know when, around this year April she started to always keep on laughing at people, judging people who are different from her. She would keep on laughing when she sees someone walking, eating, or even how the way they were their own doing stuffs. And when she laughs, she keep on expecting me to laugh with her. I don’t know why, I just laugh too, but I was laughing at how the way she does. Not the others.

  Just yesterday during lunch break, she was sitting with me, my friend and another girl. Which is the four of us. We always hang out together. Me and my another friend was talking happily and just in a sudden, the girl(whom keep on laughing) she spoke, “Let’s go” in a pissed off way to the another friend and they both stood up and went away. Me and my another friend were feeling weird in a sudden and we just followed them but the girl (who said let’s go) she just kept on ignoring us exist that we did something that offended her. And this just keeps on going until today. She joins the other group members and wanna know what’s the funniest? She used to talk craps about them and yet she went and became so “close” with them, eating together, walking together happily and keep on chatting. During subject class time, I heard she was talking craps to the members about me and my another friend too. But she used to talk bad thing about those members whom she’s hanging out with right now. 
 

  Most of all, she is always afraid to confront but dare to talk at the back. I’ve known her for 5 years. And she’s always been like this. She even exposes our secrets last time too. 
 

  In this kind of situation, what should I do? Any suggestions for it? Cause last time my friend and I used to confront her before and she cried. And people didn’t believe us and just comfort her and blamed on me and my another friend. 
 

  This have been happening for a multiple of times, should I confront her and just ask her to be friends back again or just give up on her? I do not know what to do anymore…. (And I apologized for my english, my english isn’t that good.)

Hi @chloezzz, welcome to the Community . I'm Aurora and I'm one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label and I give advice and support to those who reach out to us. 

Thank you for telling us about your friend. Once you've replied I'm going to move your post into the Friends and Family forum as this one is for technical support. I hope that's OK with you. 

It sounds like the problems with your friend have been going on for a while now and in the past, talking to her hasn't really helped. Can I ask you, what do you think are the important things in a friendship and do you have this with the friend you are talking about? 

[chloezzz]

2 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Hi @chloezzz, welcome to the Community . I'm Aurora and I'm one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label and I give advice and support to those who reach out to us. 

Thank you for telling us about your friend. Once you've replied I'm going to move your post into the Friends and Family forum as this one is for technical support. I hope that's OK with you. 

It sounds like the problems with your friend have been going on for a while now and in the past, talking to her hasn't really helped. Can I ask you, what do you think are the important things in a friendship and do you have this with the friend you are talking about? 

The most important things in a friendship is definitely need to be kind to each other, always be by their side when they are in need the most, be truthful to each other, and never betray them. My friend I was talking about, she’s kind to me and we always laugh together, but she wasn’t by my side when I needed her sometimes… and sometimes, when I didn’t do that well for my results, when she ask me how much I scored, I told her and she knows I was kind of sad and I most likely needed a bit of comfort, but she choose to ignore me like I need a lesson. I don’t know how to describe her overall but I could only say that she’s different from normal people, even one of my friend told me that sometimes we just don’t understand what’s going on in her mind. Suddenly wants to get close with us and suddenly leaves us like come and go. But she will come back to me and my another friend eventually. Should we let her come back to us if she request us? But this isn’t the first time she did this to us already, it happened multiple times.

[Aurora]

On 9/20/2022 at 3:09 PM, chloezzz said:

The most important things in a friendship is definitely need to be kind to each other, always be by their side when they are in need the most, be truthful to each other, and never betray them. My friend I was talking about, she’s kind to me and we always laugh together, but she wasn’t by my side when I needed her sometimes… and sometimes, when I didn’t do that well for my results, when she ask me how much I scored, I told her and she knows I was kind of sad and I most likely needed a bit of comfort, but she choose to ignore me like I need a lesson. I don’t know how to describe her overall but I could only say that she’s different from normal people, even one of my friend told me that sometimes we just don’t understand what’s going on in her mind. Suddenly wants to get close with us and suddenly leaves us like come and go. But she will come back to me and my another friend eventually. Should we let her come back to us if she request us? But this isn’t the first time she did this to us already, it happened multiple times.

Thank you for explaining what the most important things in a friendship are to you. You've mentioned lots of really important things there. From what you are saying I'm wondering if your friend is struggling with how to express her feelings and this might be why she behaves the way she does. What do you think? Do you know if she is also like this with her other friends? And do you still want to be friends with her? 

[chloezzz]

7 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Thank you for explaining what the most important things in a friendship are to you. You've mentioned lots of really important things there. From what you are saying I'm wondering if your friend is struggling with how to express her feelings and this might be why she behaves the way she does. What do you think? Do you know if she is also like this with her other friends? And do you still want to be friends with her? 

In my personal opinion and thoughts, she’s a person who always express how she feels all out to us. Cause when me and her were friends, and when there’s someone or something she doesn’t like it, she will straight away tells me about it and shows her dislike face and actions. Sometimes she just could not control it and says those violent words. And yes, she is also like this with her other friends too but only close ones. Because she isn’t dare to do that to the others whom isn’t close with her cause she’s an introverted person. I’m not sure whether I should be friends with her or not is like I half wants to and another half doesn’t wants to. She can be really enjoyable but at the same time she can be really harsh by suddenly ignoring me, giving me a attitude, and sometimes she can also talk behind my back. She is always like this. I don’t know why. Too, when she’s isn’t friends with a person, she would always avoid them by facing her back to them, distancing herself really far away, avoid eye contact and during class she always likes to sits at the back. Sometimes I can tell that she keeps on looking at me from the back as I was seating at the front and she was seating at the back. Cause I saw from my IPad reflection that she was staring at me. But if I make eye contact with her, she would be really scared. It’s really weird that she’s throws her temper sometimes and after that she will avoid that person. But I want to be honest with this, it’s not because she simply felt sorry for what she done that’s why she avoid, it is mainly because she thinks that she did nothing wrong about it. We been fighting a lot, and this was how she usually does. Even my another friend who is also close with her, said the same thing as what I said too. 

[Aurora]

11 minutes ago, chloezzz said:

In my personal opinion and thoughts, she’s a person who always express how she feels all out to us. Cause when me and her were friends, and when there’s someone or something she doesn’t like it, she will straight away tells me about it and shows her dislike face and actions. Sometimes she just could not control it and says those violent words. And yes, she is also like this with her other friends too but only close ones. Because she isn’t dare to do that to the others whom isn’t close with her cause she’s an introverted person. I’m not sure whether I should be friends with her or not is like I half wants to and another half doesn’t wants to. She can be really enjoyable but at the same time she can be really harsh by suddenly ignoring me, giving me a attitude, and sometimes she can also talk behind my back. She is always like this. I don’t know why. Too, when she’s isn’t friends with a person, she would always avoid them by facing her back to them, distancing herself really far away, avoid eye contact and during class she always likes to sits at the back. Sometimes I can tell that she keeps on looking at me from the back as I was seating at the front and she was seating at the back. Cause I saw from my IPad reflection that she was staring at me. But if I make eye contact with her, she would be really scared. It’s really weird that she’s throws her temper sometimes and after that she will avoid that person. But I want to be honest with this, it’s not because she simply felt sorry for what she done that’s why she avoid, it is mainly because she thinks that she did nothing wrong about it. We been fighting a lot, and this was how she usually does. Even my another friend who is also close with her, said the same thing as what I said too. 

I can understand why you're not sure whether to be friends with her or not. You said that she is an introverted person and maybe she struggles with social interactions and doesn't always know how to be around her friends. However, because of the way she behaves towards you, it sounds like it can be very frustrating being friends with her.  I'm wondering have you spoken to her about how you feel? 

[chloezzz]

Just now, Aurora said:

I can understand why you're not sure whether to be friends with her or not. You said that she is an introverted person and maybe she struggles with social interactions and doesn't always know how to be around her friends. However, because of the way she behaves towards you, it sounds like it can be very frustrating being friends with her.  I'm wondering have you spoken to her about how you feel? 

Nope, I haven’t think of confronting her about this yet. I mean, last time which was 1 year ago I used to confront her about her attitude behavior but she did not want to listen and she just shows me an annoyed face. Is like she’s saying that I’m making up stories and she’s the innocent one. That’s the point. She doesn’t wants to admit what she did wrong. 

[Aurora]

On 9/23/2022 at 1:45 PM, chloezzz said:

Nope, I haven’t think of confronting her about this yet. I mean, last time which was 1 year ago I used to confront her about her attitude behavior but she did not want to listen and she just shows me an annoyed face. Is like she’s saying that I’m making up stories and she’s the innocent one. That’s the point. She doesn’t wants to admit what she did wrong. 

I'm wondering if it might help if you talk to her and let her know what you've noticed but maybe in a non confrontational way. I find it can be helpful, when talking about friendship problems to avoid placing blame and instead letting the other person know how we're feeling. What I mean by this is rather than saying things like "you've been doing this", mention things from your perspective eg "I've noticed.." or "I'm feeling...." or "I get upset, when..." Like this the other person doesn't feel attacked and is often more open to listen to what we have to say. What do you think? 

[chloezzz]

25 minutes ago, Aurora said:

I'm wondering if it might help if you talk to her and let her know what you've noticed but maybe in a non confrontational way. I find it can be helpful, when talking about friendship problems to avoid placing blame and instead letting the other person know how we're feeling. What I mean by this is rather than saying things like "you've been doing this", mention things from your perspective eg "I've noticed.." or "I'm feeling...." or "I get upset, when..." Like this the other person doesn't feel attacked and is often more open to listen to what we have to say. What do you think? 

Hmm, I think that would be a good idea, but I am just kind of worried if she might get offended easily even if I was just trying to express out my feelings in a good way. 

[chloezzz]

39 minutes ago, Aurora said:

I'm wondering if it might help if you talk to her and let her know what you've noticed but maybe in a non confrontational way. I find it can be helpful, when talking about friendship problems to avoid placing blame and instead letting the other person know how we're feeling. What I mean by this is rather than saying things like "you've been doing this", mention things from your perspective eg "I've noticed.." or "I'm feeling...." or "I get upset, when..." Like this the other person doesn't feel attacked and is often more open to listen to what we have to say. What do you think? 

Oh and I have another in my mind for a long time, but I just kept on forgetting to ask. It was about a guy whom we both knows each other for nearly 10 months, he always stares and looks at me during lunch break or in subject class, but we had never talk to each other before. I texted him before about asking him whether is there any homework and his text was pretty dry like, “Dont have” that’s it. But he stares at me whenever I’m around him. What does it mean? 

[Aurora]

On 9/26/2022 at 12:57 PM, chloezzz said:

Hmm, I think that would be a good idea, but I am just kind of worried if she might get offended easily even if I was just trying to express out my feelings in a good way. 

I can understand that. I find what often helps in those situations is if you mention your worry at the beginning of the conversation. Maybe you could mention that you want to talk to her about something and that you're worried she might get offended. Maybe you could reassure her that this isn't your intention and if she does feel offended to let you know straight away. Do you think that might work? 

[Aurora]

On 9/26/2022 at 1:14 PM, chloezzz said:

Oh and I have another in my mind for a long time, but I just kept on forgetting to ask. It was about a guy whom we both knows each other for nearly 10 months, he always stares and looks at me during lunch break or in subject class, but we had never talk to each other before. I texted him before about asking him whether is there any homework and his text was pretty dry like, “Dont have” that’s it. But he stares at me whenever I’m around him. What does it mean? 

It's difficult for me to say as I haven't seen him look at you. Do you like this guy? What do your friends say? I don't think short replies necessarily mean anything as he might be quite shy and not know what to say. What do you think?

[chloezzz]

25 minutes ago, Aurora said:

I can understand that. I find what often helps in those situations is if you mention your worry at the beginning of the conversation. Maybe you could mention that you want to talk to her about something and that you're worried she might get offended. Maybe you could reassure her that this isn't your intention and if she does feel offended to let you know straight away. Do you think that might work? 

I think it might work if I try to be brave and talk to her about it in a nice way. 

[chloezzz]

23 minutes ago, Aurora said:

It's difficult for me to say as I haven't seen him look at you. Do you like this guy? What do your friends say? I don't think short replies necessarily mean anything as he might be quite shy and not know what to say. What do you think?

I couldn’t say that I like him but I would say that I am attracted to him, like obsessed with him. My friends sometimes helps me to watch if he look or stare at me and there is a few times he did look at me for a few seconds. My friends told me that he likes me but I don’t know about it cause we haven’t talk to each other. But we do know each other like acquaintance or either just classmate. I am not sure if he is shy cause based on my observation in during class period, he’s quite talkative with his friends and not that quiet and not that noisy at the same time. 

[Aurora]

21 hours ago, chloezzz said:

I think it might work if I try to be brave and talk to her about it in a nice way. 

I find you can talk to most people if you do it in a nice way. And if she doesn't wants to listen or gets really annoyed then maybe it is a sign that she isn't such a good friend to you. What do you think? 

[Aurora]

21 hours ago, chloezzz said:

I couldn’t say that I like him but I would say that I am attracted to him, like obsessed with him. My friends sometimes helps me to watch if he look or stare at me and there is a few times he did look at me for a few seconds. My friends told me that he likes me but I don’t know about it cause we haven’t talk to each other. But we do know each other like acquaintance or either just classmate. I am not sure if he is shy cause based on my observation in during class period, he’s quite talkative with his friends and not that quiet and not that noisy at the same time. 

There is a good chance he likes you if he keeps looking at you but it's difficult to tell because you haven't talk to each other. Do you think there might be an opportunity to start talking to him at some point? Do you know any of his friends? 

[chloezzz]

2 minutes ago, Aurora said:

I find you can talk to most people if you do it in a nice way. And if she doesn't wants to listen or gets really annoyed then maybe it is a sign that she isn't such a good friend to you. What do you think? 

I totally agree with it. I think that friends should always try to understand people feelings. 

[chloezzz]

1 minute ago, Aurora said:

There is a good chance he likes you if he keeps looking at you but it's difficult to tell because you haven't talk to each other. Do you think there might be an opportunity to start talking to him at some point? Do you know any of his friends? 

I was thinking whether I should try to start talking to him but he is always with a group of friends and I am worried if he might think that Im weird like in a sudden come up and talk to him. I know most of his friends but we do not talk either. I am not sure if his friends knows me but probably a few does. 

[Aurora]

40 minutes ago, chloezzz said:

I was thinking whether I should try to start talking to him but he is always with a group of friends and I am worried if he might think that Im weird like in a sudden come up and talk to him. I know most of his friends but we do not talk either. I am not sure if his friends knows me but probably a few does. 

That's tricky. Maybe you could speak to your friends and see if you can come up with a plan together on how you could all mix with him and his friends. Do you think that might work? 

[chloezzz]

On 9/28/2022 at 8:48 PM, Aurora said:

That's tricky. Maybe you could speak to your friends and see if you can come up with a plan together on how you could all mix with him and his friends. Do you think that might work? 

Yep we actually was planning that too but the thing was that my friends are quite introverted also and his friends are quite extrovert so I am not too sure whether if this plan is gonna work out….

[Aurora]

4 minutes ago, chloezzz said:

Yep we actually was planning that too but the thing was that my friends are quite introverted also and his friends are quite extrovert so I am not too sure whether if this plan is gonna work out….

I see. That might be tricky. Maybe you and your friends can come up with a different plan together. Have you spoken to them? 

[chloezzz]

Just now, Aurora said:

I see. That might be tricky. Maybe you and your friends can come up with a different plan together. Have you spoken to them? 

Nope, but sometimes they looked at us and we looked at them back. 

[Aurora]

On 9/30/2022 at 3:21 PM, chloezzz said:

Nope, but sometimes they looked at us and we looked at them back. 

Ok, so there might be some interest there if they keep looking at you. I'm sure a situation will come up where you can start a conversation either with the guy or with his friends and hopefully once you've spoken to them once it will be easier to speak to them again. What do you think? 

Also, have you spoken to your friend yet? How did it go? 

[chloezzz]

On 10/4/2022 at 7:10 PM, Aurora said:

Ok, so there might be some interest there if they keep looking at you. I'm sure a situation will come up where you can start a conversation either with the guy or with his friends and hopefully once you've spoken to them once it will be easier to speak to them again. What do you think? 

Also, have you spoken to your friend yet? How did it go? 

Yes I was also thinking whether I should start the conversation with them soon by possibly saying a hi to them? Since we kind of knows one another by not close. But the thing is that I am just afraid if they’re gonna reject my hi by not waving or saying hi back. Would they think Im being weird? Cause we don’t talk at all.
 

Yes I did and I guess it went fine, she didn’t show attitude or anything. But I don’t know what she will think about it in her mind. She just said “Oh ok, I’m sorry about that.” 

[Aurora]

On 10/6/2022 at 9:54 AM, chloezzz said:

Yes I was also thinking whether I should start the conversation with them soon by possibly saying a hi to them? Since we kind of knows one another by not close. But the thing is that I am just afraid if they’re gonna reject my hi by not waving or saying hi back. Would they think Im being weird? Cause we don’t talk at all.
 

Yes I did and I guess it went fine, she didn’t show attitude or anything. But I don’t know what she will think about it in her mind. She just said “Oh ok, I’m sorry about that.” 

That sounds positive. How have you been getting on since then? And how did it feel to talk to her about it?

I know it can be really scary to make that first step as we don't know how the other person is going to react. Let's just say you said hi and they didn't say anything back. That would suggest that they might not be interested in hanging out. But then at least you would know. What do you think? And if they do say hi back, you might end up chatting to them and this might help you to get to know the guy you like.