One of my friend had been showing her anger and being really weird.

[chloezzz]

1 minute ago, Aurora said:

That sounds positive. How have you been getting on since then? And how did it feel to talk to her about it?

I know it can be really scary to make that first step as we don't know how the other person is going to react. Let's just say you said hi and they didn't say anything back. That would suggest that they might not be interested in hanging out. But then at least you would know. What do you think? And if they do say hi back, you might end up chatting to them and this might help you to get to know the guy you like. 

I’ve been getting on pretty well so far, we’re in a normal terms now like just friends for now. I felt nervous when I came up to her and talk to her about it as I’m afraid if she’s gonna react in a negative way but she did not. So I guess the problem between me and her is settled. And I would like to thank you for giving me the advice

I mean.. you’re right about that. But the only problem is that I am afraid of rejection like not waving hi back. Like everything just pulls me down straight away when a person rejects me. If not, I guess I would have just said hi to them or waved at them….

[Aurora]

On 10/7/2022 at 2:25 PM, chloezzz said:

I’ve been getting on pretty well so far, we’re in a normal terms now like just friends for now. I felt nervous when I came up to her and talk to her about it as I’m afraid if she’s gonna react in a negative way but she did not. So I guess the problem between me and her is settled. And I would like to thank you for giving me the advice

I mean.. you’re right about that. But the only problem is that I am afraid of rejection like not waving hi back. Like everything just pulls me down straight away when a person rejects me. If not, I guess I would have just said hi to them or waved at them….

Not at all. I'm glad to hear things are settled between the two of you and it was you who made this happen 

I get the fear of rejection. I think we all have it. You mentioned that this really pulls you down. Would you be comfortable to tell me a bit more about that? 

[chloezzz]

1 minute ago, Aurora said:

Not at all. I'm glad to hear things are settled between the two of you and it was you who made this happen 

I get the fear of rejection. I think we all have it. You mentioned that this really pulls you down. Would you be comfortable to tell me a bit more about that? 

Yep sure. Like when there is someone I liked, rejects my hi, I would be extremely upset and disappointed. I don’t know why, like I would always have a strong feeling that he probably hates me or thinks that I’m not good enough that’s why he rejected my hi. I always have that kind of thoughts in my mind..

[Aurora]

23 hours ago, chloezzz said:

Yep sure. Like when there is someone I liked, rejects my hi, I would be extremely upset and disappointed. I don’t know why, like I would always have a strong feeling that he probably hates me or thinks that I’m not good enough that’s why he rejected my hi. I always have that kind of thoughts in my mind..

Thank you for sharing that. We often think negatively about ourselves and these kind of thoughts are usually not very helpful thoughts. Can you think of another way of looking at it? What might another reason be, why the person didn't say hi back?

[chloezzz]

3 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Thank you for sharing that. We often think negatively about ourselves and these kind of thoughts are usually not very helpful thoughts. Can you think of another way of looking at it? What might another reason be, why the person didn't say hi back?

Umm I think the another way of looking at it is that maybe he could be feeling shy to say hi back but I not so sure cause sometimes guy could be quiet shy

[Aurora]

23 hours ago, chloezzz said:

Umm I think the another way of looking at it is that maybe he could be feeling shy to say hi back but I not so sure cause sometimes guy could be quiet shy

Absolutely! That's a really good point - they could be feeling too shy to say hi. Can you think of another reason, why they might not have said hi back? 

[chloezzz]

9 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Absolutely! That's a really good point - they could be feeling too shy to say hi. Can you think of another reason, why they might not have said hi back? 

I think the another reason they might not have said hi back could be that they did not notices my hi cause sometimes my hi or my wave might not be obvious

[Aurora]

17 minutes ago, chloezzz said:

I think the another reason they might not have said hi back could be that they did not notices my hi cause sometimes my hi or my wave might not be obvious

Absolutely! This can happen so easily. How does it feel when you think about it like this? 

[chloezzz]

13 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Absolutely! This can happen so easily. How does it feel when you think about it like this? 

It feels quite natural for me cause sometimes I also missed out people waving at me. Cause I was busy doing my own stuff and didn’t realized that my friend were waving at me.

[Aurora]

22 hours ago, chloezzz said:

It feels quite natural for me cause sometimes I also missed out people waving at me. Cause I was busy doing my own stuff and didn’t realized that my friend were waving at me.

For sure! That happens to me as well.

Did you find it useful to think or other reasons why someone might not have said hi back to you? I'm wondering if it might be helpful to think of other explanations, the next time you have  a negative thought about yourself. What do you think?  

[chloezzz]

24 minutes ago, Aurora said:

For sure! That happens to me as well.

Did you find it useful to think or other reasons why someone might not have said hi back to you? I'm wondering if it might be helpful to think of other explanations, the next time you have  a negative thought about yourself. What do you think?  

I find it slightly a bit useful because this could prevent me from having a negative thoughts about them. Instead of just having a negative thoughts of them which might not be true somehow

[Aurora]

On 10/13/2022 at 1:43 PM, chloezzz said:

I find it slightly a bit useful because this could prevent me from having a negative thoughts about them. Instead of just having a negative thoughts of them which might not be true somehow

Yes, that's right! We often have negative thoughts about ourselves, even though we don't know if what we're thinking is true. It can be really helpful to challenge our thoughts. 

Is there anything else you would like support with or are you good for now? 

[chloezzz]

Just now, Aurora said:

Yes, that's right! We often have negative thoughts about ourselves, even though we don't know if what we're thinking is true. It can be really helpful to challenge our thoughts. 

Is there anything else you would like support with or are you good for now? 

Nope currently I’m good for now. But maybe is it ok if I need any support again I’ll text you? Anyways really a huge thank you for your kind help. Appreciate it a lot! 

[Aurora]

22 hours ago, chloezzz said:

Nope currently I’m good for now. But maybe is it ok if I need any support again I’ll text you? Anyways really a huge thank you for your kind help. Appreciate it a lot! 

You're very welcome

Of course, you can message us any time about anything that's bothering you! We're always here for you 

[chloezzz]

5 minutes ago, Aurora said:

You're very welcome

Of course, you can message us any time about anything that's bothering you! We're always here for you 

Okay! Thank you so much once again

[Aurora]

46 minutes ago, chloezzz said:

Okay! Thank you so much once again

Any time 

[chloezzz]

Hello, it has been a while! I felt like I needed your help and a bit of advices. I asked one of my friend whether she skateboard and she said yes and also knows how to ride them smoothly. But I never seen her post before or ever hear her talks about it. And there was a few time I asked her whether she want to go skateboard together but her face were like “uhhh” and she always says “I not sure” . but when i don’t ask about skateboard, she wouldn’t say i not sure, she would usually says, “sure let me check with my parents.” Is she lying that she knows how to skateboard? I told my sister about it and she said that my friend could be probably lying. But I really don’t know. Another help I needed is that recently I’ve been skateboard and tried to do a trick, my mind always tells me to just go for it but I always has that fear and anxiety for falling down. But I know and heard from everyone that every skater falls. I told myself dont think about that, however I still has that fear, nervous and afraid to do so… Any tips of how to get rid of my fear? Thank you.

[Aurora]

2 hours ago, chloezzz said:

Hello, it has been a while! I felt like I needed your help and a bit of advices. I asked one of my friend whether she skateboard and she said yes and also knows how to ride them smoothly. But I never seen her post before or ever hear her talks about it. And there was a few time I asked her whether she want to go skateboard together but her face were like “uhhh” and she always says “I not sure” . but when i don’t ask about skateboard, she wouldn’t say i not sure, she would usually says, “sure let me check with my parents.” Is she lying that she knows how to skateboard? I told my sister about it and she said that my friend could be probably lying. But I really don’t know. Another help I needed is that recently I’ve been skateboard and tried to do a trick, my mind always tells me to just go for it but I always has that fear and anxiety for falling down. But I know and heard from everyone that every skater falls. I told myself dont think about that, however I still has that fear, nervous and afraid to do so… Any tips of how to get rid of my fear? Thank you.

Hi @chloezzz, it's lovely to hear from you! From what you've been telling me, it sounds like there is a possibility that your friend either can't skateboard or maybe has exaggerated how good she is at skateboarding. Sometime people do that, because they want to feel part of a group, want to fit in or feel like people will like them less if they can't do something. I'm wondering whether you could talk to your friend about it. Maybe you could tell her what you've noticed and ask her if she needs some help practicing her skateboarding. I would imagine if you reassured her that it's not a problem if she can't skateboard she will be more likely to tell you honestly if she can't. What do you think?

I know what you mean about feeling afraid or nervous about doing something, because you think you might hurt yourself. It's really common to have that but it can also stop us from trying things or just going for it because we're afraid. Is it one trick in particular that's a problem or is it any trick? 

[chloezzz]

Ohhh you’re really right about the reasons! I want to talk to her about it but would she feel embarrassed that I  found out about her lying? And.. maybe what if after I talk to her about it, she said she didn’t have a skateboard in the first place..? 
 

Oh it’s a trick that is the most basic one cause I just learn to skate not long ago. So this trick is the first one I am learning. I wore safety pads too but my anxiety just keep on coming to me

[Aurora]

22 hours ago, chloezzz said:

Ohhh you’re really right about the reasons! I want to talk to her about it but would she feel embarrassed that I  found out about her lying? And.. maybe what if after I talk to her about it, she said she didn’t have a skateboard in the first place..? 
 

Oh it’s a trick that is the most basic one cause I just learn to skate not long ago. So this trick is the first one I am learning. I wore safety pads too but my anxiety just keep on coming to me

I'm wondering, whether you could maybe talk to your friend about how you feel anxious about doing this trick. Only if you feel comfortable talking to her about it - please don't feel you have to. You could mention that you get the impression that she is avoiding skateboarding and ask her whether she has the same problem. Like this she might feel like she can open up to you about why she never wants to come along. What do you think? 

There are a couple of things you can try to reduce your fear. One is positive self talk, where you have a conversation with yourself. It sounds like you've been doing that a bit already by telling yourself not to think about it. You could try and be a bit more specific so eg if you have a thought like "I'm going to fall and hurt myself" try and turn it into a more positive thought such as "The more practice the easier it'll get". You can also try and listen to some music. Music often helps us to relax and feel less anxious. Another thing you can try is to try and focus your attention on the now.  Eg look at your skateboard and focus your mind on that. Notice the colour, pattern, texture etc of your skateboard. This should help you to just think about the now and not let your mind wander to what might happen in the future. Do you think any of these suggestions might work for you? If you like you can try it out and let me know how you get on

[chloezzz]

I think I’ll probably see about it first of whether should I open up the conversation and talk to her about it because for now I don’t really think I am ready for it yet 

I think positive self talk might help me a bit cause today while I was trying to do tricks I told myself “Every skater falls and there is no such thing as skater never falls. If you falls, stand up and try it again.” And it kind of helps me a bit. For the advice about looking at your skateboard, I think I’ll try to work on this. I’ll let you know again whether this works after I try. Thank you for the advices! 

[Aurora]

23 hours ago, chloezzz said:

I think I’ll probably see about it first of whether should I open up the conversation and talk to her about it because for now I don’t really think I am ready for it yet 

I think positive self talk might help me a bit cause today while I was trying to do tricks I told myself “Every skater falls and there is no such thing as skater never falls. If you falls, stand up and try it again.” And it kind of helps me a bit. For the advice about looking at your skateboard, I think I’ll try to work on this. I’ll let you know again whether this works after I try. Thank you for the advices! 

Of course! Please don't feel you have to talk to her about it if you don't feel comfortable to. It's totally up to you. You can always talk to her about the skateboarding without mentioning your fear, if you still want to find out why she never comes along. Let me know if you want to think about how to best have a conversation with her some more.  

Amazing that it helped a bit when you told yourself "Every skater falls and there is no such thing as skater never falls"!! I'm sure, once you've done it a few times you'll get better at it and you'll start to lose your fear. Keep us posted if you like 

[chloezzz]

Okay thank you! Will definitely update you for that Oh and do you remember that during a month ago, I told you about a guy I was obsessed with, I was actually wondering whether if I should follow him on Instagram. But the part is that I am just worried if he would finds it weird cause me and him had never talk before but we know each other. 

Edited December 3, 2022 by chloezzz

[Aurora]

On 12/3/2022 at 7:02 AM, chloezzz said:

Okay thank you! Will definitely update you for that Oh and do you remember that during a month ago, I told you about a guy I was obsessed with, I was actually wondering whether if I should follow him on Instagram. But the part is that I am just worried if he would finds it weird cause me and him had never talk before but we know each other. 

I know what you mean. Do you mind me asking, do you follow a lot of people on Instagram? If you do, then I don't think he would find it weird. However, if you're only following your close friends then he might find it strange that you follow him. What do you think? Also, I'm wondering, how will it be for you, if you do follow him on Instagram? 

[chloezzz]

16 hours ago, Aurora said:

I know what you mean. Do you mind me asking, do you follow a lot of people on Instagram? If you do, then I don't think he would find it weird. However, if you're only following your close friends then he might find it strange that you follow him. What do you think? Also, I'm wondering, how will it be for you, if you do follow him on Instagram? 

Ohh I am not sure if that’s a huge amount of people I followed people on Instagram but my followers has 57 and I followed 22 of them. Some of them aren’t my close friends but just someone I know. And some of them are my close friends. I actually tried requested his account but it’s been days and he still hasn’t approved the request I send or follow me back yet.