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How do I reconciliate these two thing?


Dywwik    
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"I am Catholic. I am gay. Since ever, I never could reconciliate those two facts together. I tried going and becoming a priest or a brother, but I can't stop thinking that I'll be running away from my queerness. I had a job as a pastoral agent in 2019, i appreciated it but it didn't feel right.

I went back to school to finish my college diploma, which I now have, and I started a mission on queer literature. On informing poeple about it, me finding it and trying to be up to date in new literature by looking at authors and publishers. 

I have become a person of source for a local queer organization on literacy, and am in the process of starting a book club. I'm writing a comic book and have in mind to write a book for adults who can't read and want to start reading, and just don't want to read kids books to start. This last part is just an idea that I have, and have no clue how it will work out. 

I would also love to go in high schools with a luggage full of books and talk about queer literature. I'm not there yet, but I found a job where I can find better ways to research those topic and how bookstores work. By the way, I now work in a book store and I'm planning eventually to create an all gay book book store. Gay authors, weather their books are gay or no, they still need to be seen more also. 

Now, more than ever, I see signs of god trying to be back into my life. I saw a young woman buying a Bible at my store and was ever so delighted to finally own a Bible, like I used to be enthused about mine. I recently found a letter I wrote to my grandmother when she died.... I kept finding it, but never read it. Today I did and I feel what I wrote in the letter makes a lot of sens with what I still believe. I never lost my faith. I just walk away for a while and I sort of want to jump back in to my religious past, but I also have a motto for myself, never go backwards, always go forward. 

I am Catholic, I am gay. I feel lost between these two worlds that seem to have have nothing in common at first. 

I will never feel totally safe at church, what ever priests and bishops say. Maybe wait a few more months or years before I come back to my faith. 

If anyone has had these same questions, I'd like to hear how you dealt with this conflict. "

This is my current reflection... 

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Hey @Dywwik

Thank you for sharing your reflections. It sounds like you've really struggled with the conflict between both Catholicism and homosexuality, and all of your feelings are completely valid and understandable given your situation. Although you have detailed this struggle, it's sounding more and more like you're starting to find a middle ground between the two when you speak about your endeavours. What do you think? How happy would you say you are with your current situation?

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On 8/20/2022 at 1:01 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey @Dywwik

Thank you for sharing your reflections. It sounds like you've really struggled with the conflict between both Catholicism and homosexuality, and all of your feelings are completely valid and understandable given your situation. Although you have detailed this struggle, it's sounding more and more like you're starting to find a middle ground between the two when you speak about your endeavours. What do you think? How happy would you say you are with your current situation?

I don't feel like it's a middle ground, it's something I am most comfortable with, meaning getting a bit further from Catholicism for the moment. 

I'm currently happy in the sens where I'm currently building a reputation for myself in my community, building a reliable trust with people. Eventually I want that to become my source of income. Meaning I want to create an all LGBT bookstore, with a probable library connected to it. I'm happy in having a clear goal, a somewhat clear pathway to it. I actually achieve to cross off a few steps on my pathway and that always is satisfying. 

I still feel, even if it's temporary, my religious hiatus is troublesome because I was an active member of those communities. I know I might have a new religious background in the future, I want to live far from my current metropolitan town, in a hopefully more English environment.

I think I'll have to  do a true hiatus on religious stuff, it will be hard but I think it is necessary right now, if that makes any sense

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Hey,

Yeah, that does make sense about having to do a true hiatus. Although you used to be an active member of those communities, I think this journey is really important for you to get to a new, comfortable place where you can be more authentic and enjoy your endeavours more. What do you think? 

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, that does make sense about having to do a true hiatus. Although you used to be an active member of those communities, I think this journey is really important for you to get to a new, comfortable place where you can be more authentic and enjoy your endeavours more. What do you think? 

I tried last end of winter to change community, into one I could feel safe and authentic, but nothing really happened. The church was far and I don't have a schedule that fit that community. 

My current Bishop suggested I attend the church in Gay Village. Once again, it's far and the schedule never works with my work schedule so it would be hard to attend. 

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8 hours ago, Dywwik said:

I tried last end of winter to change community, into one I could feel safe and authentic, but nothing really happened. The church was far and I don't have a schedule that fit that community. 

My current Bishop suggested I attend the church in Gay Village. Once again, it's far and the schedule never works with my work schedule so it would be hard to attend. 

I'm wondering, do you need an alternative for now, or is it just the way it is? There might be a power in acknowledging that if it's the case. What do you think?

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On 8/26/2022 at 3:53 PM, Monsoon said:

I'm wondering, do you need an alternative for now, or is it just the way it is? There might be a power in acknowledging that if it's the case. What do you think?

I just know that when ever I come back to religion, I will want an alternative to whatever I have now. I should concentrate on my job, and learning somewhat how it works as it is my goal for now. And stay on the road of my future career as an independent bookstore owner. Starting a bookclub as well is taking time out of my schedule, especially organizing poeple and reading schedules etc. which are things I'm not used to, but I am doing now. I want the main part of the bookclub to start before October. 

 

Sorry for the wait, I just noticed I haven't pressed sent! 

 

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3 hours ago, Dywwik said:

I just know that when ever I come back to religion, I will want an alternative to whatever I have now. I should concentrate on my job, and learning somewhat how it works as it is my goal for now. And stay on the road of my future career as an independent bookstore owner. Starting a bookclub as well is taking time out of my schedule, especially organizing poeple and reading schedules etc. which are things I'm not used to, but I am doing now. I want the main part of the bookclub to start before October. 

Sorry for the wait, I just noticed I haven't pressed sent! 

Hey there,

I think it's really helpful to have goals, especially if you're at a point where you might be wondering about which direction to take in a trickier part of your life. So, for now, you might find peace in trying to acknowledge that what will be will be, and that you're already working on something you're excited and passionate about. What do you think?

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I was just offered a GREAT opportunity work wise! I was offered to do overtime, but also see what the prep of a new store looks like! If it isn't too far away from where I am, I will probably go if my schedule allows for it! 

 

Yes, having goals is what motivates me right now... My current work is really axed around profite and mass consumerism, which is a bit overwhelming, but I think it's still a great learning experience! 

I think I'm headed in the right direction for many reasons, and I think I will succeed my goal quite soon! 

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11 hours ago, Dywwik said:

I was just offered a GREAT opportunity work wise! I was offered to do overtime, but also see what the prep of a new store looks like! If it isn't too far away from where I am, I will probably go if my schedule allows for it! 

Yes, having goals is what motivates me right now... My current work is really axed around profite and mass consumerism, which is a bit overwhelming, but I think it's still a great learning experience! 

I think I'm headed in the right direction for many reasons, and I think I will succeed my goal quite soon! 

That sounds great and it definitely seems like you're on a winning streak which is great! Would you like anymore support for now, or are you good?

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

That sounds great and it definitely seems like you're on a winning streak which is great! Would you like anymore support for now, or are you good?

I feel that, for now, patience is key. I have important opportunities to run after for now. Thank you! 

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Exactly that, patience is key :)

If you'd like anymore support, you know where we are. Good luck with it all!

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