The bathroom problem

[Emberfrost12]

So, school starts in...about a month and 12 hours, and I need to figure out what I'm going to do about the bathrooms. There is one gender-neutral bathroom, and it is a total pain to get to, so...I'm going to need to figure out what to do. I want to us the boy's bathroom, but I'm kind of worried about that, because...well, there's almost always someone in the bathrooms, and I do not want to get in a fight, which I would probably be the one to get in trouble, because while our schools have to be queer-friendly (Yay Canada), people can still get away with things, and our VP is not nice at all. Last year, I kept on trying to talk myself into using the boys bathroom, and... I kept telling myself that I would do it next time. Anyone have advice?

[Aurora]

9 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

So, school starts in...about a month and 12 hours, and I need to figure out what I'm going to do about the bathrooms. There is one gender-neutral bathroom, and it is a total pain to get to, so...I'm going to need to figure out what to do. I want to us the boy's bathroom, but I'm kind of worried about that, because...well, there's almost always someone in the bathrooms, and I do not want to get in a fight, which I would probably be the one to get in trouble, because while our schools have to be queer-friendly (Yay Canada), people can still get away with things, and our VP is not nice at all. Last year, I kept on trying to talk myself into using the boys bathroom, and... I kept telling myself that I would do it next time. Anyone have advice?

Hi @Emberfrost12, thank you for sharing and highlighting this problem.  I think there are many others who have this worry and it's such an important issue where more support is needed. You should not have to worry about using the bathroom! Can I ask, if you had the choice and the gender-neutral bathroom wouldn't be a pain to get to, would you prefer to use the gender-neutral one, the boy's one or either?  Also, do you know of anyone else in your school/year group who has the same worry? 

[Gremlin]

Hi!

One thing i wanted to say was, something that worked for me was whenever i wanted to use the gender-neutral bathroom at my school i would ask my teacher for a hall pass or send the teachers an email about it if your worried about your classmates getting into your business. it just helps the teachers know why it taking you a little more time to get back to class, because i 100% understand walking across the school just to use the bathroom. 

i hope this helped!

[Emberfrost12]

7 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi @Emberfrost12, thank you for sharing and highlighting this problem.  I think there are many others who have this worry and it's such an important issue where more support is needed. You should not have to worry about using the bathroom! Can I ask, if you had the choice and the gender-neutral bathroom wouldn't be a pain to get to, would you prefer to use the gender-neutral one, the boy's one or either?  Also, do you know of anyone else in your school/year group who has the same worry? 

I think I'd actually prefer the boy's bathroom. And I do know that pretty much every gender-queer or non-binary person in my school has this issue. 

[Aurora]

16 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I think I'd actually prefer the boy's bathroom. And I do know that pretty much every gender-queer or non-binary person in my school has this issue. 

Thank you for clarifying. I think it's really important that you get the support from your school to ensure that you and all other pupils can use the bathroom you/they identify with, without worry or fear.  I'm wondering if you have the support of your parent/guardian on this issue? Could they get in touch with the school and ask that this is addressed?  The good thing is that your school needs to comply with the equality laws, even if they haven't been as supportive as they should have been in the past. 

[Emberfrost12]

On 8/3/2022 at 5:58 AM, Aurora said:

Thank you for clarifying. I think it's really important that you get the support from your school to ensure that you and all other pupils can use the bathroom you/they identify with, without worry or fear.  I'm wondering if you have the support of your parent/guardian on this issue? Could they get in touch with the school and ask that this is addressed?  The good thing is that your school needs to comply with the equality laws, even if they haven't been as supportive as they should have been in the past. 

So, I don't think that its that big of a problem, and the other people seem to be fine with just the gender-neutral one. I just need to get over my fear and use the boy's one, and I don't know how to do that

[Aurora]

14 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

So, I don't think that its that big of a problem, and the other people seem to be fine with just the gender-neutral one. I just need to get over my fear and use the boy's one, and I don't know how to do that

Ok.  So what is the thing you're most worried about, that is stopping you from using the bathroom? You said before that you are worried about getting into a fight. Is that your biggest fear and if yes, what do you think might happen that would lead to a fight? 

[Emberfrost12]

On 8/9/2022 at 4:29 AM, Aurora said:

Ok.  So what is the thing you're most worried about, that is stopping you from using the bathroom? You said before that you are worried about getting into a fight. Is that your biggest fear and if yes, what do you think might happen that would lead to a fight? 

I guess I'm afraid that someone will start an arguement and that'll lead to a fight, because I act before i think and my reaction would be physical

[Aurora]

On 8/12/2022 at 3:14 AM, Emberfrost12 said:

I guess I'm afraid that someone will start an arguement and that'll lead to a fight, because I act before i think and my reaction would be physical

Can you think of a time, where someone started an argument and it didn't lead to a physical fight? Was was different that time and what helped you to control your anger so it didn't turn physical? 

[Emberfrost12]

On 8/15/2022 at 6:46 AM, Aurora said:

Can you think of a time, where someone started an argument and it didn't lead to a physical fight? Was was different that time and what helped you to control your anger so it didn't turn physical? 

I don't fight too often, I'm good at empathy, so I guess the fear is really unfounded. I don't know. I obviously can't fight my friends, and I try to stay calm, I'm just worried that someone's going to hit a nerve and I'm going to lose it on them, because I have done that a few times

[Aurora]

12 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I don't fight too often, I'm good at empathy, so I guess the fear is really unfounded. I don't know. I obviously can't fight my friends, and I try to stay calm, I'm just worried that someone's going to hit a nerve and I'm going to lose it on them, because I have done that a few times

If you think about how likely it is that you will get into a physical fight on a scale from 1-10 with 1 being very unlikely and 10 being extremely likely, how would you rate it? 

[Emberfrost12]

Probably 5

Sorry I haven't been able to log on for a while, and it will  likely stay like this until sometime in september

[Aurora]

On 8/20/2022 at 11:17 PM, Emberfrost12 said:

Probably 5

Sorry I haven't been able to log on for a while, and it will  likely stay like this until sometime in september

No problem. 

You already mentioned that you're good at empathy and you don't fight too often. What else do you think you could do to bring it down to a 4? 

[Emberfrost12]

I don’t know. I guess just be on my guard and try not to go on the defensive?

[Aurora]

11 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I don’t know. I guess just be on my guard and try not to go on the defensive?

No problem if you don't know. I just thought it might help to think about some strategies beforehand so you don't have to worry about getting into a physical fight. How do you feel about using the boy's bathroom now? 

[Emberfrost12]

12 hours ago, Aurora said:

No problem if you don't know. I just thought it might help to think about some strategies beforehand so you don't have to worry about getting into a physical fight. How do you feel about using the boy's bathroom now? 

Actually, quite a bit better

[Aurora]

9 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Actually, quite a bit better

I'm glad to hear that. I would imagine that it'll get easier and easier once you've gone there a couple of times. What do you think?

[Emberfrost12]

On 8/24/2022 at 5:09 AM, Aurora said:

I'm glad to hear that. I would imagine that it'll get easier and easier once you've gone there a couple of times. What do you think?

Definitely. At least, I hope so

[Aurora]

12 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Definitely. At least, I hope so

I think it will. It's always scary doing something for the first time and it tends to get easier and easier the more often we do it. And the great thing is you've thought about some of difficulties that might come up and what to do about it. Hopefully this has given you the confidence to give it a go . And we're always here for you 

[LemonboyEmmy]

I'm transmasc, but I live in southern US, and I honestly fear for my safety being an outed queer person at my school. While there is some support, its mostly amongst my friends and peers. So I'm stuck walking across the school to the councilor's office, because they have the only gender neutral bathroom in the whole school that's not faculty only.

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, LemonboyEmmy said:

I'm transmasc, but I live in southern US, and I honestly fear for my safety being an outed queer person at my school. While there is some support, its mostly amongst my friends and peers. So I'm stuck walking across the school to the councilor's office, because they have the only gender neutral bathroom in the whole school that's not faculty only.

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear you're fearing your safety from being an out, queer person at school. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about this? Have you found yourself in a dangerous situation before due to this?

[LemonboyEmmy]

26 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear you're fearing your safety from being an out, queer person at school. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about this? Have you found yourself in a dangerous situation before due to this?

no, its just the hostility really