Tips for Coming Out

[Emberfrost12]

I wrote a guide thing about coming out. Hope it's useful :). Remember, this is not furniture, so you can stray from this guide as much as you need/want to

(I wrote this in steps to make it look less like an essay)

1: Try to see where your parent(s)/guardian(s) or friends stand. You can watch a tv show with some queer characters, or you can ask them a question about it like, “What happens when two men marry”, and generally their response will give you an idea of their thoughts about the LGBTQIA2S+ community. Or, you might already know

2: Judge their reactions. If they seem really casual, supportive, and/or comfortable with it, you’re probably good to go. That’s a green. If they seem hesitant, not too supportive, or confused about it, don’t press the topic…for now. That’s a yellow. If they get mad, defensive, shut down the topic or are just generally unaccepting of it, do not pursue the topic or argue. That’s a red. (This is my scale, you probably won't see it elsewhere)

(Green) 3: Feel free to come out, in or after that conversation

(Yellow) 3: You can come out, but have an explanation of whatever you came out as ready. Also explain what you want them to do (pronouns, name, who to tell, who not to, partner etiquette, etc.) They may get mad at you first, so have an excuse to leave the house, and remember that when it comes to reactions, first is not final, and you just told them something they might not be prepared to hear

(Red) 3: Do not come out unless you have somewhere to stay or are legal age to live on your own if it all goes wrong. If you do come out, be ready to explain and argue your point. Ideally, come out to someone else who is a green or yellow that knows them first, so you can have a third party to help explain or keep things from going wrong

Additional tips:

Come out to friends before parents, as it can be useful to have allies and someone to turn to.

See if your school has a gsa (either a Gay-Straight Alliance or Gender Sexuality Alliance) or qsa (Queer Straight Allience). They are almost always good places to turn to for advice, and are a great way to meet other queer people. If your school doesn’t have one, but you know some other queer students, consider asking them to help start one.

Likely, the bigger deal you make, the bigger deal the whole thing is going to be. The more casually you come out, the less likely the people you come out to are going to make a big deal out of it.

If you are willing to risk a friend leaving you (remember that this means they don't accept you, meaning you'll probably end up with a similar result in the future anyway), you can come out to them at any point and no matter what their view. Who knows? They might surprise you with acceptance or even be able to relate

Ways to come out:

Come out in conversation, if possible. While things like coming out in letters, texts, and calls feel easier, sometimes it puts a bit of a slow-down on the process. Those may be an option, but do your best to avoid them anyway. 

There are also creative things like making cookies and icing one to say something like 'i'm gay'. Honestly, there are a lot of creative things to do, and it's definitely a thing that you could ask google for ideas on ;)

That’s all I have, I hope it helped. If you need more help, just ask :). I hope you have a good coming out, and cheers!
 

Edited June 23, 2023 by Emberfrost12
Update!

[Monsoon]

This is brilliant advice. Thank you for sharing! 

[Aurora]

Thanks so much @Emberfrost12. What great advice! I'm sure lots of people here will find this really useful. 

[V Patel]

In our its not quite the situation that i can play shows abt lgbt ppl and i wanna come out i mean its not comfortable  (Indian parents) generally no one watches tv i also don't and i am 20 and i have a job so i am thinking to come out to my big sister who is doctor since i don;t have friends (at least i don't think so ) and then i will tell to my sister to tell them or i want to come out on phone how does that sound please advice me? i feel like there is red flag cuz my parents don't me to choose a GirlFriend outside my caste (caste in india means kinda race if you don't know) so that means they are concerned about their status in socity.

Suggest me something i am freaking out.

[Associate Deputy]

Thank you for makin this guide @Emerfrost12. It was extremely useful and some of the stuff u talk about I knew already/already did. For example, I told my friends first that I am Bi before I told my parents. My mom in particular doesn’t seem too acceptin of the fact so I plan to tell her again. Have any advice for how to do that and when?

[Emberfrost12]

On 8/24/2022 at 7:25 AM, V Patel said:

In our its not quite the situation that i can play shows abt lgbt ppl and i wanna come out i mean its not comfortable  (Indian parents) generally no one watches tv i also don't and i am 20 and i have a job so i am thinking to come out to my big sister who is doctor since i don;t have friends (at least i don't think so ) and then i will tell to my sister to tell them or i want to come out on phone how does that sound please advice me? i feel like there is red flag cuz my parents don't me to choose a GirlFriend outside my caste (caste in india means kinda race if you don't know) so that means they are concerned about their status in socity.

Suggest me something i am freaking out.

I think that you should tell your sister, and also tell her that you want to come out to your parents, and maybe ask her to mediate? I wouldn't have her tell your parents, as they may have questions she can't answer for you. Hope this helps :)

[Emberfrost12]

On 8/24/2022 at 10:52 AM, Associate Deputy said:

Thank you for makin this guide @Emerfrost12. It was extremely useful and some of the stuff u talk about I knew already/already did. For example, I told my friends first that I am Bi before I told my parents. My mom in particular doesn’t seem too acceptin of the fact so I plan to tell her again. Have any advice for how to do that and when?

My advice would be to tell her when there's nothing too big going on, and be ready to explain being bi to her, and why you want to tell her.

[Emberfrost12]

(Updated!)

[Aurora]

Thanks again for this @Emberfrost12. This is really good advice!!