I don't know what to do honestly

[Alex.97]

I have very emotionally draining parents.

My dad referred to using corporal punishment to discipline me and my siblings. He also used it on my older siblings and it makes me sad that it is normalized in my family.

Its left me scared of him and every time he raises his hand or tries to hug me I flinch.

He's yells very hurtful things and gets mad for very little things which most of the time weren't really my fault.  I remember one time him telling me that I'm useless and I can do nothing right just because I forgot to turn off the kitchen light before going to bed. 

he thinks that women should cook and clean and belong in the kitchen, and that he doesn't have to do anything because he is the breadwinner of the house. Sometimes I feel like a maid for him because he calls me all the way from my room just to give him his laptop which is right in front of him and he won't do it himself because "that's why he has children." 

He had a fight with my older sister once and quote on quote said "You should all go to hell" ( referring to me, my siblings and my mom)

He fights with my mom over the stupidest things and yet she still makes him food and breakfast when they are fighting. 

The worse thing is that he never apologizes when he hurts me or says something hurtful, his way of apologizing is still telling me that i was in the wrong and I shouldn't do it again

and when he does apologize he giggles as if it was a funny mistake and i just have to forgive him because he is the one who provides for the family and to him what he does is proper parenting.

 

[Alex.97]

Sorry I forgot to put a trigger warning on :/

TW: abuse. 

[Harper]

Hi Alex, I'll add a TW for you now. One of our mentors will be in touch with advice soon.

Harper 

[Alex.97]

35 minutes ago, Harper said:

Hi Alex, I'll add a TW for you now. One of our mentors will be in touch with advice soon.

Harper 

Thank you very much :)

[Monsoon]

7 hours ago, Alex.97 said:

I have very emotionally draining parents.

My dad referred to using corporal punishment to discipline me and my siblings. He also used it on my older siblings and it makes me sad that it is normalized in my family.

Its left me scared of him and every time he raises his hand or tries to hug me I flinch.

He's yells very hurtful things and gets mad for very little things which most of the time weren't really my fault.  I remember one time him telling me that I'm useless and I can do nothing right just because I forgot to turn off the kitchen light before going to bed. 

he thinks that women should cook and clean and belong in the kitchen, and that he doesn't have to do anything because he is the breadwinner of the house. Sometimes I feel like a maid for him because he calls me all the way from my room just to give him his laptop which is right in front of him and he won't do it himself because "that's why he has children." 

He had a fight with my older sister once and quote on quote said "You should all go to hell" ( referring to me, my siblings and my mom)

He fights with my mom over the stupidest things and yet she still makes him food and breakfast when they are fighting. 

The worse thing is that he never apologizes when he hurts me or says something hurtful, his way of apologizing is still telling me that i was in the wrong and I shouldn't do it again

and when he does apologize he giggles as if it was a funny mistake and i just have to forgive him because he is the one who provides for the family and to him what he does is proper parenting.

Hey @Alex.97

Thank you for sharing this with us. I just want to say that I'm really sorry to hear all of this; you do not deserve to be treated in this way; home should be a safe space with people we trust. I'm wondering, how are you feeling about all of this? I noticed that you said it's left you scared, and I just wanted to give you an opportunity to let your feelings out about this. This is a completely safe and non-judgemental space and you can tell us anything; we've got your back.

I'm wondering, can you tell me more about what he has done to punish you and your siblings? I know this might be hard to talk about, but we want to help make sure you're safe. Take care and speak soon. 

[Alex.97]

12 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Alex.97

Thank you for sharing this with us. I just want to say that I'm really sorry to hear all of this; you do not deserve to be treated in this way; home should be a safe space with people we trust. I'm wondering, how are you feeling about all of this? I noticed that you said it's left you scared, and I just wanted to give you an opportunity to let your feelings out about this. This is a completely safe and non-judgemental space and you can tell us anything; we've got your back.

I'm wondering, can you tell me more about what he has done to punish you and your siblings? I know this might be hard to talk about, but we want to help make sure you're safe. Take care and speak soon. 

Hi @Monsoon 

thank you for replying. Yes it has left me a bit scared at times whenever he gets upset, he acts in the moment and then sometimes he just acts like nothing happened the next day.  

It usually does go back to normal because i learn to forgive him.

My sisters are both adults now but they had to go through sort of the same thing I have to go through.

If he is angry with my sister they have arguments but she always tells me not to give attitude or "talk back" even when I'm trying to defend myself in an argument with my parents.

My dads relationship with me and my family are okay right now and the last time he and my mom  had an argument was the end of march.  

He still says a lot of hurtful things at times but I am safe and doing fine right now  

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, Alex.97 said:

Hi @Monsoon 

thank you for replying. Yes it has left me a bit scared at times whenever he gets upset, he acts in the moment and then sometimes he just acts like nothing happened the next day.  

It usually does go back to normal because i learn to forgive him.

My sisters are both adults now but they had to go through sort of the same thing I have to go through.

If he is angry with my sister they have arguments but she always tells me not to give attitude or "talk back" even when I'm trying to defend myself in an argument with my parents.

My dads relationship with me and my family are okay right now and the last time he and my mom  had an argument was the end of march.  

He still says a lot of hurtful things at times but I am safe and doing fine right now  

Hey there,

I'm glad to hear you're safe and doing fine right now. It can be so frustrating when you're accused of back chatting during an argument; we all want to be heard, and when we have an important point to make and we end up being silenced, it can really leave us feeling defeated and unheard. What do you think about that?

I'm wondering, can you tell me about the times he has been physical with you? I know it might be hard for you to go back to, and I'm just asking because we care about your wellbeing here.