Confused why I did that

[learningbrain]

One day my mom and I decided to watch a hindi gay movie.(Shub Mangal Zyada Saavdhan)

And I said " Do you know on which topic it is based on. Do we need to see this kind of movie."

At that time I didn't have any doubts that I might be a lesbian.

Question 1:

Am I truly a Lesbian?

I was so irritated to watch that movie.

But after some days I observed that my mom enjoyed the movie.

Question 2:

Does it mean my mom will accept me when I say I'm Lesbian?(I know that she will eventually accept me but will she be like "Don't worry , I totally accept it" immediately after I come out.)

Question 3:

Is it a condition where she will like a gay movie but will not allow her daughter to be gay?

 

[Cal_The_Oyster]

Hi 

1) probably tho don't take it from me 

2) i sincerely hope so.

3) if that's the case (it shouldn't be) then do what you feel is best

 

Sorry I'm not much help

[Monsoon]

22 hours ago, learningbrain said:

One day my mom and I decided to watch a hindi gay movie.(Shub Mangal Zyada Saavdhan)

And I said " Do you know on which topic it is based on. Do we need to see this kind of movie."

At that time I didn't have any doubts that I might be a lesbian.

Question 1:

Am I truly a Lesbian?

I was so irritated to watch that movie.

But after some days I observed that my mom enjoyed the movie.

Question 2:

Does it mean my mom will accept me when I say I'm Lesbian?(I know that she will eventually accept me but will she be like "Don't worry , I totally accept it" immediately after I come out.)

Question 3:

Is it a condition where she will like a gay movie but will not allow her daughter to be gay?

Hey,

Welcome the Ditch the Label community :)

I'm wondering, can you tell me more about how you felt watching the movie? Also, how do you feel towards girls at the moment? 

With your mom, it's definitely a good sign that she enjoyed the movie. When I give advice to other people who want to know if their parents are homophobic, some advice I often give is to watch an LGBTQ+ show with them to see how they react; if they're positive, then that usually shows they support the community. What do you think?

[learningbrain]

It was a good movie . It was explaining homosexuality was nothing different from heterosexuality.

They related homosexuality to heterosexuality.

I didn't watch that movie with my mom but I observed that enjoyed that movie.I watched that movie very recently.

But It also might be a case where she would accept someone in a movie but not in real life.

I don't fall in love whenever I see a girl (like immediately). I feel I need some bond between me and her. When I had some kind of bond with one girl she took TC (transfer certificate) since her dad got transferred. Many people I trusted  were talking behind my back so I'm being cautious.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I'm wondering, have you gotten an idea about how your mom feels about the community at any other point? Has she made any comments in the past?

Also, say if you had a friend in the same position as you and was asking if their mom would like a gay person in a movie but not allow them to be gay, what advice would you give them?

[learningbrain]

On 5/1/2022 at 4:18 PM, learningbrain said:

One day my mom and I decided to watch a hindi gay movie.(Shub Mangal Zyada Saavdhan)

And I said " Do you know on which topic it is based on. Do we need to see this kind of movie."

At that time I didn't have any doubts that I might be a lesbian.

Question 1:

Am I truly a Lesbian?

I was so irritated to watch that movie.

But after some days I observed that my mom enjoyed the movie.

Question 2:

Does it mean my mom will accept me when I say I'm Lesbian?(I know that she will eventually accept me but will she be like "Don't worry , I totally accept it" immediately after I come out.)

Question 3:

Is it a condition where she will like a gay movie but will not allow her daughter to be gay?

Question :

Is it normal that I said we are not required to watch that movie?

15 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm wondering, have you gotten an idea about how your mom feels about the community at any other point? Has she made any comments in the past?

Also, say if you had a friend in the same position as you and was asking if their mom would like a gay person in a movie but not allow them to be gay, what advice would you give them?

She doesn't actually comment on the topic. She doesn't like to talk about it .

I would advice my friend to bring awareness about homosexuality. So, that she will gain acceptance.

She doesn't like when I raise that topic

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Can you tell me more about how you know she doesn't like it? How has she reacted in the past? 

[learningbrain]

I told my grandma and mom collectively that I might like girls but confused. Then my grandma took lead and said that I was just confused and watching unnecessary stuff on internet.

Mom was blank. She didn't talk anything about it after that incident.

When raises this topic again with my grandma only she has not at all listening to me. She was saying it's was not natural, Court did a mistake abolishing section 377.

How can I argue with my grandma.

My grandma and my mom have similar ideology. That's why I didn't talk to her privately.

I know that they me to have a good life but I can't argue with them.They bring up questions which I don't have any answers.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear your grandma has these views. How did it make you feel when she said this? Also, if your mum feels this way too, what would it be like for you if she did have those views as well? 

[learningbrain]

I felt irritated after that conversation no matter what I say, she has a question bank which I can't answer. She didn't feel tried of that argument. I felt bad because I'm fighting for someone who don't enter my life ie.Not part of my life right now(  don't even know that person). I don't know what I will gain after this argument. I don't want to damage my relation with my parents.

[Monsoon]

5 hours ago, learningbrain said:

I felt irritated after that conversation no matter what I say, she has a question bank which I can't answer. She didn't feel tried of that argument. I felt bad because I'm fighting for someone who don't enter my life ie.Not part of my life right now(  don't even know that person). I don't know what I will gain after this argument. I don't want to damage my relation with my parents.

Hey there,

Can you tell me more about how you think it may damage your relationship with them?

[learningbrain]

They don't like that might become a lesbian which raises an argument. Arguments leads relation to strain. They argue with me since they are worried about me.

[Monsoon]

2 hours ago, learningbrain said:

They don't like that might become a lesbian which raises an argument. Arguments leads relation to strain. They argue with me since they are worried about me.

Hey there,

I'm wondering, why do you think they're worried?

[learningbrain]

They say that I'm confused. I'm the one who said I was confused and asked their help. They are making it even worse for me to figure it out. No problem, I can deal with homophobic questions in the future.

Things which are funny:

1. I don't know if I'm a homosexual  but I'm fighting with my parents about it.

2.I get along with my grandma who's the most homophobic person in the world.

    i)I really love her.

    ii)My world revolves around her.

    iii) I like taking to her. Time just passes away when I talk with her.I feel 24 hours is not enough.

She loves me a lot.

I think they are homophobic because

1. Right from childhood they were taught that being gay wasn't natural etc.

If we think from their perspective,

It's hard for them to learn that being gay is okay. They have been told that being gay was unnatural and abnormal. It's takes time for them to understand such things.

In future if I bring my girlfriend to my house then they would understand that I was not confused. We can't except them to change overnight. After all every mom wants her child to be happy.

I know that being gay isn't rosy as it looks. We have to deal with a lot of homophobia.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Yeah, it can definitely be a rock road for a lot of people when they come out which can be really tough. On the flip side though, there is so much joy to be found in a life where you can live more authentically and not have to hide yourself as much, if at all! What do you think?

Also, yeah, that makes sense as to why they're homophobic. I think that a lot of people just grow up in that environment and then maybe don't question their beliefs, but the good news is that so many people can open their minds and become more accepting as time goes on, especially when it's someone they love that has come out. Do you think they could become more accepting?

[learningbrain]

 

16 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, it can definitely be a rock road for a lot of people when they come out which can be really tough. On the flip side though, there is so much joy to be found in a life where you can live more authentically and not have to hide yourself as much, if at all! What do you think?

Also, yeah, that makes sense as to why they're homophobic. I think that a lot of people just grow up in that environment and then maybe don't question their beliefs, but the good news is that so many people can open their minds and become more accepting as time goes on, especially when it's someone they love that has come out. Do you think they could become more accepting?

Yes, they will accept me in future. But I still need to be confident that I am a lesbian. I'm not sure if I am a lesbian. I'm not like damn sure about what my sexuality is. I need to be sure that it's not a confusion phase where I say I'm a lesbian but turn out to be straight.

Problem which I face when I'm trying to relate if I'm lesbian.

i)After conversation with my grandma when I took an incident where I'm feeling to kiss a girl, I don't if it happened or not. I feel that I creating memory that I wanted to kiss her because my parents say it is wrong is kiss someone of same gender.

Example for italicized words

Parents warn children not to touch flame but children touch it and burn themselves.

Question 1 :

Am I a lesbian who is thinking that I'm creating memories of feeling to kiss a girl because I'm afraid of consequences or Am I saying I'm a lesbian because my parents are not accepting?

But presently I'm feeling that it is real that I felt like kissing a girl but I feel I watched a lot a kissing scenes at that time. We have good bond. 

Question 2:

Why did I feel to kiss my friend is it because I'm a lesbian or Is it because of the movies I watched at that time?

[Monsoon]

4 hours ago, learningbrain said:

Yes, they will accept me in future. But I still need to be confident that I am a lesbian. I'm not sure if I am a lesbian. I'm not like damn sure about what my sexuality is. I need to be sure that it's not a confusion phase where I say I'm a lesbian but turn out to be straight.

Problem which I face when I'm trying to relate if I'm lesbian.

i)After conversation with my grandma when I took an incident where I'm feeling to kiss a girl, I don't if it happened or not. I feel that I creating memory that I wanted to kiss her because my parents say it is wrong is kiss someone of same gender.

Example for italicized words

Parents warn children not to touch flame but children touch it and burn themselves.

Question 1 :

Am I a lesbian who is thinking that I'm creating memories of feeling to kiss a girl because I'm afraid of consequences or Am I saying I'm a lesbian because my parents are not accepting?

But presently I'm feeling that it is real that I felt like kissing a girl but I feel I watched a lot a kissing scenes at that time. We have good bond. 

Question 2:

Why did I feel to kiss my friend is it because I'm a lesbian or Is it because of the movies I watched at that time?

Hey there,

I think it's really hard at this point to know how it will turn out, and it might be that this lasts for a while which can be really frustrating for people. However, it won't always be like this, and it will get better eventually :) 

I think you have a lot of questions in what you've said which shows to me how confusing all of this is for you. We've got your back though, and this is a safe space in which you can share absolutely anything. I'm wondering, deep down, do you feel like these feelings are real and need addressing? I think it can be really common to convince yourself you're having these thoughts out of rebellion because of a fear around actually having to come out, so it can be a defence mechanism in way. What do you think? 

[learningbrain]

On 5/6/2022 at 9:00 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I think it's really hard at this point to know how it will turn out, and it might be that this lasts for a while which can be really frustrating for people. However, it won't always be like this, and it will get better eventually :) 

I think you have a lot of questions in what you've said which shows to me how confusing all of this is for you. We've got your back though, and this is a safe space in which you can share absolutely anything. I'm wondering, deep down, do you feel like these feelings are real and need addressing? I think it can be really common to convince yourself you're having these thoughts out of rebellion because of a fear around actually having to come out, so it can be a defence mechanism in way. What do you think? 

I don't know what I felt at that point of time.

Yes, It might be a possibility that I'm afraid to come out. I don't know. Last week, I was like maybe I was afraid to come out. This week I'm not sure.My opinion is changing every week.

How do I get rid of these confusions?

[Monsoon]

4 hours ago, learningbrain said:

I don't know what I felt at that point of time.

Yes, It might be a possibility that I'm afraid to come out. I don't know. Last week, I was like maybe I was afraid to come out. This week I'm not sure.My opinion is changing every week.

How do I get rid of these confusions?

Hey there,

I think that the best way to get rid of the confusions is to explore your sexuality in whatever way you can at your age and keep talking about it; what do you think? What advice would you give to someone who had the same confusions as you?