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I don't think I have friends.


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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Mental Illness

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I'll be honest, I don't really think that the people who call themselves my friends actually like me, I mean, first of all, why would they, and second, I kinda get the vibes that they're pitying me and pretending to be my friends, I don't even think that my family loves or cares for me. I don't think anyone ACTUALLY cares, because there is nothing that I can find to love about myself. And who says they aren't going to turn on me and use everything I've told them against me or mentally break me further than the therapists say I am? The problem is that I don't want to be friendless, although I'm more introverted and prefer to be alone for the most part, I don't want to lose them and be alone forever...but at the same time I want to break off from them to spare me the mental pain I feel coming at the end. 

It doesn't help that in the end, I know I won't be able to be friends with them when I move on to something else [don't ask, it's intensely personal and has to do with self-religion],  I won't be able to hold on...but I want to because I'm still human and crave company...though not much, haha.

Can I get advice and a WWYD, please?

 

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm wondering, have you always felt like no one likes or cares about you? If not, why do you think you started to have these feelings? 

I think I kinda always had that feeling, it was just more subtle when I was saaaayyy 9-ish.

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23 hours ago, MimeNegative said:

I think I kinda always had that feeling, it was just more subtle when I was saaaayyy 9-ish.

Hey, 

I'm curious, did something happen around the age of 9? Did someone leave, betray your trust, or anything like that? 

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3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey, 

I'm curious, did something happen around the age of 9? Did someone leave, betray your trust, or anything like that? 

I think it has to do with a past event I had experienced that had started becoming more prominent in my subconscious and spoke to me through my conscious, I think it made me stop trusting people and not thinking anyone actually care.

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Hey there,

Okay, that makes sense. When there's a significant event, it can stay with us for a long time, especially if we try to deny the thoughts and memories and don't talk about it. What do you think? Would you like to talk about that event? It's totally okay if not; we respect your privacy :) 

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9 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Okay, that makes sense. When there's a significant event, it can stay with us for a long time, especially if we try to deny the thoughts and memories and don't talk about it. What do you think? Would you like to talk about that event? It's totally okay if not; we respect your privacy :) 

Hmmm, I think you are probably correct. I'll just put it long story short [I was maybe 4], I woke up to yelling, got out of bed, looked out into the living room, and watched as my Stepfather and mom were fighting, he eventually threw a bowl at her. I'm pretty sure it hit her too.

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11 hours ago, MimeNegative said:

Hmmm, I think you are probably correct. I'll just put it long story short [I was maybe 4], I woke up to yelling, got out of bed, looked out into the living room, and watched as my Stepfather and mom were fighting, he eventually threw a bowl at her. I'm pretty sure it hit her too.

That sounds like it was a really difficult experience for you; home is supposed to be a safe place where we feel comfortable, and I can imagine that your sense of safety was disrupted after seeing that; what do you think? I'm wondering what's home life like for you now?

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2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

That sounds like it was a really difficult experience for you; home is supposed to be a safe place where we feel comfortable, and I can imagine that your sense of safety was disrupted after seeing that; what do you think? I'm wondering what's home life like for you now?

Pretty calm, I have a non-abusive relationship with my family, we get along VERY well compared to most families.

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7 hours ago, MimeNegative said:

Pretty calm, I have a non-abusive relationship with my family, we get along VERY well compared to most families.

Hey,

That's good to hear; I just wanted to check after what you told us about your stepfather and mom. So, with the event that happened, why do you think it might have made you lose trust in people and feel like people don't care?

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12 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

That's good to hear; I just wanted to check after what you told us about your stepfather and mom. So, with the event that happened, why do you think it might have made you lose trust in people and feel like people don't care?

Maybe my though process was 'They were supposed to love and care for each other, why is this happening?'

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, I totally get that. Do you feel like they loved and cared for you?

I don't know about my stepfather, but while my mom takes care of me, idk if she loves me.

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17 hours ago, MimeNegative said:

I don't know about my stepfather, but while my mom takes care of me, idk if she loves me.

Hey,

Have you always felt like you don't know if she loves you? What makes you unsure? 

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15 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Have you always felt like you don't know if she loves you? What makes you unsure? 

I think yes for the first question. The second is that I'm not a mind reader, so how do I know what you're really thinking? What are your true intentions? Human are fickle and liars, why should I trust any of them?

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48 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm wondering, why would she not love you? 

Tbh, kids are expensive and bratty, why would she keep one? Who says she really loves me? Who says she doesn't keep me around for leverage on people?

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12 hours ago, MimeNegative said:

Tbh, kids are expensive and bratty, why would she keep one? Who says she really loves me? Who says she doesn't keep me around for leverage on people?

Hey there,

I'd like you to tell me about a time when your mother did something nice for you that was caring. I look forward to hearing back from you. 

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'd like you to tell me about a time when your mother did something nice for you that was caring. I look forward to hearing back from you. 

I mean, she takes care of me and my brother...and generally gets us in nice schools/neighborhoods...

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9 hours ago, MimeNegative said:

I mean, she takes care of me and my brother...and generally gets us in nice schools/neighborhoods...

Hey there,

Okay, and I'm wondering, would you say that's behaviour of someone who doesn't love their children? What do you think? 

9 hours ago, MimeNegative said:

I mean, she takes care of me and my brother...and generally gets us in nice schools/neighborhoods...

Hey there,

Okay, and I'm wondering, would you say that's behaviour of someone who doesn't love their children? What do you think? 

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On 3/30/2022 at 3:53 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Okay, and I'm wondering, would you say that's behaviour of someone who doesn't love their children? What do you think? 

Hey there,

Okay, and I'm wondering, would you say that's behaviour of someone who doesn't love their children? What do you think? 

There are all sorts of signs...I don't honestly want to expand on that, but there are generally all sorts of things.

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34 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Can I check, are you safe at home? If you want, we can talk about this through the confidential support option if you feel more comfortable? 

I'm fine at home. I mainly just stay in my room.

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14 hours ago, MimeNegative said:

I'm fine at home. I mainly just stay in my room.

Hey there,

Okay, that's good, I just wanted to check. How are you feeling today?

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