some thoughts n stuff

[twelvefingers]

my mind also asks alot of dumb what if questions, like what if i did... what if someones watching me while im using the bathroom. for some reason i think people pay more attention to me than they should, despite me being somewhat of an outcast and almost no one besides my friends perceiving my existence. its kinda dumb to think but i could be right, i actually happen to be right about most things i think. this one time a friend of mine stole my phone and she wouldnt admit that she did, but then she said she found it, even though i had evidence of it being at her house, but then the next day we met up and she gave it to me. then there was this other time when i started to feel like she had a crush on one of my other friends, then a few days later she admitted to thinking he was cute, but he still rejected her for some reasons. so i guess thinking im the center of everyones attention might be true. but anyways, back to the what if questions, sometimes i ask them out loud too. a friend of mine said that i always think of the dumbest scenarios since i kept bothering him with these what if questions. there was this one time in particular when i got in trouble with the counselors cause me and some other dude got cracker crumbs everywhere outside and she told me to not bring food outside n stuff, but then the next day i was apparently still throwing around trash and the same counselor came up to me from the other day and asked for my name and she asked for my name and said she was going to report me to the principal, then she left and i got super upset. i felt really bad cause im usually known as a good person and since i have to apply for highschools and stuff, i might not get into a good highschool after the counselors report me.  but anyways, after the counselor left i got upset and recited a little spiel about how i should move schools to avoid punishment, how i should just drop out of school, how i should kill myself cause since i got in trouble once my whole future was in jeopardy, basically just me being melodramatic. on my way back to class i saw the counselors by their office and i just covered myself with my jacket and my friend said i looked crazy. and now my friends think im scared of the counselors. and thats pretty much all i had to say for now.

[Emberfrost12]

Hi, I read your post, and I’m going to tag in our digital mentor, @Monsoon to talk with you and help you out

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, twelvefingers said:

my mind also asks alot of dumb what if questions, like what if i did... what if someones watching me while im using the bathroom. for some reason i think people pay more attention to me than they should, despite me being somewhat of an outcast and almost no one besides my friends perceiving my existence. its kinda dumb to think but i could be right, i actually happen to be right about most things i think. this one time a friend of mine stole my phone and she wouldnt admit that she did, but then she said she found it, even though i had evidence of it being at her house, but then the next day we met up and she gave it to me. then there was this other time when i started to feel like she had a crush on one of my other friends, then a few days later she admitted to thinking he was cute, but he still rejected her for some reasons. so i guess thinking im the center of everyones attention might be true. but anyways, back to the what if questions, sometimes i ask them out loud too. a friend of mine said that i always think of the dumbest scenarios since i kept bothering him with these what if questions. there was this one time in particular when i got in trouble with the counselors cause me and some other dude got cracker crumbs everywhere outside and she told me to not bring food outside n stuff, but then the next day i was apparently still throwing around trash and the same counselor came up to me from the other day and asked for my name and she asked for my name and said she was going to report me to the principal, then she left and i got super upset. i felt really bad cause im usually known as a good person and since i have to apply for highschools and stuff, i might not get into a good highschool after the counselors report me.  but anyways, after the counselor left i got upset and recited a little spiel about how i should move schools to avoid punishment, how i should just drop out of school, how i should kill myself cause since i got in trouble once my whole future was in jeopardy, basically just me being melodramatic. on my way back to class i saw the counselors by their office and i just covered myself with my jacket and my friend said i looked crazy. and now my friends think im scared of the counselors. and thats pretty much all i had to say for now.

Hey there,

Thanks for sharing this with us. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice and support to those who reach out to us. I'm wondering, if you would like to chat with me about this, what are you hoping to get out of the conversation e.g., advice for strategies to help, our just someone to rant to? Speak soon. 

[twelvefingers]

i guess ranting somewhat helps, just typing out my feelings helps me feel better.

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, opening up is so helpful, and we are here to listen :)

I wonder, if you could imagine that voice inside your head as a person and you could really shout at them, what would you say?