My friend doesn't understand my fear of relationships

[Marv]

I've spoken about this "friend" of mine before. He's not too ignorant of lgbt stuff but he isn't exactly particularly informed and he's quite stubborn with his questionable opinions. But anyway, we got talking about relationships and I said that I'm not bothered about being in one, sometimes I kinda want one, someone to cuddle and what not, but mostly I'm really not bothered. My brain has never been big in the romance department at all. I'm 21 and I can count the amount of crushes I've had just on my hands. I don't actively walk about and think 'omg they're so hot'. Even the two celebrities I have crushes on have formed over years and years. This has lead me to the conclusion that I am demiromantic. I'm also asexual. But anyway, I said that I'm scared of relationships and that i'd struggle massively with the change (I'm autistic, so this makes sense). He doesn't think i'm autistic, but the point is, he isn't really understanding that, yes if I ever meet THE person, my brain will be like 'that's the one', I don't disagree with that, my point is, I'd really struggle with the change, and knowing me I'd probably get scared and push them away lol. This isn't really a big issue, I just wanted to rant about it somewhere where people would understand. 

But anyway, yes... I've come to some pretty funky realisations lately which I'm so pleased about! I've identified as Queer for a while now because the whole gender and sexuality thing is so complicated. But I've recently accepted the fact that I do like masculine bodies/people as well as feminine. I've understood that it's just male genitalia that I dislike. So, my conclusion, for now, is: demipanromantic asexual! Wahoo! That makes sense right? I've realised that I'd be happy with anyone, but my preference is no penis - which is okay(?). I'm always open to the fact that I may undergo more character development, but for now I feel quite satisfied :D 

[Marv]

I'd just like to add (I just remembered) about the time i literally ran away from someone (I mean I obviously didn't like RUN, but I buggered off very swiftly) just because they expressed romantic attraction to me and I realised that I found them kinda cute. I literally. ran. away. because it freaked me out lol - he doesn't think im autistic because i dont have behavioural problems!?!? what. Dont think it's normal to be that scared of change and intimacy and run away. 

[Monsoon]

Hey @Marv

It's lovely to hear from you again. I do remember you talking about this friend before and their difficulties understanding your perspective. It sounds like he really gets to you, and I'm wondering, what are you getting out of that friendship at the moment? Also, congratulations on your realisations :). How are you feeling now that you've figured out more about your identity and preferences? 

[Marv]

Hey @Monsoon

I mean, we don't talk as much as we did. I think he may have realised that i'm serious about the stuff I've told him, like being trans, being autistic, adhd, etc. He asked if i was officially diagnosed and I said 'no, but I've spoken to professionals who are in the serve who do help sessions and they believe I'm highly likely to be on the spectrum' and he said nothing else after that, so maybe he's got it, dunno. I dunno. We video called the other day and played some games, didn't chat a great deal, it was okay. Yeah, I'm not sure really. 

Also, identity and preference - it's good to know a bit more about myself and start accepting stuff, so that's cool

[Monsoon]

21 hours ago, Marv said:

Hey @Monsoon

I mean, we don't talk as much as we did. I think he may have realised that i'm serious about the stuff I've told him, like being trans, being autistic, adhd, etc. He asked if i was officially diagnosed and I said 'no, but I've spoken to professionals who are in the serve who do help sessions and they believe I'm highly likely to be on the spectrum' and he said nothing else after that, so maybe he's got it, dunno. I dunno. We video called the other day and played some games, didn't chat a great deal, it was okay. Yeah, I'm not sure really. 

Also, identity and preference - it's good to know a bit more about myself and start accepting stuff, so that's cool

Hey. Yeah, I think you might be right about him finally getting the message. If he has, what do you think this means for your friendship going forward? 

[Marv]

Hey @Monsoon

I'm not sure really. If I finally understands/stood, that'd be nice, but I feel like I'm naturally growing apart from him a bit to be honest, which  I don't mind I think, not every friendship lasts forever, right?

[Monsoon]

16 hours ago, Marv said:

Hey @Monsoon

I'm not sure really. If I finally understands/stood, that'd be nice, but I feel like I'm naturally growing apart from him a bit to be honest, which  I don't mind I think, not every friendship lasts forever, right?

Hey,

Yeah, you're right; it's a completely normal experience to grow apart from friends and it can be quite tough to deal with. It doesn't mean you can't still have a friendship, it might just look very different going forward. Do you think he has noticed that you might be growing apart too?