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I have a crush on my best friend, should I tell her?


bi bi bi Β  Β 
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I'm bi and my best friend is pan, and she prefers girls over guys. I've had a crush on her for a few months and part of the reason thatΒ  I realized I was bi was that I was attracted to her.Β  She was the first person who I came out to andΒ  we have a very special relationship.Β  I love her platonically so, so much but I also love her romantically. I want to tell her, but I don't want to risk messing up our relationship as friends, and I would hate myself if a relationship and our friendship both failed. Other complications are that our families are very close and if something got messed up, it could become very awkward, I've known her since I was very little, she's friend's with almost all of my friends which could get tricky if something went wrong, and I have 3 and 1/2 more years of school and classes with her.

Should I tell her?Β  And if so, how?

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2 hours ago, bi bi bi said:

I'm bi and my best friend is pan, and she prefers girls over guys. I've had a crush on her for a few months and part of the reason thatΒ  I realized I was bi was that I was attracted to her.Β  She was the first person who I came out to andΒ  we have a very special relationship.Β  I love her platonically so, so much but I also love her romantically. I want to tell her, but I don't want to risk messing up our relationship as friends, and I would hate myself if a relationship and our friendship both failed. Other complications are that our families are very close and if something got messed up, it could become very awkward, I've known her since I was very little, she's friend's with almost all of my friends which could get tricky if something went wrong, and I have 3 and 1/2 more years of school and classes with her.

Should I tell her?Β  And if so, how?

Hey there,

Thanks for reaching out to us with this. It's a tricky one isn't it, because as you said, you don't want it to change the relationship. When I've supported people in this kind of situation before, I always ask, what is your gut feeling telling you to do? Do you think she likes you in the same way?

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4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Thanks for reaching out to us with this. It's a tricky one isn't it, because as you said, you don't want it to change the relationship. When I've supported people in this kind of situation before, I always ask, what is your gut feeling telling you to do? Do you think she likes you in the same way?

My gut feeling is telling me not to so that there are no repercussions, but I feel like that's just pushing my feelings away. She's not a very open person and is good at hiding things, so I have no idea if she likes me in the same way. I know she loves me platonically and we say I love you to each other, but as friends. I also know 2 people who she has a crush on and one of them is not me. She struggles from anxiety and has only disclosed select things about that with me and I don't want to make her more anxious as well, BUT if I never do anything I'll always wonder what could've happened.

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idk if this helps but you have to tell her sooner or later otherwise she would never know. so just try to open up to her

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1 minute ago, Leafiebean said:

idk if this helps but you have to tell her sooner or later otherwise she would never know. so just try to open up to her

The thing is, my current ex were just friends to start off with then I started to develop feelings for him before I asked him out and now look where it has landed me

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Just now, Leafiebean said:

yeah...but i was just trying to help

I know you were but I am just saying that I personally wouldnt recommend it but I agree with you leaf, you should just go for it bi bi bi

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Just now, Leafiebean said:

I believe you can do it bi bi bi! I'll support you all the way!

you could have just quoted my reply but just deleted the 'I know you were but I am just saying that I personally wouldnt recommend it but' section

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On 1/19/2022 at 12:35 PM, bi bi bi said:

My gut feeling is telling me not to so that there are no repercussions, but I feel like that's just pushing my feelings away. She's not a very open person and is good at hiding things, so I have no idea if she likes me in the same way. I know she loves me platonically and we say I love you to each other, but as friends. I also know 2 people who she has a crush on and one of them is not me. She struggles from anxiety and has only disclosed select things about that with me and I don't want to make her more anxious as well, BUT if I never do anything I'll always wonder what could've happened.

Hey,

Yeah, it's a really tricky one, and I think you're the only person who knows what the right answer is. If you had a friend who was in the same situation, what advice would you give them?

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3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, it's a really tricky one, and I think you're the only person who knows what the right answer is. If you had a friend who was in the same situation, what advice would you give them?

I think it would depend on who it is, but I'd probably tell them to do it if it's the right situation and circumstances. I think because she is having some mental health issues, I'm going to wait but if I did want to tell her in the future, any suggestions about how I could do that or bring it up?

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6 hours ago, Leafiebean said:

idk if this helps but you have to tell her sooner or later otherwise she would never know. so just try to open up to her

How could I go about this without making it awkward though?

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  • Solution
21 hours ago, bi bi bi said:

I think it would depend on who it is, but I'd probably tell them to do it if it's the right situation and circumstances. I think because she is having some mental health issues, I'm going to wait but if I did want to tell her in the future, any suggestions about how I could do that or bring it up?

Hey there,

That's really kind and considerate of you to wait for now. I think that when you have this kind of conversation, you just have to be honest and say whatever feels right in the moment. It's hard to plan. What do you think?

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11 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

That's really kind and considerate of you to wait for now. I think that when you have this kind of conversation, you just have to be honest and say whatever feels right in the moment. It's hard to plan. What do you think?

I think that sounds nerve-racking bit probably the right thing to do.

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12 hours ago, bi bi bi said:

I think that sounds nerve-racking bit probably the right thing to do.

Hey,

Yeah. It's perfectly normal to want to prepare what you're going to say, but in those moments where you really open up your heart, it's often best to just speak freely and from the heart. That's not to say any other way is wrong; different things work for different people. How are you feeling about it all now?

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On 1/22/2022 at 5:54 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah. It's perfectly normal to want to prepare what you're going to say, but in those moments where you really open up your heart, it's often best to just speak freely and from the heart. That's not to say any other way is wrong; different things work for different people. How are you feeling about it all now?

Fine

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11 hours ago, bi bi bi said:

Fine

Hey there,

That's good to hear. Would you like support with anything else at the moment?Β 

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12 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

That's good to hear. Would you like support with anything else at the moment?Β 

I just came out to my mom and came out to my close friends. They were all super accepting and I had no issues with that which is good. Any suggestions on how I can come out to most of my school or more publicly? And how do I tell family friends without directly saying that I'm bi?

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11 hours ago, bi bi bi said:

I just came out to my mom and came out to my close friends. They were all super accepting and I had no issues with that which is good. Any suggestions on how I can come out to most of my school or more publicly? And how do I tell family friends without directly saying that I'm bi?

Hey there,

Sure thing! I'm wondering, how did you come out to your mom and close friends? Could you possibly use social media to come out more publicly?Β 

Also, with telling your family friends, can I ask how come you want to do it without directly saying it?

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On 1/27/2022 at 12:43 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Sure thing! I'm wondering, how did you come out to your mom and close friends? Could you possibly use social media to come out more publicly?Β 

Also, with telling your family friends, can I ask how come you want to do it without directly saying it?

I texted my friends and casually brought it up to my mom. I probably could use social media and it's just awkward to say it directly to family friends. I don't want it to be a big deal because I'm confident with my sexuality and I know they'll all accept me but it's still awkward.

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Hey there,

Yeah, I think it can feel awkward for a while when you first start coming out, but a lot of people also say that it's good for their confidence to say it directly. What do you think about that?Β 

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23 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, I think it can feel awkward for a while when you first start coming out, but a lot of people also say that it's good for their confidence to say it directly. What do you think about that?Β 

Yeah, I guess that would be okay in the future.

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