suicidal

[being]

It started around 3 years earlier, I started having what google describes as an 'anxiety attack'.
Around the time when I go to bed, I sometimes start having a cold wave-like pain around my chest area, start trembling, get goosebumps and cry.  I rarely talk about my problems with anyone, so everything is just piled up inside me. 
I do have a loving family, but sometimes I get into fights with my sibling. My sibling once told me that their life was bitter because they had a bitter person like me in their life (using 'their' for my only sibling because I don't want to mention their gender). When we were having a fight once, they told me that they'd kill me and throw me somewhere, and nobody would even come to look for me.  My sibling usually acts good towards me, but only talks like this when they're angry. But once, I saw my sibling share a quote which said something around 'words don't hurt is a lie'. I keep telling myself not to care about them when they're having problems but I can't stop myself from helping them. But when I'm having some problems, or when I'm not in a good mood, they tend to forget what I've done for them. 
Whenever I do something what they found to be 'bad', they don't confront me or talk to me about it. They'd rather go to a friend I'm closest to at the moment and tell them about it. And when I find out about it and try to talk to them about it, they act like they've done nothing wrong and that they did the right thing talking to my friend, rather than talking to me about the problem.
I've been hurt over and over by their actions but I still run to them when they're going through something rough. I even stopped being close to anyone, afraid that they'll go and exaggerate things to my friends. 

I feel bad about complaining or even talking about this to anyone, because my sibling acts like this only when they're mad about something. For the remaining normal days, they treat me well.
Is this normal or am I exaggerating things?

I've also started feeling very suicidal again these days, is this because I don't talk to anyone about anything?
 

[Daisie]

Hey being. 
I am Daisie, a Community Warden within the forums and I just wanted to let you know that I have tagged our trained Mentors in to this to see if you’d like to have a chat with them about how you’re feeling at the moment.

@Monsoon & @Blondie

[Monsoon]

6 hours ago, being said:

It started around 3 years earlier, I started having what google describes as an 'anxiety attack'.
Around the time when I go to bed, I sometimes start having a cold wave-like pain around my chest area, start trembling, get goosebumps and cry.  I rarely talk about my problems with anyone, so everything is just piled up inside me. 
I do have a loving family, but sometimes I get into fights with my sibling. My sibling once told me that their life was bitter because they had a bitter person like me in their life (using 'their' for my only sibling because I don't want to mention their gender). When we were having a fight once, they told me that they'd kill me and throw me somewhere, and nobody would even come to look for me.  My sibling usually acts good towards me, but only talks like this when they're angry. But once, I saw my sibling share a quote which said something around 'words don't hurt is a lie'. I keep telling myself not to care about them when they're having problems but I can't stop myself from helping them. But when I'm having some problems, or when I'm not in a good mood, they tend to forget what I've done for them. 
Whenever I do something what they found to be 'bad', they don't confront me or talk to me about it. They'd rather go to a friend I'm closest to at the moment and tell them about it. And when I find out about it and try to talk to them about it, they act like they've done nothing wrong and that they did the right thing talking to my friend, rather than talking to me about the problem.
I've been hurt over and over by their actions but I still run to them when they're going through something rough. I even stopped being close to anyone, afraid that they'll go and exaggerate things to my friends. 

I feel bad about complaining or even talking about this to anyone, because my sibling acts like this only when they're mad about something. For the remaining normal days, they treat me well.
Is this normal or am I exaggerating things?

I've also started feeling very suicidal again these days, is this because I don't talk to anyone about anything?
 

Hello @being

I just want you to know that we've sent you a message to check in and see how you're doing. 

[XSnowX]

On 12/2/2021 at 1:01 PM, being said:

It started around 3 years earlier, I started having what google describes as an 'anxiety attack'.
Around the time when I go to bed, I sometimes start having a cold wave-like pain around my chest area, start trembling, get goosebumps and cry.  I rarely talk about my problems with anyone, so everything is just piled up inside me. 
I do have a loving family, but sometimes I get into fights with my sibling. My sibling once told me that their life was bitter because they had a bitter person like me in their life (using 'their' for my only sibling because I don't want to mention their gender). When we were having a fight once, they told me that they'd kill me and throw me somewhere, and nobody would even come to look for me.  My sibling usually acts good towards me, but only talks like this when they're angry. But once, I saw my sibling share a quote which said something around 'words don't hurt is a lie'. I keep telling myself not to care about them when they're having problems but I can't stop myself from helping them. But when I'm having some problems, or when I'm not in a good mood, they tend to forget what I've done for them. 
Whenever I do something what they found to be 'bad', they don't confront me or talk to me about it. They'd rather go to a friend I'm closest to at the moment and tell them about it. And when I find out about it and try to talk to them about it, they act like they've done nothing wrong and that they did the right thing talking to my friend, rather than talking to me about the problem.
I've been hurt over and over by their actions but I still run to them when they're going through something rough. I even stopped being close to anyone, afraid that they'll go and exaggerate things to my friends. 

I feel bad about complaining or even talking about this to anyone, because my sibling acts like this only when they're mad about something. For the remaining normal days, they treat me well.
Is this normal or am I exaggerating things?

I've also started feeling very suicidal again these days, is this because I don't talk to anyone about anything?
 

Hello, I'm sorry you're down, well zins for telling us about what's going on inside as that is more helpful for us to know what is going on then to best help you with you're situation.  Things seem tough, on a scale of 1-10 how bad are these chest pains do you think their impacting your life to the point where irs stopping you from doing daily activities?  If so, and you get worried about the pain, I would  make a doctors appointment with your doctor and explain to them what is happening. I hope the pain dies down and you get some sort of feeling that it will get better.

I'm sorry to hear your having suicide thoughts, have you got anyone around to keep you safe? Has anybody known that you feel like this? At times, do you feel unsafe? Have you got helplines you can call if you feel unsafe? If you are in immediate danger then if your in the uk then call 999 for an ambulance. Same goes if your in the us call 911 and ask for an ambulance. If your in Europe then call 112. I hope this helped.