Blc Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 Hi guys as you can see from this title I am not feeling very well mentally I'm not sure what it is or why I feel this way but I've been thinking about the past a lot recently and not JUST this year even further then that back when I was like 6 or seven back In my old school I got severely bullied because I am disabled I admit it I am disabled I'm not sure what it does but it's called chiari malformation i think thats you spell it and it basically effects the brain and I can't walk far distances so I've never been able to what they were able to do I can still walk and talk so it's a silly thing to bully someone over that and truth is, back then, between me and you guys I didn't know what being disabled was I knew of it but I had no idea what it truly meant and that experience is why I don't trust people anymore even the new friends I've made because, unfortunately I didn't get the help I needed and I didn't leave that school at the right time I used to want to do things like talk as much as I do here and with family but the truth is I just can't. What makes that situation worse is the fact that it's affected me to the point where romantic relationships are effected like at the beginning of this year I was with someone I cared about loads when I say loads I mean loads but unfortunately In April it ended because of this exact reason Im not good at conversation starting I try even if it kills me and I'm pretty sure it would if it could anyway since then my mental health went from bad to shit excuse my language but it's true I've met someone else now and I love her and can possibly see a future with her? Maybe? It just depends because I've screwed it up because I told her I still have feelings for the other girl and that makes it even worse we talked about it but I can't remember what she said but for now I'm happy here with this new one Everyone asks are you ok? And I know they care but I think I've said it before on here it all feels so temporary like I could just close my eyes or click my fingers and.... It would all just be gone I already feel gone Like my time has come for me to go I'm trying to stay for the people I love but my depression is finally taking over me I feel it every day wether I'm at home, at school, anywhere really and I could start the day happy and full of joy but by the end that joy would be gone I feel like I should go it would make everyone's lives easier I'd be In a better place and everyone would be happy I've got a good group of friends but they would be better off without me everyone would at least I wouldn't be in pain anymore right? I could finally be happy I'm sorry I don't mean to be negative but I've been broken for so long that sometimes it feels like people would be better off without me In the way you know what as well? I have glasses that I need to wear for close up reading but I never wear them because everything I look In the mirror with them on I see what they all did the bullies I mean a mental depressed disabled idiot I'm constantly fighting for my life to stay and live but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on and everytime in the mirror with my glasses on I start to loath myself even more I'm done MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XSnowX Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 3 minutes ago, Blc said: Hi guys as you can see from this title I am not feeling very well mentally I'm not sure what it is or why I feel this way but I've been thinking about the past a lot recently and not JUST this year even further then that back when I was like 6 or seven back In my old school I got severely bullied because I am disabled I admit it I am disabled I'm not sure what it does but it's called chiari malformation i think thats you spell it and it basically effects the brain and I can't walk far distances so I've never been able to what they were able to do I can still walk and talk so it's a silly thing to bully someone over that and truth is, back then, between me and you guys I didn't know what being disabled was I knew of it but I had no idea what it truly meant and that experience is why I don't trust people anymore even the new friends I've made because, unfortunately I didn't get the help I needed and I didn't leave that school at the right time I used to want to do things like talk as much as I do here and with family but the truth is I just can't. What makes that situation worse is the fact that it's affected me to the point where romantic relationships are effected like at the beginning of this year I was with someone I cared about loads when I say loads I mean loads but unfortunately In April it ended because of this exact reason Im not good at conversation starting I try even if it kills me and I'm pretty sure it would if it could anyway since then my mental health went from bad to shit excuse my language but it's true I've met someone else now and I love her and can possibly see a future with her? Maybe? It just depends because I've screwed it up because I told her I still have feelings for the other girl and that makes it even worse we talked about it but I can't remember what she said but for now I'm happy here with this new one Everyone asks are you ok? And I know they care but I think I've said it before on here it all feels so temporary like I could just close my eyes or click my fingers and.... It would all just be gone I already feel gone Like my time has come for me to go I'm trying to stay for the people I love but my depression is finally taking over me I feel it every day wether I'm at home, at school, anywhere really and I could start the day happy and full of joy but by the end that joy would be gone I feel like I should go it would make everyone's lives easier I'd be In a better place and everyone would be happy I've got a good group of friends but they would be better off without me everyone would at least I wouldn't be in pain anymore right? I could finally be happy I'm sorry I don't mean to be negative but I've been broken for so long that sometimes it feels like people would be better off without me In the way you know what as well? I have glasses that I need to wear for close up reading but I never wear them because everything I look In the mirror with them on I see what they all did the bullies I mean a mental depressed disabled idiot I'm constantly fighting for my life to stay and live but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on and everytime in the mirror with my glasses on I start to loath myself even more I'm done Hi, you shouldn't use two girls, if your with someone and you like someone else then leave the other girl. Being bullied isn't nice, have you got anyone to talk to. I'll message you because I'm passed off MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blc Posted November 22, 2021 Author Share Posted November 22, 2021 No I don't really well I do but I don't really talk about my feelings because as I said I don't trust people and I'm not exactly using them it's just a complicated situation MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XSnowX Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 1 minute ago, Blc said: No I don't really well I do but I don't really talk about my feelings because as I said I don't trust people and I'm not exactly using them it's just a complicated situation Qell, you told her you didn't like your ex, so your lying. Hope you work things out MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blc Posted November 22, 2021 Author Share Posted November 22, 2021 Same tbh MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XSnowX Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 Just now, Blc said: Same tbh Bye MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 3 hours ago, Blc said: Hi guys as you can see from this title I am not feeling very well mentally I'm not sure what it is or why I feel this way but I've been thinking about the past a lot recently and not JUST this year even further then that back when I was like 6 or seven back In my old school I got severely bullied because I am disabled I admit it I am disabled I'm not sure what it does but it's called chiari malformation i think thats you spell it and it basically effects the brain and I can't walk far distances so I've never been able to what they were able to do I can still walk and talk so it's a silly thing to bully someone over that and truth is, back then, between me and you guys I didn't know what being disabled was I knew of it but I had no idea what it truly meant and that experience is why I don't trust people anymore even the new friends I've made because, unfortunately I didn't get the help I needed and I didn't leave that school at the right time I used to want to do things like talk as much as I do here and with family but the truth is I just can't. What makes that situation worse is the fact that it's affected me to the point where romantic relationships are effected like at the beginning of this year I was with someone I cared about loads when I say loads I mean loads but unfortunately In April it ended because of this exact reason Im not good at conversation starting I try even if it kills me and I'm pretty sure it would if it could anyway since then my mental health went from bad to shit excuse my language but it's true I've met someone else now and I love her and can possibly see a future with her? Maybe? It just depends because I've screwed it up because I told her I still have feelings for the other girl and that makes it even worse we talked about it but I can't remember what she said but for now I'm happy here with this new one Everyone asks are you ok? And I know they care but I think I've said it before on here it all feels so temporary like I could just close my eyes or click my fingers and.... It would all just be gone I already feel gone Like my time has come for me to go I'm trying to stay for the people I love but my depression is finally taking over me I feel it every day wether I'm at home, at school, anywhere really and I could start the day happy and full of joy but by the end that joy would be gone I feel like I should go it would make everyone's lives easier I'd be In a better place and everyone would be happy I've got a good group of friends but they would be better off without me everyone would at least I wouldn't be in pain anymore right? I could finally be happy I'm sorry I don't mean to be negative but I've been broken for so long that sometimes it feels like people would be better off without me In the way you know what as well? I have glasses that I need to wear for close up reading but I never wear them because everything I look In the mirror with them on I see what they all did the bullies I mean a mental depressed disabled idiot I'm constantly fighting for my life to stay and live but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on and everytime in the mirror with my glasses on I start to loath myself even more I'm done Hey there, I just want you to know that I've sent you a message to check in. I hope to hear from you soon. We are here for you. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XSnowX Posted November 23, 2021 Share Posted November 23, 2021 13 hours ago, Blc said: Same tbh Hey!! Ily hru MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blc Posted November 23, 2021 Author Share Posted November 23, 2021 Hey I'm ok thanks hbu MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XSnowX Posted November 24, 2021 Share Posted November 24, 2021 10 hours ago, Blc said: Hey I'm ok thanks hbu Poorly toes!! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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