why am i so scared of my own existence?

[chuu]

recently i’ve been unsure whether i’m actually alive or not and that sounds kinda weird. i refuse to look at myself in the mirror and that’s not because i’m unhappy with the way i look, it’s because mirrors prove i’m alive, they’re a proof of existence, another pair of eyes almost. when i do look at myself in the mirror i see a stranger that looks and act exactly like me but they aren’t me. i know i’m only a kid and all of this is way beyond my years but i’m really frightened of myself and i never used to be. it feels like im rotting from the inside out and all i want to do is make it stop. nothing feels real anymore.

[Monsoon]

Hey @chuu

Thank you for telling me about how you're feeling at the moment. It sounds like these feelings are quite intense at the moment. How are you coping? I hope you're doing as okay as you can be. I'm wondering, have you had these kinds of feelings before? What do you think they mean? 

[chuu]

hey @Monsoon

i’m okay thank you for asking. i have had these feelings before but they come and go as they please. i’m not sure what they mean, everyday for me feels like a dream almost and some days i can’t tell if i’m dreaming or i’m actually conscious because if i can get through a day without feeling bad or upset it feels so unnatural because that’s what i’ve gotten used to, feeling sad all the time. (i really hope this doesn’t sound like a cry for attention because that isn’t what this is.)

[Monsoon]

Hey @chuu

I'm glad to hear that you are okay. It's interesting that you have had these feelings before. I'm wondering, when you've felt this way in the past, has something big been going on in your life at the same time? Also, I'm curious to know, have you told anyone else about this, like your parents, perhaps? I think it could be good to speak with others so that if you need to, you can speak with someone who might be able to help you more. Take care and speak soon.