low self esteem coming from my family problem

[cacaca]

i'm writing this here because i have no one to talk to hoping that someone in here would actually help giving me advice. so i'm gonna start off by telling about my life having the quietest family. what i meant was we're so lack of communication.  this pandemic is taking a toll on me. staying at home almost making me insane. i almost lost my communication skills. i always have anxiety and i cry thinking about it because communication skills start from household right? i needed that to be  able to socialize out there. now, even during online classes, i will always feel anxious when the lecturers were calling my name. i feel like im no longer an ambivert but more to an introvert now. my parents' relationship is not in a good condition. they dont talk to each other like a normal husband and wife. but when they do, they always ended up arguing. they never joke around like a normal happy family does. i dont love my dad as much now because i know if he loves my mom and always talk to her when she needs him, things arent going to be like this. i know my self esteem is decreasing because of this. due to low self esteem, my relationship with my bf arent going well. i feel like i'm being too controlling because it feels anxious whenever he hangouts with his friends. i feel like he's gonna see other women, because i feel like im not good enough for him. also, my bestfriend was cutting me off. she didnt tell me the reason but i believe that i was the toxic ones

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[Monsoon]

Hey @cacaca

That you for talking to us about this. It sounds like you're really going through it at the moment. I can see from what you've said about how lockdown has taken its toll on you. I think that the pandemic has left a lot of us with anxiety which is totally understandable, and there are plenty of things we can do to help. It must also be pretty hard for you to be around your parents and their tricky dynamic, and I can imagine that this also impacts your mental health too - is that fair to say?

How are you feeling after getting all of this of your chest by the way? I know it might not seem like it now, but because you're opening up about this, you're allowing yourself to open up your mind to solutions to move forward and make things better. Hang in there. Speak soon.