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I need advice


Zeffy
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Posted (edited)

I am 14, I am trying to separate myself from toxic friends, but when I do I feel lonely. If I leave it completely how will I find new friends. I am  on summer break right now. Do I need friends, what am I supposed to do? Also I go to bed around 3-4am almost every night.

Edited by Zeffy
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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Zeffy

Welcome to our community :). I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice and support to those who reach out to us. 

I'm sorry to hear about your toxic friends. I get that you will feel lonely if you separate yourself from them, but if it's really getting to you, do you think it's something you just have to do to protect your own mental health? I'm wondering, are there other people you could hang out with? I'm thinking there are probably other people you know but just aren't properly friends with yet that you could get to know more. Let me know what you think. 

Also, why don't you take a look at our support guide here? You might find it helpful for your situation: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/5-ways-to-make-friends/ 

Speak soooon. 

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Hey Zeffy,

Could you ask your parents and say that you'd like to hang out with him more? They could then get his number or something :)

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Heyy,

Did you ask your parents about getting in touch with him? :) 

Ah, okay, so what is it you feel insecure about if you don't mind me asking? 

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sorry for not being able to respond,

well like, I feel insecure about, my body because I am really skinny and underweight, my interests, the music I listen to,  and it is sometimes hard for me to talk to people. I stutter and I mumble sometimes when talking to people.

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Hey @Zeffy

No need to apologise :)

Sorry to hear that you're feeling insecure about those things. How long have you been feeling like this for? I'm wondering, what are some of the things that you feel more secure about? 

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Ahh, okay. Do you think you started being insecure because of something in particular? I usually find that there can be a bad experience, like getting bullied, which can hit your self-esteem hard. Having an understanding of where this started might help you to then move forward. Knowledge is power!

Also, a better way of asking my question might be this... can you name three things you like about yourself? This can be absolutely anything from something about your appearance, a talent, or something that people like about your character/personality :) 

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well, my parents are really controlling and my siblings always make fun of me, I play a lot of games, people think I am a chill person, and some girl called me cute today.  lmao

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Ahh, okay. So your parents being controlling and siblings making fun of you is having an effect on your self-esteem? I'm wondering, have you tried speaking to them about it? They might not know that it's hurting your feelings otherwise. 

Also, it's good to hear three good things about you - get you for being called cute! That must have cheered you up :). I'm going to set you a challenge, the next time you have a negative thought about yourself, why don't you try to remember the three things that you've just told me? If you keep doing this, over time, you can change your perspective from negative to positive. It takes work, but it pays off. Basically, the point is that everyone has the power in them to improve their self-esteem and feel more secure. What do you think?

Btw, have you seen this? https://www.ditchthelabel.org/overcoming-low-self-esteem/

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Posted (edited)

well my parents always say "they do it to protect me" or "they want me to be the best version of myself" or something like that. When that girl called me cute I think she actually likes me because, she got my number and we got to know a little bit of  each others interests. She also smiles at me and looks at me, but like I don't really know what to do, because how do I tell my parents if we end up becoming friends. Will my parents be skeptical? will they not like the way we met? I'm not aloud to date until 17, but I'm aloud to have friends. I've been thinking of her, and how my parents will react if I tell them all day, and I feel like she might also be thinking about me. 

Edited by Zeffy
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Hey,

I get that your parents want to act in your best interests, but it kind of sounds like they don't always go about it in the best way if that makes sense, with their controlling behaviours? Have you spoken to them about how you feel? They might not know how it's impacting you otherwise.

Also, it DEFFO sounds like that girl likes you. Go for it! Are you thinking that you want to be more than friends and actually date her? 

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Hey, yeah, I remember you saying, but if it made you happy, you might be able to persuade your parents.. what do you think?

 

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Tbh I don't really want to start a hardcore relationship. I just want to become friends, and I don't have the guts to tell my parents about her.

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Hey,

I'm wondering, if the element of having to tell your parents about her was removed, would you want to be more than friends with her? 

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Ahh, lovely. I hope you having a great time. If you'd like more support with absolutely anything, you know where we are.

 

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