I think I know why I get depressed

[Anonymous3831]

So I’ve posted a few posts that usually I just rant because I would usually be in a depressed state (kindve like now) and I finally think I know why but not sure why I get depressed/have moments of irritation.

 

I think I’m usually depressed because I have no sense of self and have no idea how to find meaning to life besides (Having sex, alcohol, trying to gain popularity or look good to people for attention. Ect)

 

When I wake up in the morning, there’s nothing on my mind I want to do or that I reallyyy look forward to doing in my day. The only thing I think I like doing is watching tv and this is because it’s the one true thing that numbs my brian and takes me away from reality.

 

Here’s a list of things that have caused me to become depressed or have breakdowns:

 

-Not being good enough to my standards in baseball at age 14 (Made me quit) and I was depressed for a long time and moody.

-Just depressed in general ages 16-17 I really didn’t like people and I still don’t like people much now.

-Whenever I lose in my video game I get depressed because I have this one goal in mind.

 

Usually when things don’t go my way it triggers depression. I recently posted about having to get a job and that I was going to be depressed. I mean it wasn’t really the thought of working it’s just it takes time away from whatever goals I have in mind but ever since I started working I don’t care as much about the goals anymore I once had which was to get this one rank in my game which idk why it has such high importance to me but it does for some reason.

 

i really just want to have some sort of good feeling instead of nothing or sadness.

 

I don’t think I have any sense of self and I’m wondering how I can get that. I know you’re supposed to figure out what you like to do, but When I think about it, there’s actually nothing I really do like to do except watch TV because it gives an alternate reality.

 

How can I cure myself without the aid of a therapist? I keep asking myself (What do I really like to do, and nothing pops up in my head)

Edited September 25, 2021 by Daisie

[Monsoon]

Hey Anonymous3831. It's great to hear from you again. You've done well at figuring out why you're depressed. When we feel like we have no sense of self, this can make us wonder what our purpose is, and to be honest, this is a pretty big question which can take up a lot of our mental energy, so I guess it makes sense as to why you've been feeling down. I completely get what you mean about having to work taking time away from reaching your goals. I'm wondering, could you get a job that's related to your goal in gaming e.g. a job in the gaming industry? This might help you to feel more motivated as you would be working in an area that you're passionate about. This might help you to feel better about things in general which you're looking for atm.

 

I'm interested in how your depression is triggered when things don't go your own way. Why do you think that is? Understanding this might be the key to moving forward with your mental health.

 

Also, I think that because nothing is popping into your mind when you think about what you like, maybe you could try to experience new things. I guess you don't know what you like if you've never tried it! With new experiences come new hobbies and interests, and it sounds like this is exactly what you might need right now.

 

I think that trying to work on what I've suggested might help you to feel a stronger sense of self. It's important to remember that these suggestions aren't really a short-term fix, but more of things to work on over time in order to help you feel better. Let me know what you think of all of this.

 

Speak soon

-Monsoon

 

 

 

Edited October 11, 2020 by Monsoon

[Mammu]

Hey @Anonymous3831!

So, I can't give you any advice like the digital mentors here, but I can advise on what got me into a nice mindset. For me, it was listening to PTX, Avi Kaplan, and Superfruit. I also watch Superfruit's YT channel. I also got back to a community-GuruShots. The point I'm making is maybe finding a new hobby or a new YouTuber who makes you genuinely happy might help.

And for not having nothing to look forward to, the previous tips might help but just because they worked for me, doesn't mean that they'll work for you. I also understand the need to numb reality. I also have that type of feeling and the only advice from me is to go at it head-on. Try eating healthy, exercising, learning, an instrument, and singing. Also in the meanwhile write down how you feel or talk to somebody about it. Talking does help (I know it' s cliche but it works) and writing it down also helps. I have a self-made book called "suicide prevention diary". Whenever I start going to a bad place I take it out and write in it. Maybe you could make your own called "for the times I flip out" or something like that. Be creative! Make it nice and draw on it. Even if you suck at drawing (like me) AND use bright colors. Drawing should also help. Draw anything that you like. Coloring a color book is also very soothing. To take it all together, do something new and exciting!

Hope this helps!

[Remi]

Hey @Mammu

 

Thanks for this great advice. You are totally right, having hobbies and things to make us feel proud of who we are is important. Is there anything you think of that you enjoy doing creatively?

 

Your suicide prevention diary sounds really interesting, what kind of things do you put in there @Mammu ?

[Monsoon]

Hey @Anonymous3831

 

How is everything going now?

[Anonymous3831]

@Monsoon Doing a bit better, sorry for such a long response. From the time being from 08-25 to now I was doing decent. Not too happy but not too sad; Just was being there. Still unsure to what to do find what I like besides the sex thing or sometimes alcohol. I would say during that time I felt a bit lonely even though I still have my parents and a few friends and flings, doesn't really feel like I connect with anyone.

[Monsoon]

Hey @Anonymous3831

 

I'm glad to hear that you've been decent up until now. I think a lot of people have also felt quite lonely during this tricky time - have you been able to get out much with other people during the pandemic?

 

Also, I'm curious to know, do you feel like you've ever connected with anyone? If so, what do you think allowed that?

[Anonymous3831]

@Monsoon

 

Sorry for the late response. I still haven't really connected with anyone even though I do have friends that have similar interests. It's the feeling I lack which i'm unsure how to get.

 

Like I know on paper that i should be connected with these people including my parents, but I just don't feel it. Now I do feel it more for sure than 95% of other people, but even then I just don't feel it that much.

[Monsoon]

Hey @Anonymous3831

 

I'm sorry to hear that you still haven't really connected with anyone - it must be really frustrating for you

 

Just out of curiosity, do you think there's a reason why you feel like you haven't yet connected with anyone else? Also, can I ask, what does it mean for you to be connected with other people? Or in other words, how will you know when you are?

 

Monsoon