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Depressionnnn


blackbettyboop
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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Mental Illness

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so in my family we don't talk about mental health and growing up i never acknowledged it as something that i could have? for lack of a better explanation. anyway, i definitely thought it was something really different than what it turned out to be. my (homophobic) parents found out that I was gay right before school started and it just became a whole mess when they dropped me off and the months afterwards. they took it harder on themselves, especially my mom. it took a heavy mental toll on her going so far as to thoughts of self-harm (that she never acted on) but seemed very real. so that in addition to a really difficult transition into college especially as an introverted black girl and being first gen, low income - i didn't seek out support systems and i had great friends but i avoided talking about a lot of it and just ended up with most of my first year spent crying in my room, only eating junk food, not going to class and all of that good stuff. my parents "forced me back into the closet" lol so it's not necessarily an issue between us anymore; however, it's been a year and i still haven't processed any of it and the depression comes back sporadically. i've tried seeing a therapist but i'm a really big crier and don't love talking but i journal and that's helped some. i guess my question would be if there are any suggestions to dealing with the depression and i don't know, how to deal with emotionally manipulative parents? i'm glad to have a home to come back to where i'm loved* but hiding my sexuality from them when i haven't fully processed it yet for myself isn't the most fun thing 😕 i want to become entirely independent once i'm done with college and i'm assuming, cut off all ties with them but i'm not sure how to do that and am worried about how my mom will take it especially because of my younger brothers. they're in no harm now, nor were they at the time when she was initially dealing with all of this and my dad remained stable throughout but they don't deserve to deal with something that's my problem.

Edited by Daisie
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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here to help you with this.

 

I can't imagine how this must have been for you. To see your parents struggling so much to accept who you are must have had a big affect on you and I can see that through how you were skipping class, staying in your room, and eating junk food. How are your parents dealing with it now? I'm sorry to hear that you've been put back into the closet. It must have taken a lot of courage to step out in the first place, and we want to help you with this. I think that one of the first things you can do is to start talking, which you are already doing. We know that it's hard to talk about the things that have upset us, but this really opens up our gates so that we can start to move forward. Would you be able to go back to your therapist? This will be hard, but it will get easier for you and they will be able to guide you through the process.

 

I'm wondering, what do you think you need to do next? We need to find a way to help you in expressing yourself, and I think that you need to speak to your parents about how things have been recently. You need them to accept you and appreciate you and they need to hear this directly from you. It could be that they aren't aware of how they're treating you and how this makes you feel, so they might not stop unless you tell them. We have a support guide here for people whose parents emotionally bully them - https://www.ditchthelabel.org/parent...ally-bully-me/

 

I'm really glad to hear that journalling has helped with your mental health. Here are a few articles that have loads of tips in for mental health. They might seem like really small and obvious things together, but they really do work:

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/struggling-atm-heres-how-to-deal-with-your-emotions-during-the-coronavirus-crisis/

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/25-ways-practice-self-care/

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/improve-mental-health/

 

Let me know what you think of all of this. I hope to hear back from you soon. Hang in there - you're doing really well :)

 

- Monsoon

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