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I dont know what to do with myself


Marv
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I miss posting on here and helping other people, but the last few months have been really busy. Literally and mentally.

 

I have absolutely no clue where to start, but all I know is I'm definitely struggling. Lockdown is something really important and I respect it, but I can't help but feel the need to highlight the struggles of those who aren't built for it, and I'm clearly one of them.

 

Before lockdown, I finally got the courage and decided I'd go to the doctors and start talking about my tourettes, get it out in the open, understand it, and work on dealing with it better and what comes with it. But now I can't. Before lockdown, I was also diagnosed with dyslexia, and I was encouraged to go see an eye doctor, but now I can't and I've been REALLY struggling with reading to the point where sometimes I feel like Ii literally can't read at all. I'm an over thinker, and having all this time and not a lot to do means my brain can play with me and it isn't fun. I've gotten to a point now where I don't care about my degree, I don't care about my work, I don't care about money, I don't want to go to work, I don't feel motivated to complete things, try to get better, write the books I want to write, draw the things I want to draw. I'm hoping to hell it's just the impact of lockdown and having to stay home all the time and not something more - like depression. I've started doubting my career choices too, I've also been getting upset over how I haven't got a love interest (even though I don't *need* one), I keep thinking about just everything. It's mental. And I don't know what to do about it. Several times now, I've just started crying and half the time I don't really know why and it comes out of nowhere... Feels like my mental health is just... rotting...slowly..

 

I know this is a lot. But anything is appreciated.

Edited by Marv
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  • Digital Mentor

Hey Marv,

 

Thanks for coming to us. We are here to support you through this. You're not alone :). I think it's great that you finally got the courage to go to the doctors about your Tourette's. That's a brave thing to do.

 

I completely get why you're feeling the way you do. It sounds like you were in a good place before lockdown and you felt like you were really getting somewhere. Lockdown is hard for everyone, but harder for some more than others. Just know that it's okay to struggle and feel like it's all too much. Many people's mental health is on the floor right now, and I think that's expected considering our lives have changed so dramatically in such a short space of time.

 

It's really hard to say whether your low mood is due to depression or purely because of lockdown, and I guess only time will tell. Could you speak to a doctor about this? They might have a better idea.

 

I wonder, what things have you done before when you've been feeling low to help you feel better? Maybe it might be time to revisit some of those things that have helped bring you through a low point. Also, if you can, try to get some routine back into your days. Try not to be hard on yourself for having low motivation as this is expected right now. You're doing your best and that's all that matters. Btw, have you seen our coronavirus hub? There are plenty of support articles for mental health you might find useful there. Here are a few links that might make things better:

 

https://hub.coronavirus.ditchthelabe...ring-lockdown/

https://hub.coronavirus.ditchthelabe...ring-lockdown/

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/coronavirus

 

I hope you find all this helpful. Let me know what you think, Marc. Hang in there.

 

- Monsoon :)

Edited by Monsoon

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Hey @Monsoon

Firstly, I'd like to say cool username!!

 

I can't see any doctor at the moment unless it's an 'emergency', so I guess I'll have to wait to go and talk about my tourettes and low mood and all the other stuff. Hopefully I can keep the courage to do so and it won't collapse and I'll chicken out when lockdown is over.. I've planned to do this now for ages, since like early March.

 

That's something I really want to do: go back to the things that make me happy. Trouble is, I need to get my final university assignments out the way which is incredibly difficult with the lack of motivation. I'm slowly getting through them, but it's taking way longer than it should and my mom keeps badgering me about them ugh. Hopefully soon though I'll be able to get back to my artwork and writing my books, things should get a bit better then.

 

Thanks you so much for the links!! I'll definitely take a look at those :)

Hope you're okay too? :)

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey Marv. I am good thank you. To be honest, your mental health is definitely an emergency too. Could you maybe speak to them by phone? They might be able to give you some advice on what to do. Might be something worth considering :)

 

Ah, good luck with the final university assignments. It must be hard for you to get through them because of your low mood, but I'm really pleased to hear that you're smashing it. You're doing such a good job - give yourself a pat on the back! :). Could you ask your mum to maybe stop badgering you about it? You could reassure her that's it's all under control and that you'll be fine with it. This might help her to stop. Also, could you maybe try to squeeze a little bit of time in for something you enjoy? Even just 10 or 20 minutes. I think it will help cheer you up quite a bit!

 

Hang in there! Speak soon.

-Monsoon

Edited by Monsoon

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I'd quite like to phone them, I guess I'd prefer the privacy of being in a room with a doctor? even though that's also terrifying, but then my family don't have to hear it. Obviously like my mom should know but I think I need to muster up the courage to do that, whereas a doctor is like private and I don't know them? there's some comfort in that I think.

 

Thank you. I really needed to hear that. I'm going to tell her to stop bothering me about it. I think her nagging bothers me so much, too, because at university I was independent and doing it all myself, and now all of a sudden I'm flung back home and apparently I can't do it? but I can, I've done so for a year so there's no reason I can't do it at home.

 

And that's something I really need to do... I've found that over the past few weeks time hasn't been my friend. I plan on doing like drawing and reading and calling friends, but I just don't? I don't know... all of a sudden it's like 10pm and I haven't called my friends or drawn or read anything. I need to work out a routine and map out my days better.

 

Anyway, I'm rambling sorry... thanks so much for the encouragement! <3

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey Marv,

 

I completely get what you're saying about wanting the privacy of being in the room with a doctor. However, doctors are putting loads of things in place to make sure privacy continues when working with patients. You could also make sure you go somewhere you cannot be heard/disturbed whilst you speak to the doctor. I just want to make sure you get the support you need from a professional as that's so important for you.

 

Also, I think you've really hit the nail on the head about working on a routine. We all need structure in our lives right now as the situation is so stressful. Why don't you try to make a schedule for tomorrow that includes comfort breaks? Comfort breaks are a great way of refuelling our brains to help us focus too :)

 

Hope this helps. Hang in there - you're doing great.

 

-Monsoon

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That's very true @Monsoon I'll have a good think about it.

I'm about to start working on assignments now, and I think I'm going to set alarms for rests so I don't over work myself again.

Thanks for your help :)

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