Jazt6 Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 (edited) Hello, I am struggling a lot right now, and my thoughts get too loud and it has been like this for years. So I decided to write a letter to my negative thoughts as if they were a person. If anyone out there reading this is struggling too I hope this helps you too, and it gets better, stay strong, you're so important and so loved. Dear negative thoughts, It's me. The person you try to pull down every second of everyday, somedays you succeed, those days are more frequent lately, as you hide in the shadows of my mind. You can't be seen but I can hear you, so loudly in my head. I often hear you loudest when I'm laying here in bed. Your voice is overpowering, shouting horrible things. "I'm not good enough" "What am I still doing here?" "You need to be punished for what you look like and how you feel" but you're wrong. I am good enough. I am here to make a difference and to be loved and to love others including myself. I do not need to punish myself for the way my body looks because my body does a lot for me, unlike you, constantly degrading me, shaming me, blaming me for things I cant control, then making me feel worse for the toxic ways I cope. I've abandoned those habits now but they are engraved in my mind, these are the invisible scars that always hide, along with you in the shadows of my mind. But not anymore, I will continue to deny and ignore every single suggestion you put forward that harms me. My body does a lot for me every single day, it keeps me moving, my heart still beats within and for me that's enough because it means I'm still living and that is the exact thing you dont want me to do and for me, that is enough. I will do the opposite of all of your negativity until your voice shrinks and gets quieter until my voice can be heard once again. Yes there will be days you will be a little bit louder than me, but on those days I will overpower you, again and again. I pray for the souls that feel like they couldn't go on, I hope they rest peacefully, I also pray for those who are still fighting. We are stronger than we feel and smarter than we know! Together we will conquer ! From the body who's mind you've used as a boxing bag for way too long, this time, we hit back! Edited April 17, 2020 by Jazt6 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted April 18, 2020 Share Posted April 18, 2020 (edited) Hey Jaz. This is such a powerful post - thank you for bringing it to Community. This will help loads of people. People I've supported before find it helpful to physically write things like this out, rip it up and then throw it away! It has given them a sense of release and control over their own thoughts Edited April 18, 2020 by Monsoon MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazt6 Posted April 18, 2020 Author Share Posted April 18, 2020 Hey Jaz. This is such a powerful post - thank you for bringing it to Community. This will help loads of people. People I've supported before find it helpful to physically write things like this out, rip it up and then throw it away! It has given them a sense of release and control over their own thoughts Thank you! I hope so! I woke up this morning feeling so much more refreshed and motivated! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazt6 Posted April 22, 2020 Author Share Posted April 22, 2020 Six days later and I am back again, I've had six days of kind of productivity, a few days where I just laid there wondering when the world is going to be better. I have been calling and texting my boyfriend and when he has been working I have been working out, I haven't given my negative thoughts the chance to speak really, because by the time I'm off facetime I'm too tired and go straight to sleep, but tonight I'm still here, I was tired but now I am not, he has fallen asleep and I ended the call because I was feeling anxious tonight for no apparent reason, and I just cried, i dont know where it came from, there was no warning or a reason behind it especially not to do with him but I realised me ignoring my negative thoughts didnt make them go away it just postponed them and allowed them to build up in my mind without me knowing, now I feel that I'm not getting better, I'm just getting distracted, and when the workouts are done and people fall asleep and I'm alone again, who am I now? Still the same girl who over thinks the whole world and cries about how unfair it is and how she doesnt exactly want to be in a world this unfair but also doesnt want to die because that will make the world even more unfair, I have goals, i want a future, I have it all in my head I want a future I want to marry i want a family but how can I when the world is like this? I'm not in any danger so please do not worry about this, I am perfectly safe before I worry anybody, these are just thoughts, I do not plan or want to act on them. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 Hey Jaz, I think it's normal to feel like you're not getting better when you start to have the thoughts again. They will come back every now and then despite how good you are doing. This is a normal part of moving forward. Try not to beat yourself up over it. Maybe try to accept that this will be a part of the process and allow yourself that time to experience the negative thoughts again. By accepting and allowing them, they may pass quicker than trying to reject them. Also, maybe you could try setting a little bit of time aside each day/every few days to feel those negative thoughts? Otherwise, they may all start to build up and take control. How does this sound? - Monsoon MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazt6 Posted April 23, 2020 Author Share Posted April 23, 2020 Hey Jaz, I think it's normal to feel like you're not getting better when you start to have the thoughts again. They will come back every now and then despite how good you are doing. This is a normal part of moving forward. Try not to beat yourself up over it. Maybe try to accept that this will be a part of the process and allow yourself that time to experience the negative thoughts again. By accepting and allowing them, they may pass quicker than trying to reject them. Also, maybe you could try setting a little bit of time aside each day/every few days to feel those negative thoughts? Otherwise, they may all start to build up and take control. How does this sound? - Monsoon @Monsoon Yes that sounds like a good idea, thank you:) Its a very long process recovery isnt it -Jaz MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 Yeah, it's a really long process with many ups and downs which is perfectly normal. Frustrating, but normal. I think that the downs are there to help us let the negative energy out because it can get stored up when you're doing really well. Maybe try to think of it like that MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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