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At what age did you 'come out'?


Harper    

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  • Ditch the Label Staff

Hi everyone,

I'm Harper - one of the LGBTQ+ Digital Mentors at Ditch the Label. Coming out can be really scary and I think there's a lot of power in sharing experiences with those who haven't come out to their loved ones yet.

 

At what age did you come out and how did you find the process?

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  • 1 month later...

I'm 12, and am pansexual. I haven't come out yet, only to two of my friends (one I have a crush on, a girl like me). I was wondering if you would have any advice for me? Like what age to do it? And how to do it? I just had this idea to make this list of things I like, including girls, boys, transgenders, gays, lesbians, and everything in between. I don't know if this is good idea or not. Please help me.

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Hey Spacemonkey, ?

 

Thanks for your post and being so honest. In terms of age everybody is different and there is no right or wrong just what feels right for you. When do you think would be right for you?

 

Always a great starting place telling friends we trust, so well done. ??

 

-peach311 ?

 

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  • 1 year later...

I had to come out twice to my Mum and still it didn't work. She didn't consider it serious and still thinks I'm straight. When I try to talk to her about her homophobia, she becomes angry and finds a way to argue in a heartbeat. Both times I tried to come out I was 14, it was last year. Still trying to make her understand my sexuality is not a joke

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Hey Ann, that sounds tough that your mum doesn't take you seriously, how does it make you feel?

 

We take you seriously!

 

I didn't come out to my family until I was 23!

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Hey Ann,

 

Well for me, I didn't feel like I was keeping anything inside. I always knew I was attracted to both men and women but I had only had boyfriends up until then. then when I moved to a new city I fell in love with a girl and then I introduced her to my friends and family. So I never felt like I was hiding anything really. And for me my coming out was - "here is my girlfriend", instead of "Mum i'm bisexual" But for everyone it is different, I know for a lot of people it's really important for their family to know their sexuality but for me, it didn't come up until later in life.

 

I hope that made sense for you! :)

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Hey Ann,

 

My brother was fine with it, but my mum wasn't right away. She said my grandmother would be very disappointed and I would ruin Christmas if I told people. Eventually, she got used to it but still wasn't as nice as she had been to my boyfriends. I had moved out of home before I came out, but she wasn't angry, she just wasn't happy, which was still hard to hear as she was supportive of other people in the LGBT community.

 

-Remi

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I literally came out to my mom yesterday, I'm 18 :)

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I'm 14 now and I've known I wasn't straight since I was 11. I told most of my close friends, and I'm actually coming out to my class tomorrow, so that's going to be interesting. I have two mums so telling the family has never been an issue for me.

 

In terms of coming out advice, I'd say just be comfortable with who you are first, or tell people you know will be accepting and they can help you try to figure everything out.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am 14m and im homoflexible and i havent come out yet because my parents are very religious and homophobic, if anybody is there like me what are your tips on coming out?

 

 

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Hey @Silas

 

Here are our tips for coming out to your parents, remember no one should rush you to come out before you are ready. So take your time and you don't have to come out to your parents if you don't want to yet. Are you out to your friends?

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/coming-out-homophobic-parents/

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@Remi I've come out to a few but rn i go to a lutheran private school and its very homophobic, the private high school im going to says in the rules that i can get in trouble if im homosexual so it's scary

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Hey @Silas

 

What a tricky situation to be in. I don't agree with your school at all, why should you get in trouble for being who you are. It's such a shame that you have to hide a part of who you are at school but your wellbeing is so important so try to not let the school bring you down.

 

-Remi

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Hello @Silas

 

All you can do is be careful and tell whoever you want to date to be careful too.

 

Try and find some ally within your school so that you have a support network around you if you do want to start dating. Just keep reminding yourself that your feeling are normal and natural.

 

-Remi

 

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@Remi i have a few allies but theyre not at my school

Hey @Silas okay well at least you have some allies to talk to and keep your head up at school is there a fun club or society you could do to meet people?

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Hey Silas, it's really messed up the fact that your school doesn't let you just be yourself. My school isn't a religious one, but I still see very few gay people who are open about it. So I think schools should gave like LGBT clubs or something... Ah, I read somewhere that parents have sometimes personal reasons to hate us too, not only religion. For example, my parents just think we are disgusting and against the nature cause we can't breed. I actually tried to understand them but I can only in part. Try to understand your parents' opinions, or just to listen to them so you know.

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@---Ann--- my parents opinion is that we all have a mental illness and that whoever is queer shouldnt be allowed to be themselves and they have to conform to the"heterosexual way". Thank you for your advice but there is no club that i could join without my parents being mad at me.

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Mine are the same lol. We are all crazy and should go to a mental hospital. I guess they're just allergic to real fact and scientific discoveries that say we're not abnormal or out of our minds.

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@---Ann--- my parents opinion is that we all have a mental illness and that whoever is queer shouldnt be allowed to be themselves and they have to conform to the"heterosexual way". Thank you for your advice but there is no club that i could join without my parents being mad at me.

Silas we know that isn't true. Stopping anyone from being themselves is against what most religions are against so this is massively hypocritical. Could you just join any clubs for fun so you have some more people to hang out with.

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