Friendship situation about jealousy (I couldn't find a better title sorry)

[Aurora]

On 3/17/2024 at 11:44 PM, Flooo said:

Hi Aurora! Thanks for your  message  

Sorry it's been quite a few days, with travel and school and stuff, I didn't have a lot of time...

I like whales too! I just live animals in general. I know this is not topic related but one thing I really love are felines. I just live them, especially tigers, and I am reading right now a 50 year-long research about the possibility or remnants or machairodonte (don't know the word in english) in Africa and unknown African felines (it's cryptozoology so we don't know if there's truly unknown felines, ot's more based on sightings and the few datas that were collected throughout the years). I kinda want to become a conservationist or something to help save felines, maybe. I just live them since I'm very young and I really want to help them. 

Okay this was kinda off topic but I never really talked to it to anyone

I guess we both are in the really team

Yes, it's really nice to get back on it. I have noticed that I am more let's say proud? of myself becahse I'm doing something, and I am also more happy in general cause I know I'm going to work on it when I get home so it's a little something to do other than homework and that's a nice change. I can say I'm generally more in a happy mood. Also, since I'm also doing a book with Bestfriend 2, we talk a lot more to each other and it's nice because we're supposed to have a wedding scene in our book (my sister, Bestfriend 2, me and another friend from my childhood are working o it and we each have our characters) between my character and Bestfriend 2's character, so we're working a lot together and it's really nice, and it's also super super fun because we both have the same humor so we make a lot of jokes while doing it so I know that working on it means laughter and nice moments so I am generally more happy, I'd say.

I think it could be a great next step, because I am being more boundaried and so far it seems to kinda work. Saying no to small things is a nice next step because just saying no in general is huge in my opinion. That's a nice suggestion thank you.

I kinda want to try repeating it daily, because I think that saying no is a weird thing and this might help with making it normal. I also notice that I often sound uncertain, so I'll try to sound certain and stand tall and have eye contact. Saying no to small things also seems like a great idea.

So, when I'm about to get angry, I noticed that I clench my teeth, and my expression looks really serious, and I am just more "tense" in general. I'll try to look out for those next time, and yes, it makes a lot of sense. 

I actually sent her the message last Thursday. I said the example about the going to the doctor for stomach ache (if I remember well) and some other things to try to tell her that it woukd be a good thing for her. I don't know if she considered it since we did not talk about it this week, but she answered "Thanks for caring about me". I think this time she might consider it because usually she'll dismiss but she did not this time so I'm hopeful. 

To be honest, I totally don't know if she expected it. Best friend 1 can be really trusting sometimes which can sometimes cause her to feel betrayed by certain person in the past. So I don't know really.. I'm sorry for this vague answer 

Yes, I do not want to talk to her about it, because it's just way too uncomfortable. And she doesn't know I know, so she'll know my twin told me and she and my twins relationship will go from weird to atrocious, so I don't really want to

Actually before my twin got told the sentence, Bestfriend 1 asked her what she thought was the difference between platonic and romantic love, and because my twin had her suspicions, she gave Best friend 1 and "undocover boundary talk" (quoting her). Also, she asked my twin for tips, and I think that would be great if my twin told that I like her as a friend but not more, and the opportunity might happen if she asks my twin for tips. That's a great idea thank you

Okay so in this part you don't have to read because it's just me being selfish and venting:

Tomorrow I go to a big family reunion with what used to be nearly my bestfriends which are my cousins but now that my aunt got a new boyfriend we never see them and they have new "siblings" which are twins and that's really awkward because I think they think we're kinda lame and it's gonna be so so so crowded and I don't like crowds and it's gonna be so so loud and I don't like loud and the activity is eating and I hat eating cause I sometimes feel horrible when I'm eating for reasons but when I told my twin my reasons she thought it was ridiculous so I won't share and I need to talk to people that became strangers and I just wanted to be silent but my parents want me to socialize because they think I'm pathetic and retarded (that's what they said) and that's just really stressing me and I don't want to go but it's the onky time we see my aunt so I'll go and my parents love it so I owe it to them but I just really don't want to and it's so so stressing I don't want to go I just want to stay in my home with my cat and have a normal day I don't want to see people and eat

Okay so I repeat you don't have to read the last part it's just me being selfish and venting and that's not interesting 

Okay so have a great week and weekend

Need to go study (don't know why I'm saying this) Beluga for now!  

*for grammar mistakes because of my autocorrect I'm sorry I don't have the time to recheck*

Hi @Flooo,

lovely to hear from you. No worries, feel free to write whenever suits you best. There is no pressure at all for you to reply straight away. 

I thought I would start off by saying please don't apologies for venting and you are in no way being selfish at all!! The whole situation sounds very stressful. I can totally understand why you didn't want to go to the family reunion and I was surprised to hear what your parents said to you. I hope you don't mind me saying this but I thought that was really insensitive of them! I get the impression that they didn't take the time to try and understand why you were worried about the reunion. Is that fair to say? Do you mind me asking, how their comments make you feel? Were you able to talk to them about this? 

I also noticed that you said that you hate eating but when you told your sister the reasons for this she thought it was ridiculous. I'm sorry to hear that she wasn't being supportive. It sounds to me like you trusted her with something that was on your mind, something private, and she didn't take you seriously. I can imagine that must have hurt. If you do want to talk about it with someone, then please know that we are here for you and we are here to listen and support you.  This is a safe space and you can be completely open with us - there is no judgement here. Don't feel you have to talk about it though, only if you feel comfortable to. 

How did the family reunion go? Was there anything that helped you get through it all? I hope it was better than you were expecting it to be. I find that sometimes when I am really dreading something it turns out to be a lot better than I think. Probably because I go there with very low expectations and sometimes it ends up being nice than I thought it would be. 

Thanks so much for updating me on all the other stuff. It sounds like things are going really well. I'm so impressed how you are really working on your own happiness and wellbeing! Sounds like you are having a lot of fun with Best friend 2, working on your book together. It so nice that she shares your passion.

And it's good to hear that you are still working on becoming more comfortable to say no to things. I agree, saying no in general is huge and it can help to start off with small things such as saying no if someone offers you a sweet. Have you tried out repeating it daily? Are you starting to feel more comfortable, using the word 'no'?

It's great that you have noticed what happens in your body when you are starting to feel angry. Hopefully this will help you to identify more quickly when you are getting angry about something and you can then step away from the situation more easily. If you like you can let me know how it goes - no pressure though 

It sounds like you put a lot of thought into the message you sent best friend 1 around getting support for her mental health. I think it's a really good sign that she thanked you for caring about her. It shows that she understood what you were trying to tell her. Hopefully she will think about it and reach out for help when she needs it. 

I can understand why you don't want to talk to her about the feelings she has for you. Hopefully she will talk to your twin again and then your twin can tell her that you like her as a friend. Like you said, that would probably make it less awkward for everyone.

I hope you have a great week, too. 

Beluga  for now !