>>> If You Feel Ugly... Let's Talk About It! >>>

[Willow]

Hey All!

 

This has been a common topic-- people feel less beautiful than they are. We are bombarded with images of what we 'should' look like, no matter what sex/gender/sexuality we are. And with those images, we compare ourselves to celebrities-- and even to people we may know, who 'do' or 'don't' fit those 'ideal beauty's'.

 

Well, if you've found your way here, we know you're looking to see your beauty. We encourage this journey for building self-confidence and self-love!

 

We've created a few resources around the topic of feeling ugly-- check our our video ""Do You Feel Ugly?"" (

) and article ""Am I Ugly?": https://www.ditchthelabel.org/am-i-ugly/

 

In this thread we want to provide opportunities for you to share and grow and see into the most beautiful version of yourself.

 

We are going to start a few prompts- we'd love for your voice to be in the conversation. Maybe you have questions for the group, too-- would love to hear.

 

** How To Use This Thread**

- If you want to post your own question/prompt, hit the "Reply to This Post" Button

- If you'd like to comment/answer another person's question/prompt, hit the "Comment" button on the right side of their reply.

- And always remember to be respectful and empathetic toward people's experiences

[Willow]

SELF CONFIDENCE PROMPT:

 

Two questions...

A) What do you feel you have the lowest confidence around?

B) What are three things you love about yourself/are proud of about yourself/goals for the future?

 

-----

 

Here's a quiz about self-esteem: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/self-esteem-quiz/

 

And here's a couple articles that talk about the subject of building confidence/self-esteem. Which one is the most helpful?

 

"10 Things You Need to Know About Confidence..." https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-thi...ut-confidence/

 

"Top 10 Tips for Overcoming Low Self-Esteem" https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-10...w-self-esteem/

 

"5 Ways to Boost Self-Esteem" https://www.ditchthelabel.org/5-ways-boost-self-esteem/

 

"Shelby Lynch's Top Ten Tips for Feeling Confident" https://www.ditchthelabel.org/confid...ing-confident/

 

"How to Embrace and Be Yourself" https://www.ditchthelabel.org/how-to-embrace-yourself/

Edited January 10, 2019 by Willow

[ApplePie]

mmm this is something I struggle with.

 

here goes...

 

I have lowest confidence over my weight.

 

3 things I am proud of is that I am a good friend, I like my smile, and I've just got work experience in my dream job!

 

What are some of yours????????

 

ApplePie

 

[jarodriguez]

SELF CONFIDENCE PROMPT:

 

Two questions...

A) What do you feel you have the lowest confidence around?

B) What are three things you love about yourself/are proud of about yourself/goals for the future?

 

-----

 

Here's a quiz about self-esteem: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/self-esteem-quiz/

 

And here's a couple articles that talk about the subject of building confidence/self-esteem. Which one is the most helpful?

 

"10 Things You Need to Know About Confidence..." https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-thi...ut-confidence/

 

"Top 10 Tips for Overcoming Low Self-Esteem" https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-10...w-self-esteem/

 

"5 Ways to Boost Self-Esteem" https://www.ditchthelabel.org/5-ways-boost-self-esteem/

 

"Shelby Lynch's Top Ten Tips for Feeling Confident" https://www.ditchthelabel.org/confid...ing-confident/

 

"How to Embrace and Be Yourself" https://www.ditchthelabel.org/how-to-embrace-yourself/

what if my judgement is so clouded that i dont even know what things are to be considered as being proud of. what if, i generally dont feel good about myself. like i know that im the most ugly person in the world because i know myself, my entire life, everything that i did wrong, and seen myself everyday in the past 24 years. what if theres nothing that i could be proud of. what if im a horrible person. what if i feel like im always not enough. coz i do. and it f**cking hurts, so much.

[Remi]

Hey @jarodriguez

 

You are right, your judgement is clouded, because you are not a horrible person and so many of us struggle with feeling that we are not good enough. But the truth is the hardest person ever judging us is always ourself.

 

Self love is a big ol' journey it starts by just telling that negative voice inside our heads to "shut up" and challenge those thoughts with something positive no matter how small.

 

I am proud of you for sharing your feelings on this community, I think that shows courage and maturity - so those can be your first two positives if you like?

 

-Remi

[nommmster]

I struggle with this every day and mull over jumping down to make these thoughts stop.

 

I feel worst about my physical self - my body and face disgust me to no end. I'm also convinced that everyone around me feels the same way.

 

Hmm the three things I'm quite alright with are my passable intellect, having a great job that I'm really passionate about and having had a couple of articles in different publications.

 

But that's the thing - whenever I feel low and I reach out to someone about it, their immediate response would be "but you're smart, you're intelligent" etc which doesn't negate the fact that (they also probably think) I AM ugly. It doesn't help that I've been the receiving end of casually delivered insults: "oooh don't worry you will find someone, she's ugly and she has a boyfriend"; "don't be deceived by how she looks, she's smart"; "you may not be a looker but god is fair, you have the brains to make up for it". Ya sure god's fair, there are beautiful AND intelligent people around and I'm not one of them so thanks much. Even my mum thinks I'm not good-looking and would always point out how my sister is prettier whenever someone tells her I'm pretty. I'm sorry for the ramble I just wanted to get this off my chest.

 

To you out there who feels the same way as I do - I hope we'll one day find the antidote to our melancholy but in the meantime let's hang in there/here together! You're not alone

[LucyMc]

I'm a 15-year-old girl and really struggling at the moment, I've never really thought about what I looked like up until the beginning of last year. It all began just because of a few people, they probably didn't even realise what they said meant anything. Once a friend asked when the last time I had plucked my eyebrows ( I had never even thought about them before) now I'm constantly plucking my eyebrows so they look "perfect". One day our friend group compared lips, I was the girl in our group with the smallest lips. Once I was at a sporting competition and a boy that was sitting with us was looking around to see who the biggest forehead and I was the lucky girl who got picked. I now get what a in my class meant like 4 years ago when he teased me and said "Lucy Longface". I absolutely hate what the side of my face looks like I look so gross. I hate what I look like with my hair down I never ever wear my hair down in public. The suckiest thing is that my best friend is so beautiful, she has big lips, long blonde hair, cheekbones, small forehead, she has abs and I can't even look in the mirror when I'm next to her because it makes me feel crap. She says I'm beautiful but I don't think she means it. The only thing that I actually like about myself is that I'm tall. That's it. And sometimes even that sucks. The worst part is that I hate feeling like this and I want to be beautiful so bad. I'm not even halfway through high school and my self-esteem is low. How am I gonna fix this?

[Blondie]

@nommmster Thanks so much for sharing - I think as a society we are inundated with pressure to look, present ourselves and behave in so many ways, and the landscape and 'rules' are constantly changing that its impossible to keep up! It's of course not easy at all but as we can't ever reach these 'expectations' then why even try. Whats that expression? Something like, it being a form of rebellion to be yourself.....

[Blondie]

@LucyMc I get it - life can feel like a constant comparison but I would absolutely believe what your friend tells you - you are beautiful. It can be hard work unpicking the negativity we are left with when people focus on specific parts of us but it can be done.

 

Every time you feel negative about your brows or lips, make yourself focus on something positive about yourself immediately - with practice we can cancel out the negative patterns.

 

If it helps, write a list of all the things you like about yourself, so you could start with your height. What else do you like about yourself?

[Saraa_]

I fought with my sister and she yelled to me, "you don't even realize how ugly you are!". Although it's just a sibling's fighting, she never told me that I'm beautiful (but she said so to our other sister). I got bullied when I was a kid, and they even told me that I'm ugly. I don't even have a boyfriend, and there aren't anybody flirting me. It's hard to convince myself that I am beautiful, when anybody shows interest on me. So, I guess that's how it is

[Blondie]

@Saraa_ Hi, I know how much this hurts but when people are angry they usually yell something that will hurt the most. Siblings, even though they love each other, can say the meanest things and they know what makes us feel vulnerable. It doesn't make it right as that hurts a lot but it also doesn't make it true. You ARE beautiful.

[Johanna]

I am unattractive. I mourned this fact when I was younger because we are all conditioned to want to be good looking and desirable. I was called ugly in school by friends and people who didn't even knew me. Like it was a crime. It was bullying plain and simple.

 

But now in later years admitting to myself that I am unattractive has weirdly been something that has liberated me. It makes me invisible and I much rather fly under the radar undetected. My ugliness is my wall against the world, the best ************* detector you can have. It feels more honest this way. If people dissmiss me after one look I don’t have to give them a second thought ever again. I know where I stand so instead I can focus on what I think about other people rather than what they think of me. It is a pretty good time/energy saver. I rather be ugly than boring and mean.

 

Despite being ugly there are people who see me and appreciate me and these people are true gems. They are usually curious, intelligent and creative people who don't want to miss a thing about the world they are seeing. I want to see the world like they do. The big question is how much I dismiss people because of their looks myself. Do I miss out on interesting people? I would like to think I do not.

 

That being said - I can't say I see ugly people around me. Everyone looks interesting and looks are so much more than the popular opinion of what is attractive. If you look at a face for example you can see remnants of how it looked as a young child and you can also see the future old person in a face. That is beautiful. A quirk in posture or how someone scratches their nose while they think. That is beautiful (and usually endearing).

 

Ugly and beautiful are just two words and they can't cover what a person looks like at all. Look at yourself and look at other people and try to find other words to describe. It might open your eyes

 

Edited July 5, 2020 by Monsoon

[Remi]

Hey there Johanna,

 

It's Remi here one of the support mentors, I just wanted to thank you for making such a thoughtful post.

 

I truly don't think anyone is ugly, and I think there can't be any such thing as 'attractive' when we are all 'attracted' by different qualities in a person. I think it's wonderful you have some 'true gems' around you that see you how you want to be seen. I think dismissing anyone based on their looks (features they cannot help) means you could be missing out on some awesome folks. So try to be open minded.

 

Beauty will fade but your personality will be forever. Just as you say you can't see ugly people around you because your perspective sees peoples hearts and their character.

 

An awesome lady called Kitty wrote this article for us all about body acceptance, you should give her a follow on insta too if you're on there. https://www.ditchthelabel.org/body-acceptance-toolkit/

 

Let me know what you think,

 

remi

[amonnnn]

Okay so,

 

there are some days where I feel as if I'm not ugly, but that I'm actually kinda pretty, and I feel really good about myself. But then majority of the time, I hate how I look so much, and I constantly compare myself to other girls, especially ones on platforms I'm always on, such as TikTok and Pinterest.

 

I know comparing myself is wrong, and I should stop, but it's so difficult not to, and it happens without even realizing I'm doing it

 

Whenever I mention my looks, my friends always tell me I'm wrong, and that I'm pretty but haven't realized it, but deep down I know they're only saying this because we're friends. My sister constantly reminds me I'm ugly, so there's that.

I can't look into the mirror without wanting to cry, and likewise with a camera. it's so embarrassing seeing myself, and I believe I'm literally so ugly. I want rhinoplasty because I know my nose is huge, but I'm not allowed to, and it's really stressing me out, knowing every other girl my age out there is looking amazing both naturally and with make up.

 

sorry for the rant D:

 

[Monsoon]

Hey @amonnnn

 

Welcome to our support community

 

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a tough time with your self-esteem lately - I can see how upset you are about this. I'm wondering, what do you think is causing you to feel this way? The thing is, our siblings can be pretty mean and it's pretty standard for them to call us ugly and other nasty names without meaning it. I know it's easy to believe the negative things, but I'm wondering, would you friends really lie to you about being pretty? Also, can I ask, on the days where you feel like you're 'kinda pretty', what parts of yourself do you like?

[amonnnn]

Hi!!

 

thanks for replying! :DD

I think what makes me feel this way is just seeing how I look compared to other girls my age. A lot of people tell me I don't look 16, I look 14 instead, and I find it embarrassing. I've also seen a lot of girls without make up and they're so naturally pretty, and it makes me think to myself: why don't I look like that?

 

I know my friends wouldn't lie to me, but I just feel like they're saying that because they feel bad for me? Like they're all receiving pretty privilege, and I'm just wondering how nice that must feel. They attract a lot of people of the opposite gender, too, but I've never done that (

 

Whenever I feel kinda pretty, I guess like my eyes!! People tell me I have nice eyes and I kinda think so too And I also have dimples, which is probably my favorite part of my whole face! but then those feelings go away after i remember other people's faces.

 

 

[Monsoon]

Hey @amonnnn

 

I think that what you're feeling after comparing yourself to others is completely normal. With everyone using social media these days, there is so much pressure to look good, and people only put their best selves on there. It's so easy to fall into a trap of feeling bad about ourselves when we are seeing everyone else look so perfect, so you are not alone in this. I'm wondering, do you spend a lot of time on it? If so, it might be a good idea to come off it or reduce the time you spend on it which could help. Let me know what you think..

 

Btw, it's really nice to hear what things you like about yourself. I'm wondering, would you like me to share some tips for boosting your self-esteem? I know plenty of them

 

-Monsoon

 

Edited November 19, 2020 by Monsoon

[amonnnn]

hellooo

 

Yea, I really want to stop using social media for a while because I feel like it's really taking a toll on me, but whenever I uninstall an app, I tell myself I'm overreacting, and that I should reinstall it because it's not responsible for my problems.

 

Yes please!! I'd love to hear them

[Monsoon]

heyyyy @amonnnn

 

I don't think you're overreacting at all when you uninstall apps. There is plenty of research out there to show that using social media too much can have a bad affect on the way we see and feel about ourselves, so I deffo think it would be good for you to get off it for a bit and not trick yourself into thinking you're overreacting. What do you think?

 

So, here's one of our support guides on how to feel more confident/boost your self-esteem. Why don't you have a look and see what you might want to try? https://www.ditchthelabel.org/overcoming-low-self-esteem/

 

Let me know what you think. Sending positive vibesss