Not feeling gay enough

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

I might've said something about this before in this forum but I don't remember lol and I need to get these feelings out. Maybe other people have these too. With all the stereotypes and stuff on social media, and different perspectives, sometimes I don't feel gay enough. It's a strange thing because I'm super comfortable with who I am and my sexuality, yet it feels like there is this whole other insecure side of me despite it all. Because of the way my appearance and how I choose to dress, I feel like I'm not gay enough, or maybe I'm just deluding myself that I am. I think some of these feelings have to do with feeling like I have to prove myself or seek approval from others in order to feel comfortable being lesbian when in reality I don't really need that--I'm me no matter what lol. I know that these are just intrusive thoughts, but sometimes they are really distracting. And it sucks. Hard to make them go away.

Anybody feel similar or have any advice/thoughts?

[TheToaster765]

You aren't alone in this at all. Most people experience these thoughts. I mean I constantly suffer from Imposter Syndrome meaning I always feel like I'm faking it. And I know a lot of people feel that way sometimes too. I wish I could offer some sort of advice, but unfortunately those thoughts never really go away. It's just kind of a natural thing that people feel. My only advice would be to remember that those thoughts aren't how you really feel and that you aren't "weird" or "different" from feeling this way and that it's something everybody experiences. Especially people that don't follow certain stereotypes.

But I definitely understand what you're going through as I consider myself "straight passing." It's not something fun to have to deal with having to constantly feel as if you aren't gay even though you know full well that you are. Just remember that you never have to prove your identity or seek approval from others and that as long as YOU know who you are, that's enough.

[Emberfrost12]

I definitely relate to this one. There's a lot of pressure of 'if you are queer, you must do this' but to be honest, from my point of view, if you're following too many of them, you become a stereotype, and there is nothing I hate more than being a stereotype. There's no way to really keep from feeling that you aren't gay enough, but it's worth remember there are a million ways to be queer; that's kind of what a lot of the culture is about. Just remember that no matter what the stereotype is, not following the stereotype doesn't invalidate your identity. More than anything, not following the stereotypes makes you a real person, rather than just an archetype

Despite my stance on the individuality being better than the stereotype, I also feel the push. A lot of people have trouble figuring me out because I fall under almost no stereotypes (drinks aren't a thing for me, because I'm broke and also monsters make me feel kinda dead; and I don't dress under any specific style/fashion; and then the stupid phone case thing is also something I don't follow). So because of that, I do feel a bit of a pressure to start following them and being stereotypical. However, @TheToaster765 is right - you never have to prove your identity or seek approval from others

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

Thank you so much, @TheToaster765 and @Emberfrost12. This has reassured me and settled the thoughts a bit! I think stereotypes are really hard to combat—there is still so much labelling and putting into boxes based on appearance and what you do. Also I didn’t know there was a phone case stereotype lol—I guess there are probably too many to count… I like what both of you said about stereotypes and if you know who you are then that’s enough.

Thanks again, and hope you’re doing well this season!