Self-deprecating thoughts

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

Whenever I'm stressed or upset, I've noticed that my thoughts become really self-deprecating and sarcastic, and lately I've also fallen into a trend of toxic positivity (like where I'm saying to myself, I'm fine, everything is fine, as if by saying a whole bunch of times everything's magically going to be fine). I'm wondering what I can do to combat these thoughts and if anybody else struggles with the same thing. I guess the first step is recognizing it, but it's shifting your mindset that is the hard part.

[Aurora]

On 12/9/2023 at 4:06 PM, Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once said:

Whenever I'm stressed or upset, I've noticed that my thoughts become really self-deprecating and sarcastic, and lately I've also fallen into a trend of toxic positivity (like where I'm saying to myself, I'm fine, everything is fine, as if by saying a whole bunch of times everything's magically going to be fine). I'm wondering what I can do to combat these thoughts and if anybody else struggles with the same thing. I guess the first step is recognizing it, but it's shifting your mindset that is the hard part.

Hi there, thank you for sharing this with us. I think it's safe to say that there are lots of others who will know exactly what you mean. When we're feeling stressed or upset this often influences our thoughts and thinking patterns and we can become very self critical or like you said sarcastic. It's great that this is something you've recognised and that this is something you're already working on. 

From what you've mentioned it sounds like you have been catching those thoughts and then you've tried to change this thoughts by telling yourself everything is fine but this hasn't been working. Is that right? There are a couple of things that I find quite helpful when I try and change my thoughts from negative thoughts about myself into more helpful thoughts .The first thing is to think about whether what this is something I would say to a friend. And if it isn't, I ask myself, why am I saying this to myself.  What is something I might say to a friend in that situation. The second thing is to try and and change that thought into something more encouraging. The important thing here is that it needs to be something realistic (rather than positive - it could be positive but it doesn't have to be).   I'll give you an example: I have just dropped a bowl of cereal and it's gone everywhere. The first thought that pops into my mind might be something like "I can't do anything right - I'm such a loser!" If I try and change this into a more realistic, more helpful thought I might think "I've had very little sleep last night. Lack of sleep makes me clumsy and I am trying my best here. Once I've cleaned it up, I won't even be thinking about it anymore!"

How does that sound. Do you think that is something that might work for you? 

 

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

8 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, thank you for sharing this with us. I think it's safe to say that there are lots of others who will know exactly what you mean. When we're feeling stressed or upset this often influences our thoughts and thinking patterns and we can become very self critical or like you said sarcastic. It's great that this is something you've recognised and that this is something you're already working on. 

From what you've mentioned it sounds like you have been catching those thoughts and then you've tried to change this thoughts by telling yourself everything is fine but this hasn't been working. Is that right? There are a couple of things that I find quite helpful when I try and change my thoughts from negative thoughts about myself into more helpful thoughts .The first thing is to think about whether what this is something I would say to a friend. And if it isn't, I ask myself, why am I saying this to myself.  What is something I might say to a friend in that situation. The second thing is to try and and change that thought into something more encouraging. The important thing here is that it needs to be something realistic (rather than positive - it could be positive but it doesn't have to be).   I'll give you an example: I have just dropped a bowl of cereal and it's gone everywhere. The first thought that pops into my mind might be something like "I can't do anything right - I'm such a loser!" If I try and change this into a more realistic, more helpful thought I might think "I've had very little sleep last night. Lack of sleep makes me clumsy and I am trying my best here. Once I've cleaned it up, I won't even be thinking about it anymore!"

How does that sound. Do you think that is something that might work for you? 

Hi Aurora! Yes I think those tips are very helpful! It makes sense to think of it more realistically (I really like that actually, especially because positivity isn’t always helpful as you might not truly believe it but when it’s more realistic you can process it better and think through it logically!) and comparing it to how you might speak to a friend. It’s interesting and a little sad how we can be so harsh on ourselves when we would never say something like that to a friend—I know I wouldn’t, I’d feel awful if I did.

Thanks!

[Aurora]

On 12/12/2023 at 8:42 PM, Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once said:

Hi Aurora! Yes I think those tips are very helpful! It makes sense to think of it more realistically (I really like that actually, especially because positivity isn’t always helpful as you might not truly believe it but when it’s more realistic you can process it better and think through it logically!) and comparing it to how you might speak to a friend. It’s interesting and a little sad how we can be so harsh on ourselves when we would never say something like that to a friend—I know I wouldn’t, I’d feel awful if I did.

Thanks!

I know. Isn't it strange how we can be really critical of ourselves and talk to ourselves (by that I mean our inner dialogue) in a way we'd never talk to our friends  I find, by catching those thoughts and asking myself,: "Is that something I would say to a friend?" - it immediately softens the thoughts I am having. If you like you can let me know how you get on.  As always, don't feel you have to- only if you feel comfortable to.  

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

9 hours ago, Aurora said:

I know. Isn't it strange how we can be really critical of ourselves and talk to ourselves (by that I mean our inner dialogue) in a way we'd never talk to our friends  I find, by catching those thoughts and asking myself,: "Is that something I would say to a friend?" - it immediately softens the thoughts I am having. If you like you can let me know how you get on.  As always, don't feel you have to- only if you feel comfortable to.  

I will try to do that!