Digital Mentor Duckie Posted November 20, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 20, 2023 13 hours ago, Braveheart said: Hi Duckie I can elaborate a little on this I agree it's great advice for (anyone) to take a breath instead of jumping straight to reacting and I agree there are exceptions in certain situations and being taught to doubt your feelings at first I think is something everyone may have been taught at some stage which can definitely get confusing when trying to figure out whether it's okay to trust your feelings and having the confidence to ask questions and then reacting however is best suitable and I think taking things out on ourselves is something I think a lot of people have gone through at some stage of their lives Absolutely agree! This is really hard to navigate sometimes, because you want to pick your battles yet stand up for yourself and stay true to yourself and all of that. But most of all you don't want to repress something and then afterwards beat yourself up about it. I think its something people make seem easy by giving their advice, but it's actually something we all have to navigate ourselves and be allowed to make our own decisions. Sometimes we overdo it and sometimes we end up being upset with ourselves instead for not speaking up. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braveheart Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 yeah I find that really hard not to do because I know there are times when I tend to repress things instead of letting things out in a healthy way and I often find it hard to stay true to myself and I think that's something I still have to learn that it's okay to let things out sometimes without beating myself up about it afterwards but I know that sometimes it's a journey we all have to take on our own at some same stage in life but I agree absolutely that it's important to speak up so that you don't end up going to far in repressing things and then being upset with yourself because you didn't speak up 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catgal05 Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 14 minutes ago, Braveheart said: yeah I find that really hard not to do because I know there are times when I tend to repress things instead of letting things out in a healthy way and I often find it hard to stay true to myself and I think that's something I still have to learn that it's okay to let things out sometimes without beating myself up about it afterwards but I know that sometimes it's a journey we all have to take on our own at some same stage in life but I agree absolutely that it's important to speak up so that you don't end up going to far in repressing things and then being upset with yourself because you didn't speak up Sorry to but in I can understand you with this I have a habit of keeping things bottled in and I won't sometimes say what it is that it does upset me inside. That I wished I spoke up about it to others as they may not know how I'm feeling too. Thanks for reminding me about this 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braveheart Posted November 20, 2023 Share Posted November 20, 2023 (edited) I can understand that and I think it's definitely a journey we all have to go through on our own but I definitely think it's important to remind ourselves that it's okay to speak up sometimes Edited November 20, 2023 by Braveheart 2 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazard Posted November 20, 2023 Author Share Posted November 20, 2023 20 hours ago, Duckie said: Hi @Emberfrost12, That sounds really confusing, because it means you are essentially taught to doubt your feelings at first. I mean I always think it's good advice (for anyone really), to take a breath and to not jump straight to reacting, but there are exceptions of course. I don't think it's bad to question what someone might be saying just to make sure you are interpreting right, like saying "what do you mean by that?" or "I'm not sure I'm following - could you elaborate". If the person really meant something bad, then unleash the rage by all means. That's what I think anyways, but I'm not always right of course. But like rather than completely supress feelings, take a moment to check that you have the right understanding of what's been said. I am saying this because I so wish my friend would feel confident enough to ask these questions and then she can react however she feels suitable. But she often ends up beating herself up over things afterwards. No wonder! She's been taught being angry isn't OK. I bet you that people that taught her this are allowed to get angry though!! Yeah, that's about right. Especially with the dissociation, it's like 'Oh, not only can I not trust my reactions, all they are is reactions, not feelings' I'm not about to ask someone to elaborate if I think they're trying to put me down....but then again, it could be comedic. I also tend to beat myself up over things after. And sometimes other people get mad, and it's like, 'I'm the one who's supposed to be mad about this thing' and I feel bad that they had to get mad because I didn't MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Duckie Posted November 20, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 20, 2023 6 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said: Yeah, that's about right. Especially with the dissociation, it's like 'Oh, not only can I not trust my reactions, all they are is reactions, not feelings' I'm not about to ask someone to elaborate if I think they're trying to put me down....but then again, it could be comedic. I also tend to beat myself up over things after. And sometimes other people get mad, and it's like, 'I'm the one who's supposed to be mad about this thing' and I feel bad that they had to get mad because I didn't That's a really important point you're making. You might already always be thinking about whether you can trust your reactions or not. Sometimes I ask to elaborate on an insult just to mess with people. It usually confuses them and makes them doubt what they've just said. And that makes it easier to defend myself I find. That sounds really complicated to navigate. Because on one hand you want to stand up for yourself, but on the other you might want to pick your battles so to speak. Do you often find yourself go over the conversation again and again afterwards? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazard Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 18 hours ago, Duckie said: That's a really important point you're making. You might already always be thinking about whether you can trust your reactions or not. Sometimes I ask to elaborate on an insult just to mess with people. It usually confuses them and makes them doubt what they've just said. And that makes it easier to defend myself I find. That sounds really complicated to navigate. Because on one hand you want to stand up for yourself, but on the other you might want to pick your battles so to speak. Do you often find yourself go over the conversation again and again afterwards? Yes It might be worth a try tbh. The problem is that there's a possibility of me forgetting word 'elaborate' and it'll just make it worse for me Sometimes MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Duckie Posted November 21, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 21, 2023 4 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said: Yes It might be worth a try tbh. The problem is that there's a possibility of me forgetting word 'elaborate' and it'll just make it worse for me Sometimes It also needs to feel natural for you to say of course. Asking someone to ellaborate can technically range from saying "what do you mean by that?" to "would you like to rephrase that?". Or even "what's that supposed to mean?". Because it is OK to ask, but only if it feels natural for you to ask of course. A lot of times people don't expect you to question their vague insinuations. It means they have to make a choice - excuse themselves or spell it out. And that can of course also work for the other person, who might realise they didn't phrase something in a particularly kind way. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazard Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 1 hour ago, Duckie said: It also needs to feel natural for you to say of course. Asking someone to ellaborate can technically range from saying "what do you mean by that?" to "would you like to rephrase that?". Or even "what's that supposed to mean?". Because it is OK to ask, but only if it feels natural for you to ask of course. A lot of times people don't expect you to question their vague insinuations. It means they have to make a choice - excuse themselves or spell it out. And that can of course also work for the other person, who might realise they didn't phrase something in a particularly kind way. Huh. Maybe I'll try it MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Duckie Posted November 21, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 21, 2023 3 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said: Huh. Maybe I'll try it No pressure of course But if you do, I would love to hear about it of course! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazard Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 Damn it I keep biting my hand and I can't stop it. Arghhh MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Duckie Posted November 21, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted November 21, 2023 2 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said: Damn it I keep biting my hand and I can't stop it. Arghhh Why do you think that is? Is this a habit of yours? I'm a nailbiter myself - bad habit, I know. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazard Posted November 21, 2023 Author Share Posted November 21, 2023 Just now, Duckie said: Why do you think that is? Is this a habit of yours? I'm a nailbiter myself - bad habit, I know. I think it's a habit that I do when I panic or am having a moment. I used to do it in order to self-harm when I couldn't have a blade out (like at school) and I think now it's become a thing even when I haven't been self-harming MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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