Guidance Counsler Crap

[CoconutCultist]

So yesterday in the middle of math, me and my friend got called down to the guidance office. When we got there, we found five of our other friends there. The guidance counsler than told us that she found concerning things on google docs. (For context, we write stories and roleplay on google docs) She began to list off different things, some of them related to trauma (SA, abuse, etc.). One of them was a poem my friend had wrote about the state of the world and other issues. There was also the issues of my partner's ex and my ex, both of whom are toxic. Very few of us talk to them if we have a choice, but some still add them to the docs. The guidance counslor is making him sign a "No Contact Agreement" which basically means we can't interact with eachother. But the real issue came down to the fact that our friend group is prone to breakdowns. One of my friends starting breaking down when SA was mentioned, I started crying when I tried to explain that if they took care of the bullying issue, we wouldn't have to write about this, my partner started crying because the guidance snapped at them to stop interupting her, and my other three friends snapped because the guidance counslor wouldn't listen to her. I got so stressed out because we missed lunch and I was worried about getting outed to my parents that I physically got weak and had to go to the nurse. I just got back from the guidance counslor, where she called my mom and told suggested that she looks through my google docs and I get new friends. Now I'm extra worried about being outed to my parents and about them forcing me to stop hanging out with my friends. What should I do?

[Emberfrost12]

13 minutes ago, CoconutCultist said:

So yesterday in the middle of math, me and my friend got called down to the guidance office. When we got there, we found five of our other friends there. The guidance counsler than told us that she found concerning things on google docs. (For context, we write stories and roleplay on google docs) She began to list off different things, some of them related to trauma (SA, abuse, etc.). One of them was a poem my friend had wrote about the state of the world and other issues. There was also the issues of my partner's ex and my ex, both of whom are toxic. Very few of us talk to them if we have a choice, but some still add them to the docs. The guidance counslor is making him sign a "No Contact Agreement" which basically means we can't interact with eachother. But the real issue came down to the fact that our friend group is prone to breakdowns. One of my friends starting breaking down when SA was mentioned, I started crying when I tried to explain that if they took care of the bullying issue, we wouldn't have to write about this, my partner started crying because the guidance snapped at them to stop interupting her, and my other three friends snapped because the guidance counslor wouldn't listen to her. I got so stressed out because we missed lunch and I was worried about getting outed to my parents that I physically got weak and had to go to the nurse. I just got back from the guidance counslor, where she called my mom and told suggested that she looks through my google docs and I get new friends. Now I'm extra worried about being outed to my parents and about them forcing me to stop hanging out with my friends. What should I do?

Ok, well, first off- that guidance counselor is really shitty. Can I ask who had to sign the 'no contact agreement'? All of you, or just a couple people?  If you think you're about to be outed, it might be a good idea to make a plan in case- if something happens, where can you go, where can you spend the night, and who can you talk to? Keep in mind that there is no way for them to realistically keep you from your friends. Also, if you still can, delete those google docs. If that's too much for you, copy them and store them in a different google account first, or copy them into a different app/website that no one will think to check. Does that sound helpful to you at all?

 

@Digital Mentor

Edited November 14, 2023 by Emberfrost12

[CoconutCultist]

2 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Ok, well, first off- that guidance counselor is really shitty. Can I ask who had to sign the 'no contact agreement'? All of you, or just a couple people?  If you think you're about to be outed, it might be a good idea to make a plan in case- if something happens, where can you go, where can you spend the night, and who can you talk to? Keep in mind that there is no way for them to realistically keep you from your friends. Also, if you still can, delete those google docs. If that's too much for you, copy them and store them in a different google account first, or copy them into a different app/website that no one will think to check. Does that sound helpful to you at all?

@Digital Mentor

We haven't signed the no contact agreement yet, I'm not sure if both parties do or not, but she said she would make my ex sign it

I'm positive my parents won't kick me out, but I don't want to come out to them until I'm at least 16

I've already deleted most of them

Thank you 

[Emberfrost12]

1 minute ago, CoconutCultist said:

We haven't signed the no contact agreement yet, I'm not sure if both parties do or not, but she said she would make my ex sign it

I'm positive my parents won't kick me out, but I don't want to come out to them until I'm at least 16

I've already deleted most of them

Thank you 

Would the contract be for your friend group to not contact each other, or just you not to contact your ex? 

That's fair. It still might be reassuring to have a just-in-case type of plan. Then again, it might be the opposite of reassuring. Do what ever is going to make you feel safer.

[CoconutCultist]

1 minute ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Would the contract be for your friend group to not contact each other, or just you not to contact your ex? 

That's fair. It still might be reassuring to have a just-in-case type of plan. Then again, it might be the opposite of reassuring. Do what ever is going to make you feel safer.

We would still be allowed to contact eachother, just not my ex, the guidance counslor said she wouldn't force us to split up, she just recomended it. Particulary with two of my friends that voiced their opinion because they were 'bad influnces'

[Emberfrost12]

Just now, CoconutCultist said:

We would still be allowed to contact eachother, just not my ex, the guidance counslor said she wouldn't force us to split up, she just recomended it. Particulary with two of my friends that voiced their opinion because they were 'bad influnces'

Okay, that's good then. A lot of adults seem to be opinionated about who should hang out with who in teens, and pretty much all of it is crap. Unless your friends are actively trying to get you to do stupid things or being unnecessarily negative/abusive, then don't split up. Some things come to nothing, and I hope that this discussion with the guidance counselor is one of those things

[Catsup]

21 hours ago, CoconutCultist said:

So yesterday in the middle of math, me and my friend got called down to the guidance office. When we got there, we found five of our other friends there. The guidance counsler than told us that she found concerning things on google docs. (For context, we write stories and roleplay on google docs) She began to list off different things, some of them related to trauma (SA, abuse, etc.). One of them was a poem my friend had wrote about the state of the world and other issues. There was also the issues of my partner's ex and my ex, both of whom are toxic. Very few of us talk to them if we have a choice, but some still add them to the docs. The guidance counslor is making him sign a "No Contact Agreement" which basically means we can't interact with eachother. But the real issue came down to the fact that our friend group is prone to breakdowns. One of my friends starting breaking down when SA was mentioned, I started crying when I tried to explain that if they took care of the bullying issue, we wouldn't have to write about this, my partner started crying because the guidance snapped at them to stop interupting her, and my other three friends snapped because the guidance counslor wouldn't listen to her. I got so stressed out because we missed lunch and I was worried about getting outed to my parents that I physically got weak and had to go to the nurse. I just got back from the guidance counslor, where she called my mom and told suggested that she looks through my google docs and I get new friends. Now I'm extra worried about being outed to my parents and about them forcing me to stop hanging out with my friends. What should I do?

Hi @CoconutCultist, I'm sorry to hear that happened at your school.  It seems like the guidance counselor is trying to control a lot of what's going on between you and your friends and it didn't sound well-managed.  I wonder if you could write out your concerns to talk to either the counselor or another adult in the school who you can trust.  Not everyone has a trusting relationship with an adult at school, but if you do have someone you can talk to and help advocate for you, it might not be a bad idea.  What do you think about addressing this again with the school?

Do you think there is a chance the counselor would listen to you if you expressed that you don't want to be outed?  The way I see it, it wouldn't hurt to initiate that conversation so that she is very aware of your concerns.  @Emberfrost12 had some great suggestions and points, including deleting what you don't want people to see on the Google docs.  Ultimately, your privacy is important and you deserve to have a private space for your thoughts.

What is your relationship like with your parents?  Would they understand if you explained you still want your friend group and felt misunderstood by the guidance counselor?  A lot of my suggestions do have to do with self-advocacy and communication, since the situation sounds very off, and it could be really important to stick up for yourself.  I think you have every right to feel upset about this.  How are you managing right now?

[CoconutCultist]

27 minutes ago, Catsup said:

Hi @CoconutCultist, I'm sorry to hear that happened at your school.  It seems like the guidance counselor is trying to control a lot of what's going on between you and your friends and it didn't sound well-managed.  I wonder if you could write out your concerns to talk to either the counselor or another adult in the school who you can trust.  Not everyone has a trusting relationship with an adult at school, but if you do have someone you can talk to and help advocate for you, it might not be a bad idea.  What do you think about addressing this again with the school?

Do you think there is a chance the counselor would listen to you if you expressed that you don't want to be outed?  The way I see it, it wouldn't hurt to initiate that conversation so that she is very aware of your concerns.  @Emberfrost12 had some great suggestions and points, including deleting what you don't want people to see on the Google docs.  Ultimately, your privacy is important and you deserve to have a private space for your thoughts.

What is your relationship like with your parents?  Would they understand if you explained you still want your friend group and felt misunderstood by the guidance counselor?  A lot of my suggestions do have to do with self-advocacy and communication, since the situation sounds very off, and it could be really important to stick up for yourself.  I think you have every right to feel upset about this.  How are you managing right now?

My parents never even checked, turns out as long as it doesn't happen again they won't search anything

[Catsup]

8 minutes ago, CoconutCultist said:

My parents never even checked, turns out as long as it doesn't happen again they won't search anything

Oh good! I'm glad to hear that's how things went with them. :) It must be a relief.

[CoconutCultist]

7 minutes ago, Catsup said:

Oh good! I'm glad to hear that's how things went with them. :) It must be a relief.

That's a bit of an understatment lol