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Name change/Re-coming out


Darci A    

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Hi everyone, I'm Darci, my pronouns are they/them, and I'm nonbinary and biromantic. So, my name I go by now is Emmy (its a nickname of my deadname but the best I could get my parents to approve of) but I've been thinking of using the name Darci for a bit so I thought i'd try it out here. My folks are not supportive of my identity, and I used to go by Elis but that was "a boy's name" so I was hoping Darci would be femme enough but still a unisex name that I like. 

And on the other hand- my parents found out about my identity (at the time I was identifying as a trans boy) when they read through my texts with my genderfluid partner who they didnt know I was dating (lots of drama there). But basically, I never got to come out, and my parents still clearly dont understand my gender identity or sexuallity cuz they dont ask we kind of ignore it and it sucks. They were very clear that "im a girl" and that "God makes no mistakes" but they do love me, and I do belive God loves me (i did almost loose my faith when they said that though). I kind of wish id been able to tell them on my own time in my own way, but i ever got to. I was considering coming out to them for real, but im scared what they'll say if i "bring more trouble into the house" or whatever.

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Aurora
This post was recognized by Aurora!

jazzy.sky was awarded the badge 'Great Advice' and 20 points.

Hey there Darci!

Thanks for sharing your story, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that (especially the drama with them seeing texts and not allowing you to choose whether or not you felt ready to tell them yourself)

It's never easy to have the choice of coming out denied from you and im so sorry that happened, its honestly awful

Maybe, if you feel comfortable,  you could educate your parents a bit on gender identity- and slowly make your way to building that trust back 

I hope that you're doing good and having a great day, im here for you and im very proud of you for re-coming out 

If you need me im here and I'm sure that the rest of the squad will be here for you too! :D sending you a big hug

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Also, I forgot to add, never feel forced or pressured into coming out,  it is your choice and only do it if you feel ready <3 

Whatever you decide to do, we are here for you!  Keep us updated on the situation <3

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  • Digital Mentor
16 hours ago, Darci A said:

Hi everyone, I'm Darci, my pronouns are they/them, and I'm nonbinary and biromantic. So, my name I go by now is Emmy (its a nickname of my deadname but the best I could get my parents to approve of) but I've been thinking of using the name Darci for a bit so I thought i'd try it out here. My folks are not supportive of my identity, and I used to go by Elis but that was "a boy's name" so I was hoping Darci would be femme enough but still a unisex name that I like. 

And on the other hand- my parents found out about my identity (at the time I was identifying as a trans boy) when they read through my texts with my genderfluid partner who they didnt know I was dating (lots of drama there). But basically, I never got to come out, and my parents still clearly dont understand my gender identity or sexuallity cuz they dont ask we kind of ignore it and it sucks. They were very clear that "im a girl" and that "God makes no mistakes" but they do love me, and I do belive God loves me (i did almost loose my faith when they said that though). I kind of wish id been able to tell them on my own time in my own way, but i ever got to. I was considering coming out to them for real, but im scared what they'll say if i "bring more trouble into the house" or whatever.

Hi there Darci, thank you so much for telling us a bit more about yourself and letting us know what's been going on for you. 

I wanted to start off by letting you know that I really like the name Darci. It's got a really nice ring to it 🙂 How does it feel being called Darci - does it feel right for you? 

I'm sorry that you didn't get to tell your parents in your own time and in your own way. That's really tough and it didn't sound like you were ready for them to find out when and the way they did. I can see that @jazzy.sky has already given you some great advice. Do you think it might be possible to educate your parents a bit on gender identity? Also, you mentioned that your parents love you. I think the love parents have for their children is so strong that it can help to transform their views. Ultimately parents want their children to be happy and to be able to live their lives authentically. It might not happen straight away but it might happen over time. What do you think? 

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1 hour ago, Aurora said:

Hi there Darci, thank you so much for telling us a bit more about yourself and letting us know what's been going on for you. 

I wanted to start off by letting you know that I really like the name Darci. It's got a really nice ring to it 🙂 How does it feel being called Darci - does it feel right for you? 

I'm sorry that you didn't get to tell your parents in your own time and in your own way. That's really tough and it didn't sound like you were ready for them to find out when and the way they did. I can see that @jazzy.sky has already given you some great advice. Do you think it might be possible to educate your parents a bit on gender identity? Also, you mentioned that your parents love you. I think the love parents have for their children is so strong that it can help to transform their views. Ultimately parents want their children to be happy and to be able to live their lives authentically. It might not happen straight away but it might happen over time. What do you think? 

My biggest fear of "re-coming out" or whatever is the whole fact that I dont think they're gonna really accept me ever. They belive being LGBT is a sin and when I borrowed my mum's phone to look something up I saw shed been reading an article called "is a child's gender dysphoria permanent" and it was definity not from a LGBTQ supporting site. Its just hard because this is alway gonna be a fight for me but I hate feeling like I'm living three or more lives at one time.

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  • Digital Mentor
On 10/10/2023 at 1:33 PM, Darci A said:

My biggest fear of "re-coming out" or whatever is the whole fact that I dont think they're gonna really accept me ever. They belive being LGBT is a sin and when I borrowed my mum's phone to look something up I saw shed been reading an article called "is a child's gender dysphoria permanent" and it was definity not from a LGBTQ supporting site. Its just hard because this is alway gonna be a fight for me but I hate feeling like I'm living three or more lives at one time.

Sorry for my late reply. I've only just seen your message. I do apologise.

I completely get why you are afraid of that happening. I think we all want to be accepted for who we are and so far your parents haven't shown you that they are supportive of your true identity. That's really hard. However, it doesn't mean that they will always feel this way.  It is interesting that your mum was  reading up on gender dysphoria. Maybe she does want to educate herself some more on the topic. Do you think she might be open to reading some more balanced articles? Could you point her in the right direction? 

 

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