TinyDinos Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 I have never really had a crush before, and by extension have never dated- ever. I of course have reservations when it comes to the topic of dating and marriage and all of that weird, mushy, high commitment stuff in general because of several experiences where I have witnessed unhealthy relationships especially in that particular kind of relationship. The person I believe I have caught feelings for is super patient and not pushy or pressuring or anything like that, and hasn’t demonstrated a character other than being awesome and kind and patient so I’m not particularly worried about the person themselves, but more the situation in which I’d be romantic with someone I guess? I’ve never experienced a crush or any real attraction before, so I don’t even know if that’s really what I’m feeling but I know it’s More than friendship. How would I know what I’m feeling? How do I know if it’s friendship or something more? How do I know if it’s just excitement and I’m just feeling platonic attraction because they’re a really genuinely sweet and kind and caring person, and I’m just not used to that kind of pure affection where the other person doesn’t just keep me around because they want me for something? I have no idea and need help The other thing is what if it is romantic attraction? Vulnerability and intimacy isn’t my strongsuit or comfort zone in general but I’m not just worried about being with a toxic partner, but worried about BEING a toxic partner, I don’t wanna hurt people the way I’ve been hurt and I don’t wanna be hurt again. What are the next steps when going from friends to something more? What is the best way to approach that kind of relationship? It’s long distance, how do I practice actively loving someone from so far away? I just want to love them the way they deserve to be loved, because I really do love them, but is it really what I suspect it to be, or am I overreacting? How would I know? my final questions are these: what does this mean for my sexuality and romantic orientation?? I was lesbian questioning for a long time, and now I’m pan questioning but I thought I was aro/ace and I’m just so confused :( i find when I think about relationships, I tend to imagine myself with a female. I don’t know if it’s because of my sexuality or because I associate relationships with men to being toxic because of my life experience. However I don’t think I’d be entirely against the idea of dating a male or even nonbinary individual in the future. I don’t know anything and I really need help MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted August 1, 2023 Share Posted August 1, 2023 Hey there, Thank you for sharing this with us. After reading your post a couple of times, I definitely get the sense that you are feeling overwhelmed by all of this and have so many unanswered questions. Is that fair to say? I think that in the beginning of many romantic relationships, these feelings tend to come up. I can see what you said about how you don't know what you're feeling, but you know it is more than friendship. I'm thinking that there might be something important in that which will help you to figure out what you feel. I'm wondering then, can you tell me more about that? What is it that makes you know how you're feeling? I think it will be good to start there because you then might answer some of your other questions after. Speak soon! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinyDinos Posted August 1, 2023 Author Share Posted August 1, 2023 31 minutes ago, Monsoon said: Hey there, Thank you for sharing this with us. After reading your post a couple of times, I definitely get the sense that you are feeling overwhelmed by all of this and have so many unanswered questions. Is that fair to say? I think that in the beginning of many romantic relationships, these feelings tend to come up. I can see what you said about how you don't know what you're feeling, but you know it is more than friendship. I'm thinking that there might be something important in that which will help you to figure out what you feel. I'm wondering then, can you tell me more about that? What is it that makes you know how you're feeling? I think it will be good to start there because you then might answer some of your other questions after. Speak soon! Yeah that’s fair haha. I know it’s more than friendship because I care more about her than anyone else. I don’t usually have much motivation for keeping up with people but I feel drawn to talk to her in every spare minute I have. I care about her opinions, her thoughts, feelings, little details. I want to be everything I can for her and I honestly believe she inspires me to be a better person. Tough days aren’t as hard as they used to be because I can look forward to talking to her, and I promised to be available so I have a reason to hold on and keep going. I can feel that this is a way deeper connection than any other relationship I’ve had before with my friends. I hope this helps :) MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted August 2, 2023 Share Posted August 2, 2023 Hey there, Thank you for explaining that - it definitely helps a lot! It’s really clear that you have feelings for her that go beyond the typical friendship dynamic which is a big answer to some of your questions in itself isn’t It? What do you think you might do next? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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