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314_175

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Hey guys!

First post here, and it's gonna be long...

So I got into a little problematic situation. Here, where I live, there's summer break now and will last until somewhere in September. It's great time for me, because I finally have more time to focus on my dreams and life goals not worrying about any test or things like that. I spend nearly whole days practicing the piano and learning music theory. Just something I love. The thing is, due to that my life is kind of monotonous, but, to be honest, I don't mind if I'm doing something for my future self and am developing. And because of that I didn't quite talk with my, let's say, friends (there's three of them - one guy, two girls). I personally didn't have anything to talk about with them since my hobbies and life goals absolutely don't match with theirs and we also have completely different music taste, so I didn't write anything since I just know they aren't into classical music and I didn't want to tire them by constantly talking about the same thing they don't like that much. I also didn't use social media recently so, for example, I didn't have much reels to share on Instagram, so there weren't any things to talk about there too. Done with explaining my lack of things to talk about... finally...

Yesterday, I got a text from one of my friends asking why I don't write anything. I tried to explain just how I did above, but I don't think she understood. She said that it's great that I'm developing etc. but then school will come and I'll be like I didn't talk with you whole summer break and now I'm gonna talk with you again. But like... am I the only one that can write first? Two of them wrote to me once, one sent most random TikTok, and the second one (that wrote to me yesterday) just some memes. The third one, as always, didn't write anything, while certainly writing with the other two. And since then? Constant silence...

I understand that if they are my friends I should also find time to spend it with them - chatting or meeting in the city. But let me explain first why I'm not quite sure about it being any strong friendship...

First of all, last summer break looked the same. I was at home practicing (less passionate than now, so I might've chat a bit more) and sometimes they went together to the city... without me. I knew that they had some group on Messenger that I wasn't a member of. It was kinda sad for me to know about it. I always felt a little bit excluded back then. When I once mentioned it, one of them responded that "ahh you know, it's exclusive so you aren't there haha". Well not so haha for me. They eventually added me just like that when planning some meeting. I was quite surprised and happy, that something finally changed. 

Why I said that it looked the same? Because now, like a month since the beginning of summer break, they were on like 4 or 5 parties and some meetings and nobody even bothered to ask me if I want to go. They just have separate group chat for that stuff with people from other classes for it.  But even though at first I'm sad that I wasn't invited, I quickly remember how it all looks like and don't regret not being there (every party like this looks like this: they are just drinking and vaping all the time singing and listening to music I really don't like, while I'm just sitting in the corner playing some games at my phone or surfing on web... I just don't understand enjoying such things, but maybe I'm weird...). I live with rule that if I wasn't invited I'm not asking about it.

Secondly, we went for a class trip. We planned the rooms and houses, but it turned out that our configuration can't work out, since the houses (two rooms on separate levels) must be same-sex. So I had to go somewhere. I had two options - go to a separate room in other house, or be with other guys from my class in the adjoining house (they had connected balcony). I didn't quite want to be with the guys from my class since I knew it was going to be loud and they will make parties (like those described above) every evening. When I finally decided to go to the guys since I didn't want to have any problems with my friends (they could get mad at me or whatever... just wanted to avoid any conflicts) and went to take my things there, I heard my friends (those two girls) talking about me behind my back. I don't know if they don't have the courage to tell me that straight in the face, but one of them was like she found me a room at the boys and now I'm ungrateful for what she has done, while the other one was only agreeing with everything she said...

And I don't know what to do and how to respond to the messages I mentioned at the beginning. If I lose the friendship with them I won't have any friends in the class, especially for PE and working in pairs (maybe for PE there's one guy I could be in pair with). I don't want any conflict, but I don't know if I should continue this friendship or not and, once again, what to reply to the message from one of them. Was I focused too much on myself? What would you do in my situation?

Sorry for such a long post, but I wanted to show you guys some aspects of the situation as well as describe them and tell the story behind them.  

Thanks in advance for anything <3

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4 hours ago, 314_175 said:

Hey guys!

First post here, and it's gonna be long...

So I got into a little problematic situation. Here, where I live, there's summer break now and will last until somewhere in September. It's great time for me, because I finally have more time to focus on my dreams and life goals not worrying about any test or things like that. I spend nearly whole days practicing the piano and learning music theory. Just something I love. The thing is, due to that my life is kind of monotonous, but, to be honest, I don't mind if I'm doing something for my future self and am developing. And because of that I didn't quite talk with my, let's say, friends (there's three of them - one guy, two girls). I personally didn't have anything to talk about with them since my hobbies and life goals absolutely don't match with theirs and we also have completely different music taste, so I didn't write anything since I just know they aren't into classical music and I didn't want to tire them by constantly talking about the same thing they don't like that much. I also didn't use social media recently so, for example, I didn't have much reels to share on Instagram, so there weren't any things to talk about there too. Done with explaining my lack of things to talk about... finally...

Yesterday, I got a text from one of my friends asking why I don't write anything. I tried to explain just how I did above, but I don't think she understood. She said that it's great that I'm developing etc. but then school will come and I'll be like I didn't talk with you whole summer break and now I'm gonna talk with you again. But like... am I the only one that can write first? Two of them wrote to me once, one sent most random TikTok, and the second one (that wrote to me yesterday) just some memes. The third one, as always, didn't write anything, while certainly writing with the other two. And since then? Constant silence...

I understand that if they are my friends I should also find time to spend it with them - chatting or meeting in the city. But let me explain first why I'm not quite sure about it being any strong friendship...

First of all, last summer break looked the same. I was at home practicing (less passionate than now, so I might've chat a bit more) and sometimes they went together to the city... without me. I knew that they had some group on Messenger that I wasn't a member of. It was kinda sad for me to know about it. I always felt a little bit excluded back then. When I once mentioned it, one of them responded that "ahh you know, it's exclusive so you aren't there haha". Well not so haha for me. They eventually added me just like that when planning some meeting. I was quite surprised and happy, that something finally changed. 

Why I said that it looked the same? Because now, like a month since the beginning of summer break, they were on like 4 or 5 parties and some meetings and nobody even bothered to ask me if I want to go. They just have separate group chat for that stuff with people from other classes for it.  But even though at first I'm sad that I wasn't invited, I quickly remember how it all looks like and don't regret not being there (every party like this looks like this: they are just drinking and vaping all the time singing and listening to music I really don't like, while I'm just sitting in the corner playing some games at my phone or surfing on web... I just don't understand enjoying such things, but maybe I'm weird...). I live with rule that if I wasn't invited I'm not asking about it.

Secondly, we went for a class trip. We planned the rooms and houses, but it turned out that our configuration can't work out, since the houses (two rooms on separate levels) must be same-sex. So I had to go somewhere. I had two options - go to a separate room in other house, or be with other guys from my class in the adjoining house (they had connected balcony). I didn't quite want to be with the guys from my class since I knew it was going to be loud and they will make parties (like those described above) every evening. When I finally decided to go to the guys since I didn't want to have any problems with my friends (they could get mad at me or whatever... just wanted to avoid any conflicts) and went to take my things there, I heard my friends (those two girls) talking about me behind my back. I don't know if they don't have the courage to tell me that straight in the face, but one of them was like she found me a room at the boys and now I'm ungrateful for what she has done, while the other one was only agreeing with everything she said...

And I don't know what to do and how to respond to the messages I mentioned at the beginning. If I lose the friendship with them I won't have any friends in the class, especially for PE and working in pairs (maybe for PE there's one guy I could be in pair with). I don't want any conflict, but I don't know if I should continue this friendship or not and, once again, what to reply to the message from one of them. Was I focused too much on myself? What would you do in my situation?

Sorry for such a long post, but I wanted to show you guys some aspects of the situation as well as describe them and tell the story behind them.  

Thanks in advance for anything <3

Hi there and welcome to the community here! I'm Catsup, one of the support mentors.  It sounds like you might not have some of the same common interests as your friends, but they might be still expecting a lot of interaction from you over the summer.  I think it makes sense that you might not consider them the closest friends, since you have felt left out in the past.

I noticed you said that your friends have sent you memes and things like that over the summer.  In those situations, were they the ones who initiated the messages?  Even if they're not much, the messages could be an effort to engage with you, but what do you think?  I also noticed you said that your friends do not ask you to go to parties with them.  Is it a possibility they aren't inviting you because they know you don't like parties?

When your friends talked about you behind your back and the school trip, that definitely was not nice of them.  At the same time, people can be prone to venting their perceived problems, even about people they care about.  In general, do you feel like your friends respect you? 

And what made you guys friends in the first place?  What good do they add to your life?

In the end, your friends are only one part of your life, and you definitely can make new friends if you find these friends aren't suited for you.  I do think your friends could be much more understanding of where you're coming from.  Like you said, they might not be the closest friends.  It might be helpful to weigh out the pros and cons of being friends with them.   

As to responding to the messages, I think being kind and respectful of feelings is always the way to go no matter what you decide with the friendship.  It's your call to make whether you're honest about your feelings, or potentially wanting to keep things simple and friendly.  Many times, serious conversations around a friendship are better in person so there are less misunderstandings, but what do you think?

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On 7/23/2023 at 3:23 PM, Catsup said:

Hi there and welcome to the community here! I'm Catsup, one of the support mentors.  It sounds like you might not have some of the same common interests as your friends, but they might be still expecting a lot of interaction from you over the summer.  I think it makes sense that you might not consider them the closest friends, since you have felt left out in the past.

I noticed you said that your friends have sent you memes and things like that over the summer.  In those situations, were they the ones who initiated the messages?  Even if they're not much, the messages could be an effort to engage with you, but what do you think?  I also noticed you said that your friends do not ask you to go to parties with them.  Is it a possibility they aren't inviting you because they know you don't like parties?

When your friends talked about you behind your back and the school trip, that definitely was not nice of them.  At the same time, people can be prone to venting their perceived problems, even about people they care about.  In general, do you feel like your friends respect you? 

And what made you guys friends in the first place?  What good do they add to your life?

In the end, your friends are only one part of your life, and you definitely can make new friends if you find these friends aren't suited for you.  I do think your friends could be much more understanding of where you're coming from.  Like you said, they might not be the closest friends.  It might be helpful to weigh out the pros and cons of being friends with them.   

As to responding to the messages, I think being kind and respectful of feelings is always the way to go no matter what you decide with the friendship.  It's your call to make whether you're honest about your feelings, or potentially wanting to keep things simple and friendly.  Many times, serious conversations around a friendship are better in person so there are less misunderstandings, but what do you think?

Hey, sorry for such a late reply...

When it comes to mentioned messages it was them. It could be an effort to engage, but being honest I don't know how the TikTok video was supposed to begin any longer chat. I don't even know how to describe that video, but I wouldn't even consider it a meme. After that message we chatted for a bit, but it wasn't long, like 5 minutes. The second chat was just some meme about Megamind and me supposedly being similar to him. Just responded I don't think we are similar in any way, and got a response that she sees a similarity. No further chat, with nothing to write about from the top of my head I didn't continue the chat.

About the parties... well maybe they know I don't like them, but still if we are supposed to be friends someone from the group of over 15 people could ask. I know some of them like me, for example I was talking with one girl about making some kind of a music band in school. And the only part I was on with her was her birthday party, so I don't know if after that one event she could already know whether I like them or not. Anyway, I wouldn't say I'm mad about this.

Us being friends started in a weird way. At the beginning of middle school I was friend with other people, mainly because like them I was seating in front of the class. Then one of the guys left from the back of the class to the front so I moved there. Just didn't like seating in the front rows that much. And so I started talking with the people there. Just after I moved there, I discovered that there was a drama between them. One of them just could make plans and then if other friends showed up he went away. That's how it looked from their perspective. I don't remember this whole situation. I spoke with the guy about it. We actually chatted quite a lot in one moment. Later as I told him about my life goals he also showed some interest in them. I treated this really seriously and his later constant "jokes" irritated me. I tried to talk about it but I don't remember it changed anything. And after all this I somehow got closed to current friends and gradually more and more distant with the previous ones until I completely ended talking with majority of them. I occasionally talk with three of them and still regularly chat with another one.

What do they add to my life? Well, starting with the girls, one of them sings. We participated together in some competitions for singing and I was the accompanist. She also supported me before my performances when I performed solo. I also supported her when she had her downs, and one time she thanked me for the support said that I'm somehow unique. The other one... we just talked and often laughed together about various things. As for the guy... I know him from primary school and don't remember him well from that time. I wouldn't say he adds anything to my life. I can't get over how much he constantly does nothing in school, cheats on every test and never even thinks about his future. His mom is a teacher in our school and I think he got used to the fact that she will pave the road for him. Even some strict teachers treat him differently. It just drives me up the hill. About the school, I completely understand that not everyone must constantly study, I don't do it too, but he really lacks basic knowledge - mixes Caribbean with Japan, carbon with oxygen etc.

About my replies I kept them respectful and absolutely not pretentious, like I did before. Not much really went further with the chat. She just said that everything I say sound like a complaint and in the past I continued the topic on everything, even if it was really some random thing, without a problem. Maybe I just got too serious recently and that's why chatting with me changed...

I'll try do weigh the pros and cons as you suggested and think about different scenarios that I can follow.

 

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51 minutes ago, 314_175 said:

Hey, sorry for such a late reply...

When it comes to mentioned messages it was them. It could be an effort to engage, but being honest I don't know how the TikTok video was supposed to begin any longer chat. I don't even know how to describe that video, but I wouldn't even consider it a meme. After that message we chatted for a bit, but it wasn't long, like 5 minutes. The second chat was just some meme about Megamind and me supposedly being similar to him. Just responded I don't think we are similar in any way, and got a response that she sees a similarity. No further chat, with nothing to write about from the top of my head I didn't continue the chat.

About the parties... well maybe they know I don't like them, but still if we are supposed to be friends someone from the group of over 15 people could ask. I know some of them like me, for example I was talking with one girl about making some kind of a music band in school. And the only part I was on with her was her birthday party, so I don't know if after that one event she could already know whether I like them or not. Anyway, I wouldn't say I'm mad about this.

Us being friends started in a weird way. At the beginning of middle school I was friend with other people, mainly because like them I was seating in front of the class. Then one of the guys left from the back of the class to the front so I moved there. Just didn't like seating in the front rows that much. And so I started talking with the people there. Just after I moved there, I discovered that there was a drama between them. One of them just could make plans and then if other friends showed up he went away. That's how it looked from their perspective. I don't remember this whole situation. I spoke with the guy about it. We actually chatted quite a lot in one moment. Later as I told him about my life goals he also showed some interest in them. I treated this really seriously and his later constant "jokes" irritated me. I tried to talk about it but I don't remember it changed anything. And after all this I somehow got closed to current friends and gradually more and more distant with the previous ones until I completely ended talking with majority of them. I occasionally talk with three of them and still regularly chat with another one.

What do they add to my life? Well, starting with the girls, one of them sings. We participated together in some competitions for singing and I was the accompanist. She also supported me before my performances when I performed solo. I also supported her when she had her downs, and one time she thanked me for the support said that I'm somehow unique. The other one... we just talked and often laughed together about various things. As for the guy... I know him from primary school and don't remember him well from that time. I wouldn't say he adds anything to my life. I can't get over how much he constantly does nothing in school, cheats on every test and never even thinks about his future. His mom is a teacher in our school and I think he got used to the fact that she will pave the road for him. Even some strict teachers treat him differently. It just drives me up the hill. About the school, I completely understand that not everyone must constantly study, I don't do it too, but he really lacks basic knowledge - mixes Caribbean with Japan, carbon with oxygen etc.

About my replies I kept them respectful and absolutely not pretentious, like I did before. Not much really went further with the chat. She just said that everything I say sound like a complaint and in the past I continued the topic on everything, even if it was really some random thing, without a problem. Maybe I just got too serious recently and that's why chatting with me changed...

I'll try do weigh the pros and cons as you suggested and think about different scenarios that I can follow.

Hey, I'm glad to hear back from you, and no problem at all in the delayed reply!

It makes sense that maybe the video and the meme your friends sent you weren't followed up with much effort.  In that sense, I totally understand you not wanting to force a conversation.  And it does sound like they are not necessarily putting much effort into being friends at this point if they are no longer inviting you to things.  It is okay and possible for friends to drift apart since you mentioned the friendship started a while ago and was kind of just by chance.  If you feel any friendship is just not what you need right now, you can certainly start to explore maybe other friendships where there is more in common between you and them.

Is there anything at this time keeping you friends with your current friends right now?  And if you were to distance yourself from them, how would you try to do that?

I'm happy to hear you are keeping your replies respectful with them, and it sounds like you are generally a very respectful and kind person!  Would you consider yourself able make new and maybe closer friends in the future?  Whatever you do about your current friends, it could make sense to branch out and get to know new people, but what are your thoughts on that?

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29 minutes ago, Catsup said:

Hey, I'm glad to hear back from you, and no problem at all in the delayed reply!

It makes sense that maybe the video and the meme your friends sent you weren't followed up with much effort.  In that sense, I totally understand you not wanting to force a conversation.  And it does sound like they are not necessarily putting much effort into being friends at this point if they are no longer inviting you to things.  It is okay and possible for friends to drift apart since you mentioned the friendship started a while ago and was kind of just by chance.  If you feel any friendship is just not what you need right now, you can certainly start to explore maybe other friendships where there is more in common between you and them.

Is there anything at this time keeping you friends with your current friends right now?  And if you were to distance yourself from them, how would you try to do that?

I'm happy to hear you are keeping your replies respectful with them, and it sounds like you are generally a very respectful and kind person!  Would you consider yourself able make new and maybe closer friends in the future?  Whatever you do about your current friends, it could make sense to branch out and get to know new people, but what are your thoughts on that?

I don't know if now, during summer break, there would be anything keeping me with them together. In school we just may have common things to talk about and also they are seating in the desk just in front of me, so we are near each other when in school. As I said at the beginning they don't have similar hobbies as me. While I absolutely don't consider this as a deal breaker, it's hard for me to come up with something to talk about with them. We also live far away from each other so any meetings need bigger upfront planning.

When it comes to distancing myself from them... as I mentioned, we sit near each other so it would be kind of weird to distance from somebody that literally sits a meter away from you. Most peaceful way would be, well obviously, talking seriously and respectfully about how it all looks like from my perspective, but maybe I'll wait with that until next, upcoming school year and see how things turn out.

I don't know if I'm able to make new, closer friends in near future. There are two people I regularly chat with, one I mentioned in my previous reply and one from primary school. I could try to come back to the people I started the school with and maybe start talking with some other I never quite talked with. Of course there are other classes in the school, but I just have a mental barrier to reaching out to someone I don't know nor am introduced to by someone. Maybe time to break that barrier? And oh, just before sending I remembered something. I also go to music school and now, due to some problems with former school's administration, I change them and since new school year I'll go to another music school. That can help with finding someone new, especially considering the fact, that we would have at least one common hobby - music :)

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On 7/28/2023 at 9:39 AM, 314_175 said:

I don't know if now, during summer break, there would be anything keeping me with them together. In school we just may have common things to talk about and also they are seating in the desk just in front of me, so we are near each other when in school. As I said at the beginning they don't have similar hobbies as me. While I absolutely don't consider this as a deal breaker, it's hard for me to come up with something to talk about with them. We also live far away from each other so any meetings need bigger upfront planning.

When it comes to distancing myself from them... as I mentioned, we sit near each other so it would be kind of weird to distance from somebody that literally sits a meter away from you. Most peaceful way would be, well obviously, talking seriously and respectfully about how it all looks like from my perspective, but maybe I'll wait with that until next, upcoming school year and see how things turn out.

I don't know if I'm able to make new, closer friends in near future. There are two people I regularly chat with, one I mentioned in my previous reply and one from primary school. I could try to come back to the people I started the school with and maybe start talking with some other I never quite talked with. Of course there are other classes in the school, but I just have a mental barrier to reaching out to someone I don't know nor am introduced to by someone. Maybe time to break that barrier? And oh, just before sending I remembered something. I also go to music school and now, due to some problems with former school's administration, I change them and since new school year I'll go to another music school. That can help with finding someone new, especially considering the fact, that we would have at least one common hobby - music :)

Hi again, it makes a lot of sense that it might be hard to talk with your current friends if you don't share hobbies and interests.  At the same time, I understand you don't want to distance yourself from your friends if they sit right next to you in class.  It could be okay to be friendly at school in that specific situation, but maybe not make any additional plans with them?  Like you said, there might not be a big rush to leave the friendship, so waiting for next school year sounds totally reasonable too.

The mental barrier around initiating interactions with new people is very common and normal.  It might be time to branch out more, if that's what you feel will help you with friends.  It really is up to you how you navigate this year since there are a lot of factors going on that you sound very aware of, and you know yourself best. How equipped do you feel to get through this school year and have new friends soon?  Friendships always take some time, so I think being a bit patient can be really important for feeling good about things.

Next school year sounds like a great opportunity to meet people either way, since you will be meeting new people who are interested in music.  I think that's amazing and I'm happy to hear about that! :)

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On 7/30/2023 at 2:19 PM, Catsup said:

Hi again, it makes a lot of sense that it might be hard to talk with your current friends if you don't share hobbies and interests.  At the same time, I understand you don't want to distance yourself from your friends if they sit right next to you in class.  It could be okay to be friendly at school in that specific situation, but maybe not make any additional plans with them?  Like you said, there might not be a big rush to leave the friendship, so waiting for next school year sounds totally reasonable too.

The mental barrier around initiating interactions with new people is very common and normal.  It might be time to branch out more, if that's what you feel will help you with friends.  It really is up to you how you navigate this year since there are a lot of factors going on that you sound very aware of, and you know yourself best. How equipped do you feel to get through this school year and have new friends soon?  Friendships always take some time, so I think being a bit patient can be really important for feeling good about things.

Next school year sounds like a great opportunity to meet people either way, since you will be meeting new people who are interested in music.  I think that's amazing and I'm happy to hear about that! :)

Hi, sorry so late, but I just got back from a week-long mountain trip where I had nearly no internet connection and just yesterday saw your response.

What you suggested is actually what I've done for past couple of months before summer break. I was friendly at school, but didn't quite go anywhere with them after that. Now that I'm going to have even tighter schedule than in previous year (due to new music school and more lessons there), tight schedule won't be even an excuse, it will be a fact. I mean I did sometimes walk a bit after school but usually went home quickly since I had to go back and get ready for music school.

I guess I'll participate in school life more and maybe go out of classroom more often during breaks in order to "spot" someone I could become friends with. Fortunately, as mentioned, I have a possibility to do some music stuff in "normal" (I don't know how to say it differently) school so I might get to know someone interested in music there too. I'm looking forward to meeting some new people in both schools. Personally, I don't need much people around me, 2-3 closer friends is really my goal and that will be enough. Even if it doesn't work out I'll be fine, it's only two more years and adulthood comes so another opportunities to meet new, great people. But maybe I shouldn't be so pessimistic about near future... I will be patient with everything, I promise :)

Anyway, yeah, looking forward for new school year. When it comes to those people from school I mentioned ever since the beginning, nothing changed since my first post and being honest, I don't expect any changes. I stopped worrying about them, it didn't make me anyway positive so I had to change this. The trip to mountains was really refreshing, mind-clearing and really active, that's why I needed some rest before responding, but I'm back!

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On 8/7/2023 at 8:01 PM, 314_175 said:

Hi, sorry so late, but I just got back from a week-long mountain trip where I had nearly no internet connection and just yesterday saw your response.

What you suggested is actually what I've done for past couple of months before summer break. I was friendly at school, but didn't quite go anywhere with them after that. Now that I'm going to have even tighter schedule than in previous year (due to new music school and more lessons there), tight schedule won't be even an excuse, it will be a fact. I mean I did sometimes walk a bit after school but usually went home quickly since I had to go back and get ready for music school.

I guess I'll participate in school life more and maybe go out of classroom more often during breaks in order to "spot" someone I could become friends with. Fortunately, as mentioned, I have a possibility to do some music stuff in "normal" (I don't know how to say it differently) school so I might get to know someone interested in music there too. I'm looking forward to meeting some new people in both schools. Personally, I don't need much people around me, 2-3 closer friends is really my goal and that will be enough. Even if it doesn't work out I'll be fine, it's only two more years and adulthood comes so another opportunities to meet new, great people. But maybe I shouldn't be so pessimistic about near future... I will be patient with everything, I promise :)

Anyway, yeah, looking forward for new school year. When it comes to those people from school I mentioned ever since the beginning, nothing changed since my first post and being honest, I don't expect any changes. I stopped worrying about them, it didn't make me anyway positive so I had to change this. The trip to mountains was really refreshing, mind-clearing and really active, that's why I needed some rest before responding, but I'm back!

Hi @314_175,

I'm Duckie - one of the support mentors. And a fellow musician!

What genres do you like to play? I think music has an amazing power of bringing people together and it could indeed be a source of new friendships. It sounds like you might be an introvert. Would you agree? I am basing this on the fact that you appreciate having some you-time and prefer to hang out with just a few close friends. There is such a thing as a social introvert - I consider myself one. Love meeting people, but I want to spend like three days on my own after a big outing. What's it like for you? 

Are you managing to stay in touch with your friends over the summer? Sometimes texting is awkward, so it might be worth suggesting to meet up to do an activity or something. What do you think?

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Posted (edited)
13 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @314_175,

I'm Duckie - one of the support mentors. And a fellow musician!

What genres do you like to play? I think music has an amazing power of bringing people together and it could indeed be a source of new friendships. It sounds like you might be an introvert. Would you agree? I am basing this on the fact that you appreciate having some you-time and prefer to hang out with just a few close friends. There is such a thing as a social introvert - I consider myself one. Love meeting people, but I want to spend like three days on my own after a big outing. What's it like for you? 

Are you managing to stay in touch with your friends over the summer? Sometimes texting is awkward, so it might be worth suggesting to meet up to do an activity or something. What do you think?

Hey!

Unlike many people I know, I'm really passionate about classical music. Beginning with Bach and ending with probably Rachmaninoff with some exceptions (some Shostakovic's works). Sometimes I also listen to some 80s and 90s music, but I don't play it, rather just listen to it. There's only one person in school that I know is interested in this music too. Rest rather prefers modern rap, some other prefer metal. Many think that Für Elise, Rondo alla Turca and so-called "Moonlight" Sonata is the only classical music out there. Well... their loss :) I try to write something by myself, but for now it's rather piles of ideas I don't know how to develop. Lack of knowledge in music theory, but slowly learning more, so maybe something will go forward soon.

I think yeah, I would label myself as introvert, but not a strict one. I think that if I had something to do that I like (for example, hopefully... one day, working with an orchestra as a conductor) I wouldn't have much of a problem to speak being in a bigger group. For now I wasn't quite given a similar opportunity, so I don't know for sure and currently, I rather sit quietly in the corner minding my own business. Indeed, I prefer to be with a few closer friends, too much is... to much. And yeah, if something bigger happens on Friday the two-day-long weekend seems too short sometimes.

I keep contact with two friends from primary school, rather by texting, but met once with one of them, as well as one friend from my class, but not from my, let's say, main, current friend group. As I said, they have been silent, since I stopped texting first, due to mentioned lack of ideas to talk about with them. With the ones I text with we talk about music or our life plans. I know we both enjoy talking about that, while the others rather are tired hearing me talking about music they don't understand in the long run. Not only music, I also got into spirituality (meditation, astral projection, manifestation etc.) like a year ago, but they treat it as some stupid fantasies, even though I tell them it worked for me many times... Since the first post they made some meetups that weren't parties, but still, as you can guess, I wasn't invited. Not even sad about it anymore. I'm happy I have these few I can always rely on even though we might not see each other for a longer time :)

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4 minutes ago, 314_175 said:

Hey!

Unlike many people I know, I'm really passionate about classical music. Beginning with Bach and ending with probably Rachmaninoff with some exceptions (some Shostakovic's works). Sometimes I also listen to some 80s and 90s music, but I don't play it, rather just listen to it. There's only one person in school that I know is interested in this music too. Rest rather prefers modern rap, some other prefer metal. Many think that Für Elise, Rondo alla Turca and so-called "Moonlight" Sonata is the only classical music out there. Well... their loss :) I try to write something by myself, but for now it's rather piles of ideas I don't know how to develop. Lack of knowledge in music theory, but slowly learning more, so maybe something will go forward soon.

I think yeah, I would label myself as introvert, but not a strict one. I think that if I had something to do that I like (for example, hopefully... one day, working with an orchestra as a conductor) I wouldn't have much of a problem to speak being in a bigger group. For now I wasn't quite given a similar opportunity, so I don't know for sure and currently, I rather sit quietly in the corner minding my own business. Indeed, I prefer to be with a few closer friends, too much is... to much. And yeah, if something bigger happens on Friday the two-day-long weekend seems too short sometimes.

I keep contact with two friends from primary school, rather by texting, but met once with one of them, as well as one friend from my class, but not from my, let's say, main, current friend group. As I said, they have been silent, since I stopped texting first, due to mentioned lack of ideas to talk about with them. With the ones I text with we talk about music or our life plans. I know we both enjoy talking about that, while the others rather are tired hearing me talking about music they don't understand in the long run. Not only music, I also got into spirituality (meditation, astral projection, manifestation etc.) like a year ago, but they treat it as some stupid fantasies, even though I tell them it worked for me many times... Since the first post they made some meetups that weren't parties, but still, as you can guess, I wasn't invited. Not even sad about it anymore. I'm happy I have these few I can always rely on even though we might not see each other for a longer time :)

Hi,

Oh wow, a classical buff :) Pleased to meet you fellow musician! I mainly listen to metal and classical rock, but sing jazz and blues and ... well ballads that make people cry. I don't have the voice for metal. My voice is powerful but sounds a bit too innocent I reckon. Do you do music history at all? I did and it's really interesting! It covers music from all time and it might make people in your class appreciate classical music more. Did you know that half notes where discovered because back in ancient times notes where scribbled down on thin sheep skin, so a full note would simply pierce a hole through the paper? 

I think we're all a bit of both. The main thing is do you gather energy from being around people, or do you gather it from being by yourself? I mean we're all a bit of both, but still. It is OK to enjoy your own company :) Maybe you would find it alright to speak in front a large group (like being an orchestra conductor) if you spoke about music? What do you think?

It's good that you're trying to stay in touch with people. Maybe it would be better to think of an activity for you all to do rather than texting if this is easier. Could be anything from going for milkshakes and minigolf on a sunny day or going to the cinema together. What do you think?

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6 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi,

Oh wow, a classical buff :) Pleased to meet you fellow musician! I mainly listen to metal and classical rock, but sing jazz and blues and ... well ballads that make people cry. I don't have the voice for metal. My voice is powerful but sounds a bit too innocent I reckon. Do you do music history at all? I did and it's really interesting! It covers music from all time and it might make people in your class appreciate classical music more. Did you know that half notes where discovered because back in ancient times notes where scribbled down on thin sheep skin, so a full note would simply pierce a hole through the paper? 

I think we're all a bit of both. The main thing is do you gather energy from being around people, or do you gather it from being by yourself? I mean we're all a bit of both, but still. It is OK to enjoy your own company :) Maybe you would find it alright to speak in front a large group (like being an orchestra conductor) if you spoke about music? What do you think?

It's good that you're trying to stay in touch with people. Maybe it would be better to think of an activity for you all to do rather than texting if this is easier. Could be anything from going for milkshakes and minigolf on a sunny day or going to the cinema together. What do you think?

Hey,

I might have forgotten about jazz... it can be a good music for some dinner or cafe and actually I considered learning some, but decided to leave it for future and now focus on classical music. I searched a bit for music history for some context of some instruments, their origins etc., but didn't know what you mentioned! Always cool to learn something new :)

I rather gather energy from being by myself learning music or discovering something new (for example places to visit one day) etc. Yeah, if there's something to talk about that I like... I can talk for hours. Literally! So that might be the case too. We will see what life will bring, I guess?

I'll try to suggest something, maybe I'll meet up with one of mentioned primary school friends. We haven't seen each other for nearly a year so it might be a good idea. Considering the current weather in my city some coffee or milkshakes would be cool. Thanks for that suggestion!

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24 minutes ago, 314_175 said:

Hey,

I might have forgotten about jazz... it can be a good music for some dinner or cafe and actually I considered learning some, but decided to leave it for future and now focus on classical music. I searched a bit for music history for some context of some instruments, their origins etc., but didn't know what you mentioned! Always cool to learn something new :)

I rather gather energy from being by myself learning music or discovering something new (for example places to visit one day) etc. Yeah, if there's something to talk about that I like... I can talk for hours. Literally! So that might be the case too. We will see what life will bring, I guess?

I'll try to suggest something, maybe I'll meet up with one of mentioned primary school friends. We haven't seen each other for nearly a year so it might be a good idea. Considering the current weather in my city some coffee or milkshakes would be cool. Thanks for that suggestion!

I love how versatile jazz can be. The word jazz is literally a swearword for having sex, basically. It was not considered legitimate to listen to (for racist reasons unfortunately). And then came the Great depression and suddenly jazz was considered legitimate to listen to and big musicians like Benny Goodman and Glenn Miller became familliar name with their swing music. It was literally a way to destract people from the Great depression that followed the stock market crash of 1929; with happy tunes, lindo hop and foxtrot! Ich bin ein nerd... I think you would really enjoy music history :) I learned all this over a decade ago and I still remember it.

I think maybe this is the key. Find people with common interests and find a way to comfortably talk about things you are excited about :) You can't fake excitement and it's usually really infectious to those who see how genuine it is. It usually makes a lot of people warm up to you and it's a way to comfortably put yourself out there. What other passions do you have? I see you as a creative in other areas too. Is that fair to say? :)

That sounds great! Sometimes it might feel a bit intimidating to invite bigger groups of friends but sometimes it puts the pressure off you to do all the talking. It means you can relax in that you are introducing cool people to each other and you also have something to discuss ie. what flavour milkshake are they having, who's got the best mini-golf skills (I learned last weekend that I suck it... but we all had a good chuckle over it!). Let me know what you suggest for them :) Remember that even simpler things like playing frisbee in the park or going to an event will be appreciated by your friends. It is hard to suggest things sometimes and I always really like when someone else takes the reigns and suggest meeting up :) Doesn't matter if it's for a coffee and a walk or for a full day outing. Let me know how it goes!

 

 

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57 minutes ago, Duckie said:

I love how versatile jazz can be. The word jazz is literally a swearword for having sex, basically. It was not considered legitimate to listen to (for racist reasons unfortunately). And then came the Great depression and suddenly jazz was considered legitimate to listen to and big musicians like Benny Goodman and Glenn Miller became familliar name with their swing music. It was literally a way to destract people from the Great depression that followed the stock market crasch of 1929; with happy tunes, lindo hop and foxtrot! Ich bin ein nerd... I think you would really enjoy music history :) I learned all this over a decade ago and I still remember it.

I think maybe this is the key. Find people with common interests and find a way to comfortably talk about things you are excited about :) You can't fake excitement and it's usually really infectious to those who see how genuine it is. It usually makes a lot of people warm up to you and it's a way to comfortably put yourself out there. What other passions do you have? I see you as a creative in other areas too. Is that fair to say? :)

That sounds great! Sometimes it might feel a bit intimidating to invite bigger groups of friends but sometimes it puts the pressure off you to do all the talking. It means you can relax in that you are introducing cool people to each other and you also have something to discuss ie. what flavour milkshake are they having, who's got the best mini-golf skills (I learned last weekend that I suck it... but we all had a good chuckle over it!). Let me know what you suggest for them :) Remember that even simpler things like playing frisbee in the park or going to an event will be appreciated by your friends. It is hard to suggest things sometimes and I always really like when someone else takes the reigns and suggest meeting up :) Doesn't matter if it's for a coffee and a walk or for a full day outing. Let me know how it goes!

I'm absolutely nowhere near as much familiar with jazz as with classical music, but even in classical I still have a lot to learn about, so thanks for telling me the story of this genre. Learning the story behind music is crucial to fully understand it so I'll definitely remember historical background of jazz if I decide to learn it. Unfortunately I need to learn a lot on my own since I started going to music school pretty late (as I was 14 years old) so I had to make a quick progress in music to get leveled with my peers (correct word for people the same age as me, I believe). Also, because my will of becoming a composer showed up in less than a year since getting to music school I started studying a lot of music theory on my own and now I just get tired really easily on music theory lessons in school, while playing some pretty intermediate stuff on the piano (now I'm practicing Chant élégiaque by Tchaikovsky (No. 14 from his Op. 72 if you want to listen to it, I really recommend it, such a cool piece). And it's only two years into learning the piano so even my teacher said it's a big progress and it's played in secondary music school while now I'll got to third grade of primary music school. As I said, I stared late so unfortunately grade number is low, but fortunately I can do harder stuff on the piano whatever the grade is. Also, luckily, getting into music academy (or conservatory), if I ever decide to do so, doesn't require me to finish the secondary music school, primary is enough, but I need to show the abilities of people that graduated from secondary music school... enough of explaining music school system in my country...

Technically, you can fake excitement, but it can be spotted easily if someone is a good spotter. Other passions? Recently aviation, but also ships since looong time. Especially smaller sailing yachts the good old ocean liners like... Titanic. Because of interest in music as well as this I had problems with deciding on my career ever since I discovered those things. About sailing yachts, I'd love to travel the world on board one made by me or a one-off made by someone for me. We'll see about that haha. Something more? Maybe kind of languages of the world. For now I stick with european ones considering my dream to live in Switzerland (Luzern?) one day. For now as for foreign languages I know German at pretty decent level and, as most Europeans, English. Because of knowing German I was surprised when I saw you wrote "Ich bin ein nerd..." in your response :)

Milkshake's flavour would be an interesing debate! I've never played mini-golf in my life so that would also be a new experience, maybe I should look up if there are any in or near the city. As more of an introvert, yeah, it's better for me when someone comes up with an idea to meet up, but I guess it can't be a constant wait for someone doing it and maybe I should come up with an idea too. We have one upcoming meet up with the one friend from class I still text with and we will be playing some majhong lol. Never played it in real life so something new too! As I said, I'll try to suggest something especially to my primary school friends. I guess the coffee won't be a bad idea, some iced coffee considering upcoming heat would make us all good. It really gets to around 30 degrees Celsius and it feels like I'm melting!

 

Edited by 314_175
the degree mark at Celsius in last sentence looked werid
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On 8/7/2023 at 2:01 PM, 314_175 said:

Hi, sorry so late, but I just got back from a week-long mountain trip where I had nearly no internet connection and just yesterday saw your response.

What you suggested is actually what I've done for past couple of months before summer break. I was friendly at school, but didn't quite go anywhere with them after that. Now that I'm going to have even tighter schedule than in previous year (due to new music school and more lessons there), tight schedule won't be even an excuse, it will be a fact. I mean I did sometimes walk a bit after school but usually went home quickly since I had to go back and get ready for music school.

I guess I'll participate in school life more and maybe go out of classroom more often during breaks in order to "spot" someone I could become friends with. Fortunately, as mentioned, I have a possibility to do some music stuff in "normal" (I don't know how to say it differently) school so I might get to know someone interested in music there too. I'm looking forward to meeting some new people in both schools. Personally, I don't need much people around me, 2-3 closer friends is really my goal and that will be enough. Even if it doesn't work out I'll be fine, it's only two more years and adulthood comes so another opportunities to meet new, great people. But maybe I shouldn't be so pessimistic about near future... I will be patient with everything, I promise :)

Anyway, yeah, looking forward for new school year. When it comes to those people from school I mentioned ever since the beginning, nothing changed since my first post and being honest, I don't expect any changes. I stopped worrying about them, it didn't make me anyway positive so I had to change this. The trip to mountains was really refreshing, mind-clearing and really active, that's why I needed some rest before responding, but I'm back!

That mountain trip you went on sounds amazing.  I love stuff like that myself!  

I'm also happy to hear you say that there are many opportunities ahead to make friends-- that's definitely true!  I can really see you're passionate about music.  That's a super cool thing to know about and take part in. I wish I knew more about music but I learned some stuff just reading this thread!

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Hi,

Sorry, I've already replied to this like 4 times but I'm having technical issues, so apologies for that.

I am really excited for your future plans and I love how ambitious and hard working you are in achieving your dream. I am thinking your two big interests can even be combined. In fact an ex of mine found a way to be both a musician and a boat builder. By day he would restore old wooden ships and by evening he would jam or perform with his band. He loves being able to work with his hands but also having a creative outlet. I know it's not quite the same, but it might be nice to just think about that the two can be combined and maybe sailing can be your plan b if you ever need a change in direction or have a sudden change of heart. What do you think?

I don't know... I mean I partially agree with what you're saying, but I have also heard so many fake laughs when I say the most mundane things... I feel like no one ever buys a fake laugh. I know it's a polite customer service kind of thing, but it just doesn't feel genuine. Sometimes I will say something that's actually funny and I'm met with an automatic sounding fake laughs, a short pause, and then an ACTUAL laugh! It's the best most mind boggling experience to me as a social psychologist 😅 Ich komme aus Schweden, so ich bin auch Europäer 😉 Schweiz ist wunderschön! What makes you drawn to Luzern in the first place? :) I went to Zürich last June and everyone was so kind and polite! Reminded me of Sweden in many ways.

It's good to take it in turns to suggest things, and it also helps the other part know that there is motivation behind seeing one another. I've heard of Majhong but I've never actually played it! I used to work in a student residence where everyone was playing it! Seems great fun! Iced coffee or milkshake on a hot day sounds heavenly! When in doubt, I always ask people what they are currently watching on Netflix 😅

 

 

39 minutes ago, 314_175 said:

I'm absolutely nowhere near as much familiar with jazz as with classical music, but even in classical I still have a lot to learn about, so thanks for telling me the story of this genre. Learning the story behind music is crucial to fully understand it so I'll definitely remember historical background of jazz if I decide to learn it. Unfortunately I need to learn a lot on my own since I started going to music school pretty late (as I was 14 years old) so I had to make a quick progress in music to get leveled with my peers (correct word for people the same age as me, I believe). Also, because my will of becoming a composer showed up in less than a year since getting to music school I started studying a lot of music theory on my own and now I just get tired really easily on music theory lessons in school, while playing some pretty intermediate stuff on the piano (now I'm practicing Chant élégiaque by Tchaikovsky (No. 14 from his Op. 72 if you want to listen to it, I really recommend it, such a cool piece). And it's only two years into learning the piano so even my teacher said it's a big progress and it's played in secondary music school while now I'll got to third grade of primary music school. As I said, I stared late so unfortunately grade number is low, but fortunately I can do harder stuff on the piano whatever the grade is. Also, luckily, getting into music academy (or conservatory), if I ever decide to do so, doesn't require me to finish the secondary music school, primary is enough, but I need to show the abilities of people that graduated from secondary music school... enough of explaining music school system in my country...

Technically, you can fake excitement, but it can be spotted easily if someone is a good spotter. Other passions? Recently aviation, but also ships since looong time. Especially smaller sailing yachts the good old ocean liners like... Titanic. Because of interest in music as well as this I had problems with deciding on my career ever since I discovered those things. About sailing yachts, I'd love to travel the world on board one made by me or a one-off made by someone for me. We'll see about that haha. Something more? Maybe kind of languages of the world. For now I stick with european ones considering my dream to live in Switzerland (Luzern?) one day. For now as for foreign languages I know German at pretty decent level and, as most Europeans, English. Because of knowing German I was surprised when I saw you wrote "Ich bin ein nerd..." in your response :)

Milkshake's flavour would be an interesing debate! I've never played mini-golf in my life so that would also be a new experience, maybe I should look up if there are any in or near the city. As more of an introvert, yeah, it's better for me when someone comes up with an idea to meet up, but I guess it can't be a constant wait for someone doing it and maybe I should come up with an idea too. We have one upcoming meet up with the one friend from class I still text with and we will be playing some majhong lol. Never played it in real life so something new too! As I said, I'll try to suggest something especially to my primary school friends. I guess the coffee won't be a bad idea, some iced coffee considering upcoming heat would make us all good. It really gets to around 30 degrees Celsius and it feels like I'm melting!

 

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4 hours ago, 314_175 said:

I'll try to suggest something, maybe I'll meet up with one of mentioned primary school friends. We haven't seen each other for nearly a year so it might be a good idea. Considering the current weather in my city some coffee or milkshakes would be cool. Thanks for that suggestion!

Boxed escape rooms (like the brand ‘Exit’) are a cool thing to do, and regular escape rooms can make an excellent bonding experience

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5 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi,

Oh wow, a classical buff :) Pleased to meet you fellow musician! I mainly listen to metal and classical rock, but sing jazz and blues and ... well ballads that make people cry. I don't have the voice for metal. My voice is powerful but sounds a bit too innocent I reckon. Do you do music history at all? I did and it's really interesting! It covers music from all time and it might make people in your class appreciate classical music more. Did you know that half notes where discovered because back in ancient times notes where scribbled down on thin sheep skin, so a full note would simply pierce a hole through the paper? 

‘Ballads that make people cry.’ I love that sentence and I can simultaneously not think of examples of that and think of a ton of examples. 

music history sounds really cool 0-0. And no, I did not know that. 

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On 8/9/2023 at 4:46 PM, Emberfrost12 said:

Boxed escape rooms (like the brand ‘Exit’) are a cool thing to do, and regular escape rooms can make an excellent bonding experience

That's a wonderful idea, @Emberfrost12!

I love a good escape room! Thank you for suggesting this :)

Have you done an escape room before, @314_175

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On 8/9/2023 at 5:11 PM, Emberfrost12 said:

‘Ballads that make people cry.’ I love that sentence and I can simultaneously not think of examples of that and think of a ton of examples. 

music history sounds really cool 0-0. And no, I did not know that. 

Hahaha, omg I feel like I would make a pretty emo playlist with songs I sing. Everything from Evanescence to indie artists with sad songs about heartbreak and loneliness. I'd rather make people happy, but I don't think I have the voice for that. It's funny how our voices can be contradictory to what we're like as human beings. For example when I talk, I have a very calm husky voice and I laugh and joke a lot and then I get all emotional when I sing. I think I confuse people 😅

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1 hour ago, Duckie said:

That's a wonderful idea, @Emberfrost12!

I love a good escape room! Thank you for suggesting this :)

Have you done an escape room before, @314_175

I've done it once. It was some summer German lessons I had with my friends from the institute I learn German at. There obviously was one rule, we need to communicate in German. It absolutely wasn't easy, since we all were on like A2 level, but I must admit, it was really fun. I'll search for some near the city centre. Thanks for reminding me about escape rooms' existence, @Emberfrost12!

On 8/9/2023 at 3:03 PM, Duckie said:

Hi,

Sorry, I've already replied to this like 4 times but I'm having technical issues, so apologies for that.

I am really excited for your future plans and I love how ambitious and hard working you are in achieving your dream. I am thinking your two big interests can even be combined. In fact an ex of mine found a way to be both a musician and a boat builder. By day he would restore old wooden ships and by evening he would jam or perform with his band. He loves being able to work with his hands but also having a creative outlet. I know it's not quite the same, but it might be nice to just think about that the two can be combined and maybe sailing can be your plan b if you ever need a change in direction or have a sudden change of heart. What do you think?

I don't know... I mean I partially agree with what you're saying, but I have also heard so many fake laughs when I say the most mundane things... I feel like no one ever buys a fake laugh. I know it's a polite customer service kind of thing, but it just doesn't feel genuine. Sometimes I will say something that's actually funny and I'm met with an automatic sounding fake laughs, a short pause, and then an ACTUAL laugh! It's the best most mind boggling experience to me as a social psychologist 😅 Ich komme aus Schweden, so ich bin auch Europäer 😉 Schweiz ist wunderschön! What makes you drawn to Luzern in the first place? :) I went to Zürich last June and everyone was so kind and polite! Reminded me of Sweden in many ways.

It's good to take it in turns to suggest things, and it also helps the other part know that there is motivation behind seeing one another. I've heard of Majhong but I've never actually played it! I used to work in a student residence where everyone was playing it! Seems great fun! Iced coffee or milkshake on a hot day sounds heavenly! When in doubt, I always ask people what they are currently watching on Netflix 😅

Yeah, six days... I don't know but I must have somehow miss the e-mail notification, even though I don't have many of them. Anyway, thanks for some kind words. For now I only do some research while I rather can't do much more being still in my teens and in middle school. Were those wooden ships that your ex restored some bigger ones or were they some smaller yachts? Well, technically I could be some cruise ship's restaurant pianist, but people rather would like to listen to jazz rather than some classical stuff... or maybe my assumptions are wrong? I don't know, I've never been on a cruise and just wait for that moment to come.

I can hear the fake laugh or spot the fake excitement, it somehow is... different. In case of people, I observe them more rather than listen to them, but for studying listening is the dominant way of understanding. Weird me. Schweden ist auch wunderschön. One of my dreams is to go for a hiking on (?, don't know...) the Kungsleden trail. I believe you might have heard about it. Mein Gott... diese Landschaften! Not only that, there are many, many more. People change, so do my plans for future :) I did some searching and actually I might go for Schwyz (the capital of canton Schwyz). Zürich is easily accessible from Schwyz thanks to legendary, always on time SBB. Even though I rather want to have my own business as a main income source, maybe some orchestra in Switzerland would like to work with me? Don't know, hope so. Getting back to Schwyz... it's between mountains, near a lake, shops are near, and it isn't such a big city. Perfect if you ask me.

Don't have Netflix... just no time for it, sadly. There are many movies I'd just love to watch, but having so much to do, there's no time for movies. I suggested one meeting and one of my friends said that why not, so we are going for some Chinese food next week. Don't know what it is, I came up with iced coffee and she said she knows a good place for Chinese food. Why not I guess! If it means that we can finally meet after nearly a year of only chatting then whatever it is, I'm all for it!

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24 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hahaha, omg I feel like I would make a pretty emo playlist with songs I sing. Everything from Evanescence to indie artists with sad songs about heartbreak and loneliness. I'd rather make people happy, but I don't think I have the voice for that. It's funny how our voices can be contradictory to what we're like as human beings. For example when I talk, I have a very calm husky voice and I laugh and joke a lot and then I get all emotional when I sing. I think I confuse people 😅

When writing... well, trying to write my own music, I see that I have many more melodies for minor keys instead for major ones, even though B minor never works for me... I don't know, this key is always against me... Thankfully, minor keys can sound happy and major keys can sound sad, it just requires some work on chord progressions. Mozart wrote 41 symphonies (actually more, like 56ish I believe), and only two of them are in minor keys. Maybe he couldn't help having nearly only major melodies for symphonies. But his melodies in minor keys... Requiem and Fantasia, both in D minor or Piano Sonata No. 8 in A minor (K310) are incredible too.

I, personally, have a voice in the tenor range and I absolutely can't complain. Tenor parts in choral works are soo cool in my opinion. Example? Maybe not a choir moment, since it's aria, but 1b from Beethoven's Op. 85 is constantly playing in my head recently. Maybe, because it's tenor, Beethoven and C minor... just maybe. Even though, every day I rather speak in the higher range than lower. I just can reach some lower notes. My voice changed in the recent years, natural course of getting older, and I'm glad it did the way it did. I would never come back to the old, childish one, I hated it and don't miss it 😅 But even though I worked on it [new voice] for some time, I still somehow manage to often sing off-key. Once it was a 5th up! But that were the beginnings of my new voice, now it's way better :)

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31 minutes ago, 314_175 said:

I've done it once. It was some summer German lessons I had with my friends from the institute I learn German at. There obviously was one rule, we need to communicate in German. It absolutely wasn't easy, since we all were on like A2 level, but I must admit, it was really fun. I'll search for some near the city centre. Thanks for reminding me about escape rooms' existence, @Emberfrost12!

Yeah, six days... I don't know but I must have somehow miss the e-mail notification, even though I don't have many of them. Anyway, thanks for some kind words. For now I only do some research while I rather can't do much more being still in my teens and in middle school. Were those wooden ships that your ex restored some bigger ones or were they some smaller yachts? Well, technically I could be some cruise ship's restaurant pianist, but people rather would like to listen to jazz rather than some classical stuff... or maybe my assumptions are wrong? I don't know, I've never been on a cruise and just wait for that moment to come.

I can hear the fake laugh or spot the fake excitement, it somehow is... different. In case of people, I observe them more rather than listen to them, but for studying listening is the dominant way of understanding. Weird me. Schweden ist auch wunderschön. One of my dreams is to go for a hiking on (?, don't know...) the Kungsleden trail. I believe you might have heard about it. Mein Gott... diese Landschaften! Not only that, there are many, many more. People change, so do my plans for future :) I did some searching and actually I might go for Schwyz (the capital of canton Schwyz). Zürich is easily accessible from Schwyz thanks to legendary, always on time SBB. Even though I rather want to have my own business as a main income source, maybe some orchestra in Switzerland would like to work with me? Don't know, hope so. Getting back to Schwyz... it's between mountains, near a lake, shops are near, and it isn't such a big city. Perfect if you ask me.

Don't have Netflix... just no time for it, sadly. There are many movies I'd just love to watch, but having so much to do, there's no time for movies. I suggested one meeting and one of my friends said that why not, so we are going for some Chinese food next week. Don't know what it is, I came up with iced coffee and she said she knows a good place for Chinese food. Why not I guess! If it means that we can finally meet after nearly a year of only chatting then whatever it is, I'm all for it!

Hi there!

Good to hear from you :) How have you been? I am so happy that you nipped it in the bud and asked your friend to meet up for iced coffee! And hey, it turned into a meal! Why not indeed :) It sounds like she is excited to see you for suggesting a meal, Well done for taking that step! How did it make you feel?

So my ex does work on all sorts of boats really - old and new, big and small. He will only ever work on wooden boats, though. There are a lot of new opportunities regarding classical music and all I can say is that we don't yet know what the future brings. Did you know there are cinema's that will play music and set up a whole orchestra to do the movie music live! It's the coolest thing and I am just mentioning this, because it's something I would have never thought possible myself :) Just something to think about.

Danke schön :) I have never done the Kungsleden trail, but honestly there are so many wonderful trails and so much nature in Sweden I would recommend any of them. I grew up by a mountain and I was very blessed to be able to walk around it and pick blueberries in the summer. Would also ski around it doing cross country skiing (the only kind I know). I am so excited to hear about your future plans. I am sure you will do lots of travelling and I want to hear all about it :) 

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19 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi there!

Good to hear from you :) How have you been? I am so happy that you nipped it in the bud and asked your friend to meet up for iced coffee! And hey, it turned into a meal! Why not indeed :) It sounds like she is excited to see you for suggesting a meal, Well done for taking that step! How did it make you feel?

So my ex does work on all sorts of boats really - old and new, big and small. He will only ever work on wooden boats, though. There are a lot of new opportunities regarding classical music and all I can say is that we don't yet know what the future brings. Did you know there are cinema's that will play music and set up a whole orchestra to do the movie music live! It's the coolest thing and I am just mentioning this, because it's something I would have never thought possible myself :) Just something to think about.

Danke schön :) I have never done the Kungsleden trail, but honestly there are so many wonderful trails and so much nature in Sweden I would recommend any of them. I grew up by a mountain and I was very blessed to be able to walk around it and pick blueberries in the summer. Would also ski around it doing cross country skiing (the only kind I know). I am so excited to hear about your future plans. I am sure you will do lots of travelling and I want to hear all about it :) 

I accidentally refreshed the page and everything is gone... time to write everything again...

I've been quite good recently. I mean, good as usual practising the piano for hours to have less work during school year. Hard stuff requires a lot of practice, but I think you know it well too :) I've been texting with only those three friends I can truly rely on. The class ones... they made some meet ups, but my absence doesn't seem to bother them in any way, so does their absence affect me. It doesn't. I got over it, that these people aren't quite the one I want to be friends with, but I'll see how far I can go with them. I've chatted a bit with one of the friends from the older friend group, we will see how it goes. I wasn't quite connected with them too, because no one there shared my passions as well, but I guess it will be better than nothing. Also, as I said, I'll try to find someone outside the class and in new music school, so it won't be a problem if I'll stay technically alone, but not alone. For PE I'll always have one guy I can work with, unless he will be sick... I hope he won't be.

So that's the case. Maybe he likes the smell of wooden boats or wood in general? I would like to have an aluminium boat more than wooden, but those also sound fun, as long as they are powered by wind. They can take you everywhere, for free! Well... the main propulsion is free, not the boat and generator fuel etc. Anyway, I heard about operas, but they are live shows in the theatre. I've never heard about this cinema x orchestra concept. Sound's cool! But reading the music can be problematic depending on where the orchestra is. It's usually dark in the cinema...

Kungsleden is really long. Over 400 km long hike, but it won't stop me. I can do (nearly) anything for the views I can get from some places. I love the mountain blueberries. They are way different than those you can find in the supermarket, some really sweet, but some... sour as hell. Depends how lucky you are!

My plans for future are absolutely not fixed, but ambitious and their list is long. Generally speaking, career-wise I'd like to get into some really good music high school at which I could study piano, conducting and composition. I guess music became dominant in my life, but I hope my online business dream won't let me down. Being a musician is risky. All it takes is some pandemic and you're cut away from money as we saw in recent years. That's what makes me kind of afraid of choosing this path, but I keep hoping for my business idea to work. Of course, my parents, especially dad, is really sceptical about me going for music. He was thought, that technical/engineering college is the way to go, since you will have a stable job after that. I don't want to sound like some of those Instagram guys constantly talking "leave your 9-5 and live your life" etc. I believe that if work is enough for you and you don't need anything more in your life than stay the way you want. But for me, life is too short and the world is too beautiful to spend my most healthy and energetic years working to be finally independent on retirement, when I'll be older, especially considering there's a tendency in my family to have some cardiological issues after reaching the age of 60 years. It's lower than the retirement age and I want to avoid it at all cost. But my father can't understand it. Maybe my life is something that's supposed to prove him wrong? I don't know, everyone has some reason to be here, on planet Earth, and I'm just discovering my way. Yeah, I really want to travel the world. Discover different cultures, meet new people, explore beautiful places that are all around the globe (US national parks, some regions of Africa, remains of old civilizations in South America and many, many more to list). I hope that if I become a conductor one day, I'll have enough time to travel too. As I wrote in my profile's "Interests and Hobbies" section, Karajan was my inspiration ever since I found his recordings. There is something about them and I want to continue the classical music legacy just as he wanted to, as well as write my own music and perform it with some great orchestra. Maybe I won't end in Berlin Philharmonic as he did, but maybe it's time for some other orchestra to appear at Deutsche Grammophon album covers other than Berlin and Vienna Philharmonic. I listened to some interviews with him, for example why did he conduct with eyes closed. He practised yoga and during concerts thanks to closing his eyes he could reach some level of internalisation and also hear what was happening what he wouldn't be able to spot by looking and without being focused. I really understand it and to me, it makes sense. I also believe that there's something more that it appears to be in this world. As I said earlier, I'm into some spiritual stuff and it works well for me. It might sound stupid, but if it works then it isn't stupid for me. I don't share much about it since many people nowadays perceive it as some weird fantasies, so to avoid any laughing I keep it to myself and it actually might work even better this way. Here, I decided to come up with an unusual nickname so if any of my friends is also here, they won't find me so easily, especially considering what I wrote about them in my former post. I don't know how I got here, I was supposed to write about my dreams and ended up talking about my nickname and spirituality... also, it was a friendship WWYD at the beginning😅 ... how long is this message... Anyway, yeah, bottom line, you can see that my plans might be really ambitious and unusual, but I try to do my best to achieve them with spirituality helping me with it, for example can help clearing my mind after a long, intensive day. I could talk about my goals for hours, but it's already past midnight and it's definitely time to go to sleep... zzz...

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  • Digital Mentor
12 hours ago, 314_175 said:

I accidentally refreshed the page and everything is gone... time to write everything again...

I've been quite good recently. I mean, good as usual practising the piano for hours to have less work during school year. Hard stuff requires a lot of practice, but I think you know it well too :) I've been texting with only those three friends I can truly rely on. The class ones... they made some meet ups, but my absence doesn't seem to bother them in any way, so does their absence affect me. It doesn't. I got over it, that these people aren't quite the one I want to be friends with, but I'll see how far I can go with them. I've chatted a bit with one of the friends from the older friend group, we will see how it goes. I wasn't quite connected with them too, because no one there shared my passions as well, but I guess it will be better than nothing. Also, as I said, I'll try to find someone outside the class and in new music school, so it won't be a problem if I'll stay technically alone, but not alone. For PE I'll always have one guy I can work with, unless he will be sick... I hope he won't be.

So that's the case. Maybe he likes the smell of wooden boats or wood in general? I would like to have an aluminium boat more than wooden, but those also sound fun, as long as they are powered by wind. They can take you everywhere, for free! Well... the main propulsion is free, not the boat and generator fuel etc. Anyway, I heard about operas, but they are live shows in the theatre. I've never heard about this cinema x orchestra concept. Sound's cool! But reading the music can be problematic depending on where the orchestra is. It's usually dark in the cinema...

Kungsleden is really long. Over 400 km long hike, but it won't stop me. I can do (nearly) anything for the views I can get from some places. I love the mountain blueberries. They are way different than those you can find in the supermarket, some really sweet, but some... sour as hell. Depends how lucky you are!

My plans for future are absolutely not fixed, but ambitious and their list is long. Generally speaking, career-wise I'd like to get into some really good music high school at which I could study piano, conducting and composition. I guess music became dominant in my life, but I hope my online business dream won't let me down. Being a musician is risky. All it takes is some pandemic and you're cut away from money as we saw in recent years. That's what makes me kind of afraid of choosing this path, but I keep hoping for my business idea to work. Of course, my parents, especially dad, is really sceptical about me going for music. He was thought, that technical/engineering college is the way to go, since you will have a stable job after that. I don't want to sound like some of those Instagram guys constantly talking "leave your 9-5 and live your life" etc. I believe that if work is enough for you and you don't need anything more in your life than stay the way you want. But for me, life is too short and the world is too beautiful to spend my most healthy and energetic years working to be finally independent on retirement, when I'll be older, especially considering there's a tendency in my family to have some cardiological issues after reaching the age of 60 years. It's lower than the retirement age and I want to avoid it at all cost. But my father can't understand it. Maybe my life is something that's supposed to prove him wrong? I don't know, everyone has some reason to be here, on planet Earth, and I'm just discovering my way. Yeah, I really want to travel the world. Discover different cultures, meet new people, explore beautiful places that are all around the globe (US national parks, some regions of Africa, remains of old civilizations in South America and many, many more to list). I hope that if I become a conductor one day, I'll have enough time to travel too. As I wrote in my profile's "Interests and Hobbies" section, Karajan was my inspiration ever since I found his recordings. There is something about them and I want to continue the classical music legacy just as he wanted to, as well as write my own music and perform it with some great orchestra. Maybe I won't end in Berlin Philharmonic as he did, but maybe it's time for some other orchestra to appear at Deutsche Grammophon album covers other than Berlin and Vienna Philharmonic. I listened to some interviews with him, for example why did he conduct with eyes closed. He practised yoga and during concerts thanks to closing his eyes he could reach some level of internalisation and also hear what was happening what he wouldn't be able to spot by looking and without being focused. I really understand it and to me, it makes sense. I also believe that there's something more that it appears to be in this world. As I said earlier, I'm into some spiritual stuff and it works well for me. It might sound stupid, but if it works then it isn't stupid for me. I don't share much about it since many people nowadays perceive it as some weird fantasies, so to avoid any laughing I keep it to myself and it actually might work even better this way. Here, I decided to come up with an unusual nickname so if any of my friends is also here, they won't find me so easily, especially considering what I wrote about them in my former post. I don't know how I got here, I was supposed to write about my dreams and ended up talking about my nickname and spirituality... also, it was a friendship WWYD at the beginning😅 ... how long is this message... Anyway, yeah, bottom line, you can see that my plans might be really ambitious and unusual, but I try to do my best to achieve them with spirituality helping me with it, for example can help clearing my mind after a long, intensive day. I could talk about my goals for hours, but it's already past midnight and it's definitely time to go to sleep... zzz...

Hi @314_175

How are you doing? Ah, I hate it when that happens! I think that's why I had to re-do my message so many times!

It's important to let people in even though they might not seem like your usual crowd. Sometimes you may find you have unexpected things in common. It's good to hear that you are trying your best to connect with people even if you're not sure about them. Sometimes what you see isn't all there is to people. It's good to hear that you are practising lots too. Remember to rest and do things that are good for your mental health as well. Have you got anything planned in as a reward for all your hard work? Or something you really enjoy doing that you haven't done in a while? :)

My ex trained specifically in wooden boats and the way of building these (plus he can't stand plastic). It looks like a spine with ribs stacked around it, kinda. They are definitely sailing boats! Although they all have an engine, in case they get trapped without wind. Adding an engine doesn't really ruin the original design they try so hard to protect, so that's all approved :)

It sounds like you may have a survivalist in you. Someone outdoorsy who loves nature and pretty landscape. Have you tried including your friends in this? I'm thinking you could get into hiking and camping together sometime. A lot of times people like the idea of these things, but they don't actually do it unless someone suggests it. But it is of course something you could also do on your own. A lot of people doing travel memoirs travel alone and tell people what they've experienced. It's pretty inspirational to read!

I think it's always good to feel ambitious about the future. Ambitious and open-minded, because there is not one set way of living your life and things that you feel you want to do don't neccessarily have a best-before-date. Sometimes we have to be brave and go for opportunities that we're not sure about and I'm convinced you will do lots of fantastic things. I think a lot of times our parents are taught that it's naive to go for anything creative and they want us to have resonable expectations of life. I swear the amount of times I was told to go into accounting... Well, I didn't. Not that it would have been a bad thing, but I think they are sometimes expressing concern and wanting us to pick an easy route because they are worried about us. It doesn't make sense, because you'd think they'd be excited for you, but I think they might also be careful to not make it seem like they have too high expectations. Would you agree? And having ambitious does not make you unrealistic or sounding like a motivational speaker. Along the way you sometimes find alternative branches and that's OK. It's all part of life :) Do you and your dad get on well otherwise? I think there is something truly mindful in being in the moment and being one with the music. There was an orchestra that experienced a powercut few years back, and they kept playing, because deep down they knew the music by heart https://www.neatorama.com/2016/05/10/The-Electricity-Went-Out-But-This-Orchestra-Kept-Playing/

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20 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi @314_175

How are you doing? Ah, I hate it when that happens! I think that's why I had to re-do my message so many times!

It's important to let people in even though they might not seem like your usual crowd. Sometimes you may find you have unexpected things in common. It's good to hear that you are trying your best to connect with people even if you're not sure about them. Sometimes what you see isn't all there is to people. It's good to hear that you are practising lots too. Remember to rest and do things that are good for your mental health as well. Have you got anything planned in as a reward for all your hard work? Or something you really enjoy doing that you haven't done in a while? :)

My ex trained specifically in wooden boats and the way of building these (plus he can't stand plastic). It looks like a spine with ribs stacked around it, kinda. They are definitely sailing boats! Although they all have an engine, in case they get trapped without wind. Adding an engine doesn't really ruin the original design they try so hard to protect, so that's all approved :)

It sounds like you may have a survivalist in you. Someone outdoorsy who loves nature and pretty landscape. Have you tried including your friends in this? I'm thinking you could get into hiking and camping together sometime. A lot of times people like the idea of these things, but they don't actually do it unless someone suggests it. But it is of course something you could also do on your own. A lot of people doing travel memoirs travel alone and tell people what they've experienced. It's pretty inspirational to read!

I think it's always good to feel ambitious about the future. Ambitious and open-minded, because there is not one set way of living your life and things that you feel you want to do don't neccessarily have a best-before-date. Sometimes we have to be brave and go for opportunities that we're not sure about and I'm convinced you will do lots of fantastic things. I think a lot of times our parents are taught that it's naive to go for anything creative and they want us to have resonable expectations of life. I swear the amount of times I was told to go into accounting... Well, I didn't. Not that it would have been a bad thing, but I think they are sometimes expressing concern and wanting us to pick an easy route because they are worried about us. It doesn't make sense, because you'd think they'd be excited for you, but I think they might also be careful to not make it seem like they have too high expectations. Would you agree? And having ambitious does not make you unrealistic or sounding like a motivational speaker. Along the way you sometimes find alternative branches and that's OK. It's all part of life :) Do you and your dad get on well otherwise? I think there is something truly mindful in being in the moment and being one with the music. There was an orchestra that experienced a powercut few years back, and they kept playing, because deep down they knew the music by heart https://www.neatorama.com/2016/05/10/The-Electricity-Went-Out-But-This-Orchestra-Kept-Playing/

Hi again!

Doing well, having some longer sleep was great. When it comes to a reward for my practising... being honest, it will be my teacher's happiness for what I have done through summer break. She's from late 50s, but I really admire her knowledge, experience and dedication to teaching someone she sees is passionate about music. She didn't have easy life, she lost her husband and son and now her brother has health problems. All of them deal with cancer. Chemotherapy didn't much help her brother and his condition now is really bad. All she has now is her brother and cats. So her happiness will be more than enough for me when it comes to rewarding myself for practising. And of course I remember to rest, during that time I can also think about my interpretation of works I'm working on, if there's something that would sound better or something that sounds wrong and requires some changes.

I rather go hiking with my parents, because with friends it's hard to find right date that would fit everyone since they had their summer break planned a while ago. Also we need to get some tickets for trains to get anywhere, because we live in a bigger city and we don't have any hiking trails near and due to this, we all would have to wake up early to not begin hiking in full sun and go back when it's nearly midnight.

Looking at my future plans I know I'll have to take some risk, have my ups and downs, but I hope it all will turn out well. I found some books about this stuff and people that already do this, so I can enhance my knowledge to do the best I can at the beginning. My parents always tell me how well they know how life works. For my father one business didn't work out so obviously I also will fail. Unfortunately, my parents began their higher education some years before the fall of PPR in 1989 and it fell just when they finished their education and it turned out that now it was nearly completely useless. They had some problems finding their job and now they are really being used by they employers in my opinion. Their friends went to different companies and doing the same job they earn nearly 40% more while not having such experience as my parents. Now they are scared they won't stay long if they change employers etc. I don't quite get it, but maybe I'm to young to get it. They also have some bad experience with previous employers. And I constantly hear that I should study, get a degree and find some super stable job, but when I mention business stuff they just roll their eyes and tell me how bad it all looks like... I could get on well with my dad, but you know... Poland is really strongly divided when it comes to politics. I don't support neither side, both have their flaws. I can get on well with him, but he can come up randomly with the topic of LGBT, well mainly LGB part, and I just can't stand what he's saying. Of course being gay is something new and all gays are p-philes in his view. He tells me to study, but when I tell something that science says about homosexuality and show him some data about all this stuff, he usually says that people are only trying to find an excuse for this. Did he also never hear about Sacred Band of Thebes? There were already gay people mentioned over 300 years before Jesus was born, so how is this new? You might know how gay situations looks like in Poland, it's definitely not easy since church has a lot to say in ruling the country. I just can't stand what he's saying about these people even though I try to tell him it isn't how the TV is showing it. Nothing works... Anyway, about the power outage you mentioned, I remember one story my harpsichord teacher said in my former music school. She was nice, I'm going to miss her, but I still will visit her. She told me that she was playing Bach's 5th Brandenburg Concerto with an orchestra (she as harpsichordist) in some castle in Germany and in 3/4 of the last movement the lights went off, but they managed to play together and finish the piece. The audience was astonished and the performers received standing ovations. Pretty cool story if you ask me :)

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