The Coyotea’s Den

[Coyotea]

I fucking hate this so much

he’s letting us take a 30 minute break but we’ve already been at this for 2 hours

he promised classes would only be 45 minutes and now my brain feels over worked, I can’t focus for shit now more than before (hooray adhd) and I have a headache. He still wants to give me hw and have it done by tomorrow. But the last time this happened when we did class for 2hrs 30min I couldn’t do my hw because my brain was fried

[Coyotea]

1 hour ago, Mestizo said:

Hi @Coyotea. If I understood correctly, besides telling your two friends that are now in a QPR, you actually told your crush (Mouse) how you felt about them? How did your crush respond?

I can see how your two friends entering into a QPR changes the dynamics of your relationship with them. I hope, however, that over the course of your relationship with them, even though perhaps different, you find that you are still able to enjoy those relationships in a new way. 

I’ve worked at a camp before and I can appreciate how some campers stand out and not in a good way. I hope you are able to find helpful strategies to deal with someone like this camper you’ve described. 

I hope you were able to push through your math class. I know how unfun it can be to have to work on something you don’t enjoy. You got this @Coyotea!

Correct. And nothing really. They had a feeling someone liked them since one of my other friends asked them if they liked anyone for me and they don’t like anyone right now. It’s not like they’d like me anyway. We’re just friends still, except they’re on their way to Vienna (iirc) 

As for the camper, I’ve been trying but it’s difficult, she doesn’t listen at all, even when you pull her away to talk privately, she doesn’t take anything seriously.

[Lennie]

1 hour ago, Coyotea said:

I fucking hate this so much

he’s letting us take a 30 minute break but we’ve already been at this for 2 hours

he promised classes would only be 45 minutes and now my brain feels over worked, I can’t focus for shit now more than before (hooray adhd) and I have a headache. He still wants to give me hw and have it done by tomorrow. But the last time this happened when we did class for 2hrs 30min I couldn’t do my hw because my brain was fried

Hi @Coyotea - It sounds like you are having a tough day and I'm sorry to hear that. I understand where u are coming from, maths can be completely draining at the best of times. Let alone for two hours with a headache and having dyscalculia.

Do you receive any additional support or have any allowances for your dyscalculia (e.g. extra time during tests, extended homework deadlines, additional tuition)? I know some schools do offer extra support for students with dyslexia and dyscalculia, so just wondered if this had been made available to you.

[Coyotea]

22 minutes ago, Lennie said:

Hi @Coyotea - It sounds like you are having a tough day and I'm sorry to hear that. I understand where u are coming from, maths can be completely draining at the best of times. Let alone for two hours with a headache and having dyscalculia.

Do you receive any additional support or have any allowances for your dyscalculia (e.g. extra time during tests, extended homework deadlines, additional tuition)? I know some schools do offer extra support for students with dyslexia and dyscalculia, so just wondered if this had been made available to you.

Unfortunately, I don’t get any sort of allowances or anything. I’m entirely homeschooled (it sucks) my dad is the one “teaching” us. I’m very  sure I’ve got stuff going on neurologically (ADHD, likely autism, dyscalculia to name a few) but I can’t go get diagnosed probably because my parents are paranoid bigots who think that autism is caused by vaccines and that adhd isn’t real and that “Nothing is wrong with their darling daughter” and a bunch of other bullshit, it’s always been like this. I’ve always struggled with numbers and multiplication and all that stuff. I fit the diagnostic criteria’s for each thing, dyscalculia, adhd and autism (I’ve done…so much research/reading) so, I’m “self diagnosed”, I think he only things that would change if I saw a professional would be getting medication and the privilege of not having my diagnosis doubted.

[Lennie]

16 hours ago, Coyotea said:

Unfortunately, I don’t get any sort of allowances or anything. I’m entirely homeschooled (it sucks) my dad is the one “teaching” us. I’m very  sure I’ve got stuff going on neurologically (ADHD, likely autism, dyscalculia to name a few) but I can’t go get diagnosed probably because my parents are paranoid bigots who think that autism is caused by vaccines and that adhd isn’t real and that “Nothing is wrong with their darling daughter” and a bunch of other bullshit, it’s always been like this. I’ve always struggled with numbers and multiplication and all that stuff. I fit the diagnostic criteria’s for each thing, dyscalculia, adhd and autism (I’ve done…so much research/reading) so, I’m “self diagnosed”, I think he only things that would change if I saw a professional would be getting medication and the privilege of not having my diagnosis doubted.

Hi @Coyotea - I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time with being home-schooled. That must be really difficult to have to deal with things like ADHD and dyscalculia, which clearly make formal education more challenging, and yet have those challenges be invalidated by your parents.

Do you get many opportunities to speak with other people your age about these experiences outside of school hours? 

[Coyotea]

On 7/3/2024 at 6:34 AM, Lennie said:

Hi @Coyotea - I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time with being home-schooled. That must be really difficult to have to deal with things like ADHD and dyscalculia, which clearly make formal education more challenging, and yet have those challenges be invalidated by your parents.

Do you get many opportunities to speak with other people your age about these experiences outside of school hours? 

sort of? Sort of not. Usually when I talk to people my age about “school”  they make fun of me for not being good at math or having such a shitty education, and it’s rare that anyone helps.

[Lennie]

11 hours ago, Coyotea said:

sort of? Sort of not. Usually when I talk to people my age about “school”  they make fun of me for not being good at math or having such a shitty education, and it’s rare that anyone helps.

Hi @Coyotea - I'm sorry to hear that. That mustn't help with your confidence or the way you feel about home-schooling.

How much longer until you graduate now? Would it help if you could seek out additional online tutoring from someone with experience teaching students who struggle with maths?

Has the home-schooling experience affected how you feel about education/schooling in general. Like, are you considering going to college once you graduate, or is that something that doesn't interest you now?  

 

[Coyotea]

As of august 2nd, I survived my first year of summer camp at the stables. Honestly, I got so used to the routine, after it ended I had a meltdown (YIPPPE/s)

Honestly so much has changed, I ended up developing feelings for someone….and now he’s my boyfriend! So far it’s been really nice.  (the crush I had before now gone, though I still love that person as a friend)

[Coyotea]

Well, okay maybe not a lot has changed, but it feels like a lot because of how accustomed I became to the summer camp schedule

[Lennie]

13 hours ago, Coyotea said:

As of august 2nd, I survived my first year of summer camp at the stables. Honestly, I got so used to the routine, after it ended I had a meltdown (YIPPPE/s)

Honestly so much has changed, I ended up developing feelings for someone….and now he’s my boyfriend! So far it’s been really nice.  (the crush I had before now gone, though I still love that person as a friend)

Hi @Coyotea - congratulations on getting through a year of summer camp! It sounds like it was an intense experience and you did well to get though it. Clearly it must have been putting a lot of strain on you if it caused that kind of reaction once it had finally come to an end. Is your diary more free now to do things that you want to do now?

Also, that's great news to hear that you are in a relationship and it's making you feel happy . How did you end up meeting, if you don't mind me asking? Of course, no need to answer this if you'd rather not. 

[Coyotea]

On 8/7/2024 at 6:41 AM, Lennie said:

Hi @Coyotea - congratulations on getting through a year of summer camp! It sounds like it was an intense experience and you did well to get though it. Clearly it must have been putting a lot of strain on you if it caused that kind of reaction once it had finally come to an end. Is your diary more free now to do things that you want to do now?

Also, that's great news to hear that you are in a relationship and it's making you feel happy . How did you end up meeting, if you don't mind me asking? Of course, no need to answer this if you'd rather not. 

Really the only strain I had from summer camp was this one camper (Emma, she’s like..9. And the WORST.) the meltdown was more so because of the sudden change in schedule, because we very quickly switched back to our schedule we had before summer camp.

Thank you! We met through one of my brothers (chosen family, not actually related by blood) and we started talking, and eventually it turned out that my bf had a crush on me and I ended up realizing I felt the same, we’ve been together since the 26th of July 

[Coyotea]

I miss my baby so much, she was literally everything to me and the cats I have now and nice but they’re not very snuggly or anything… which really sucks. I do love them, but I think sushi was THE cat for me, my one and only.
 

And recently I’ve been thinking more and more about spirituality and like Supernatural stuff? I never really used to believe in that stuff but I think I feel more open to it, I’m on the fence about what I believe.. I talked to my trainer about the “hallucination” I saw of a black cat with bright glowing, yellow eyes that appeared on my window and then when we locked eyes it vanished into thin air. She says she thinks what I saw was a “hell-hound” (or I guess hell-cat in this case) because she had a similar experience with a terrible dog she had rehomed, that then went missing from its new home and one of her clients asked her to come with her to the car because there was a large dog, My trainer saw the large mastiff like dog with a grey pelt and bright glowing yellow eyes, the dog that had gone missing showed up and went to stand by my trainer and then the grey dog vanished. She talked to someone while trying to look for the big dog and was told it might have been a hell hound. Anyways, idk what I believe, it kinda hurts to think about, the concept of that “hallucination” I saw being connected to my missing cat sushi

[-Aussie-]

42 minutes ago, Coyotea said:

I miss my baby so much, she was literally everything to me and the cats I have now and nice but they’re not very snuggly or anything… which really sucks. I do love them, but I think sushi was THE cat for me, my one and only.
 

And recently I’ve been thinking more and more about spirituality and like Supernatural stuff? I never really used to believe in that stuff but I think I feel more open to it, I’m on the fence about what I believe.. I talked to my trainer about the “hallucination” I saw of a black cat with bright glowing, yellow eyes that appeared on my window and then when we locked eyes it vanished into thin air. She says she thinks what I saw was a “hell-hound” (or I guess hell-cat in this case) because she had a similar experience with a terrible dog she had rehomed, that then went missing from its new home and one of her clients asked her to come with her to the car because there was a large dog, My trainer saw the large mastiff like dog with a grey pelt and bright glowing yellow eyes, the dog that had gone missing showed up and went to stand by my trainer and then the grey dog vanished. She talked to someone while trying to look for the big dog and was told it might have been a hell hound. Anyways, idk what I believe, it kinda hurts to think about, the concept of that “hallucination” I saw being connected to my missing cat sushi

Hey, I have heard about that happing before and I know a lot about it, and other kinds of hallucinations!

If you have any questions about it I can help

if you don't mind me asking how was the connection between you and your cat Sushi (Thats the cats name right if not I'm so sorry I got it wrong) 

if your confused by what  mean, I mean like was the cat protective of you ect. 

Edited August 11 by -Aussie-

[Coyotea]

19 hours ago, -Aussie- said:

Hey, I have heard about that happing before and I know a lot about it, and other kinds of hallucinations!

If you have any questions about it I can help

if you don't mind me asking how was the connection between you and your cat Sushi (Thats the cats name right if not I'm so sorry I got it wrong) 

if your confused by what  mean, I mean like was the cat protective of you ect. 

You do? That’s awesome! I’ve only really talked about it with my trainer. I had a really deep connection with my cat, she was my baby and she always came to my window and cuddled with me, brought me gifts (dead things) and came when I called her, she would do her little “mrrrrrrpt!” And her tail would quiver from the base up, she would climb on me and loved to be held like a baby, she also was super consistent with coming to lay on me when I had really bad period pain, pretty much as close as you can be with a cat, there wasn’t a lot for her to be protective of so I never saw her get angry to defend me. (You got the name right, her name was sushi) 

[Coyotea]

It fucking sucks when the person who was everything to you feels so far and like a stranger

dont get me started on when you realize that you were just nothing to them

[-Aussie-]

18 minutes ago, Coyotea said:

It fucking sucks when the person who was everything to you feels so far and like a stranger

dont get me started on when you realize that you were just nothing to them

firstly love the new pfp

second do you want to talk about it?

[Coyotea]

2 minutes ago, -Aussie- said:

firstly love the new pfp

second do you want to talk about it?

Thanks, it’s from a picrew based of Yaelokre 

Not really, not in depth, at least not right now

[Coyotea]

Also I tried to reply abt my cat but it’s waiting to be approved T^T

[Coyotea]

I’m still trying to figure out what pfp I want 

[Coyotea]

Why can’t we just be HAPPY with the body we have, or at least tolerate it?! Why is it that we always have to have this desperate longing to look like other people? Sometimes it drives us hysterical 

[-Aussie-]

1 hour ago, Coyotea said:

Thanks, it’s from a picrew based of Yaelokre 

Not really, not in depth, at least not right now

that's okay, if you ever do want to talk about it I'm here

 

I understand this so freaking much 

37 minutes ago, Coyotea said:

Why can’t we just be HAPPY with the body we have, or at least tolerate it?! Why is it that we always have to have this desperate longing to look like other people? Sometimes it drives us hysterical 

 

[Coyotea]

5 hours ago, -Aussie- said:

that's okay, if you ever do want to talk about it I'm here

I understand this so freaking much 

Thank you

yeahhh we have really bad body dysphoria and dysmorphia

[-Aussie-]

8 hours ago, Coyotea said:

Thank you

yeahhh we have really bad body dysphoria and dysmorphia

mhm anytime

thats so real though, and there's like no way to stop it. it just happens in life. 

[Coyotea]

One of the best feelings is when you’re on the brink of hysteria from paranoia, thinking that you might just be crazy, almost falling over that edge and then being pulled back

by someone who thinks the same thing you thought

to have that validated 

and to have it confirmed that “you’re not crazy”

im not crazy 

is a feeling so refreshing 

[Coyotea]

On 8/12/2024 at 2:56 PM, Coyotea said:

One of the best feelings is when you’re on the brink of hysteria from paranoia, thinking that you might just be crazy, almost falling over that edge and then being pulled back

by someone who thinks the same thing you thought

to have that validated 

and to have it confirmed that “you’re not crazy”

im not crazy 

is a feeling so refreshing 

The best news that came with this was the person who was the cause, of this, of so much, who did so many terrible things, is gone now, they left and it feels like a weight off my shoulders I never knew I had.