The Coyotea’s Den

[Coyotea]

6 minutes ago, Duckie said:

That's really good to hear! Are you feeling unwell now or are you OK still?

I've been meaning to read that! It's supposed to be very moving :)

I don’t know to be honest, my throat hurts in that way where you feel like you might be catching some sickness but it hasn’t hit full force yet.

Mhm, very moving, and very queer.

[Coyotea]

Sunday was good, I went with my friends to a plaza (which is dying, most businesses are closing down or closed) we had tea and we talked a lot!

My crush was there and I gave them a necklace I made (I made the charm, it was a kiwi bird, their favorite bird.) they loved it and named the Charm on it “Keith”

I found out that my crush has been kind of questioning if they might be a lesbian…meaning…they’d never reciprocate my feelings :( 

I got two books though, The Song of Achilles and The Final Gambit 

The final gambit is the third book in a series I’m reading. Hopefully I’ll be able to get through all the books I have.. ;-; (this is why I shouldn’t be allowed in bookstores. I’d buy so many books and I already have like 15+ that I need to read.) 

[Coyotea]

And yesterday, I made some earrings (Watermelons and Avocados. The watermelons are supposed to be a reference to me being Abroromantic and Aroflux) 

I also…maybe..kind of worked on a project that I promised myself I would let die? Lol 

So I spent most of the day scripting for a video. (The song I chose is You’re Nobody Till Somebody Wants You Dead by Saint Motel) it’s going to be 3 minutes 42 seconds long.. and I had already (recently) started ANOTHER project that is going to be 5minutes 56seconds long. Why do I do this to myself?!/lh

Im actually mostly done with the Saint Motel song script. So :D

Edited September 26, 2023 by Coyotea

[Duckie]

30 minutes ago, Coyotea said:

Sunday was good, I went with my friends to a plaza (which is dying, most businesses are closing down or closed) we had tea and we talked a lot!

My crush was there and I gave them a necklace I made (I made the charm, it was a kiwi bird, their favorite bird.) they loved it and named the Charm on it “Keith”

I found out that my crush has been kind of questioning if they might be a lesbian…meaning…they’d never reciprocate my feelings :( 

I got two books though, The Song of Achilles and The Final Gambit 

The final gambit is the third book in a series I’m reading. Hopefully I’ll be able to get through all the books I have.. ;-; (this is why I shouldn’t be allowed in bookstores. I’d buy so many books and I already have like 15+ that I need to read.) 

Hi Coyotea,

Sounds like you had a really good weekend! I bet your friend loves the necklace you made them. That's so thoughtful of you. Do you make a lot of jewellery yourself? Sorry to hear they might not reciprocate your feelings. But you both still seem very close, so that's nice regardless.

Haha, I know what you mean. Constant backlog of books over here and yet I can't help falling in love with books in the bookstore. I feel like I'm cheating on all the books I haven't read yet!

I don't think your image sharing is working unfortunately. I'm really sorry, because I know how much you wanted to share these images. They just show up as an icon here, named "spacer.png". Really sorry. I'm afraid it is a bit tricky to share pictures here.

[Coyotea]

1 minute ago, Duckie said:

Hi Coyotea,

Sounds like you had a really good weekend! I bet your friend loves the necklace you made them. That's so thoughtful of you. Do you make a lot of jewellery yourself? Sorry to hear they might not reciprocate your feelings. But you both still seem very close, so that's nice regardless.

Haha, I know what you mean. Constant backlog of books over here and yet I can't help falling in love with books in the bookstore. I feel like I'm cheating on all the books I haven't read yet!

I don't think your image sharing is working unfortunately. I'm really sorry, because I know how much you wanted to share these images. They just show up as an icon here, named "spacer.png". Really sorry. I'm afraid it is a bit tricky to share pictures here.

Yeah, I make a lot of jewelry, mostly stuff out of clay which I then make into earrings or necklaces.

ah, well. They’re showing up for me. It’s not a big deal. 

[Duckie]

1 minute ago, Coyotea said:

Yeah, I make a lot of jewelry, mostly stuff out of clay which I then make into earrings or necklaces.

ah, well. They’re showing up for me. It’s not a big deal. 

I make my own jewellery too, but I have one of those sets where you bend and twist little rings and add pearls and stuff. I never realised you could make clay jewellery! That's really cool :) And they make great gifts! Have you been doing them for long?

[Coyotea]

3 minutes ago, Duckie said:

I make my own jewellery too, but I have one of those sets where you bend and twist little rings and add pearls and stuff. I never realised you could make clay jewellery! That's really cool :) And they make great gifts! Have you been doing them for long?

It’s really just charms lol 

You make something small, out of clay, put an eyepin on it, bake it. Paint it and then attach a them (usually with jump rings) to earring hooks. Ive been thinking about making clay rings too.

Lol not long at all, I made earrings for a friends birthday back in February and they liked it a lot and I enjoyed doing it so I’ve just been making whatever I can whenever I can

[Duckie]

Just now, Coyotea said:

It’s really just charms lol 

You make something small, out of clay, put an eyepin on it, bake it. Paint it and then attach a them (usually with jump rings) to earring hooks. Ive been thinking about making clay rings too.

Lol not long at all, I made earrings for a friends birthday back in February and they liked it a lot and I enjoyed doing it so I’ve just been making whatever I can whenever I can

I need to try that! Do you paint them as well or do you use coloured clay?

[Coyotea]

2 minutes ago, Duckie said:

I need to try that! Do you paint them as well or do you use coloured clay?

I paint them! I don’t have colored clay. And the colored FIMO clay I have seen my friends use is so brittle when you’re sculpting it that it’s hard to use. 

[Duckie]

5 hours ago, Coyotea said:

I paint them! I don’t have colored clay. And the colored FIMO clay I have seen my friends use is so brittle when you’re sculpting it that it’s hard to use. 

Agreed! Grey clay WTF! The coloured clay also tends to leave more fingerprints and lint gets stuck to it easier. Or maybe it just feels that way because it's more visible. But definitely a good point about the cracking. The self-drying coloured clay is usually alright, though.

[Coyotea]

4 hours ago, Duckie said:

Agreed! Grey clay WTF! The coloured clay also tends to leave more fingerprints and lint gets stuck to it easier. Or maybe it just feels that way because it's more visible. But definitely a good point about the cracking. The self-drying coloured clay is usually alright, though.

I don’t mind gray clay, then again I’m talking about oven bake clay since doing actual ceramics would take longer since we don’t have a kiln. I’m talking about the brightly colored FIMO clay. I don’t like self-drying clay either, it tends to get sandy and it’s also very brittle. In my experience at least.

[Duckie]

9 hours ago, Coyotea said:

I don’t mind gray clay, then again I’m talking about oven bake clay since doing actual ceramics would take longer since we don’t have a kiln. I’m talking about the brightly colored FIMO clay. I don’t like self-drying clay either, it tends to get sandy and it’s also very brittle. In my experience at least.

Yeah I get that. Maybe the clay needs to be sturdier overall when making jewellery. Because jewellery is on the move so to speak :) I feel inspired to try it now!

[Coyotea]

I’m supposed to have a thesis statement prepared by Tuesday but I don’t even have any ideas on what it could be! my mental health took a dive and I’m really not doing well, I feel burnt out and I keep stressing over this damn thesis paper. 
 

I went to this bonfire, game night thing that a friend was hosting and it sucked. Everyone kept making sex jokes, the host casually used the R-word so many times, there were so many homophobic and transphobic jokes made, I thought that he was nice, he was supposed to be a good person…but ugh…idk. I hated it.

And i don’t remember how many days ago this was, I think it was Wednesday? But my dog likes to steal our other dogs food, but she can’t have the kibble we give our other dogs because she’ll throw up and have diarrhea. My dad laughed and said “I have a bulimic dog!!” 

I literally fit the criteria for Bulimia, and it’s been common in my dads side of the family to have bulimia.

I hate that I can feel every single beat of my heart, I can feel it. I’m hyper aware of it.

And also on Wednesday my friend sent me a text saying “Obviously how you dress is completely up to you but with the belt and tucking in the shirt it kind of emphasizes the waist which probably isn’t what you were going for, might be less emphasized if you left your shirt untucked” which caused me to have (and I’m still having) a major dysphoria breakdown. After I got that text I sat in the bathroom for 2HRS! crying my fucking eyes out and withering in a pool of dysphoria. I hate being me.

[Coyotea]

You know, when people say “I’d never lie to you”

My brain immediately goes the other way and assumes that must be a lie, and that they have been lying to me and will do it again and again. ;-; 

[Luie]

10 hours ago, Coyotea said:

I’m supposed to have a thesis statement prepared by Tuesday but I don’t even have any ideas on what it could be! my mental health took a dive and I’m really not doing well, I feel burnt out and I keep stressing over this damn thesis paper. 
 

I went to this bonfire, game night thing that a friend was hosting and it sucked. Everyone kept making sex jokes, the host casually used the R-word so many times, there were so many homophobic and transphobic jokes made, I thought that he was nice, he was supposed to be a good person…but ugh…idk. I hated it.

And i don’t remember how many days ago this was, I think it was Wednesday? But my dog likes to steal our other dogs food, but she can’t have the kibble we give our other dogs because she’ll throw up and have diarrhea. My dad laughed and said “I have a bulimic dog!!” 

I literally fit the criteria for Bulimia, and it’s been common in my dads side of the family to have bulimia.

I hate that I can feel every single beat of my heart, I can feel it. I’m hyper aware of it.

And also on Wednesday my friend sent me a text saying “Obviously how you dress is completely up to you but with the belt and tucking in the shirt it kind of emphasizes the waist which probably isn’t what you were going for, might be less emphasized if you left your shirt untucked” which caused me to have (and I’m still having) a major dysphoria breakdown. After I got that text I sat in the bathroom for 2HRS! crying my fucking eyes out and withering in a pool of dysphoria. I hate being me.

 

I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time right now @Coyotea. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed by it all. Your mental health should always come first, and it's okay not to have all the answers or be able to meet deadlines when you're struggling, is there a policy which can help you with an extension?

The experiences at the event so sound uncomfortable and hurtful , especially from someone you thought highly of. It can be really disappointing when people we care about behave in hurtful ways. You mentioned about your dad's side to have bulimia, could you share a bit more about this if you'd comfortable doing so?

I can only imagine that it must be incredibly challenging to deal with comments about your dog and your own struggles with food and body image. The comment made by your friend that triggered such a strong dysphoria reaction was uncalled for. It can be incredibly painful to grapple with these feelings. I was wondering have you perhaps considered discussing your concerns about your mental health and the dysphoria-triggering comment with your friend who sent it? 

 

[Luie]

9 hours ago, Coyotea said:

You know, when people say “I’d never lie to you”

My brain immediately goes the other way and assumes that must be a lie, and that they have been lying to me and will do it again and again. ;-; 

Did someone say that to you and then lied or is this a passing thought of yours? 

[Coyotea]

15 hours ago, Luie said:

I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time right now @Coyotea. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed by it all. Your mental health should always come first, and it's okay not to have all the answers or be able to meet deadlines when you're struggling, is there a policy which can help you with an extension?

The experiences at the event so sound uncomfortable and hurtful , especially from someone you thought highly of. It can be really disappointing when people we care about behave in hurtful ways. You mentioned about your dad's side to have bulimia, could you share a bit more about this if you'd comfortable doing so?

I can only imagine that it must be incredibly challenging to deal with comments about your dog and your own struggles with food and body image. The comment made by your friend that triggered such a strong dysphoria reaction was uncalled for. It can be incredibly painful to grapple with these feelings. I was wondering have you perhaps considered discussing your concerns about your mental health and the dysphoria-triggering comment with your friend who sent it? 

Unfortunately, my dad doesn’t do extensions.

I don’t know what else there is to share about it, Bulimia seems to run in my fathers family, not much else to say.

I considered it but I won’t want to.

[Coyotea]

15 hours ago, Luie said:

Did someone say that to you and then lied or is this a passing thought of yours? 

Kind of both.

Namely my parents, saying stuff like “We’ll always support you no matter what.” And “You can tell us anything, we would never hate you or treat you poorly for it.” They do say “I’d never lie to you” 

Also it’s just kind of how my brain works, or at least it feels that way. 

[Luie]

8 hours ago, Coyotea said:

Unfortunately, my dad doesn’t do extensions.

I don’t know what else there is to share about it, Bulimia seems to run in my fathers family, not much else to say.

I considered it but I won’t want to.

I'm truly sorry to hear that your dad doesn't offer extensions for your thesis. It must be a lot of pressure to have that deadline looming. Plus with the history of Bulimia in your family, which can add to the stress and concern. Can you tell me a bit more about how you're currently coping with these challenges, especially with the thesis deadline and the concerns about your health? Is there any form of support or resources that you think might be helpful for you right now that perhaps I can help with?

[Luie]

8 hours ago, Coyotea said:

Kind of both.

Namely my parents, saying stuff like “We’ll always support you no matter what.” And “You can tell us anything, we would never hate you or treat you poorly for it.” They do say “I’d never lie to you” 

Also it’s just kind of how my brain works, or at least it feels that way. 

 

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been feeling this way @Coyotea. It can be tough when trust has been broken, especially with loved ones like your parents. Your feelings make complete sense to me.  Is there anything specific that has happened recently that has made you think about this, or has it been an ongoing feeling? 

 

[Coyotea]

1 hour ago, Luie said:

I'm truly sorry to hear that your dad doesn't offer extensions for your thesis. It must be a lot of pressure to have that deadline looming. Plus with the history of Bulimia in your family, which can add to the stress and concern. Can you tell me a bit more about how you're currently coping with these challenges, especially with the thesis deadline and the concerns about your health? Is there any form of support or resources that you think might be helpful for you right now that perhaps I can help with?

I’m not really coping, I’m just smack dab in the middle of them. I can’t think of any support or resources.

[Coyotea]

1 hour ago, Luie said:

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been feeling this way @Coyotea. It can be tough when trust has been broken, especially with loved ones like your parents. Your feelings make complete sense to me.  Is there anything specific that has happened recently that has made you think about this, or has it been an ongoing feeling? 

Hah! No, I don’t love my parents, they stopped being “loved ones” a long time ago. It’s mainly because they’re supposed to be, they’re supposed to do the things they say they will like when they say “We’ll love you no matter what.” 

The only loved ones I have now are my chosen family and pets. 
But this was mainly brought up because I’ve really not been doing well lately (I’m not going to get into that because you’ll just ask to send people to check on me, which I can’t afford to have happen.) and so I’ve been distancing myself from as few people and been unsure of how to talk to one of my friends and at some point during the conversation she said “I’d never lie to you”

but it is always in the back of my mind.

Edited October 2, 2023 by Coyotea

[Catsup]

1 minute ago, Coyotea said:

Hah! No, I don’t love my parents, they stopped being “loved ones” a long time ago. It’s mainly because they’re supposed to be, they’re supposed to do the things they say they will like when they say “We’ll love you no matter what.” 

The only loved ones I have now are my chosen family and pets. 
But this was mainly brought up because I’ve really not been doing well lately (I’m not going to get into that because you’ll just ask to send people to check on me, which I can’t afford to have happen.) and so I’ve been distancing myself from as few people and been unsure of how to talk to one of my friends and at some point during the conversation she said “I’d never lie to you”

Hey there, the phrase "I'd never lie to you", is one that I find is inherently hard to believe since even the best people can lie sometimes, and saying "never" sounds very extreme.  Would you say that despite that wording, your friend still has good intentions and is generally there for you as a friend?

I'm sorry to hear you have had trouble trusting in general.  Are you able to trust your chosen family, or anyone in your life right now?

[Coyotea]

3 minutes ago, Catsup said:

Hey there, the phrase "I'd never lie to you", is one that I find is inherently hard to believe since even the best people can lie sometimes, and saying "never" sounds very extreme.  Would you say that despite that wording, your friend still has good intentions and is generally there for you as a friend?

I'm sorry to hear you have had trouble trusting in general.  Are you able to trust your chosen family, or anyone in your life right now?

Yeah, I think she still has good intentions.

Yeah, some more than other obviously but yeah. I’ve got people I can trust, just not my parents.

[Catsup]

2 minutes ago, Coyotea said:

Yeah, I think she still has good intentions.

Yeah, some more than other obviously but yeah. I’ve got people I can trust, just not my parents.

I am glad to hear that there are some people you can trust.  How do you do with reaching out to the people who care about you?  Sometimes even if it's just to have a chat about something unrelated, it can help with not feeling so alone.

I hope too, that you can do something nice for yourself today.  Is there anything you can think of doing that can lift your mood today?

Also, even if it might not seem like it all the time, I think you're doing a great job getting through each day and knowing that your parents don't have to define you or your life.  I also think the most important part of a hard time is getting through it to see the better times that lie ahead.