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My girlfriend might break up with me on Friday


lesboMar    

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So after not talking to me for the entire day last Saturday, the next morning my girlfriend said we needed to talk about something in person & that I would not enjoy the conversation. She had reiterated that a couple of times. She later texted me around three that day & was really sad. She kept reassuring me that she'll always love me & kept asking me if it'll all work out in the end.  It's kind of been like that for the last few days including talking about if & when we should talk. She has been talking to me less today. I'm pretty sure just to process everything & prepare for the talk we've planned. I'm having the talk with my girlfriend on Friday. I am 100% sure we'll at least split up for some time. I currently don't know why she would but I do have some guesses. I am trying so hard to mentally prepare myself for this conversation. I've dated this girl for nearly eight months. We were each other's first girlfriend. She has been a sweet, loving, and amazing girlfriend. She was really understanding of my autism most of the time and if she wasn't,  she'll try to fix it her behavior. I'll miss her very much. She was perfect. If my girlfriend & I do split for a bit or indefinitely, I want to know, how you guys cope with breakups? What do I need to know when if we splitting up for some time or forever? Thanks to those who read this! Much love to all of you!!! Hope you have a good day/night!!! <3

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7 hours ago, lesboMar said:

So after not talking to me for the entire day last Saturday, the next morning my girlfriend said we needed to talk about something in person & that I would not enjoy the conversation. She had reiterated that a couple of times. She later texted me around three that day & was really sad. She kept reassuring me that she'll always love me & kept asking me if it'll all work out in the end.  It's kind of been like that for the last few days including talking about if & when we should talk. She has been talking to me less today. I'm pretty sure just to process everything & prepare for the talk we've planned. I'm having the talk with my girlfriend on Friday. I am 100% sure we'll at least split up for some time. I currently don't know why she would but I do have some guesses. I am trying so hard to mentally prepare myself for this conversation. I've dated this girl for nearly eight months. We were each other's first girlfriend. She has been a sweet, loving, and amazing girlfriend. She was really understanding of my autism most of the time and if she wasn't,  she'll try to fix it her behavior. I'll miss her very much. She was perfect. If my girlfriend & I do split for a bit or indefinitely, I want to know, how you guys cope with breakups? What do I need to know when if we splitting up for some time or forever? Thanks to those who read this! Much love to all of you!!! Hope you have a good day/night!!! <3

Hi there, thank you so much for sharing what's going on for you right now. I'm sorry that you are going through this right now. I personally find the 'not knowing' a lot more difficult to deal with and I can imagine it must be horrible for you to be stuck in this place where you don't know exactly what's going on.

I'm glad to hear that you'll be talking to your girlfriend tomorrow and you don't have to wait too much longer to find out what's going on. It's good that you are getting yourself prepared for what might happen. However, my suggestion would be to wait and see what your girlfriend wants to tell you before thinking about how to deal with a breakup as you don't know for sure, what she wants to talk to you about. What I find helpful in these situations is to tell myself that I don't know what's going to happen but if the worst thing that I have thought about does happen, then I will deal with it then. Maybe you can use the time until you two meet to think about your relationship from your perspective and whether there is anything you would like to get out of this conversation? Also, it might be helpful for you to think about whether there is someone you could either call or go and see after you have spoken to your girlfriend in case you do feel upset. How does that sound? Please know that we are also here for you and you can always talk to us. 

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7 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, thank you so much for sharing what's going on for you right now. I'm sorry that you are going through this right now. I personally find the 'not knowing' a lot more difficult to deal with and I can imagine it must be horrible for you to be stuck in this place where you don't know exactly what's going on.

I'm glad to hear that you'll be talking to your girlfriend tomorrow and you don't have to wait too much longer to find out what's going on. It's good that you are getting yourself prepared for what might happen. However, my suggestion would be to wait and see what your girlfriend wants to tell you before thinking about how to deal with a breakup as you don't know for sure, what she wants to talk to you about. What I find helpful in these situations is to tell myself that I don't know what's going to happen but if the worst thing that I have thought about does happen, then I will deal with it then. Maybe you can use the time until you two meet to think about your relationship from your perspective and whether there is anything you would like to get out of this conversation? Also, it might be helpful for you to think about whether there is someone you could either call or go and see after you have spoken to your girlfriend in case you do feel upset. How does that sound? Please know that we are also here for you and you can always talk to us. 

I appreciate your response! I have friends who are aware of this situation who I plan to talk to after I have the talk with my girlfriend. I am super sure that we'll split up just from the things she's been saying/doing. I am mentally preparing myself for a break up incase so I can handle the pain of the situation more effectively if that makes sense. I'll try letting you guys know what happens! Again, I really appreciate your response! :D

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You're very welcome. That absolutely makes sense and it's good to be mentally prepared. I hope the talk with your girlfriend goes well today, no matter what the outcome is. I would imagine it'll probably be a relief for you to find out what's going on as the 'not knowing' can be really difficult. 

I'm really glad to hear that you friends who are aware of the situation and who you can talk to afterwards. We're also here for you if you need us! 

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21 hours ago, Aurora said:

You're very welcome. That absolutely makes sense and it's good to be mentally prepared. I hope the talk with your girlfriend goes well today, no matter what the outcome is. I would imagine it'll probably be a relief for you to find out what's going on as the 'not knowing' can be really difficult. 

I'm really glad to hear that you friends who are aware of the situation and who you can talk to afterwards. We're also here for you if you need us! 

Thank you very much!!! :)

So we had the talk. She broke up with me for our clashing personalities. It was mainly our ways of showing affection & her sense of humour not making sense to autistic me. The break up was wayyyyy too chill. We did shed some tears & sat in silence for a bit. Then we all of a sudden started laughing so hard about something that happened. I ended up staying for a few hours. It was really fun! We were not expecting it to be like this. I have been getting some waves of sadness since the talk unfortunately :(. Just mainly missing not being able to treat her as affectionately as I used to treat her. How di you guys cope w8th break ups?

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On 7/15/2023 at 1:22 AM, lesboMar said:

Thank you very much!!! :)

So we had the talk. She broke up with me for our clashing personalities. It was mainly our ways of showing affection & her sense of humour not making sense to autistic me. The break up was wayyyyy too chill. We did shed some tears & sat in silence for a bit. Then we all of a sudden started laughing so hard about something that happened. I ended up staying for a few hours. It was really fun! We were not expecting it to be like this. I have been getting some waves of sadness since the talk unfortunately :(. Just mainly missing not being able to treat her as affectionately as I used to treat her. How di you guys cope w8th break ups?

Hi there, I'm Catsup, another support mentor here, and I just wanted to add my own thoughts on coping with a breakup since you asked!

I think a main thing is remembering that if a breakup happened, there was a reason.  Keeping in mind the reasons for the breakup, even writing them down, might help you keep the clarity to remember that it was a decision that was made, and there is no need to think back to the why's or what if's.  It's also totally okay to feel sad in this situation and there doesn't need to be a time limit for your feelings.  Staying busy too with people and hobbies can help a lot.  I hope you find peace with all this soon and know that you're definitely not alone in this situation. :)

 

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16 hours ago, Catsup said:

Hi there, I'm Catsup, another support mentor here, and I just wanted to add my own thoughts on coping with a breakup since you asked!

I think a main thing is remembering that if a breakup happened, there was a reason.  Keeping in mind the reasons for the breakup, even writing them down, might help you keep the clarity to remember that it was a decision that was made, and there is no need to think back to the why's or what if's.  It's also totally okay to feel sad in this situation and there doesn't need to be a time limit for your feelings.  Staying busy too with people and hobbies can help a lot.  I hope you find peace with all this soon and know that you're definitely not alone in this situation. :)

Thanks for your advice!!! :) I've been struggling with extreme anger from the situation thinking that it was my fault that the relationship ended, so I really had to hear that. I've been planning on hanging out with my friends to distract myself from this whole thing. Thanks for your insight!!! :)

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20 hours ago, lesboMar said:

Thanks for your advice!!! :) I've been struggling with extreme anger from the situation thinking that it was my fault that the relationship ended, so I really had to hear that. I've been planning on hanging out with my friends to distract myself from this whole thing. Thanks for your insight!!! :)

I also just realised this but I just want to add that Tuesday marks eight months ever since I asked her to be my girlfriend. ;-; I know there isn't much I could do about it, but I just want to get it out there because the thought was wearing me down.

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7 hours ago, lesboMar said:

I also just realised this but I just want to add that Tuesday marks eight months ever since I asked her to be my girlfriend. ;-; I know there isn't much I could do about it, but I just want to get it out there because the thought was wearing me down.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I think anniversaries can often be difficult as it's another reminder of what happened and can sometimes make us think about the "what if's" and those thoughts can make it difficult to move on. I get why that was wearing you down! How do you feel about it now?

Also, you mentioned feeling extreme anger. I just wanted to reassure you that it's very common to experience extreme emotions after a breakup. A breakup often means change and loss and it can lead to feelings of grief, which are usually very intense. How have you been coping with this? You mentioned hanging out with your friends. Has that been helpful and have they been supportive? Please know that we are here for you as well and you don't need to go through this on your own. 

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10 hours ago, Aurora said:

Thank you for sharing this with us. I think anniversaries can often be difficult as it's another reminder of what happened and can sometimes make us think about the "what if's" and those thoughts can make it difficult to move on. I get why that was wearing you down! How do you feel about it now?

Also, you mentioned feeling extreme anger. I just wanted to reassure you that it's very common to experience extreme emotions after a breakup. A breakup often means change and loss and it can lead to feelings of grief, which are usually very intense. How have you been coping with this? You mentioned hanging out with your friends. Has that been helpful and have they been supportive? Please know that we are here for you as well and you don't need to go through this on your own. 

I appreciate your insight. Today I was struggling with some thoughts of anger but I've been trying to distract myself. My day was going better than I thought it would. I didn't get a chance to hangout with my friends yet, but hopefully I will on Thursday. They've been helping me through it. Thank you very much!!! :)

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3 hours ago, Megs- said:

sendin hugs 🤗 

Aw, thanks! I appreciate it!!! Sending hugs back! 🤗

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1 minute ago, lesboMar said:

Aw, thanks! I appreciate it!!! Sending hugs back! 🤗

yw. look after urslf 🥰

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12 hours ago, lesboMar said:

I appreciate your insight. Today I was struggling with some thoughts of anger but I've been trying to distract myself. My day was going better than I thought it would. I didn't get a chance to hangout with my friends yet, but hopefully I will on Thursday. They've been helping me through it. Thank you very much!!! :)

You're very welcome :) I'm really glad to hear that your day was going better than you thought and that you get to see your friends tomorrow. It sounds like you have some great, supportive friends around you 🙂

Did distracting yourself work when you were feeling angry? Sometimes letting out your anger can work as well eg by shouting into a pillow, exercising or doing a painting or a drawing, where you can let out your emotions. It doesn't work for everyone but some people find it helpful. 

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4 hours ago, Aurora said:

You're very welcome :) I'm really glad to hear that your day was going better than you thought and that you get to see your friends tomorrow. It sounds like you have some great, supportive friends around you 🙂

Did distracting yourself work when you were feeling angry? Sometimes letting out your anger can work as well eg by shouting into a pillow, exercising or doing a painting or a drawing, where you can let out your emotions. It doesn't work for everyone but some people find it helpful. 

Distracting myself did work, however there were still some times that I was too upset to think or do anything else if that makes sense. I'll try out the other methods you just mentioned. They sound like great ways to release anger! :) Thanks again!!! :D

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On 7/19/2023 at 3:00 PM, lesboMar said:

Distracting myself did work, however there were still some times that I was too upset to think or do anything else if that makes sense. I'll try out the other methods you just mentioned. They sound like great ways to release anger! :) Thanks again!!! :D

I'm glad you're finding our suggestions helpful. If you like you can let me know how you get on? How have you been feeling the last two days? We're here for you. 

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17 hours ago, Aurora said:

I'm glad you're finding our suggestions helpful. If you like you can let me know how you get on? How have you been feeling the last two days? We're here for you. 

So sorry for the late reply, I somehow missed the notification. Her & I have been pretty chill. We've been talking a couple times a day just to check how we are doing, (it is usually me asking her first. She said she is okay with it) or we just send each other reels on Instagram. She returned clothes that I gave her during our relationship the day she brokeup with me, but I accidentally left them at her house.  Me & her still have to arrange a time for me to stop by (or maybe just hang out for a few hours judging how the breakup went) & take my clothes home.

Today we haven't talked at all. I sent her a message about three hours ago & she hasn't responded. I'm afraid I made uncomfortable with a joke a made last night regarding an Instagram post I sent. I don't want to repeat it here because it was inappropriate & quite frankly a horrible joke. The joke wasn't about her, but I could see why it would be taken that way. I want to apologise to her but I feel like I'll seem really awkward about apologising for it a night later. I just thought of the possibility of her getting weirded out by my joke by the way. 

About how I've been feeling the last two days, I've been experiencing the same anger, feeling as if it was my fault the relationship ended. I also really miss her. I've been finding myself cuddling with pillows & reminiscing on occasions that I done the same with her. The eighteenth was supposed to be our eighth month anniversary & I broke down some point in the evening. I got better thankfully. I had a dream Wednesday night where me & my ex-girlfriend were in a relationship & things were all good. I woke up with intense heartbreak. This has happened once before during this week. As a result, I've been finding myself thinking about things going differently. I went to the movies with some friends on Thursday & that helped a lot! It was really fun & it relived some pain.

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22 hours ago, lesboMar said:

So sorry for the late reply, I somehow missed the notification. Her & I have been pretty chill. We've been talking a couple times a day just to check how we are doing, (it is usually me asking her first. She said she is okay with it) or we just send each other reels on Instagram. She returned clothes that I gave her during our relationship the day she brokeup with me, but I accidentally left them at her house.  Me & her still have to arrange a time for me to stop by (or maybe just hang out for a few hours judging how the breakup went) & take my clothes home.

Today we haven't talked at all. I sent her a message about three hours ago & she hasn't responded. I'm afraid I made uncomfortable with a joke a made last night regarding an Instagram post I sent. I don't want to repeat it here because it was inappropriate & quite frankly a horrible joke. The joke wasn't about her, but I could see why it would be taken that way. I want to apologise to her but I feel like I'll seem really awkward about apologising for it a night later. I just thought of the possibility of her getting weirded out by my joke by the way. 

About how I've been feeling the last two days, I've been experiencing the same anger, feeling as if it was my fault the relationship ended. I also really miss her. I've been finding myself cuddling with pillows & reminiscing on occasions that I done the same with her. The eighteenth was supposed to be our eighth month anniversary & I broke down some point in the evening. I got better thankfully. I had a dream Wednesday night where me & my ex-girlfriend were in a relationship & things were all good. I woke up with intense heartbreak. This has happened once before during this week. As a result, I've been finding myself thinking about things going differently. I went to the movies with some friends on Thursday & that helped a lot! It was really fun & it relived some pain.

Hey, so just an update on that, she thought she responded to me last night, but didn't realise she didn't respond until this evening. I asked her when I could get my clothes back. She told me she's out of town. I asked when she'll be back, but she hasn't said when she'll be back. I've experienced significant sadness today.

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6 hours ago, lesboMar said:

Hey, so just an update on that, she thought she responded to me last night, but didn't realise she didn't respond until this evening. I asked her when I could get my clothes back. She told me she's out of town. I asked when she'll be back, but she hasn't said when she'll be back. I've experienced significant sadness today.

Hey there,

@Aurora is only back tomorrow, so I just wanted to check in before she replies to you to see how you're feeling? I can see that you've mentioned experiencing significant sadness which I'm sorry to hear about. Would you like to tell me more about that? What kind of thoughts are you having about the situation? Also, I just want to reassure you that it's completely normal to feel like this after a breakup and it's important to let yourself feel this way in order to process. 

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3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

@Aurora is only back tomorrow, so I just wanted to check in before she replies to you to see how you're feeling? I can see that you've mentioned experiencing significant sadness which I'm sorry to hear about. Would you like to tell me more about that? What kind of thoughts are you having about the situation? Also, I just want to reassure you that it's completely normal to feel like this after a breakup and it's important to let yourself feel this way in order to process. 

I just woke up about an hour ago. Ever since I've been having girlfriend troubles, I've been waking up feeling anxious. Some nights last week, I've been starting to wake up feeling better, but it still happens, like this morning. I feel better now. My Ex-girlfriend hasn't told me when she'll be back so I can grab my stuff, but we've been talking on Instagram so she might've thoughtshe responded. Thanks for reassuring me! :)

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19 hours ago, lesboMar said:

I just woke up about an hour ago. Ever since I've been having girlfriend troubles, I've been waking up feeling anxious. Some nights last week, I've been starting to wake up feeling better, but it still happens, like this morning. I feel better now. My Ex-girlfriend hasn't told me when she'll be back so I can grab my stuff, but we've been talking on Instagram so she might've thoughtshe responded. Thanks for reassuring me! :)

Hi there, 

Thank you for being so open with us. As @Monsoon already mentioned, it's really normal to feel like this after a breakup and it's good if we can give ourselves the time and space to process our feelings. How are you feeling today? Also, do you mind me asking, if you've been able to talk to your friends about how you've been feeling? For me, talking to others about my feelings often helps me to process what's been going on for me. Do you think you might find that helpful, too? 

I'm also wondering, whether it might be a good idea to distance yourself from your ex girlfriend for a little while. It's good that the two of you had an amicable split and that you still want to be friends. However, I'm wondering, whether this might make it difficult for you to move on. Maybe you could stop contact with her until you feel better about the breakup and it doesn't hurt so much anymore. What do you think?  I'm sure she would understand. 

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14 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, 

Thank you for being so open with us. As @Monsoon already mentioned, it's really normal to feel like this after a breakup and it's good if we can give ourselves the time and space to process our feelings. How are you feeling today? Also, do you mind me asking, if you've been able to talk to your friends about how you've been feeling? For me, talking to others about my feelings often helps me to process what's been going on for me. Do you think you might find that helpful, too? 

I'm also wondering, whether it might be a good idea to distance yourself from your ex girlfriend for a little while. It's good that the two of you had an amicable split and that you still want to be friends. However, I'm wondering, whether this might make it difficult for you to move on. Maybe you could stop contact with her until you feel better about the breakup and it doesn't hurt so much anymore. What do you think?  I'm sure she would understand. 

We're here for you

Today & yesterday have been the same. Just me feeling good in the morning/afternoon, then feeling really depressed and about to cry in the evenings. I have been able to talk to some friends about my feelings. I told my ex-girlfriend about my reoccurring dreams about us together & me waking up feeling devastated knowing what happened. She was really sorry to hear that. Honestly, I might distance myself from her as soon as she returns home from her trip & I can grab my stuff. I'll tell her that right now. I hope it doesn't hurt her feelings. I've been really depressed lately. 

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On 7/25/2023 at 2:21 AM, lesboMar said:

Today & yesterday have been the same. Just me feeling good in the morning/afternoon, then feeling really depressed and about to cry in the evenings. I have been able to talk to some friends about my feelings. I told my ex-girlfriend about my reoccurring dreams about us together & me waking up feeling devastated knowing what happened. She was really sorry to hear that. Honestly, I might distance myself from her as soon as she returns home from her trip & I can grab my stuff. I'll tell her that right now. I hope it doesn't hurt her feelings. I've been really depressed lately. 

It sounds like you have been feeling up and down but that you have been finding the break up really difficult to cope with. Is that right? I can reassure you that you won't always feel like this and you will feel better again. However, it might take time and in the meantime I would like to suggest that you're kind to yourself. What you might find helpful is to give yourself space to process some of those feelings (maybe you can keep talking to your friends if that's been helping) and also look after yourself. These are some of the things I do when I am trying to look after myself: I do stuff that I really enjoy doing and make plans to go out, I listen to music, I try and eat healthily but also get myself some special treats (like Ben and Jerry's ice cream - one of my favourites!!) and exercise a bit more as this often makes me feel good about myself. How does that sound and can you think of anything that makes you feel better? 

I think distancing yourself from her, is a really good idea and will probably help you to move on more quickly. It's nice that you are concerned about her feelings and it shows what a caring person you are, but at the moment you need to look after yourself and prioritise your own wellbeing. What do you think? 

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On 7/27/2023 at 4:46 AM, Aurora said:

It sounds like you have been feeling up and down but that you have been finding the break up really difficult to cope with. Is that right? I can reassure you that you won't always feel like this and you will feel better again. However, it might take time and in the meantime I would like to suggest that you're kind to yourself. What you might find helpful is to give yourself space to process some of those feelings (maybe you can keep talking to your friends if that's been helping) and also look after yourself. These are some of the things I do when I am trying to look after myself: I do stuff that I really enjoy doing and make plans to go out, I listen to music, I try and eat healthily but also get myself some special treats (like Ben and Jerry's ice cream - one of my favourites!!) and exercise a bit more as this often makes me feel good about myself. How does that sound and can you think of anything that makes you feel better? 

I think distancing yourself from her, is a really good idea and will probably help you to move on more quickly. It's nice that you are concerned about her feelings and it shows what a caring person you are, but at the moment you need to look after yourself and prioritise your own wellbeing. What do you think? 

That sounds good! I've been starting to get the motivation to clean my room & start to get better at taking care of myself & doing my skin care. I don't know if I mentioned this, but I am a saxophonist. I haven't practiced in nearly a month because of my sadness from the breakup. I finally got the motivation to practice again two days ago! I wanted to practice again today, but I didn't have time. I think I've been getting better. I've been treating myself with ice cream & other treats as well. I've been going on walks, too. I am searching for job opportunities as well. I still miss her, but I've been feeling better lately! Thank you!!! :) 

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