Feeling down

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

Sometimes, I feel really lonely or sad, even if I've been having a good day. It's hard to explain. Some days I feel really connected with the world around me, and other days I just feel isolated from it.

Since January, I've had periods of feeling down (due to stress because of balancing schoolwork, extracurriculars, and struggling with my sexuality), and most days I'm ok, but others I'm not really, even when I socialize with friends at school. I can talk to other people about this like one of my best friends, but it's hard because I can only talk to my closest friends by phone as they live so far away. But I've found that texting doesn't really help my mental state in a healthy way, and my parents are usually busy with my younger siblings and work. I also know they aren't that comfortable/helpful with conversations about depression and mental health (although they are open about the issue and support ways to maintain a healthy mental state, if that makes sense), because my brother was feeling really down a few months ago, but my parents told him he had to find a way to "sort it out". I think they helped him a bit, but it felt like they were trying to force him out of his "funk" (that's what my mom called it) instead of helping him through it alongside him. And the other day I asked my mom if she ever felt lost or felt like nothing felt really real, and she said yes, but you have to find ways to ground yourself when you feel that way. I understand that, but it only caused me to feel more isolated because it made me feel like I had to figure things out on my own, when I was hoping she would give me some suggestions. Does this mean I have to be more open in what I want when I'm feeling this way? I don't like being vulnerable, which is why I hedge around topics sometimes when it's about myself. I enter a conversation with 'Have you felt this way (xyz)...?" and then hope the other person will say when they felt that way, how they felt, and how they coped with it. But I guess if I don't say it, I might not get that response?

Although I do have things to help me when I'm feeling down, like reading, writing, going for a run, or listening to music, when I have these periods of feeling down, I often don't have access to these things (if I'm at school, let's say, or at an event). I also don't know why these "down feelings" happen. It made more sense in January, when I was just discovering my sexuality and it felt like my whole world was flipped upside now, but now, things are better, I've come out as lesbian to my best friend, and it's sunny outside (!!!). It just seems so random when I feel down, seems like I shouldn't because everything is mostly fine. But even now, it usually hits me hard and fast--like one day it was fine, and the middle of the next day, I'm suddenly feeling lonely. I just wanted to share this to get this off my chest (mostly because today it one of those days where I'm feeling down and lonely), to share it with someone who might also understand.

[Catsup]

Hi there, thanks for sharing that. I did find much of what you wrote very understandable and relatable.  Everything you said about feeling sad and lonely, even on good days, makes a lot of sense.  And when struggling with depression, the days can get very difficult even if it seems things are going perfectly well.  It's really important that people supporting you can listen without telling you to just "sort it out."  It sounds like your parents want things to go well for you, but maybe don't know the exact right way to support you, does that sound right?  I think you thought of a really good idea by being more open about how you need to be supported, but what do you think about finding a way to express that to the people you trust?

You said this low mood is due to stress of various things going on in life, and I think that was very helpful to notice.  Are there any ways to reduce some of the stresses going on? 

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

6 hours ago, Catsup said:

Hi there, thanks for sharing that. I did find much of what you wrote very understandable and relatable.  Everything you said about feeling sad and lonely, even on good days, makes a lot of sense.  And when struggling with depression, the days can get very difficult even if it seems things are going perfectly well.  It's really important that people supporting you can listen without telling you to just "sort it out."  It sounds like your parents want things to go well for you, but maybe don't know the exact right way to support you, does that sound right?  I think you thought of a really good idea by being more open about how you need to be supported, but what do you think about finding a way to express that to the people you trust?

You said this low mood is due to stress of various things going on in life, and I think that was very helpful to notice.  Are there any ways to reduce some of the stresses going on? 

Hi, thanks for replying. Yeah, I think my parents don’t really know how to deal with depression and other stuff with mental health, because that stuff wasn’t talked about in their families. I think I’m a bit scared to open up (more openly, if that makes sense) to my parents because I’m anticipating their reactions. I’m not really sure about how to go about expressing being more open with them, though! 

It sort of feels difficult to reduce the stresses in my life because there are so many and it feels like a lot of them are stuff I do have to get done (school among other things). I guess making more time for myself would help, but then it feels like I should be doing something else, and everything spirals downwards from there.

[Duckie]

Hi @Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once

My name is Duckie. I am one of the support mentors. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am just checking in with you how you are feeling? Is there anything you would like to talk about regarding your depression?

Do you feel comfortable walking us through your history with depression.

[Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once]

3 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once

My name is Duckie. I am one of the support mentors. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am just checking in with you how you are feeling? Is there anything you would like to talk about regarding your depression?

Do you feel comfortable walking us through your history with depression.

Hi! I’m feeling pretty well, now, actually. I’ve been able to talk to some friends and that has helped.

In regards to depression, I’m not sure if I actually do have it as I’ve never gone to a doctor and it hasn’t been serious. It’s just been little periods over the past year and I can usually change things like taking breaks from schoolwork or taking time to exercises and this will usually help. Thanks though for asking.

[Duckie]

2 minutes ago, Unsure-But-Sure-All-At-Once said:

Hi! I’m feeling pretty well, now, actually. I’ve been able to talk to some friends and that has helped.

In regards to depression, I’m not sure if I actually do have it as I’ve never gone to a doctor and it hasn’t been serious. It’s just been little periods over the past year and I can usually change things like taking breaks from schoolwork or taking time to exercises and this will usually help. Thanks though for asking.

Hi there!

I am so happy to hear that you are feeling better in yourself and even better that you are able to discuss what you are experiencing with your friends. That's so great of you to share with them!

We are always here for you if you want to talk about anything you might be experiencing or feeling; either here or on confidential chat :)