Can someone explain to me what it's like to have a crush on someone?

[Equivalent Ways]

3 minutes ago, Lynn C. said:

Honestly! They're just the perfect life form imo

its true tho. I mean I do really like amphibians and like, insects.. idk I think birds especially feel prehistoric among others

[Avyavastha]

On 5/2/2023 at 12:49 AM, Lynn C. said:

So I think I had my first and only crush when I was in 9th grade, but I'm now a senior in high school and I don't remember what it was like, or even if it was real. At this point in my life, I can't even comprehend what it would feel like to like somebody as more than a friend, so I'm never sure if I'm feeling "symptoms" of a crush with people or if I just want to feel something/am telling myself I should feel something. The girl I had an (apparent) crush on was also one of my best friends, which makes the already time-blurred feelings harder to identify.

It would be interesting to see how you guys perceive the experience of love or crushes on any gender, because I want some clarity on how to tell if I'm experiencing this or not. I know the basic common feelings people claim to get, like butterflies or a warm feeling around the person, but that isn't super helpful in my opinion. I'd like to know how the feeling of a crush is different from the feeling of a friendship. I enjoy spending time with my friends and I care about them, so how would that be any different from having a crush on them? Let's assume that the sexual part of many romantic relationships is left out of this, because I am already familiar with that sensation. 

I may be aromantic lol

Thanks everyone!

Bro, same. Like, I had a crush on my best friends, and she politely rejected me, but I had/have no clue if I ever really liked her…

From what I’ve heard, having a crush is like, butterflies in your stomach, always thinking of them, and spending time wondering if they like you back. But I don’t even know if that’s actually what it feels like.

[Lynn C.]

27 minutes ago, CyranTheCat said:

Bro, same. Like, I had a crush on my best friends, and she politely rejected me, but I had/have no clue if I ever really liked her…

From what I’ve heard, having a crush is like, butterflies in your stomach, always thinking of them, and spending time wondering if they like you back. But I don’t even know if that’s actually what it feels like.

Yeah that seems to be what everyone says about it, but I can't help but wonder if they just say they feel that because it's a societal norm. But I've also found out that many a-spec people wondered if any of this "love" stuff they were hearing about was even real, which I relate to, which is one of the reasons why I suspect I may be aromantic, or at least somewhere on that spectrum. But who knows , and I'm trying to listen to the mentors' advice and just let my life experiences and feelings happen without judgement. The answer will come with time, I think.

I'm glad other people feel like this too, it makes me feel less alone 

[Avyavastha]

Just now, Lynn C. said:

Yeah that seems to be what everyone says about it, but I can't help but wonder if they just say they feel that because it's a societal norm. But I've also found out that many a-spec people wondered if any of this "love" stuff they were hearing about was even real, which I relate to, which is one of the reasons why I suspect I may be aromantic, or at least somewhere on that spectrum. But who knows , and I'm trying to listen to the mentors' advice and just let my life experiences and feelings happen without judgement. The answer will come with time, I think.

I'm glad other people feel like this too, it makes me feel less alone 

Same, it kinda nice knowing others feel like this.  

[Equivalent Ways]

1 hour ago, Lynn C. said:

Yeah that seems to be what everyone says about it, but I can't help but wonder if they just say they feel that because it's a societal norm. But I've also found out that many a-spec people wondered if any of this "love" stuff they were hearing about was even real, which I relate to, which is one of the reasons why I suspect I may be aromantic, or at least somewhere on that spectrum. But who knows , and I'm trying to listen to the mentors' advice and just let my life experiences and feelings happen without judgement. The answer will come with time, I think.

I'm glad other people feel like this too, it makes me feel less alone 

Mmmmm, yes very good points. I have noticed a lot that social norms get into my brain subconsciously, so I need to watch out for them. *does the little thing where I point two fingers at their eyes and then back at my eyes lol*
the nice thing is that ya, there is no real pressure to label your desires, but it is nice to know that it is OK to not be the mc in the French romance novels ‘:) 

[Lynn C.]

6 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Mmmmm, yes very good points. I have noticed a lot that social norms get into my brain subconsciously, so I need to watch out for them. *does the little thing where I point two fingers at their eyes and then back at my eyes lol*
the nice thing is that ya, there is no real pressure to label your desires, but it is nice to know that it is OK to not be the mc in the French romance novels ‘:) 

Yeah totally, I think we're influenced by a ton of factors around us that we may not even notice. 

[Equivalent Ways]

35 minutes ago, Lynn C. said:

Yeah totally, I think we're influenced by a ton of factors around us that we may not even notice. 

Yep, that’s why being in a good situation/environment with decent people is very key! The factors are infinite really :/

[Luie]

On 5/18/2023 at 1:23 AM, Lynn C. said:

Aww thanks @Luie. I'm going to Stanford, actually, which is still kind of crazy to me. I know they have good counselors too because I actually read a book by one of the psychologists there!

I've tried a bit of journaling when I've had time and I definitely need to work on judging myself less, but I think it'll be a good method of handling my thoughts.

CONGRATSSSS! this is huge. And I love how on it your are with booking an appointment with the psychologist at Stanford. I think it's a good shout on continuing journaling and recognizing that critical voice. I am sure in your upcoming sessions you can explore more deeply about where it is rooted and how to build healthier coping mechanisms. 

[welches_242]

On 5/2/2023 at 12:49 AM, Lynn C. said:

So I think I had my first and only crush when I was in 9th grade, but I'm now a senior in high school and I don't remember what it was like, or even if it was real. At this point in my life, I can't even comprehend what it would feel like to like somebody as more than a friend, so I'm never sure if I'm feeling "symptoms" of a crush with people or if I just want to feel something/am telling myself I should feel something. The girl I had an (apparent) crush on was also one of my best friends, which makes the already time-blurred feelings harder to identify.

It would be interesting to see how you guys perceive the experience of love or crushes on any gender, because I want some clarity on how to tell if I'm experiencing this or not. I know the basic common feelings people claim to get, like butterflies or a warm feeling around the person, but that isn't super helpful in my opinion. I'd like to know how the feeling of a crush is different from the feeling of a friendship. I enjoy spending time with my friends and I care about them, so how would that be any different from having a crush on them? Let's assume that the sexual part of many romantic relationships is left out of this, because I am already familiar with that sensation. 

I may be aromantic lol

Thanks everyone!

I read this and I just want to say I relate on SO many different levels rn and I was about to make a post about this too before I saw this, lol. I've never had a crush in my life (any "symptoms" are caused by peer pressure and the whole thing where you persuade yourself to experience symptoms) and when I think I have a crush I realize it's not romantic (that process of figuring that out can take me a while). I struggle to tell the difference between the feelings of having a crush and having a friend. I just went through that whole process again for the past couple of days. Sometimes I realize I'm trying to force feelings on myself too. Anytime I ask my friends about how it feels to have a crush or to develop one on your own they can never give a good answer because it's so complex. Then I ask my parents and they always say "You wait, you'll find the right person" or they'll compare themselves to me but when I tell them about the confusion with friends and crushes they give me a confused look. Then again, I'm 14 turning 15 soon, so not that much life experience yet but I don't like sitting around without answers so I spend my time figuring it all out. Yk?

[Equivalent Ways]

1 hour ago, welches_242 said:

I read this and I just want to say I relate on SO many different levels rn and I was about to make a post about this too before I saw this, lol. I've never had a crush in my life (any "symptoms" are caused by peer pressure and the whole thing where you persuade yourself to experience symptoms) and when I think I have a crush I realize it's not romantic (that process of figuring that out can take me a while). I struggle to tell the difference between the feelings of having a crush and having a friend. I just went through that whole process again for the past couple of days. Sometimes I realize I'm trying to force feelings on myself too. Anytime I ask my friends about how it feels to have a crush or to develop one on your own they can never give a good answer because it's so complex. Then I ask my parents and they always say "You wait, you'll find the right person" or they'll compare themselves to me but when I tell them about the confusion with friends and crushes they give me a confused look. Then again, I'm 14 turning 15 soon, so not that much life experience yet but I don't like sitting around without answers so I spend my time figuring it all out. Yk?

Nah yo that is stupidly relatable. I have forced a lot of feelings of a crush on myself, but then I cam up like in 8th grade with the word 'friend-crush' so its like a non-romantic crush but you want to be that persons friend

Anyway! lol I also relate to the last sentence a ton, I feel 2 lazy 2 write more rn but yes you are not alone

[welches_242]

20 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Nah yo that is stupidly relatable. I have forced a lot of feelings of a crush on myself, but then I cam up like in 8th grade with the word 'friend-crush' so its like a non-romantic crush but you want to be that persons friend

Anyway! lol I also relate to the last sentence a ton, I feel 2 lazy 2 write more rn but yes you are not alone

I went to wiki how and learned what a friend-crush was there.  I was desperate, lol.

[Lynn C.]

On 5/25/2023 at 7:32 PM, welches_242 said:

I read this and I just want to say I relate on SO many different levels rn and I was about to make a post about this too before I saw this, lol. I've never had a crush in my life (any "symptoms" are caused by peer pressure and the whole thing where you persuade yourself to experience symptoms) and when I think I have a crush I realize it's not romantic (that process of figuring that out can take me a while). I struggle to tell the difference between the feelings of having a crush and having a friend. I just went through that whole process again for the past couple of days. Sometimes I realize I'm trying to force feelings on myself too. Anytime I ask my friends about how it feels to have a crush or to develop one on your own they can never give a good answer because it's so complex. Then I ask my parents and they always say "You wait, you'll find the right person" or they'll compare themselves to me but when I tell them about the confusion with friends and crushes they give me a confused look. Then again, I'm 14 turning 15 soon, so not that much life experience yet but I don't like sitting around without answers so I spend my time figuring it all out. Yk?

Oh my gosh I completely agree, and I'm glad to see that other people have experienced this same thing. It's so frustrating because we're both young and we really can't know if this is just how we are or if we in fact haven't "found the right person" yet. I have a hard time doing what Luie suggested, which is just letting life happen and figuring this stuff out as it comes, even though it makes sense and is the only real solution. But I'm trying to accept that. Good luck with this and you're not alone :)

[Equivalent Ways]

23 minutes ago, Lynn C. said:

Oh my gosh I completely agree, and I'm glad to see that other people have experienced this same thing. It's so frustrating because we're both young and we really can't know if this is just how we are or if we in fact haven't "found the right person" yet. I have a hard time doing what Luie suggested, which is just letting life happen and figuring this stuff out as it comes, even though it makes sense and is the only real solution. But I'm trying to accept that. Good luck with this and you're not alone :)

Its fabulous to connect on this level with others, cuz this stuff is just a thing! And yea that is a hard thing too :/ Just try to breath and focus on the overall good I guess ':) Imma try that plan tho, its a good one lol

Whats coming will come, and we will deal with it when it does I think it might be a quote lol

[Equivalent Ways]

@welches_242 omg you went to Wik1 how

wait but is that actually a thing?? I did not know that, lol

[welches_242]

9 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

@welches_242 omg you went to Wik1 how

wait but is that actually a thing?? I did not know that, lol

Again I was desperate, and according to the other articles I read, yes. It was surprisingly helpful.

[Equivalent Ways]

1 hour ago, welches_242 said:

Again I was desperate, and according to the other articles I read, yes. It was surprisingly helpful.

Na way yo :0 apparently you can find a lot on the internet, k I will take inspiration from that

[Apreel]

On 5/16/2023 at 5:01 AM, Equivalent Ways said:

hello yall, @Luie your pretty bomb. and @Lynn C. idk i find this whole thread pretty relatable.

Could any of you explain to me what it’s like to not be having crushes regularly or often? Because I think I have a new crush every week or so and so I find it interesting that people sometimes don’t get them

[welches_242]

On 7/25/2023 at 8:03 AM, Apreel said:

Could any of you explain to me what it’s like to not be having crushes regularly or often? Because I think I have a new crush every week or so and so I find it interesting that people sometimes don’t get them

Just seeing this now. It’s not something you really consciously think about unlike crushes where you can get the thought of them stuck in your head. You just go on a day to day basis thinking about friends, drama, homework, etc. If you take your feelings for whoever out of the picture you’ve basically got the idea of what it feels like. I hope that helps! It is a a bit confusing. 

[Luie]

On 7/25/2023 at 1:03 PM, Apreel said:

Could any of you explain to me what it’s like to not be having crushes regularly or often? Because I think I have a new crush every week or so and so I find it interesting that people sometimes don’t get them

 

Heyy @Apreel, it's totally okay to feel curious about this! Everyone's experiences and feelings are unique, so it's natural to wonder about the differences. Having crushes frequently, like you do, is also a normal part of growing up and discovering your emotions. Some people might not experience crushes as often, and that's okay too. It's kind of like how people have different tastes in food – some might really enjoy trying new dishes all the time, while others might stick to their favourite foods. Similarly, when it comes to crushes, some folks might feel drawn to others more frequently, while some might take their time getting to know people before developing those kinds of feelings and also, it's normal to have desire for multiple people and not having to act on it every time, it's part of being human. There's no right or wrong way to experience emotions, and your journey of discovering your feelings is unique to you. It's great that you're curious about others' experiences, and that curiosity can help you learn more about yourself and the world around you.

 

[TinyDinos]

On 7/25/2023 at 5:03 AM, Apreel said:

Could any of you explain to me what it’s like to not be having crushes regularly or often? Because I think I have a new crush every week or so and so I find it interesting that people sometimes don’t get them

For me it feels very disconnected. Everybody is just people in the background y’know? For me, I’m just not very privy to the idea of a relationship in general, so I guess I’m not really looking for it? But also like, I imagine that having a crush makes that person stand out for whatever reason. People don’t really stick out to me. I don’t think about how amazing an individual is or how much I want to date them because I don’t really want to date in the first ola e if that makes sense, so there’s no attraction to begin with. I just focus on my family for the most part 

[omni]

On 5/1/2023 at 9:49 PM, Lynn C. said:

So I think I had my first and only crush when I was in 9th grade, but I'm now a senior in high school and I don't remember what it was like, or even if it was real. At this point in my life, I can't even comprehend what it would feel like to like somebody as more than a friend, so I'm never sure if I'm feeling "symptoms" of a crush with people or if I just want to feel something/am telling myself I should feel something. The girl I had an (apparent) crush on was also one of my best friends, which makes the already time-blurred feelings harder to identify.

It would be interesting to see how you guys perceive the experience of love or crushes on any gender, because I want some clarity on how to tell if I'm experiencing this or not. I know the basic common feelings people claim to get, like butterflies or a warm feeling around the person, but that isn't super helpful in my opinion. I'd like to know how the feeling of a crush is different from the feeling of a friendship. I enjoy spending time with my friends and I care about them, so how would that be any different from having a crush on them? Let's assume that the sexual part of many romantic relationships is left out of this, because I am already familiar with that sensation. 

I may be aromantic lol

Thanks everyone!

its awesome to be aromantic no heartbreak and I could use some of that

[Luie]

4 hours ago, omni said:

its awesome to be aromantic no heartbreak and I could use some of that

Heyy @omni, I hear you, has there been a heartbreak that hurt you recently?

[omni]

5 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @omni, I hear you, has there been a heartbreak that hurt you recently?

yea but that was a couple of months ago and I'm in a mid kinda relationship

[omni]

On 8/2/2023 at 10:05 AM, Luie said:

Heyy @Apreel, it's totally okay to feel curious about this! Everyone's experiences and feelings are unique, so it's natural to wonder about the differences. Having crushes frequently, like you do, is also a normal part of growing up and discovering your emotions. Some people might not experience crushes as often, and that's okay too. It's kind of like how people have different tastes in food – some might really enjoy trying new dishes all the time, while others might stick to their favourite foods. Similarly, when it comes to crushes, some folks might feel drawn to others more frequently, while some might take their time getting to know people before developing those kinds of feelings and also, it's normal to have desire for multiple people and not having to act on it every time, it's part of being human. There's no right or wrong way to experience emotions, and your journey of discovering your feelings is unique to you. It's great that you're curious about others' experiences, and that curiosity can help you learn more about yourself and the world around you.

yes i agree u could also not notice it ask your friends about it maybe they noticed

[omni]

On 5/28/2023 at 8:20 AM, Equivalent Ways said:

Na way yo :0 apparently you can find a lot on the internet, k I will take inspiration from that

agree they also have some more questions