Can someone explain to me what it's like to have a crush on someone?

[Lynn C.]

So I think I had my first and only crush when I was in 9th grade, but I'm now a senior in high school and I don't remember what it was like, or even if it was real. At this point in my life, I can't even comprehend what it would feel like to like somebody as more than a friend, so I'm never sure if I'm feeling "symptoms" of a crush with people or if I just want to feel something/am telling myself I should feel something. The girl I had an (apparent) crush on was also one of my best friends, which makes the already time-blurred feelings harder to identify.

It would be interesting to see how you guys perceive the experience of love or crushes on any gender, because I want some clarity on how to tell if I'm experiencing this or not. I know the basic common feelings people claim to get, like butterflies or a warm feeling around the person, but that isn't super helpful in my opinion. I'd like to know how the feeling of a crush is different from the feeling of a friendship. I enjoy spending time with my friends and I care about them, so how would that be any different from having a crush on them? Let's assume that the sexual part of many romantic relationships is left out of this, because I am already familiar with that sensation. 

I may be aromantic lol

Thanks everyone!

[Luie]

On 5/2/2023 at 5:49 AM, Lynn C. said:

So I think I had my first and only crush when I was in 9th grade, but I'm now a senior in high school and I don't remember what it was like, or even if it was real. At this point in my life, I can't even comprehend what it would feel like to like somebody as more than a friend, so I'm never sure if I'm feeling "symptoms" of a crush with people or if I just want to feel something/am telling myself I should feel something. The girl I had an (apparent) crush on was also one of my best friends, which makes the already time-blurred feelings harder to identify.

It would be interesting to see how you guys perceive the experience of love or crushes on any gender, because I want some clarity on how to tell if I'm experiencing this or not. I know the basic common feelings people claim to get, like butterflies or a warm feeling around the person, but that isn't super helpful in my opinion. I'd like to know how the feeling of a crush is different from the feeling of a friendship. I enjoy spending time with my friends and I care about them, so how would that be any different from having a crush on them? Let's assume that the sexual part of many romantic relationships is left out of this, because I am already familiar with that sensation. 

I may be aromantic lol

Thanks everyone!

Heyy @Lynn C., I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. I see that you're relatively new to the platform so wanted to firstly welcome you! We're glad you're part of the community now. If you have any questions on how to navigate please do let us know. 

 

Thanks for sharing what's going on for you and being vulnerable. It's completely normal to have questions about your feelings and to try to understand the difference between romantic attraction and platonic friendship. From my understanding, romantic attraction can be difficult to define because it can manifest differently for different people. However, there are a few common experiences that people tend to share when they have a crush or are falling in love. One of the biggest differences between friendship and a crush that I've noticed over the years is the intensity of your feelings. A crush often involves a heightened emotional response to the person that goes beyond what you might feel for a friend. This can include feeling a sense of longing or a desire to be physically close to the person, feeling nervous or excited when you're around them, and thinking about them frequently. So maybe, this might be a good moment to just pause, and ask yourself, have I felt this since 9th grade towards anyone else? Another difference is that when you have a crush, you may be more inclined to do things to impress or attract the person, such as dressing up or trying to make them laugh. You may also find yourself paying more attention to their interests or hobbies and wanting to learn more about them. 

However, it's important to note that not everyone experiences romantic attraction in the same way. Some people may never have a crush or feel romantically attracted to others, and that's completely normal and okay too. If you think you may be aromantic, it's important to remember that there is nothing wrong with that and you feelings are valid. How do you feel about being 'aromantic'? 

 

[Lynn C.]

6 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @Lynn C., I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. I see that you're relatively new to the platform so wanted to firstly welcome you! We're glad you're part of the community now. If you have any questions on how to navigate please do let us know. 

Thanks for sharing what's going on for you and being vulnerable. It's completely normal to have questions about your feelings and to try to understand the difference between romantic attraction and platonic friendship. From my understanding, romantic attraction can be difficult to define because it can manifest differently for different people. However, there are a few common experiences that people tend to share when they have a crush or are falling in love. One of the biggest differences between friendship and a crush that I've noticed over the years is the intensity of your feelings. A crush often involves a heightened emotional response to the person that goes beyond what you might feel for a friend. This can include feeling a sense of longing or a desire to be physically close to the person, feeling nervous or excited when you're around them, and thinking about them frequently. So maybe, this might be a good moment to just pause, and ask yourself, have I felt this since 9th grade towards anyone else? Another difference is that when you have a crush, you may be more inclined to do things to impress or attract the person, such as dressing up or trying to make them laugh. You may also find yourself paying more attention to their interests or hobbies and wanting to learn more about them. 

However, it's important to note that not everyone experiences romantic attraction in the same way. Some people may never have a crush or feel romantically attracted to others, and that's completely normal and okay too. If you think you may be aromantic, it's important to remember that there is nothing wrong with that and you feelings are valid. How do you feel about being 'aromantic'? 

Thanks for your reply @Luie!

If I'm being honest with myself, I don't think I've felt that since 9th grade. I've just been confused lately because there's a person who I think likes me, and as soon as I found out about that, I immediately freaked out mentally and started worrying that he'd think I liked him back. I didn't and still don't want to hurt his feelings, because he's a nice person, but I also don't want to lead him on. Because I've never had to deal with anything like this before, I think my emotions are confusing me, because I get nervous when I have to interact with him, but not in an exhilarating way. It's just an anxious feeling of "I want to get away from this situation and not talk to you." And because I overthink basically everything, I constantly return to the situation in my mind to try and figure out what to do, which results in me thinking of him frequently. Because of the anxious feelings and the frequent thoughts of him, I think I may be assuming that that's a crush. It's tough for me to know anything for sure though, because like I mentioned before, I can't remember exactly how I felt when I liked that girl 4 years ago, and I have nothing to compare my feelings to. People say that having a crush is fun and exciting and overall a pleasant experience, and how I feel towards that kid is none of the above. But I know that everyone is different, so I feel like I can't know if I really don't like him or if I just experience different feelings than other people when I have a crush. And I remember my cousin once told me that when she has a crush on someone she gets a really anxious or nervous feeling, and I don't know if I could be experiencing the same thing. But I really don't identify with any of the other things you wrote that can signify a crush, because I don't want to know about his life and I want to be physically distant from him.

As for potentially being aromantic, I'd be fine with that, I just don't know if I know myself well enough to accurately label myself, aromantic or not. I understand that sexuality and attraction is often fluid, and I also know that whatever I end up identifying as is fine, it's just tiring to not know. Perhaps what I need isn't concrete answers to my questions, but a way to just be okay with all this, to be okay with not knowing everything. Do you have any suggestions? This is starting to sound exactly like my first post on this site, sorry about that. I'm just a broken record

Thanks

[Luie]

On 5/4/2023 at 1:34 AM, Lynn C. said:

Thanks for your reply @Luie!

If I'm being honest with myself, I don't think I've felt that since 9th grade. I've just been confused lately because there's a person who I think likes me, and as soon as I found out about that, I immediately freaked out mentally and started worrying that he'd think I liked him back. I didn't and still don't want to hurt his feelings, because he's a nice person, but I also don't want to lead him on. Because I've never had to deal with anything like this before, I think my emotions are confusing me, because I get nervous when I have to interact with him, but not in an exhilarating way. It's just an anxious feeling of "I want to get away from this situation and not talk to you." And because I overthink basically everything, I constantly return to the situation in my mind to try and figure out what to do, which results in me thinking of him frequently. Because of the anxious feelings and the frequent thoughts of him, I think I may be assuming that that's a crush. It's tough for me to know anything for sure though, because like I mentioned before, I can't remember exactly how I felt when I liked that girl 4 years ago, and I have nothing to compare my feelings to. People say that having a crush is fun and exciting and overall a pleasant experience, and how I feel towards that kid is none of the above. But I know that everyone is different, so I feel like I can't know if I really don't like him or if I just experience different feelings than other people when I have a crush. And I remember my cousin once told me that when she has a crush on someone she gets a really anxious or nervous feeling, and I don't know if I could be experiencing the same thing. But I really don't identify with any of the other things you wrote that can signify a crush, because I don't want to know about his life and I want to be physically distant from him.

As for potentially being aromantic, I'd be fine with that, I just don't know if I know myself well enough to accurately label myself, aromantic or not. I understand that sexuality and attraction is often fluid, and I also know that whatever I end up identifying as is fine, it's just tiring to not know. Perhaps what I need isn't concrete answers to my questions, but a way to just be okay with all this, to be okay with not knowing everything. Do you have any suggestions? This is starting to sound exactly like my first post on this site, sorry about that. I'm just a broken record

Thanks

 

It's completely understandable to feel confused and unsure about your feelings @Lynn C., especially when it comes to romantic attraction. It sounds like you're being very introspective and self-aware, which honestly, is a great trait to have, says a lot about you as an individual. Btw, there is no rush to label yourself or figure everything out right away. You can take your time and explore your feelings without feeling pressured to put a label on it. I think at times with because of the pressure of labels we might jump to something we aren't fully ready for, what are your thoughts around it?

One suggestion is to practice mindfulness and being present in the moment. When you find yourself overthinking or worrying about your feelings, try to bring your attention back to the present moment and focus on something else. This can be a helpful way to reduce anxiety and stress. The following is a good way to start, do give this a go 3-5 times and let me know how you feel?

It's okay to not have all the answers right now. The only thing I will disagree with you is that YOU ARE NOT A BROKEN RECORD, and even if you think you are I wanna say that just like a broken record that keeps repeating the same thing over and over, keep reminding yourself that you are worthy of love and respect, trust yourself and your journey, and know that everything will fall into place eventually.

 

[Lynn C.]

23 hours ago, Luie said:

It's completely understandable to feel confused and unsure about your feelings @Lynn C., especially when it comes to romantic attraction. It sounds like you're being very introspective and self-aware, which honestly, is a great trait to have, says a lot about you as an individual. Btw, there is no rush to label yourself or figure everything out right away. You can take your time and explore your feelings without feeling pressured to put a label on it. I think at times with because of the pressure of labels we might jump to something we aren't fully ready for, what are your thoughts around it?

One suggestion is to practice mindfulness and being present in the moment. When you find yourself overthinking or worrying about your feelings, try to bring your attention back to the present moment and focus on something else. This can be a helpful way to reduce anxiety and stress. The following is a good way to start, do give this a go 3-5 times and let me know how you feel?

It's okay to not have all the answers right now. The only thing I will disagree with you is that YOU ARE NOT A BROKEN RECORD, and even if you think you are I wanna say that just like a broken record that keeps repeating the same thing over and over, keep reminding yourself that you are worthy of love and respect, trust yourself and your journey, and know that everything will fall into place eventually.

Thanks for the reassurance. I'll try to be more mindful and less stressed by this. I wish I was one of those people who was able to just be fine with no label, and intellectually I'm not a fan of labels, but my human brain also wants things to fit into nice little boxes. Maybe I can learn to be label-less.

Thinking of the moment definitely helps, thank you. I've been trying to do that more anyway, and doing it as a way to deflect my confusion is great. I know that I'm young and impatient for answers about myself, and I know that everything will fall into place at some point, so why do the littlest things feel so existential? I almost feel like I'm making up problems to compensate for my easy life or something.

[Luie]

22 minutes ago, Lynn C. said:

Thanks for the reassurance. I'll try to be more mindful and less stressed by this. I wish I was one of those people who was able to just be fine with no label, and intellectually I'm not a fan of labels, but my human brain also wants things to fit into nice little boxes. Maybe I can learn to be label-less.

Thinking of the moment definitely helps, thank you. I've been trying to do that more anyway, and doing it as a way to deflect my confusion is great. I know that I'm young and impatient for answers about myself, and I know that everything will fall into place at some point, so why do the littlest things feel so existential? I almost feel like I'm making up problems to compensate for my easy life or something.

I hear you and it makes complete sense to want things to fit into nice little boxes, and labels can provide a sense of clarity and understanding. However, it's also important to remember that labels are not always necessary when we're figuring things out, I do think sometimes they can limit our experiences and prevent us from fully exploring our identities. How do you feel about this? 

Also, it's great that you're trying to be more mindful and present in the moment. This can help reduce stress and anxiety, and allow you to better understand and accept yourself. I've come to realize that self-discovery is a journey, and it's okay to not have all the answers right now. Trust that everything will fall into place in its own time.

However, I fully acknowledge your feelings. Your experiences and emotions are valid, and you don't need to justify and definitely not minimize them. It's okay to feel confused or uncertain about your identity, and it's okay to take the time to explore and understand yourself.  Comparison is such a natural thing we do as humans, I just want to remind you that you don't need to compare your experiences to others or feel like you're making up problems, but I am curious though, do you really think you are making up problems to compensate a certain part of your life or is it one of those 'overthinking thoughts' that we all get from time to tim? 

 

[Lynn C.]

On 5/6/2023 at 9:54 AM, Luie said:

I hear you and it makes complete sense to want things to fit into nice little boxes, and labels can provide a sense of clarity and understanding. However, it's also important to remember that labels are not always necessary when we're figuring things out, I do think sometimes they can limit our experiences and prevent us from fully exploring our identities. How do you feel about this? 

Also, it's great that you're trying to be more mindful and present in the moment. This can help reduce stress and anxiety, and allow you to better understand and accept yourself. I've come to realize that self-discovery is a journey, and it's okay to not have all the answers right now. Trust that everything will fall into place in its own time.

However, I fully acknowledge your feelings. Your experiences and emotions are valid, and you don't need to justify and definitely not minimize them. It's okay to feel confused or uncertain about your identity, and it's okay to take the time to explore and understand yourself.  Comparison is such a natural thing we do as humans, I just want to remind you that you don't need to compare your experiences to others or feel like you're making up problems, but I am curious though, do you really think you are making up problems to compensate a certain part of your life or is it one of those 'overthinking thoughts' that we all get from time to tim? 

I agree that labels can put constraints on experience, I guess I just haven't made peace with that yet. That's probably something I should work on.

And to answer your second question, I honestly have no idea. With how often and intensely I throw thoughts around in my mind, I don't know what I think anymore. I can try to explain this with an example. Take the guy I mentioned earlier, for instance. I'll think of him and ask myself if I feel attraction towards him, and then answer, "of course not, there's nothing there". And then I think, "what if you're suppressing your feelings for him?" Followed by, "no, you would know if you were." "But how could I even know that?" "Think about it harder." "But I don't want to." "You have to, because if you don't then that must mean you're avoiding your true feelings." "But there are no true feelings!" "That's exactly what you'd tell yourself to pretend you don't have them." Usually this will go on in my mind until I'm distracted by something. And because it doesn't seem to negatively impact my social or school life, I don't think it could be an actual overthinking problem. And then I wonder if I'm even overthinking at all, because maybe this is how everyone thinks. And I also truly don't know if I think about these things because I just want to, or because they barge into my mind without warning. And because I'm so unsure about what I'm thinking, I can't tell if I'm inventing the argument in my mind or if it just happens. I also feel like it doesn't make sense that I would think about who I do or don't like so often and so urgently, because I completely understand the fact that things take time and it's okay to not have everything figured out just yet. But no matter how much I tell myself that, I still feel dissatisfied. So, I feel that I have no way of knowing whether I'm inventing my problems or if I really do feel confused about my sexuality. I even wonder if I somehow enjoy feeling anxious and confused, and perpetuating it is something I'm doing for fun. I have no idea, and no way (it seems) of figuring out if that's the case. I know people recommend journaling to set one's thoughts in order, but I've tried that and it doesn't really help because I have written pages of the usually internal argument that goes on in my head. It just transfers what I'm thinking onto the page, so I have an entry that's just me asking myself questions repeatedly over several pages. 

I don't know what to do. I feel like I don't understand anything I think or feel, but I also feel like I can't rule out the possibility that I do understand everything and I'm ignoring that for some reason. I don't know if I actually think too much, or if I'm intentionally overthinking to convince myself that I think too much. What if I think that feeling a bit distressed makes me special or something? What if I want to feel unsure and anxious? I have no idea why anyone would want to feel like this, but I can't tell if I do or not. 

Okay this is getting super long and I'm sorry about that. I also want to say that I don't know if I joined this site because I felt like I needed support or because I wanted to feel like I needed support. I honestly don't know, and I don't know how to figure it out. 

Thanks

[Luie]

On 5/8/2023 at 3:11 AM, Lynn C. said:

I agree that labels can put constraints on experience, I guess I just haven't made peace with that yet. That's probably something I should work on.

And to answer your second question, I honestly have no idea. With how often and intensely I throw thoughts around in my mind, I don't know what I think anymore. I can try to explain this with an example. Take the guy I mentioned earlier, for instance. I'll think of him and ask myself if I feel attraction towards him, and then answer, "of course not, there's nothing there". And then I think, "what if you're suppressing your feelings for him?" Followed by, "no, you would know if you were." "But how could I even know that?" "Think about it harder." "But I don't want to." "You have to, because if you don't then that must mean you're avoiding your true feelings." "But there are no true feelings!" "That's exactly what you'd tell yourself to pretend you don't have them." Usually this will go on in my mind until I'm distracted by something. And because it doesn't seem to negatively impact my social or school life, I don't think it could be an actual overthinking problem. And then I wonder if I'm even overthinking at all, because maybe this is how everyone thinks. And I also truly don't know if I think about these things because I just want to, or because they barge into my mind without warning. And because I'm so unsure about what I'm thinking, I can't tell if I'm inventing the argument in my mind or if it just happens. I also feel like it doesn't make sense that I would think about who I do or don't like so often and so urgently, because I completely understand the fact that things take time and it's okay to not have everything figured out just yet. But no matter how much I tell myself that, I still feel dissatisfied. So, I feel that I have no way of knowing whether I'm inventing my problems or if I really do feel confused about my sexuality. I even wonder if I somehow enjoy feeling anxious and confused, and perpetuating it is something I'm doing for fun. I have no idea, and no way (it seems) of figuring out if that's the case. I know people recommend journaling to set one's thoughts in order, but I've tried that and it doesn't really help because I have written pages of the usually internal argument that goes on in my head. It just transfers what I'm thinking onto the page, so I have an entry that's just me asking myself questions repeatedly over several pages. 

I don't know what to do. I feel like I don't understand anything I think or feel, but I also feel like I can't rule out the possibility that I do understand everything and I'm ignoring that for some reason. I don't know if I actually think too much, or if I'm intentionally overthinking to convince myself that I think too much. What if I think that feeling a bit distressed makes me special or something? What if I want to feel unsure and anxious? I have no idea why anyone would want to feel like this, but I can't tell if I do or not. 

Okay this is getting super long and I'm sorry about that. I also want to say that I don't know if I joined this site because I felt like I needed support or because I wanted to feel like I needed support. I honestly don't know, and I don't know how to figure it out. 

Thanks

Heyy @Lynn C., I can tell that you're going through a tough time with your thoughts and feelings. I am sorry, I know it's super hard and can feel frustrating and even lonely at times. Know that it's completely normal to feel confused or unsure about things, especially when it comes to your sexuality. It's great that you're open to exploring and understanding your thoughts and feelings, it's totally okay to take your time with this process. Working on it is great, what do you think will help you more to work on it? 

It's understandable that you're struggling with overthinking and that it's difficult to know what's real and what's not, we al have been there. I am wondering would you happen to have a school/college counsellor you could reach out to? There are techniques that I could recommend however, I do think speaking to someone in person would really help.

You mentioned that you've tried journaling, but it hasn't been helpful. Have you considered trying different types of journaling, like writing down your feelings without analysing them, or drawing or doodling to express yourself or perhaps recording voice notes for yourself? If not, would you like to try?

You're not alone in feeling confused or unsure, and there's no rush to figure everything out right away. Take things one step at a time and know that we are here. Let's try to figure what will help you if that is what you need. How does all of this sound to you?

 

[Lynn C.]

On 5/10/2023 at 9:55 AM, Luie said:

Heyy @Lynn C., I can tell that you're going through a tough time with your thoughts and feelings. I am sorry, I know it's super hard and can feel frustrating and even lonely at times. Know that it's completely normal to feel confused or unsure about things, especially when it comes to your sexuality. It's great that you're open to exploring and understanding your thoughts and feelings, it's totally okay to take your time with this process. Working on it is great, what do you think will help you more to work on it? 

It's understandable that you're struggling with overthinking and that it's difficult to know what's real and what's not, we al have been there. I am wondering would you happen to have a school/college counsellor you could reach out to? There are techniques that I could recommend however, I do think speaking to someone in person would really help.

You mentioned that you've tried journaling, but it hasn't been helpful. Have you considered trying different types of journaling, like writing down your feelings without analysing them, or drawing or doodling to express yourself or perhaps recording voice notes for yourself? If not, would you like to try?

You're not alone in feeling confused or unsure, and there's no rush to figure everything out right away. Take things one step at a time and know that we are here. Let's try to figure what will help you if that is what you need. How does all of this sound to you?

Thanks for being there for me, @Luie. I don't really know what will help me work on it, and it's kind of exhausting to try and figure out what I should do. Probably something with learning to accept what I can't know for sure.

 I actually may talk to a counselor soon, but for a different reason, because I have an irrational fear of driving and possibly anxiety, and my mom wants me to see someone about it. I definitely have a fear of driving, but I don't know about the anxiety. And I feel like I can't talk about my confusion about what's real or not, because paradoxically I don't know if that's even real or if I've just convinced myself it is. Ah well, I guess I'll just see what happens.

I guess I could try journaling without analyzing what I write, which would be a potentially useful challenge. It feels hard for me to do that because I'm always worried that I'm just writing what I want my future self to read instead of how I really feel, and the overanalyzation in my writing is a way to assure myself that I'm not writing anything patently incorrect. It means that I'm not writing anything very real either, but at least it's true to the feeling of confusion. But that's a good idea that I'll try, writing without analyzing. And I do love to draw, so I'll try that too.

Thank you so much for your support

[Luie]

12 hours ago, Lynn C. said:

Thanks for being there for me, @Luie. I don't really know what will help me work on it, and it's kind of exhausting to try and figure out what I should do. Probably something with learning to accept what I can't know for sure.

 I actually may talk to a counselor soon, but for a different reason, because I have an irrational fear of driving and possibly anxiety, and my mom wants me to see someone about it. I definitely have a fear of driving, but I don't know about the anxiety. And I feel like I can't talk about my confusion about what's real or not, because paradoxically I don't know if that's even real or if I've just convinced myself it is. Ah well, I guess I'll just see what happens.

I guess I could try journaling without analyzing what I write, which would be a potentially useful challenge. It feels hard for me to do that because I'm always worried that I'm just writing what I want my future self to read instead of how I really feel, and the overanalyzation in my writing is a way to assure myself that I'm not writing anything patently incorrect. It means that I'm not writing anything very real either, but at least it's true to the feeling of confusion. But that's a good idea that I'll try, writing without analyzing. And I do love to draw, so I'll try that too.

Thank you so much for your support

I know exhausting it can be to constantly try to figure things out, especially when you're not sure where to start. It's great that you're considering talking to a counsellor about your fear of driving and anxiety,  I am hoping they provide a safe space for you to explore your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Is this the counsellor at school or elsewhere?

 

I totally see why you're feeling hesitant to talk about your confusion regarding what's real or not, but it's important to remember that your feelings are valid and it's okay to seek help in sorting them out, we all have questions which might seem different, that doesn't mean they do not make sense. It's totally natural to worry about whether you're writing what you truly feel or just what you want your future self to read, the only suggestion I'd give is just write without judgment or overanalysing, just write, and try to anchor yourself in the present if possible. It's okay if it doesn't feel comfortable at first, but it can be a powerful way to express yourself and gain clarity.

I want you to know that you're not alone in this, more than happy to be there for you @Lynn C.,  It's okay to reach out for help and support, and there are people who care about you and want to see you thrive, that includes everyone here. 

 

[Lynn C.]

On 5/12/2023 at 8:44 AM, Luie said:

I know exhausting it can be to constantly try to figure things out, especially when you're not sure where to start. It's great that you're considering talking to a counsellor about your fear of driving and anxiety,  I am hoping they provide a safe space for you to explore your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Is this the counsellor at school or elsewhere?

I totally see why you're feeling hesitant to talk about your confusion regarding what's real or not, but it's important to remember that your feelings are valid and it's okay to seek help in sorting them out, we all have questions which might seem different, that doesn't mean they do not make sense. It's totally natural to worry about whether you're writing what you truly feel or just what you want your future self to read, the only suggestion I'd give is just write without judgment or overanalysing, just write, and try to anchor yourself in the present if possible. It's okay if it doesn't feel comfortable at first, but it can be a powerful way to express yourself and gain clarity.

I want you to know that you're not alone in this, more than happy to be there for you @Lynn C.,  It's okay to reach out for help and support, and there are people who care about you and want to see you thrive, that includes everyone here. 

The counselor is not school related I don't think, but I'm going to college this fall and I know there will be good support there should I need it.

I'll try to analyze things less, especially in my writing. Thanks for this tip. I do need to judge myself less.

And thank you so much @Luie, You've  been such a great help :)

[Equivalent Ways]

hello yall, @Luie your pretty bomb. and @Lynn C. idk i find this whole thread pretty relatable.

[Lynn C.]

13 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

hello yall, @Luie your pretty bomb. and @Lynn C. idk i find this whole thread pretty relatable.

@Equivalent Ways I'm glad I'm not the only one :) I hope you're doing okay too, I know from experience (obviously) that the uncertainty is hard

 

[Equivalent Ways]

24 minutes ago, Lynn C. said:

@Equivalent Ways I'm glad I'm not the only one :) I hope you're doing okay too, I know from experience (obviously) that the uncertainty is hard

thank you, and yeh yu are def not the only one I am still trying to learn how to sit with the unknown and uncertainty... it stings the mind and I can just get caught up in a whirlwind of thoughts often

[Persephone44]

15 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

hello yall, @Luie your pretty bomb. and @Lynn C. idk i find this whole thread pretty relatable.

I agree, as I read I definitely find pin pricks more often than just here or there that I can relate to!

[Equivalent Ways]

3 minutes ago, Persephone44 said:

I agree, as I read I definitely find pin pricks more often than just here or there that I can relate to!

ooo well said :)

[Equivalent Ways]

question:

What does it mean if someone has butterflies in their stomach? I'm assuming it does not mean they ate butterflies -_-

Also, are 'being in love', and 'having a crush' with someone, the same thing?

Thanks a lot~

[Luie]

On 5/14/2023 at 7:18 PM, Lynn C. said:

The counselor is not school related I don't think, but I'm going to college this fall and I know there will be good support there should I need it.

I'll try to analyze things less, especially in my writing. Thanks for this tip. I do need to judge myself less.

And thank you so much @Luie, You've  been such a great help :)

You're most welcome!  Here for you @Lynn C., good luck with college. Where you off to this fall? 

And hey do let me know how journaling/writing goes for you, do not worry about getting it all right in the first time, we tend to be our own worst enemies at times and definitely the harshest critics. Here to remind you that you're awesome and not alone.

[Luie]

On 5/16/2023 at 5:01 AM, Equivalent Ways said:

hello yall, @Luie your pretty bomb. and @Lynn C. idk i find this whole thread pretty relatable.

@Equivalent Ways I don't try, I just am 

[Lynn C.]

8 hours ago, Luie said:

You're most welcome!  Here for you @Lynn C., good luck with college. Where you off to this fall? 

And hey do let me know how journaling/writing goes for you, do not worry about getting it all right in the first time, we tend to be our own worst enemies at times and definitely the harshest critics. Here to remind you that you're awesome and not alone.

Aww thanks @Luie. I'm going to Stanford, actually, which is still kind of crazy to me. I know they have good counselors too because I actually read a book by one of the psychologists there!

I've tried a bit of journaling when I've had time and I definitely need to work on judging myself less, but I think it'll be a good method of handling my thoughts.

[Lynn C.]

20 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

question:

What does it mean if someone has butterflies in their stomach? I'm assuming it does not mean they ate butterflies -_-

Also, are 'being in love', and 'having a crush' with someone, the same thing?

Thanks a lot~

@Equivalent Ways Okay so I don't personally know what "butterflies" feel like and I can't remember what it felt like to have a crush, but I have done a fair bit of research to figure out the answers to these exact questions. For the "butterflies" thing, from what I gathered it's a nervous but also exhilarating feeling you get when around the person of interest. Some people say it's like a like the feeling you get on a rollercoaster or the nerves and excitement you get when meeting a celebrity. It seems to be a distinctly good feeling too, and not really like anxiety. More than that I really can't say, but everyone says that it's an unmistakable sensation when you have a crush. It should also be noted that many websites say that it's possible to have a crush without experiencing butterflies, and that this can actually signify maturity. That fact honestly just confused me more but hey, the more information the better, I guess.

I think that "having a crush" is a bit more superficial, and denotes an infatuation with someone rather than actual love. From what I've heard, when you have a crush on someone it feels intense and euphoric, but maybe not very long lived, while being in love is more real. Maybe when you're in love you'd fantasize about starting a life with the person, while you might only think about kissing your crush. But again, I really can't say because I seem to be currently devoid of any such feelings. I find that researching this stuff on Quora (but be warned with Quora-- it's full of trash answers and is mostly good for general answers rather than specific) or other websites is often useful to try and figure out what you're feeling.

I think that if you felt any of the things you've mentioned, you would just know, which I know is the most unsatisfying thing ever. But that's what everyone I've asked about it says. 

I hope this helps a little and good luck :) I know how stupidly frustrating this is

[Equivalent Ways]

1 hour ago, Lynn C. said:

@Equivalent Ways Okay so I don't personally know what "butterflies" feel like and I can't remember what it felt like to have a crush, but I have done a fair bit of research to figure out the answers to these exact questions. For the "butterflies" thing, from what I gathered it's a nervous but also exhilarating feeling you get when around the person of interest. Some people say it's like a like the feeling you get on a rollercoaster or the nerves and excitement you get when meeting a celebrity. It seems to be a distinctly good feeling too, and not really like anxiety. More than that I really can't say, but everyone says that it's an unmistakable sensation when you have a crush. It should also be noted that many websites say that it's possible to have a crush without experiencing butterflies, and that this can actually signify maturity. That fact honestly just confused me more but hey, the more information the better, I guess.

I think that "having a crush" is a bit more superficial, and denotes an infatuation with someone rather than actual love. From what I've heard, when you have a crush on someone it feels intense and euphoric, but maybe not very long lived, while being in love is more real. Maybe when you're in love you'd fantasize about starting a life with the person, while you might only think about kissing your crush. But again, I really can't say because I seem to be currently devoid of any such feelings. I find that researching this stuff on Quora (but be warned with Quora-- it's full of trash answers and is mostly good for general answers rather than specific) or other websites is often useful to try and figure out what you're feeling.

I think that if you felt any of the things you've mentioned, you would just know, which I know is the most unsatisfying thing ever. But that's what everyone I've asked about it says. 

I hope this helps a little and good luck :) I know how stupidly frustrating this is

LOL nah thanks so much yo for taking the time to write that!

I have had, probably more than my fare share of quora, wikipedia, and merriam webster research the search will continue! I just know that ppl have said they had butterflies before going on stage... but I guess that is (maybe) a different context

I asked the second one because I was saying something in my head, I am in love with the taste of this strawberry

Yet I do not plan on spending my life with that strawberry.... Eh, so i guess they arent the same tho.

Thanks again yo, I am very glad i am not the only one

[Lynn C.]

37 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

LOL nah thanks so much yo for taking the time to write that!

I have had, probably more than my fare share of quora, wikipedia, and merriam webster research the search will continue! I just know that ppl have said they had butterflies before going on stage... but I guess that is (maybe) a different context

I asked the second one because I was saying something in my head, I am in love with the taste of this strawberry

Yet I do not plan on spending my life with that strawberry.... Eh, so i guess they arent the same tho.

Thanks again yo, I am very glad i am not the only one

Yeah no problem! I personally am in love with how awesome birds are, but obviously that's not the same thing either haha

[Equivalent Ways]

57 minutes ago, Lynn C. said:

Yeah no problem! I personally am in love with how awesome birds are, but obviously that's not the same thing either haha

lol yes, but I can tell that a bit just by your pfp. Birds are just.. idk if i would go as far as to say the future of the world, but I feel like everyone aspires to them

[Lynn C.]

3 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

lol yes, but I can tell that a bit just by your pfp. Birds are just.. idk if i would go as far as to say the future of the world, but I feel like everyone aspires to them

Honestly! They're just the perfect life form imo