My best friend???

[mia_]

Last Friday my friend picked a fight with me I've WhatsApp. Earlier in the day in class he laughed kinda weirdly which was kinda funny so I started laughing, then he proceeded to message me how I made him feel self conscious of his laugh and how I made fun of him for that (never did anything but laugh :/). It made me feel super bad I probably sound like a shit person but he has NEVER laughed like that before so it was a little surprising for me when he did. I apologised to him but then being the dumb idiotic person I am I said to him that I didn't make fun of him but if he did think I made fun of him it was because he literally called me four eyes. He then proceeded to say that he said it to another one of our friends but that doesn't really make it better. I apologised again and he said he said "it's ok ig" and I replied with "how come your upset when I just laughed but whenever you make fun of me it's ok?" He then denied everything and told me to prove it. So I said that he always tells me to shut up even when I say the tiniest thing, he used to call me a nerd, he used to make fun of my forehead, and almost everything I did was stupid to him. He then replies with: "what are you talking about I never make fun of you. I've tried being the best friend I can and support you if you feel left out and then you make fun of my laugh and accuse me of making fun of you". I kinda feel like he was guilt tripping me idk. I also kinda feel like he was being hypocritical because  we have these other two friends and whenever they laugh everyone else laughs because their laughs are really loud and high pitched (not trying to make fun of their laugh) and whenever they laughed he would ALWAYS mimic their laugh and tell them to shut up. He kept on saying he "didn't remember" all the stuff I told him and then proceeded to text me how I was a shit friend because I don't care about him and all that stuff. I was so fucking pissed at that time because he doesn't appreciate me at all. Whenever he has problems I ALWAYS try to come up with solutions to it and always help him, whenever someone makes fun of him I tell the to fuck off and that they're not funny, i also remember the time when I was really depressed and SH myself and he started doing it because he wanted more attention (I don't know if actually was but that's what he said to me) so then everything was about him. Now he's telling me I don't support him becuase I think he's talking about himself. Whenever I have a problem he'd brush it off by saying yeah or ok or that's sad then make it all about him. If I said I got into a fight with my parents and felt really shit he would say same and start laughing. When I told him after the school holidays I tried to kill my self he replied damn that's kinda depressing then proceeded to tell almost everyone in our year what I had done. He calls people the homophobic f slur EVERY DAY (he's part of the lgbtq community and so am I but I feel really uncomfortable whenever he says it because it was made to shame the community) he's even called me it multiple times, he's also been handing the so called "f@gg0t pass" to some of our straight friends. I've also told him multiple times to stop saying suicide jokes because I am a suicidal person myself and making jokes about kys is not ok. He always says sorry but then still makes the jokes. He used to be a really good friend but now idk... he's in my class so I can't stop being friends with him, I kinda still wanna be friends but I don't rlly wanna put up with all his shit. Sorry for this being really long I'm currently sick and have nothing to do at home. 

[Blondie]

Hey @mia_ One of our support mentors will pick up with you on this but I just wanted to check in with as you mentioned being a suicidal person. Are you safe right now?

 

I'm going to list some crisis details below so you have them to hand.

(UK) The Samaritans - 116 123 (This is a free service that operates 24/7)

(USA) Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - 988  (This is a free service that operates 24/7. You can call or text) 

A list of worldwide crisis lines can be found here: https://www.befrienders.org 

There's an app I can recommend called Stay Alive - it has safety plans to make sure you don’t harm yourself and you might find it helpful.

You can also call the police if you feel at risk.

Your safety is very important to us and I just wanted to reassure you that we're here for you.

 

 

 

[Monsoon]

8 hours ago, mia_ said:

Last Friday my friend picked a fight with me I've WhatsApp. Earlier in the day in class he laughed kinda weirdly which was kinda funny so I started laughing, then he proceeded to message me how I made him feel self conscious of his laugh and how I made fun of him for that (never did anything but laugh :/). It made me feel super bad I probably sound like a shit person but he has NEVER laughed like that before so it was a little surprising for me when he did. I apologised to him but then being the dumb idiotic person I am I said to him that I didn't make fun of him but if he did think I made fun of him it was because he literally called me four eyes. He then proceeded to say that he said it to another one of our friends but that doesn't really make it better. I apologised again and he said he said "it's ok ig" and I replied with "how come your upset when I just laughed but whenever you make fun of me it's ok?" He then denied everything and told me to prove it. So I said that he always tells me to shut up even when I say the tiniest thing, he used to call me a nerd, he used to make fun of my forehead, and almost everything I did was stupid to him. He then replies with: "what are you talking about I never make fun of you. I've tried being the best friend I can and support you if you feel left out and then you make fun of my laugh and accuse me of making fun of you". I kinda feel like he was guilt tripping me idk. I also kinda feel like he was being hypocritical because  we have these other two friends and whenever they laugh everyone else laughs because their laughs are really loud and high pitched (not trying to make fun of their laugh) and whenever they laughed he would ALWAYS mimic their laugh and tell them to shut up. He kept on saying he "didn't remember" all the stuff I told him and then proceeded to text me how I was a shit friend because I don't care about him and all that stuff. I was so fucking pissed at that time because he doesn't appreciate me at all. Whenever he has problems I ALWAYS try to come up with solutions to it and always help him, whenever someone makes fun of him I tell the to fuck off and that they're not funny, i also remember the time when I was really depressed and SH myself and he started doing it because he wanted more attention (I don't know if actually was but that's what he said to me) so then everything was about him. Now he's telling me I don't support him becuase I think he's talking about himself. Whenever I have a problem he'd brush it off by saying yeah or ok or that's sad then make it all about him. If I said I got into a fight with my parents and felt really shit he would say same and start laughing. When I told him after the school holidays I tried to kill my self he replied damn that's kinda depressing then proceeded to tell almost everyone in our year what I had done. He calls people the homophobic f slur EVERY DAY (he's part of the lgbtq community and so am I but I feel really uncomfortable whenever he says it because it was made to shame the community) he's even called me it multiple times, he's also been handing the so called "f@gg0t pass" to some of our straight friends. I've also told him multiple times to stop saying suicide jokes because I am a suicidal person myself and making jokes about kys is not ok. He always says sorry but then still makes the jokes. He used to be a really good friend but now idk... he's in my class so I can't stop being friends with him, I kinda still wanna be friends but I don't rlly wanna put up with all his shit. Sorry for this being really long I'm currently sick and have nothing to do at home. 

Hey @mia_

Thank you for reaching out to us. I can sense the frustration with what has happened with your friend, especially as it seems like he hasn't really taken responsibility for the way he has treated you, which would be upsetting for everyone. Before we get into that though, I can see what you have said about feeling suicidal, and I just want to check, how are you feeling at the moment? Would you say you're safe, or have you made a plan to end things? I just want you to know that it is okay to tell us if you have, because the more we know, the more we can help you. We are here for you and hope to hear back from you soon. Take care and speak soon, Mia. 

[mia_]

22 hours ago, Blondie said:

Hey @mia_ One of our support mentors will pick up with you on this but I just wanted to check in with as you mentioned being a suicidal person. Are you safe right now?

I'm going to list some crisis details below so you have them to hand.

(UK) The Samaritans - 116 123 (This is a free service that operates 24/7)

(USA) Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - 988  (This is a free service that operates 24/7. You can call or text) 

A list of worldwide crisis lines can be found here: https://www.befrienders.org 

There's an app I can recommend called Stay Alive - it has safety plans to make sure you don’t harm yourself and you might find it helpful.

You can also call the police if you feel at risk.

Your safety is very important to us and I just wanted to reassure you that we're here for you.

Hey Blondie,

I'm safe right now and I'm not as suicidal as I used to be but the thoughts are still there. Sorry for the misunderstanding it was kinda dumb of me to forget that.

[mia_]

16 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @mia_

Thank you for reaching out to us. I can sense the frustration with what has happened with your friend, especially as it seems like he hasn't really taken responsibility for the way he has treated you, which would be upsetting for everyone. Before we get into that though, I can see what you have said about feeling suicidal, and I just want to check, how are you feeling at the moment? Would you say you're safe, or have you made a plan to end things? I just want you to know that it is okay to tell us if you have, because the more we know, the more we can help you. We are here for you and hope to hear back from you soon. Take care and speak soon, Mia. 

I'm really sorry about all the confusion, like I replied to blondie I'm not as suicidal as I used to be but the thoughts are still there, they don't really go away. I'm safe and have supportive parents but sometimes they forget about how emotional I am so whenever they say something or make a joke and I have a mixed reaction they get annoyed.

[Monsoon]

Hey @mia_,

 

Thank you for letting us know, and no need to apologise, we are just glad to hear that you are safe. It's goo that you have supportive parents, and I am just wondering, are you getting any help for your thoughts from anyone, like a therapist or counsellor, perhaps? Also, we will get around to talking about what's going on with your friend. I just want to make sure you're alright first :) 

[Blondie]

2 hours ago, mia_ said:

Hey Blondie,

I'm safe right now and I'm not as suicidal as I used to be but the thoughts are still there. Sorry for the misunderstanding it was kinda dumb of me to forget that.

Thanks for letting us know and no need to apologise! Your safety is our priority 

[mia_]

18 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @mia_,

Thank you for letting us know, and no need to apologise, we are just glad to hear that you are safe. It's goo that you have supportive parents, and I am just wondering, are you getting any help for your thoughts from anyone, like a therapist or counsellor, perhaps? Also, we will get around to talking about what's going on with your friend. I just want to make sure you're alright first :) 

I do have a therapist but since my parents are teachers I'm only able to see her once a month, I do have her email though. I'm very appreciative that my parents are paying for a therapist because they cost a lot and if they can't afford it one month I'm fine with not going. We have Counsellors at my school but they don't really keep information private, they usually tell my parents and they say the same repeated thing again and again and I've tried to do what they've said but it doesn't really help.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

That's great that you have therapy, and that's interesting about the counsellor. I'm wondering, did you tell them that their suggestions weren't helpful for you? 

Also, going back to what happened with your friend, that does sound frustrating, especially as you apologised. I'm wondering, have you had any contact since, and if so, how did it go?

[mia_]

10 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

That's great that you have therapy, and that's interesting about the counsellor. I'm wondering, did you tell them that their suggestions weren't helpful for you? 

Also, going back to what happened with your friend, that does sound frustrating, especially as you apologised. I'm wondering, have you had any contact since, and if so, how did it go?

Hi Monsoon,

I haven't told her that her suggestions aren't very helpful, I don't want to be rude because she has more experience and if I told her it would be like I know more things about her job than she does. I don't see her often, only if she emails me and asks for a session.

It was really frustrating but at that time I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault because whenever we have fights "it always is my fault". We have had contact but we don't text as much, its like everything's ok and its all been forgotten and we've all forgiven each other...

[Monsoon]

Hey @mia_

I completely get why you might not want to tell her that things aren't working, but for a different point of view: in my training as a psychologist, we are encouraged to seek honest feedback from people we work with as the honesty helps us to support the person better. What do you think about that? 

Also, I can sense a vibe that you feel like it might not have been forgotten about and that the forgiveness isn't there yet; if that fair to say?

[mia_]

On 4/24/2023 at 5:16 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey @mia_

I completely get why you might not want to tell her that things aren't working, but for a different point of view: in my training as a psychologist, we are encouraged to seek honest feedback from people we work with as the honesty helps us to support the person better. What do you think about that? 

Also, I can sense a vibe that you feel like it might not have been forgotten about and that the forgiveness isn't there yet; if that fair to say?

Hi,

Things have been better with him and he helped me with my panic attack today which was good. I'm not very good at confronting people and I think the problem isn't that bad so I should be fine. 

It is fair to see. I have kind of forgiven him but it's really annoying how he doesn't realise how much effort I put into our friendship and how hard I've tried. 

[-Leila-]

Sending my love to you! Big hugs Mia :)

[Monsoon]

10 hours ago, mia_ said:

Hi,

Things have been better with him and he helped me with my panic attack today which was good. I'm not very good at confronting people and I think the problem isn't that bad so I should be fine. 

It is fair to see. I have kind of forgiven him but it's really annoying how he doesn't realise how much effort I put into our friendship and how hard I've tried. 

Hey there, 

Yeah, you're right, it is annoying. Also, although he didn't see your point of view and didn't take responsibility, it can often be the case that when someone is challenged, they don't admit it outwardly because of shame, but they realise the wrong they've done internally, and then change their ways without ever admitting it if you know what I mean? I am glad though that things have been better, and it's great that he helped you with your panic attack. I'm wondering, would you like anymore support from us now, or are you good?

[mia_]

Yeah it is really annoying, thank you so much for the help :)

[Monsoon]

5 hours ago, mia_ said:

Yeah it is really annoying, thank you so much for the help :)

That's okay! If you'd like anymore support, please let us know.