Burstsofautumn Posted April 12, 2023 Share Posted April 12, 2023 Something triggered this and I just had to get it out here. I know many people may feel this way a lot, but as I try to streamline my life and embrace slow living, I am cutting things out that are triggering me and making me feel crappy. Although I've managed to do this with quite a few things in my life, I have one work stream where I volunteer and co-lead. Someone I work with and I've known for ages has been so toxic.. They belittle me, insult me, make fun of my height by calling me a 'midget' and during sessions, don't include me in conversations that I should be part of, since I'm a leader. They only involve the other leader, my colleague who doesn't stick up for me... and she is the only one who ever gets credit for the hard work we both do. I never get recognition for the hours of hard work put in, and even when I offer to lead things such as a 'fun day' alongside my colleague, only she is given the credit and title of leading it... Whenever I try to discuss it and how it's making me feel to this person, they make it out to be my fault, my problem or that it's 'just in my head'... It makes me feel like maybe it is my fault or that I'm going crazy and being paranoid. I think I'm being gaslit and it's a horrible feeling. It's been like this for years and years. I've left the one work stream that involves this person but this other one still remains. I am thinking of leaving but she said before that I 'let her down' and I fear she tells people or I make people think I never stick to things.. Something will give and it'll work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted April 14, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted April 14, 2023 Heyy @Burstsofautumn, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. I see that you're relatively new to our platform, I wanted to say a massive welcome firstly and we're so glad to have you join us and be a part of this community. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted April 14, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted April 14, 2023 On 4/12/2023 at 11:28 AM, Burstsofautumn said: Something triggered this and I just had to get it out here. I know many people may feel this way a lot, but as I try to streamline my life and embrace slow living, I am cutting things out that are triggering me and making me feel crappy. Although I've managed to do this with quite a few things in my life, I have one work stream where I volunteer and co-lead. Someone I work with and I've known for ages has been so toxic.. They belittle me, insult me, make fun of my height by calling me a 'midget' and during sessions, don't include me in conversations that I should be part of, since I'm a leader. They only involve the other leader, my colleague who doesn't stick up for me... and she is the only one who ever gets credit for the hard work we both do. I never get recognition for the hours of hard work put in, and even when I offer to lead things such as a 'fun day' alongside my colleague, only she is given the credit and title of leading it... Whenever I try to discuss it and how it's making me feel to this person, they make it out to be my fault, my problem or that it's 'just in my head'... It makes me feel like maybe it is my fault or that I'm going crazy and being paranoid. I think I'm being gaslit and it's a horrible feeling. It's been like this for years and years. I've left the one work stream that involves this person but this other one still remains. I am thinking of leaving but she said before that I 'let her down' and I fear she tells people or I make people think I never stick to things.. Something will give and it'll work out. I'm so very sorry to hear that you're experiencing this toxic behaviour from someone you work with. I do want to let you know that I believe you and how this has been clearly impacting you a lot. I can see why you're feeling belittled, insulted, and excluded, and it's definitely not okay for someone to treat you this way. I do want to say though that this behaviour is not your fault and that you have a right to feel respected and valued in your work. It's also important to trust your instincts and feelings about the situation and not let the other person dismiss them as "just in your head." A suggestion from my end if you feel comfortable doing so, it may be helpful to have a conversation with the other leader and express how their behaviour is impacting you. You can calmly explain how their actions make you feel and ask for specific changes to be made in the way you work together. It may also be helpful to have a third party present, such as another colleague you trust or a supervisor, to ensure the conversation stays respectful and constructive. Does this sound possible at your current workplace? If having a conversation with the other leader is not possible or doesn't lead to a positive change, it's understandable that you may feel the need to leave work. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and not stay in a situation that is causing you stress and negativity. But I also understand that leaving work is not straight forward and you have different aspects like finances that you depend on. Whilst being realistic is important, leaving a job is not a failure, and it's important to recognize and celebrate the hard work and contributions you made during your time there. You can also communicate your reasons for leaving in a professional manner and without placing blame on anyone else if this is the route you choose to take. How does this all sound to you so far? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burstsofautumn Posted May 5, 2023 Author Share Posted May 5, 2023 @Luie Thank you so so much for this! I can confirm that I took the steps and have left the place now and am free from that person once and for all. It has been so incredibly freeing and such a big step for my mental wellbeing. Thank you so much for your help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted May 5, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted May 5, 2023 3 hours ago, Burstsofautumn said: @Luie Thank you so so much for this! I can confirm that I took the steps and have left the place now and am free from that person once and for all. It has been so incredibly freeing and such a big step for my mental wellbeing. Thank you so much for your help! Heyy @Burstsofautumn, I am so glad to hear this and found it helpful. It does sound incredibly freeing! I am here if you need to speak about this more or anything else, super proud of you for taking steps for your mental health and well being Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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