I don't want to go to my grandparents

[CoconutCultist]

So every spring break, I usually go up to Michigan to see my dad and grandparents. And lately I've been dreading it because it just damages my mental health and resets all the progress I've made on my anger issues. But I don't have a choice. My grandma refuses to call my trans friends their preferred name and pronouns and gets mad at me over the slightest things. My dad berates me about my hygiene (it's not particularly good because of my ADHD) and says 'no one wants to be the smelly kid'. I also think he's trying to be passive aggressive about my weight because he's been super heavy on my sugar intake, though he claims it's because I'm too hyper.  Everyone other than my grandpa just makes my mental health go down the drain. All of them say I get distracted too easily or am too hyper, yet refuse to accept I show nearly every symptom for ADHD, because nothing could be wrong with their precious little angel, yet they seem to love pointing out my flaws.

[Monsoon]

9 hours ago, CoconutCultist said:

So every spring break, I usually go up to Michigan to see my dad and grandparents. And lately I've been dreading it because it just damages my mental health and resets all the progress I've made on my anger issues. But I don't have a choice. My grandma refuses to call my trans friends their preferred name and pronouns and gets mad at me over the slightest things. My dad berates me about my hygiene (it's not particularly good because of my ADHD) and says 'no one wants to be the smelly kid'. I also think he's trying to be passive aggressive about my weight because he's been super heavy on my sugar intake, though he claims it's because I'm too hyper.  Everyone other than my grandpa just makes my mental health go down the drain. All of them say I get distracted too easily or am too hyper, yet refuse to accept I show nearly every symptom for ADHD, because nothing could be wrong with their precious little angel, yet they seem to love pointing out my flaws.

Hey there,

Thank you for telling us about this. It sounds like they're quite critical of you at the moment, and although your dad might mean well when making comments about your sugar intake and hygiene, it is clear that it is upsetting you which is a totally normal response. We all have a need to be be treated kindly and have people focus on the positive things about us, and after all, our strengths are our superpowers, and when there is a lot of focus on the negative, it can really get us down. I can see that you mentioned how it damages your mental health, and I'm wondering, are you able to tell me more about that? Also, have you ever spoken to your dad and grandparents about how this makes you feel?

[CoconutCultist]

2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Thank you for telling us about this. It sounds like they're quite critical of you at the moment, and although your dad might mean well when making comments about your sugar intake and hygiene, it is clear that it is upsetting you which is a totally normal response. We all have a need to be be treated kindly and have people focus on the positive things about us, and after all, our strengths are our superpowers, and when there is a lot of focus on the negative, it can really get us down. I can see that you mentioned how it damages your mental health, and I'm wondering, are you able to tell me more about that? Also, have you ever spoken to your dad and grandparents about how this makes you feel?

It just makes me hate my life and starts making me wonder if they're right with some things. And every time I think to talk to them about it, I just don't for some reason.

[Avyavastha]

Kudos for putting up with their words! I’m in a pretty similar situation, and it’s TERRIBLE. I haven’t yet come out, and don’t plan to do so until I’m financially stable, with would be in YEARS. Hope your doing all right! Hugs!  

[Monsoon]

5 hours ago, CoconutCultist said:

It just makes me hate my life and starts making me wonder if they're right with some things. And every time I think to talk to them about it, I just don't for some reason.

Hey there,

Yeah, I can really see why this would make you feel negatively about your life. It sounds like it really gets you down which is totally understandable. I'm wondering, why do you think it is that you don't end up talking with them about it? What thoughts and feelings are you having at those points?

[CoconutCultist]

1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, I can really see why this would make you feel negatively about your life. It sounds like it really gets you down which is totally understandable. I'm wondering, why do you think it is that you don't end up talking with them about it? What thoughts and feelings are you having at those points?

I have an entire speech planned in my head when I'm not around them, but I think I get so upset I just don't say anything for fear of lashing out at them.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Yeah, that's totally normal having a fear around lashing out at someone when you are getting ready to talk about something emotional. I'm wondering, could it help to maybe write a letter or send a text where you say what you feel?

By the way, I am off now until 17th April, so if you need more support, please reply and say that here, make a new topic, or send us a confidential support request, thanks!